Thanks to breather89 for reviewing. But where are all people who used to review on this? I'm not going to be here begging and nagging for reviews and I certainly will not stop updating for a lack of reviews. However, I like getting reviews a bit more than I'd like to admit haha. And they help me to keep going.
I'm sorry for not updating in forever. I honestly had no idea that would make sense of how this chapter would turn out. I still don't really, but I have a tiiiiiiiny little idea and I want to get on with the chapter so it will hopefully work.
I put up a video on Youtube- a couple of years ago I and x Snow-pony x was talking about that when they show Tracy Beaker returns (as far as I know they still only show the first series over and over) they've dubbed it to Swedish. So I watched a bit and recorded a couple of minutes with my phone. In the beginning there are mostly Mike and Gina talking, but there are more towards the end and the voices are sooooooooooo annoying. It's not great quality and you might want to turn your sound up a bit. But if you search for 'Swedish Tracy Beaker returns' on YouTube you should find it if you want to see.
When I, one Saturday in January, and the last Saturday before schools started could step out of Scotty's silver colored Toyota and face Ashdene Ridge once again I felt happier and more to peace than I had ever thought.
The last time I had been in this situation I had come here without anything. The only clothes I had were the ones I was wearing, my backpack had been stolen and I was broken and ridden by everything I didn't know. And I didn't know what to do with anything.
Damn it, a week ago I didn't know what to do with anything neither. And I had desperately tried to push away all I actually knew about what I wanted thinking I knew it would never happen…
Flashback
"You want to come back don't you?"
Trenton's question hit me harder than the train. Maybe because I knew what the answer was and that he had gotten it right. But at that thought I forced it away and forced myself to seem more secure than what I felt.
"Wh-what d-do you mea-ean?"
"I meant what I said. You want to come back to the dumping ground… don't you? Everything you've asked for since I came here is for me to tell you more about what's happened there since you left. I can see it in your eyes. And here you seem down and easily annoyed and everything… it's not you. You want to come back, you felt better there. Don't you?"
The room just silent, everything that Trenton had said about spending the last moments of a year speaking the truth was spinning in my head so to the point I couldn't pick out one for the moment. And as the seconds ticked by I didn't even know what to say. Or what Trenton would have answered if I had asked something. And then just as we could hear the church bells going off a few blocks away for midnight I barely whispered my answer.
"Yes."
End of flashback
"I can see why you like this place Kenny…" Mum and I, with Scotty and Trenton right behind us walked up to the front door with each bag mum made her shaky voice heard. And hearing the tears in her voice I kind of wanted to take everything to the car and go back to Oaklee. I didn't want to hurt mum and I was super nervous and… . "…It's a very nice house…" Mum continued. "Oh…"
Kim who stood right in the doorstep didn't answer mum's question and just opened the door fully on her way outside. Then stepped down from the porch steps and walked down to the mailbox to get the mail. I shrugged and stepped up on the porch and into the house.
Once inside (as Trenton, Scotty and mum came walking after me) I stopped, dropped the bag on the floor and inhaled deeply. We heard the door and Kim, who had only gone to get the mail came right inside. I ought to have meant to stand like that for a second or two but before I had the chance Mike came half running down the hallway.
"Kenny." He embraced me quickly, took a step back and only looked at me smiling from ear to ear. "How are you? It's great to see you again?" Mike's smile grew if possible even bigger when Scotty called for my attention behind me.
"Do you think it would be okay if we just took in the stuff from the car first and then carry it all to… well… wherever Kenny's room will be?"
"That should be fine. Geez girl, how many bags have you got." I smiled at Mike, then went back to the car to get a carton with books that I had brought. "It's nice to see you again Ken. And whatever happens now… I hope that it will be the very best for you. And what you want."
Flashback
January the first, in the forenoon I and Trenton had just woken up. I could clearly remember us talking during the night. Right then I had felt more and more confident, that whatever it took I was going to return to Newcastle and Ashdene Ridge. Now in the morning, that confidence seemed to have disappeared with the sun rising.
"Fancy getting up now?" Scotty was working today and serving lunch to my mum and the others he looked up and smiled as I and Trenton came into the room. "Well, you know where everything is Kenny. Serve yourself breakfast or lunch or whatever you want."
