Feels really good to finally get this chapter out of my head. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. I don't always reply to everyone's reviews, but I'd like you all to know that the comments have helped a lot in shaping the plot of this story so far.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Headaches"Because I love you so much."
It is strange how one can say what one did not mean to say during times of emotional strain. The words spoken under such circumstances were usually a cause for regret later. Hermione had not even realised that she had spoken out loud, and Severus' confessions were as unexpected to her as Grawp's fondness for 'Hermy'. Hermione momentarily forgot about her own trauma as she pushed herself lightly out of his arms. Eyes blinking in surprise, she asked, "What did you say?"
Severus looked at her for a moment longer before he turned his head away and muttered, "I love you." It was a moment too long, and Hermione saw the pain lurking behind his brilliant, black eyes. The yearning in his voice reached out to Hermione; it called for her, and Hermione felt her own heart reaching out to him, the way it always did when a person she cared about was in need of comfort. She started to reach for his shoulder, but drew her hand back suddenly. Hermione longed to embrace the suffering of the man sitting right next to her, to soothe him, to protect him. However, her heart could not reach out far enough, chained as it was to the events that had happened between her husband and herself, confined as it was in the deepest abyss of her memory.
Instead, she said quietly, "I'm a married woman, Severus." She wasn't sure that the statement was entirely for the benefit of Severus. Hermione had a feeling that she needed the reminder more than he did.
Severus nodded miserably. "I know that, Mel," he whispered. His eyes glittered strangely. "But that does not make you a less desirable woman."
A kind of bittersweet feeling washed over Hermione at his words. No one had ever said those kinds of things to her, and the first person to speak to her thus was the very same person who would have thought the exact opposite of her. How was that for irony? Hermione appreciated the fact that something must have happened between now and the time she entered Hogwarts as a first year for the insecure man in front of her to transform into the arrogant Potions Master that was her husband, but she could not, for the life of her, figure out what it was.
Severus' words and their immediate implications danced around in Hermione's mind, tempting her. Should she reciprocate his love? Could she? The pillar of strength and love the Hermione had longed for so long had manifested itself right in front of her eyes. Dare she accept it? Was it worth the risk? For the first time, Hermione wondered about the implications her absence and actions would have on the future. How are events unfolding without her? How are Harry and Ron holding up without her? Would the decisions she made here affect the people she cared about in the future?
Unbidden, the memory of the last words her husband ever said to her resurfaced in her mind. He had obviously loved the woman he deemed 'worthy' so much; he did not leave much room in his heart for her. Hermione felt a longing stir in her heart. What would it be like to be loved by a man? How would it feel to be the recipient of Severus' passion, if only for a little while? For Hermione had firmly believed that she would eventually return to her own time and place.
In the end, she finally brought herself to say softly, "Would it be worth the risk if I let you into my heart?" Severus' head shot up, surprise and hope warred on his face. "I'll make it worth it," he whispered hoarsely.
At his words, Hermione debated no longer, and she reached out hesitantly. She squeaked in surprise as he pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you," she heard him murmur into her hair.
"It won't be easy, Severus," she said. "I have a cupboard full of skeletons, but I think you know that already."
"I don't care, I love you," he replied, and Hermione finally allow herself to relax.
Severus groaned and slammed his quill onto his desk. He had never known a group of seventh years with less potential for Potions in his life; a toad could produce a better explanation on the properties of dragons' blood. He massaged his temples lightly as Mel tutted superiorly from her position at his fireplace. "I told you to give it a rest an hour ago, Severus."
"That would not help the imbeciles pass their NEWTS exam," he replied distractedly. Mel giggled. "Have I ever told you that you are a very dedicated man?"
"I would probably say 'no', just to have the pleasure of hearing you say that again." Severus' head was throbbing so badly he felt his eyes beginning to water, but he smiled at Mel in spite of that.
He saw Mel frowned at his attempt to put up a brave front as she detached herself from the fireplace and approached him. He wondered briefly what she was thinking and found himself being pulled forcefully towards the sofa by the fireplace. Severus managed to suppress a yell of indignation as she pushed him not too lightly down onto the sofa.
"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed at her as she went to stand at his back, and was not surprised that she chose to ignore his question.
A moment later, whatever thoughts he had had about people with unexplained motives flew out of the window as he felt Mel apply a light pressure onto his shoulders. Severus felt her fingers danced from his shoulders up to his neck and towards his temples, gently releasing each knot of tension as they passed. He closed his eyes and sighed with relief and felt Mel's warm breath caress him like a warm summer breeze as she breathed into his ear, "What do you think I'm doing, Severus?"
His eyes flew open at the sound of her voice, suggestive and promising. He twisted his body around to look at her and saw the blatantly innocent look splashed across her face. She smiled at his acknowledgement and Severus' felt his blood beginning to boil.
"I can't do this properly if you're sitting down," he was suddenly aware that Mel had spoken again. "Come and lay down so you can relax easier."
Severus nodded dumbly as he put his hand in hers and let Mel lead him away.
A particularly painful throb in his head brought Severus back to harsh reality. The memory of Mel's delicate fingers running over the tight knots in his body was a wonderful distraction from his mindless task, and Severus groaned for want of her touch; the stiffness in his neck was getting unbearable.
Severus had returned from the Death Eater's meeting earlier that night. While he was grateful that Voldemort had chosen not to make his appearance that night, the fact that Lucius Malfoy had decided to play his little mind games with him kept Severus on his toes for the entire experience.
The blond man had confronted him about the disappearance of his wife. Severus was sure that Lucius had heard the news from Draco; the disappearance of the Potion Master's trophy wife had spread like a wildfire throughout the school. He remembered the man's malicious smile as he remarked that the reason Hermione had disappeared was because Severus 'couldn't keep his women happy'. To which he replied that Malfoy was one to speak, when he couldn't even get the woman in the first place. He had left soon after that.
Severus scowled and tried to return to his research. Dwelling too much on the arrogance of the Malfoys had never did him any good before, he was sure that the fact wasn't about to change any time soon. What was important right now was that he found some information about his wife's unconventional method of time travelling that could assist him in bringing her back. He knew that Lupin was right; Mel would have wanted Hermione to be safe.
Another shot of pain struck through his head like lightning. Once again, Severus wished that Mel were here to work her magic on him. Hell, he would welcome any woman who could ease the pain he was feeling right now.
Severus found himself wondering whether Hermione would have been just as good as Mel was had things been more different between them.