Hello everyone. It's been a while since I updated this last. Although not as long as it has been earlier times… either way. As we all know several of my stories are being finished by now, and since I updated this last I finished the story Buried Deep Within which was the longest and oldest stories finished.

Just as the door had slammed behind her everyone in the whole house could hear as Kim let her rage go on anything and everything she could have. Hitting the walls and crashing things were heard from inside and everyone except for a totally deaf person could have heard it.

"Kim?" All of a sudden May- Li was there and knocked on her door. "Can you come out? Do you want to talk?"

Want to talk? I couldn't imagine anyone who would not want to talk when things were like these than Kim Parker…

"NO." She yelled, and her voice didn't sound as broken as it had before. "GET LOST."

May- Li turned her head and looked at me, I was in loss of what to do just like May- Li seemed and maybe even Kim did because the noise from inside her room had stopped abruptly.

"Kim?"…

"I SAID GET LOST."

"Well, if you…"

"ARE YOU DUMB?" Kim only kept shouting without opening the door. "GET. LOST."

"I didn't do anything." May- Li stopped knocking when Mo tried to talk to her. "Kim was wondering if I took her diary. But I swear I didn't…"

I had forgotten about the fact that I was going to eat some breakfast and then have a shower. After greeting the man who was meeting Floss right now and then seeming more concentrated on what was going on.

"And afterwards Kim seemed very upset with Floss…." I suddenly heard myself interrupting. "…When Floss comes out of the office I would try and keep the two away from each other, to be safe." I gave May- Li a meaning look, she nodded. I squirmed a bit where I stood. "Well. I am eight months pregnant so I can't stand for more than two minutes without everything aching…" I turned and meant to go downstairs to the kitchen when I heard Mo continuing.

"I know that when I was new here I went into other people's rooms and took their stuff. But I learnt my lesson then- it's true! And I didn't take Kim's diary."

While walking slowly (still as quickly as I could) towards the kitchen I couldn't help but to shut the sound of his voice out and wonder about where it actually was he came from. I didn't know what had made him so obsessed with collecting all kinds of things. Maybe, when he wasn't in care yet he'd had so little he had to save everything he actually did.

"I think I know what you want." There already stood Johnny, holding a can of orange marmalade in one hand and a spoon in the other. "Hmm… do you think May- Li would let you eat, literally in the shower?" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I know I smell…" I sat down with my marmalade. "I can't wait for the shower myself… You didn't need to remind me…"

"I'm sorry." Johnny sat down on the chair next to me. "I barely slept tonight so I'm not in the best of moods. And now I'm hungry too…."

"You're not having any of this." I could always pretend that Johnny's insomnia didn't have anything to do with me. "Don't worry about it Johnny. We all say stupid things when we're tired and hungry…"

"Maybe I should just go get something for you to wear and a towel and all you'll have to do is take them and go to the bathroom." I had my mouth full of jam so I just nodded. "Be right back…"

Still, every little can of marmalade I had was too little and I still had cravings when it was empty. Johnny was right though and when he took the can and spoon and I took the new set of clothes and towel he'd brought me there actually wasn't much else for me to do than to head for the bathroom.

I passed Johnny in the hallway and he handed me the things he were getting, then just as he did Xavier came down the hallway. I could probably have sensed his distress even if I hadn't seen him. But I did, and I could see his slumped position and the way he was walking, did a half- hearted pirouette that he stopped in the middle of and sighed deeply.

"Hey." When he came closer to me I stroke his shoulder. "Don't let Kim get you down. I know she's mean to you and Mo, but there might be a reason. And she's the one with a problem and not you…" He sighed deeply again and didn't look any happier. "Hey, you can't be unhappy wearing your Peter Pan- costume, right?" He looked down on the green clothes he wore at least a couple of times a week.

"It's a bit too little…" He tugged the bottom. "I've outgrown it…"

"It's your birthday soon," he nodded. "Next week?" He nodded again. "Well, I happen to know there were some birthday fairies that whispered into someone's ear and let someone know that you need a new costume…" I was making it up as I spoke. Xavier smiled just a little bit, but still had a sad look in his eyes when he walked away.