"What do you want?" I turned to Trenton. "Cereal? Sandwich? What? Say something, I can't decide."
The fact wasn't exactly that I couldn't choose. The fact was mostly that I didn't want anything. Trenton chose some cereal and I picked it out of from one of the cupboards along with the milk already on the table and the bowls and spoons. And as I sat down by the table on the other side of mum and nervously smiled at her while I forced myself to pour up milk and cereal and push one bite into the other into my mouth with the spoon. And talking with mum to make sure she stayed by the table.
"Mum," When mum's best friend Lauren finally left the table being tired of my talking the table was empty except for myself, mum, Scotty and Trenton. "Can you stay here for a minute? I just need to talk to you and Scotty and Trenton for a minute."
"Oh yes." Mum skipped back to her chair and Scotty sat down next to her. "What do you want Kenny?"
"Ehm… the thing is." I hesitated. "I…" In an insecure moment I looked to Trenton for support. He nodded towards me and I started over again. "You guys know that when I… when I ran away I ended up in this home called Ashdene Ridge. Which is where I met Trenton and some other people like Mike and a guy named Johnny and loads of others and the thing is…"
"I met Mike…" Mum interrupted. "…I met Johnny too. I didn't get the chance to talk to them much but they seemed like really nice people. You choose nice friends Kenny. Especially this…" She nodded to Trenton. "…Trenton is very nice and…"
"Joanie." Scotty interrupted. "I think we should let Kenny finish what she wants to say."
"Oh yes of course." Mum turned towards me again. "What did you want Ken?"
"The thing is… Trenton is going to talk to Mike about it. And Mike will probably have to go back. But I kind of… I…" I looked back to Trenton whom nodded again and patted my shoulder for support. "I want to go back there. And live there."
"NO…." Mum's reaction was exactly as fast as I had expected it to. "No you can't go back there. I am your mum and you are underage so you need to be with me… You need to. You can't go back to Newcastle because that's too far away from me and if you go the police will come and take you back and."
"Jo."
"No Scotty, I am talking now. And Kenny needs to stay with me. She needs to stay here. She was born here in Oaklee and she needs to stay here and…"
"Jo."
"NO. Shut up Scotty I am talking and…"
"Jo."
"NO. KENNY'S UNDERAGE. And she needs to stay with me."
"Joanie."
Scotty had kind of changed since I met him first. Before I left he had just seemed young and unexperienced. Wild with new ideas and fun to play with. He still was full of new ideas and everybody loved him. But he had changed somehow and seemed calmer. Just as well now as always.
"Yes Scotty?" Mum's voice was full of tears and breaking. "What do you think? Kenny has to live here doesn't she? She's always lived here. With her mum and I am her mum. She isn't eighteen yet so I still have to care for her and she still has to live with me? Scotty answer me. Please… Kenny still has to live her with me don't she?"
"Joanie…" Scotty's voice was as calm as it would never have sounded before. "…It is true that since Kenny is underage. And you…" He turned to me so he was talking to me too. "You need a guardian." Mum was on her way to protest again and tears were rolling down her cheeks. "But I do know that Kenny knows what she wants. And if she wants to do this then she's old enough to decide where she feels the best. And I know what you want is what is the best for Kenny. Don't you…"
The silence fell over the room except for mum's sniveling. This was the part of the reaction that I had been afraid of. I knew I wanted to go- I knew I kind of needed to go. But I also knew that I loved mum more than anybody else in the whole wide world. While at the same time that fi there was anywhere I didn't feel good or want to be it was here on Sunshine.
"Don't you want it Joanie… what Kenny wants the most?"
Mum hesitated with tear stained cheeks. I knew she knew that wherever it went from here I would get what I wanted, since I was actually the only one of us who could think like an adult person.
"You do don't you mum?"
"Yes."
End of flashback
"Is that it then?" Mike took the carton with books when I reached it to him and turned back to Scotty and mum. I nodded at Mike, but still looking into mum's eyes. Knowing that however long I made our goodbyes it would only make it harder for her. And glancing Scotty into the eyes I knew he knew too.
"Well Joanie." He hesitated and seemed nervous when he looked at me. "We're going to have to go back…"
"NO." Mum shouted. "If Kenny isn't coming with us back to Oaklee then I'll be staying with her here."
