The moment I needed the most

by Linneagb

The moment I needed the most was a moment that would give me something that would make it all make sense. A such moment never came but everything else seems to make more sense than it ever did before- so maybe there was a reason anyway. My name is Kenny LaRusso- and this is my story.

27. Happy birthday Minnie

Hello everyone. Happy New Year.

Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.

On Thursday the fifth of February, just like it always was when everybody else were at school. It was for once mostly calm and silent at the dumping ground. Duke was setting up a cake and some brownies for Minnie's birthday party later in the afternoon. I sat on the kitchen island and at orange marmalade with a spoon right from the jar.

"Are you sure you don't want that on a sandwich or something?" Duke asked but I only shook my head. "It looks… quite weird when you're just eating it from the jar like that?"

"I don't care it looks weird." I scraped the last few drops of marmalade from the jar. "I need this… Pregnancy cravings!"

"I know about those." Duke chuckled. "My sister in law could eat only olives and crackers for months. And the stepmum of a girl who used to live here was nauseas by everything with chocolate. She could eat only ice cream. Then, of course one of the younger kids heard us talking. And put some stuffed animals under his shirt, pretended to be pregnant and came and said now he could only eat ice cream too." I snorted with laughter. "How could I not see that one coming?"

"Haha." Mike said, he just came into the kitchen. "That would be Marco Maloney for you. Not long after you left there was a girl about his age, Milly who came here. She wouldn't say a word to anyone but somehow Marco could always tell what she wanted. Then Marco found a pair of foster parents. But Milly didn't want him to go and Marco didn't want to leave Milly so they dressed up as a two headed monster. Claiming that if they still wanted to foster him they had to foster his other half too. Milly."

"Did they?" I finally got down from the kitchen island and went to wash out the jar. "Foster them both I mean?"

"Well. More paper work has to be done to foster a two headed monster but yes. They did. And I don't think I have anyone leaving as happily as they did. All four of them together."

I couldn't help but smile, imagining two younger kids leaving together just at the moment they thought they'd be split up. Best friends, and two parents, all with bright smiles on their faces.

"I think I have one… Hold on. I'm going to go check if I have a photo."

Mike left the room. And I couldn't help but notice the way Duke was smiling and chuckling to himself.

"What?"

"The thing is I never knew how much I missed this until now when I'm back." Duke smiled back on me. "It's a crazy life when you work or live in a care home. But you never realize how happy or how important it makes you feel before you've been away for a while. And I've been away for years. Many of them. Now I'm back and it doesn't feel like I was gone for more than two seconds."

"But none of the kids that were here the last time you were can still be here. They can't. Because the youngest then would be sixteen or older now and then you're kind of out of here."

"No of course. That Marco was among the younger kids when I left. But somehow this place just kind of stays the same."

"Here we go." Mike came back with an envelope that he pulled out some photos off and riffled in. Duke stepped over and looked over his shoulder. "Here are Hayley and her foster parents. A police came here when Tracy Beaker ran away. Oh wait. You were still here then. Some stories just seems like… they were meant to be. Oh, and Justine and her little brother here. She decided to give her stepmum and cousin a try at last. Of course, Terry and Jill who adopted Peter were among the oldest ones who have ever got a child from here. But here they are all three on Peter's graduation. And here… Milly, Marco and the Boxer's. Now… whichever family can be called normal it is not this family."

Mike held the picture so I could see too. Of the parents and who must be Marco on a cargo bike, with two huge bags and who must have been Milly in a front box. All wearing bright colors and Marco with boxer gloves on him.

"The Boxer's."

"Marco dressed up a lot. He tried to come up with a new costume every day. Once when we had a guest, an old man. He had run out of ideas and then Milly came up with that he should dress up as this old man. Quite amusing if I can say it myself."

"And here is Layla." They continued riffling into the pictures and Mike pointed to a blonde girl with two older boys and one younger. "And they are her foster brothers. They all promised after one meeting that they wouldn't let anything happen to their new sister."

"Happen? Why would anything happen?"

"Layla had… well…. Still have Cerebral Palsy. The first time they met Layla caught their attention because she was crying. And after a bit of fussing she told them that some kids in school had been bullying her for the way she walked and talked. Like I said… some of them just seem like they were meant to be."

Hearing Mike and Duke talking about how some children had found their forever homes in foster families. Some others moved away to chase after their dreams when they turned sixteen. And some that had even been able to move back with their real families I did suddenly realize something. I hadn't been thinking about Matthew and Ashley for days. And then it came crashing down on me, this pregnancy wouldn't last forever. And when little Boo was born I'd have to have a plan. Or maybe he would end up in a place like this and not that there was something wrong with that. But I wanted to have a plan where little knew he could stay forever. And not get chucked out at sixteen.

"Are you okay Kenny?" I was taken back to reality. "You looked so thoughtful. You're not getting sick by all of that marmalade are you?"

"No." I grimaced back at Mike. "No. I was just thinking about something. And stop worrying about me Mike. I'm not made of glass. Hmm Duke." I searched for something else to talk about and looked to the ice cream cake that was being made. "That looks good."

"It sure does." With a weird glance towards me Mike turned to his old-new colleague. "I can't wait to get to taste it."

"Stop it Mike. You know the birthday child is always the one that gets the first piece." Mike grimaced jokingly. "And no such faces. Or there'll be no cake at all for you tonight. No matter what Minnie says."

"What are you making for food? You've still got a bit of the cake left it looks like and the kids will soon be home from school. And if the food isn't finished when they come home there is war. Because everybody will be tired and hungry and start fighting."

"Calm down Mike." Duke moaned. "I have everything planned out. There'll be a pasta with beef and some mushroom and some paprika and some onions and some garlic and a bit of stuff." Mike looked sceptic. "Believe me Mike I have done this before remember? I do know what children will eat and not. Now go into the office or somewhere. You deserve to take a break."

Mike nodded gratefully. Then left the room while Duke turned towards me. "I also do know what children just won't eat. That's why I always cut it into so small pieces they won't notice it's there." He smirked. "But don't tell anyone that."

I pretended to zip my lips together, then looked up and pretended innocence when Mike came back into the room. He didn't notice though, only stopped in his tracks when he saw my and Duke's innocent looks, frowned and looked from one to the other.

"What is it?"

"I was only telling Kenny that the kids deserves something that doesn't taste awfully much like cabbage soup for once."

"I showed Minnie a folder of some recipes I've liked to try. I've been wanting to try this one too but I knew it would take some time so I wanted something quick. She chose this. So now, let's hope people like it- especially the birthday girl."

"I'm sure she will Duke. At least it smells really good." I pulled in my breath through my nose. "And looks so too."

And then, just as the door was opened and the other children of Ashdene Ridge came rushing in I put the last plate on the table and Duke tasted his stroganoff and signed me "Perfect".

"Hey Minnie." I went upstairs and into our room. I hadn't talked to her in the morning as I had still been asleep when they left for school. "And happy birthday." She smiled slightly, then looked down with an insecure look in her eyes on the school uniform shirt she was wearing and on another shirt she was holding in her hands. "Oh. Sorry." I covered my eyes with my hands. "I promise I won't peak."

I could hear Minnie moving around. But of course kept my promise and didn't peak between my fingers while she changed her clothes. Why would I want to anyway? I wasn't some kind of creep.

"You can look now." I lowered my hands and stood up. Then smiled when I saw what Minnie was wearing (red sweatpants, then a big hoodie with Minnie Mouse on it, Minnie's red bow matching the pants as well as red fuzzy socks)

"That's fun. Minnie wearing Minnie. Now come on. Duke made what you chose for dinner. And I knows he's very anxious to know whether you like it or not."

"COME ON MINNIE." We heard Floss shout from downstairs. "DUKE WON'T LET US START EATING SINCE YOU HAVE TO TRY IT OUT FIRST."

It was already known Floss and Minnie weren't exactly best friends. But I couldn't help but feel bad for her when I watched her pull up her shoulders towards her ears in an insecure move as if she wanted to just get away from it.

"It's okay." I rubbed her back while we walked down the hallway towards the stairs. "Nobody will be able to hurt you here. And considering what Floss have said before I, Mike, May-Li and Duke are all keeping an extra eye on her to make sure she can't get to you. Okay?" Minnie nodded slightly. But still with the same insecure look in her eyes. "Now…" We came into the kitchen where Duke was putting up food on people's plates. "You have to taste first."

I and Minnie sat down on the corner of the table. I crossed my fingers she'd like it. God would know what her birthdays- or any day had been like before she came into care.

Whatever was going to happen now, I felt in all of me that I was going to help her and give her everything she could to feel better. If it was a start if she liked the food today…

"Is it any good?"

Minnie nodded and then took another bite. Everybody started eating too, well that was until a loud screamed echoed through the kitchen and hurt everybody's ears.

"What now Floss?"

"IT'S BLOOD." She pointed to something on her fork and everybody turned to her. "IT'S BLOOD IN THE FOOD. DUKE IS TRYING TO POISON ALL OF US. MAYBE HE'S A VAMPIRE."