"Joanie…" I sent Scotty a meaning glare. This would only be worse if we started talking. "Come on. We'll buy ice cream on the way home if you come with me and…"
"NO." Mum shouted so the whole house shook. "NO NO NO NO NO. NO SCOTTY LET ME GO." Scotty was more or less pulling her after him and towards the car. "NO KENNY. I'M STAYING WITH MY DAUGHTER…" People had started gathering in the stairs and the hallway while Scotty sent me an apologetic glance and continued. "NO KENNY. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME."
The door closed behind them. I knew it wasn't even human for Scotty to force her with him like that. But it would turn out to be the best for all parts and I kept all of my self-discipline knowing that it really was the best for everyone. And sighing not really wanting to face the others.
"Leave kids. Go to your rooms or somewhere." I heard Mike's voice behind me while I hoped I'd make it without crying. I heard the others leave up the stairs and Mike's voice as everybody else left. "Are you alright pumpkin?"
"Yeah." I span around and faced him. Then asked the first question that came to mind. "Will I stay in the same room as I did before?"
"You might…" Mike laid a hand on my shoulder and led me into the hallway. "I feel kind of mean talking like this… but there are some different options about which room you want…" Mike said and took one of the bags without lifting it from the floor. "…You can go back to living in your old room with Kim…" Mike looked around to be sure nobody else was around. "…But you can also move in in Tee's room… and honestly…" Mike was whispering at this point. "…I think Tee makes a better roommate. So what do you say? Kim or Tee?"
"I think…" I pretended to hesitate. "I think Ki… no Tee will be okay thank you."
"Thought so. I'll take this bag." He picked one of the six bags and boxes up from the floor. "You take some lighter one and then I'll go ask Trenton to help out and Tee that she will be sharing room from now on. Don't worry. She has before and she won't mind."
I smiled and took my backpack from the floor and walked after Mike upstairs and towards what would now be my and Tee's room, then dropped it on the floor once I was in the room to see what was in it. The first thing that reached my vision was covered…
Flashback
Packing my bags I was filled with more feelings than ever. But most of all I was kind of happy to finally- finally know that I was leaving Sunshine. While I was sad that I'd have to leave mum and a bit afraid that things might not turn out well I tried to ignore.
It was the night before Scotty was driving me and Trenton back to Newcastle and the biggest bag I had been able to find in all of Sunshine's top floor, put it on my bed and was now neatly folding all clothes I could find and put them in the bag to make room for as many as possible.
Every corner had to be searched through. Of course, if I had forgotten anything it could be sent through mail after me. But every little piece of me roared that I wanted to have as little contact with this place as possible ever again. (Although that wasn't all possible since mum was still here. And I'd still visit during holidays). And with that I continued searching through every cupboard, every drawer and every corner of the room.
When I had left the dumping ground it had been in quite a rush. Every memory I had of those moments was of running around trying not to forget anything. Then finding an empty shoebox and throwing stuff in it- stuff that just wouldn't fit anywhere else…. And then when I came back to Oaklee I had never bothered to open it. There wasn't anything important in there anyway- it couldn't be anyway!
The first thing I saw when I lifted the lid of the cardboard box was a white, folded plastic bag. Just as I thought it my heart started beating in some weird, hard way. I knew what was in it and didn't need to look in it to confirm that it was a DVD box with a season of Vampire diaries and thirteen bags of gummy worms and a diary. Everything I had bought for Kim for her to keep the secret in the dumping ground about where I came from. Not that she kept her promise and I got the chance to give the things to her though…
End of flashback
I took the plastic bag out of the side pocket of my backpack. It still held the same things as it had the very day I left this place. Right then I had just been angry, certain that since Kim broke the promise she had made she would never get her things… but after all…
"Kim…" I caught up with the dark- haired girl in the hallway and held out the folded plastic bag to her. "Here are the things you asked for. I know you broke your promise but…" Kim looked down into the bag on the DVD box with a season of Vampire Diaries, one diary and thirteen bags of gummy worms. "…You did the right thing. And I'd like you to know that."