"It's paprika." Trenton had leaned closer and taken a look at what it was on Floss's fork. "Red paprika. And it's cooked so it's all soft."

Laughter spread across the table. Floss went bright red and glared at anyone who teased her for it.

"It's pee." Jeremy held up his glass of pear juice. "Maybe Duke peed in all of our glasses."

"And this is poop." Tyler held up a piece of mushroom on his fork. "He most definitely is trying to poison us." He dropped his fork with a bang onto the plate laughing so hard. Duke himself was just trying to get everybody to calm down. "Don't even try it Duke. We know your secret. You will get fired." He broke down again.

"And this is grass." Sofia held up a piece of cut-up spinach. "Isn't grass poisonous?"

"It's spinach." Carmen told her from her side. "It doesn't taste very good and it gets stuck in your teeth but it is very healthy for you."

"Ha-ha-ha." Duke fake laughed but I could still see he was having trouble keeping a straight face at this. "Now calm down everybody. I promise you I didn't put blood, pee, poop, grass or anything else that is poisonous in the food."

At the mention of all of these things everybody had shouted about were in the food had everybody breaking down laughing again and I almost expected smoke to start blowing out of Floss's ear as red as she was in the face.

"I still think it looks like blood." Floss moaned. "And I don't trust Duke. I don't want this anymore." She pushed her plate away from her.

"If you don't eat that there's going to be no cake for you afterwards."

"THAT'S NOT FAIR."

"Talk about drama queen." Kim rolled her eyes at the younger girl while Mike was trying to get her to eat the food. "I bet there's someone who wants attention."

"Floss is… Well." Carmen shrugged. "Floss. And she does like attention. Not as much when there's someone else getting too much. And you are right Kim. She is being a drama queen. But she is only a kid after all. Like all of us."

"I bet she's not the only drama queen in this house though." Tyler teased. "Not as long as you are here anyway. Whoa."

Carmen jokingly slapped Tyler over the head. Of course- it could just as well had happened she had gotten angry and for real started a fuss. But whether it was that it was somebody's birthday or not. For once in this house nobody seemed to be fighting or making a fuss about something. Well. That would be everybody except for Floss Guppy the one and only.

But still, after deciding that having cake and brownies later was more important than the risk that Duke might be poisoning all of us Floss ate the food on her plate and the rest of the dinner passed in as calm as the dumping ground ever was.

"The presents are in the living room. The cake is in the freezer. Now, do you want presents first or cake first?"

Minnie bit her lip and didn't seem so sure if she dared to answer. Being the boss of anything at all seemed to scare her. As if everything would fall apart if she dared to say or choose the wrong option. Whatever the wrong option was or could be.

"Can you just answer the question?"

"Don't be so rude Floss." May-Li scolded. "You're just making it worse. Take all the time you need Minnie. But any option you want is fine with either of us."

"Presents first please." She almost whispered at last. "Then cake."

I made sure to stay close to Minnie. I might or might not become a stalker but I just felt I needed to protect her. I hadn't been like this before but maybe it had something to do with being pregnant and becoming a mother myself.

Minnie hadn't been living in this house for long. And being so shy as she was she hadn't gotten to know a lot of people. So not all in the house had bothered to get her any presents. But there was a little pile of presents on the living room table and Minnie was shining as if someone had just given her the world.

For a while, while everybody were getting to sit down around the couches or wherever they could find a spot in the living room. Minnie looked over her pile of presents and wasn't sure which present to start with. Then at last, when I and May-Li had sat down on either side of her she reached for one soft presents on the edge of the pile.

Minnie unwrapped the present carefully. It seemed like she wanted the wrapping paper to still be in one piece when it was over and done. And no one trying to stress her seemed to bother her while she first two packs of socks with different animal-prints from Trenton and Xavier. It wasn't anything expensive or special. But she made sure to let the boys know she loved the socks. And it really seemed she thought so too and every present was the best.

"I love different animals." Minnie said as she looked over the rest of her pile of presents. "And animal patterns and things. And I really needed new socks." She took a while to choose in the presents and then reached for one from Carmen and Tee that turned out to have a big pack of different gel pens and her eyes grew wide. "Whoa."

"Yeah. We saw you drawing something the other day." Carmen explained. "So we figured you might like this one." Minnie smiled and nodded. "That's good then."

I didn't mind. But when Minnie again started slowly choosing in between the presents. There were spread sighs in the rooms about why she was so slow. Minnie looked up, then closed her eyes and randomly chose a present.

"That one's from me, Michael and Sofia." Harry almost shouted. "We hope you like it."

And Minnie did like it, when she, still slowly unwrapped it to a big framed picture of a colorful elephant. She smiled brightly at the three who smiled just as brightly back and then she put it to the side and looked back to her now quite small pile of presents. But it still didn't seem as if she knew which one to choose next.

"Here. This one's from me." Belle stood up took one of the presents that she handed to Minnie. "I think you'll look great in it but you've got to open it now before I already have told you what it is. Happy birthday Minnie."

"Thank you." Minnie carefully unwrapped a cap with a leopard pattern. "Wow. This is really nice." She pulled it down on her head. "I love animals and animal patterns. It all looks so nice."

"Now, if you like animals and animal patterns so much." Yazzy leaned over and grabbed the smallest present from the table. "You should like these." Minnie took the small present and continued in her slow way.

"Will you just unwrap the present and get done." At last Floss was done, grabbed the small present from Minnie's hands and before anyone had had the time to stop her ripped the paper off. "Oh…"

In Floss's hands now laid two pairs of earrings- one pair with cats and one pair with pandas. And it didn't take her best friend or a brain to know that Floss was green with jealousy.

"Floss Guppy. Give them to Minnie. Then come here. That wasn't a nice thing to do." Floss pouted but then handed the earrings to Minnie and went to sit next to Mike. "It's Minnie's birthday. She can do this any way she wants. And how would you like it if you were opening your birthday presents and then someone ripped it out of your hands like that? Now, say you're sorry."

Floss had gone bright red and mumbled something that not even I could make into a "Sorry." I turned to Minnie who also she seemed embarrassed and was looking towards her pile of presents not to have to meet anybody else's vision.

"For real, young lady."

"Fine." Floss said at last. "But why does she get to have her ears pierced? I've wanted to have my ears pierced forever. Except you won't let me."

I had to force myself not to roll my eyes at Floss. Sometimes she was just acting like the most spoiled brat in the whole world. She was only a kid after all. But being so rude to Minnie as she was, was not okay. And that Floss was old enough to understand.

"I had my ears pierced when I was just a baby."

Minnie was choosing between the two pairs of earrings. Then chose on the one that looked like small panda's and put them on her ears. I could tell she was trying to ignore what Floss said. But it was understandably becoming harder and harder.

"And you're not even happy about it."

There were only two presents left on the table. One quite small and one bigger. Minnie must have been standing and looking from one to the other for at least two minutes before she decided on the smaller present first and started unwrapping it.

"This one's from me and Tyler." Jody almost shouted. "We don't need one of these. But we thought it was nice anyway and wanted to get it. So we bought it for you."

"It's really nice." Minnie had unwrapped a blue and black patterned glasses case. "I accidentally push my glasses down from my bedside table every morning when I reach for them to take them on. Once I pushed down some books right afterwards and broke down." Minnie opened the case, pulled her glasses of and put the glasses in them. "Now I won't have to worry about them breaking anymore. Thanks Jody, thanks Tyler."

"Here is the last one." When Minnie put the glasses case to the side Mo took the one left on the table and handed it to Minnie. "It's from me."

Minnie felt the package. Then I saw a slight smile form on her lips. Maybe this was what she wished for the most. And just a tiny little bit faster than what she had with the other presents she pulled the tape off and then unfolded the wrapping paper.

It was a pair of pug slippers.

I could see the smile fade on Minnie's lips again. Some other child, maybe Floss would probably start fussing if they didn't get what they wanted the most. But Minnie didn't start. She just put the slippers to the side and stood up to start collecting the trash.

"Now. We were thinking." May- Li sat down next to Minnie with a black bag that Minnie started throwing pieces of wrapping paper, tape and threads in it. "That you haven't had loads and loads of presents. But we do know there are some things you need. With clothes and for school and things." Minnie nodded. "So someday. When there's time for it. I will take you shopping. And we can go shopping for some of the things you need. You get an allowance from the social services every month and they will last for what you need." Minnie nodded again. "We can't buy a pink princess dress no matter how beautiful it is. But whatever you need. Whatever can be used in your every-day life, here or at school we can get you. Okay? And that will be your present from me and Mike."

"Okay."

"Now, are you ready for cake?"

"Yeah."

Everybody else were leaving the room. I had too started picking up the pieces of wrapping paper. And I couldn't help but notice Minnie sitting with the pug slippers in her hands and sighing deeply.

"Are you okay Minnie?" She looked up at me, smiled forcedly and then nodded. "You looked so very disappointed."

"I had many nice presents." Minnie fingered with the earring on her ear. "And I'm going to get to go and buy even more. I've never had so many nice presents at once. And Duke made a really nice dinner and now we're going to have cake." Minnie looked down on the pug slippers again. "These are really soft."