"Whatever…" Kim took the bag, then walked back to her room- that had also been mine earlier. (But boy was I happy I wouldn't have to share with her anymore?) Then decided to just leave it be and walked back downstairs to get more of my things.
"Hey." Just as I reached for another bag Johnny came down the stairs holding a big moving carton. "You're back… ehm…" He put the box down and didn't seem sure about what to do. "What are you doing? Let me help." I had lent down to reach for the only (and biggest) bag that was left. "Here." Johnny put his box on the floor and kneeled just as I did and our heads knocked right into each other. "Ow…"
None of us moved from where we stood close while we both were rubbing our foreheads. None of us seemed to sure about what to say or do and Johnny seemed close to stuttering when he finally said anything at all.
"I missed you."
"Yeah…" I answered nervously and walked after him silently when he carried the bag up the stairs, into Tee's room and dropped it on the still only bed in the room. "Here…" I leaned over the bag before Johnny had the time to move, opened it and pulled out the shirt I had packed on top. "This is yours.
Flashback
It was only the fourth night back at Sunshine. And I had never hated myself and my life as much as I did right now. I regretted ever leaving Oaklee. I regretted everything that had started this, or at least I told myself I did so while the only thing I wanted to do was going back to Newcastle.
I turned in my bed and pulled the covers tighter around me as if I was cold. I wasn't actually. Maybe this feeling only came from being alone- all alone.
I kicked my covers off when I knew what to do and shivered at the actual cold when I crawled out of bed and tip-toed over the floor. Although I was pretty sure I wouldn't have to as mum always slept heavily I was scared to death I would wake her up. She would only start asking what I was doing and why I did it.
I opened the wardrobe and reached to the corner furthest in. I had only thrown the things into the drawers and wardrobes in the room. But still made sure that whatever reminded me of the dumping ground was put in the very back so I wouldn't have to remember all too much. And soon I gripped around a soft, thick fabric. And that it was correct was confirmed when I reached out of the wardrobe again and saw I was holding onto the blue Nike shirt that Johnny had given me just as I was about to leave to go back to Oaklee again.
On my way back to my bed I pulled the hoodie over my head and pyjama shirt. Feeling the warmth of the soft fabric around me, then crawled into bed and pulled the covers over me before I pulled half of my face into the shirt and buried my nose into the inside of the fabric to feel the smell of Johnny. Someone I hadn't actually known until now how safe he had made me feel back at the dumping ground.
And Gosh how I missed this being anything else than a blue hoodie with a white Nike logo on the shoulder.
End of flashback
"No." Johnny turned away when I tried handing the hoodie back to him. "Keep it, it's too little for me anyway. And it's yours. I gave it to you."
I tried hiding how happy I was that it would be mine now. After all- it had sort of become my favorite shirt. Then suddenly Johnny was closer and before anyone of us had the time to hesitate we kissed each other. Something I felt like I had been waiting a million years for that one moment. And feeling his lips towards mine my heart beat so loud it could have blown up.
"Yeah…" Johnny almost whispered once we let go and he walked around me and sat down on Tee's bed. "I really missed you." He smiled. "You'll be sharing with my sister now… don't worry, she's great. And there's probably nothing worse than sharing with… oh… that's mean." Johnny seemed to search for another subject to be able to change it as soon as possible. "And how's… how's your little one?"
I looked down on my belly that was by now growing bigger by every minute (or so it felt at least. I felt huge) Then sighed and I sat on the bed next to Johnny and leaned sideways against his shoulder. He laid his arm around my shoulders and I laid one arm around my shoulders while I snuggled closer and laid one palm against my belly. I could feel a slight kick towards my hand and smiled slightly.
And honestly, I think this must have been the first time I actually smiled and felt happy and to peace while I thought about Boo. Until five minutes ago everything about him or her had just been confusing. And while I didn't know what to do I would feel a lump rising in my throat and then feel bad for it. Now finally I leaned my head to the side towards Johnny's shoulder, rubbed my belly and felt that whatever happened everything would be okay.
…I was home.
Aw, aren't Jenny (Johnny/ Kenny) super adorable together?
Random fact
I hope it wasn't too confusing jumping in and out of flashbacks like that. I'd like for you guys to say what you thought. If it wasn't too confusing I might go with that next chapter too.