"I'll take your presents up to our room then." I put the cat pair of earrings in my pocket and then laid the big pack of gel pens on the big painting. "You can go and have cake. I'll be right there."

Minnie's disappointed look in her eyes didn't fade during the afternoon and evening. Of course she had liked all of her presents and she didn't throw a fit over something she hadn't gotten. But maybe it was just me- who shared room with her and everything and had gotten the chance to know her who could see that tiny little glance of disappointment in her brown eyes.

And time and time again my thoughts went to the still wrapped present that laid on my bed upstairs. But I just wanted to get away from all the people before I gave it to Minnie. As I wanted her to be away from all the pressure of having to unwrap as quickly as possible and having to show she liked the present even if she didn't. So I was quite relieved when she stated she was too tired for the other's games after all the fuss for her birthday and went upstairs to go to bed.

I took the present I had hidden under the blanket on my bed so nobody would see it and take it (children in care 'cough' Floss 'cough' could be quite unpredictable in such matters) while Minnie went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and change into pyjamas. Then span it a bit in my hands while I waited- feeling weirdly nervous. I had gotten what I knew she wanted, but what if she didn't like it anyway?

"Was this a good birthday? Did you like your presents?"

Minnie nodded at my questions when she came back. In her hands she held the pug slippers Mo had given her. She was stroking the soft fabric. But I could see in the way she sat not looking up at me how disappointed she was she hadn't gotten what she wished for the very most. And I couldn't help to feel bad for not giving her the gift I had gotten for her earlier.

"I was going to give it to you earlier." I held up the wrapped presents in my hands and handed it to Minnie. "But there was so much downstairs then. And I figured I'd rather give it to you here." Minnie carefully fingered with the tape and the paper thread around the wrapping paper to get it done. "It's not very well made. You can just rip it open. Count it as from both me and little Boo." I stroke over my stomach feeling little Boo rolling around in there.

"Oh." Minnie's eyes grew wide when she saw and could stroke the head of the soft, stuffed lamb I had gotten for her. "Aw. It's so cute." She hugged it close to herself. "This is the best gift ever. Thank you Kenny." She then took it in her hands and only looked at it. "Do I give it a name?"

"Yeah if you want to."

"Lamby." She mumbled and hugged the stuffed animal tight to her and smiled towards me. "Thank you Kenny. It's what I wanted most of all."

"I know you did." The smile on my lips grew when I saw Minnie lay down and I stood up and draped the covers over her and Lamby. "You know. If there is something you want you can always tell Mike or Duke or May-Li about it. They may not always be able to give it to you but they will make sure you get what you need the most."

"But a person don't really need a stuffed animal." Minnie thoughtfully looked up at me. "I wanted one really badly but I wouldn't need one…" She hugged Lamby tight and turned to me when I sat down on my bed. "I wish you could be my mum Kenny."

"Well…" I had to force myself not to cringe- I wasn't so sure this was any good. "I can't be your mum. But I can be like a big sister. And that is a tad better. Because I don't have to take responsibility for the most needed like food or nag you to go to bed. I can just be like your friend. Only a bit more." Minnie smiled and closed her eyes. "Night Minnie."

"Goodnight Kenny."

I took my pencils and a notebook to start drawing. But listening to Minnie's breaths going slower as she fell asleep my eyelids started falling closed by themselves.

Of course, since I was older and didn't have to get up in the morning I could have stayed up longer. And of course I would have changed into a pyjamas. But I was in the part of the pregnancy where I was tired all the time. And I more or less fell into bed and listened to Minnie's breaths going calmer and deeper by the second. And with the fabric of the hoodie having fallen over my nose and mouth. I dozed off with the smell of Johnny Taylor's in my nose.

And whatever could have put me to sleep better than that I did not know.

Minnie is shy and afraid of everything and everyone. Except for Kenny who she trusts. Kenny still thinks she wants to call up Matthew and Ashley but haven't gotten around to do it yet. And Minnie turned eight years old. Floss is jealous of the attention Minnie is getting. Floss kind of hates Minnie, and she doesn't like Duke too much neither.

Then, for the pregnancy Kenny still has cravings for orange marmalade. She is also quite tired. And is feeling mummy-ish and wants to take care of Minnie.

Random fact

This one's quite a boring one. But what Minnie says about pushing down the glasses from the bedside table when you're reaching for them in the morning… Well. Let's just say it's happened. I also did what she says with a split second later pushing down a bunch of books right after in the same direction. In difference from Minnie's mine weren't broken, they had somehow ended up under the bed. We were also in Norway at that time so if they'd been broken it would have taken a while before I could have gotten them fixed- and I'm practically half blind without glasses.