Well, I guess I knew what I would be getting him for his birthday, I wasn't his mum or anyone else he should feel great about giving him gifts. But it would be a costume still…

At last I decided on the bathtub and went into the bathroom before I had the time to poison anyone with my smell or change my mind again.

I almost had the time to change my mind anyway, after I had undressed and put the towel away I found myself staring at myself in the mirror for several minutes. I wasn't like the person that had done it every day before and put on makeup. And therefore I just didn't know if this was the way I had always looked.

Of course I knew I had always been skinny, and now my belly was huge and full of stretch marks. But had I always been this pale? Had there always been these dark circles around my eyes? Had I always looked this tired?

Had I always looked this Goddamn ugly? I knew I hadn't exactly been pretty before but not like this.

I thought it over and over again, I couldn't help it. But at last I forced myself to just turn the shower on and sat down in the bathtub. I let the water pour over me and then I just sat there until the water ran cold while I ignored everyone outside the door until Maya- Li told them they could use the staff toilet…

At last, after only sitting in the bathtub for more than three hours I got up. Not until I got up I realized I was freezing cold and must have been so for at least an hour. But while I grabbed my things to take them back to my room and the laundry room I stayed away from people as much as I could in this house. I just didn't want anyone's worry or pity right now.

I went to go back to my room. And on the way I passed Floss' room. As I just heard Vincent leaving and the door was wide open I looked into the room and saw something.

I knew very well I wasn't supposed to go into anyone else's room. But the thought struck me that earlier, all until Harry and Michael had left and Floss had taken over Harry's old room, Tee wasn't there to see if Floss had taken something she shouldn't have.

With that thought, that I needed to figure this- for Kim's sake I stepped into the room. Where Kim's diary was left barely hidden under a stuffed dog on Floss' bed. I was going to take it straight to Kim's, but Floss was not getting away with this neither and as first I went down into the kitchen where Floss was excitedly telling some of the others about her and Vincent.

"…And he says, that if I want to, and I want to. I can come with him to see his home, and I'll be meeting him again tomorrow…" Xavier suddenly came into the kitchen and he was still wearing the same slumped position as before, Floss must have noticed it too. "Don't be sad Xavier. There's nothing wrong with you. The reason why Kim hates you so much, is because you remind her of her brother Leo."

I could hear it as Floss told what she had read. But I didn't have time to figure something to say until she looked around, at me and May-Li, then Yazzy and Belle who were also in the room.

"Kim hates women, even herself."

And it was like I could feel my heart breaking into pieces. Whatever had happened to Kim before she came to Ashdene Ridge I knew barely anything. But hearing Floss say what she did had rage filling up my chest. Then, just as she was on her way to continue talking I waved with Kim's diary in front of her face.

"Kenny?" May-Li questioned. "Why do you have that?"

"You can't." Floss said before I had the time to answer. "Why do you have it Kenny? I left it lying on my bed."

Floss abruptly stopped talking when she realized she'd confessed what she did.

"What am I hearing?" I sent a look towards May- Li. "Did you… Floss? Did you go into Kim's room to get her diary and read it?" Floss hesitated and didn't say anything for several seconds.

"It's not that hard." I interrupted when Floss tried to come up with some lame excuse. "You did… Out of all stupid things there is to do Floss Guppy. You didn't just read about her most private thoughts. But you're also going around telling other people about them?" Floss didn't say anything for several seconds.

"Now, you." May-Li angrily stepped up just at the same time that Floss seemed to say. "There's nothing you can say that will make this right. After all things you've done before, I never thought you'd do something like this…" May- Li looked away from Floss. "I have to go and talk to her…"

I was almost shaking with anger by this point. And I, didn't in any way feel bad for Floss while I saw tears rise in her eyes.

"How do you think Kim feels right now?"

"She's not nice. And she only left it lying on the table…"

"If she does anything you don't like, you should have come to me or Mike or Duke about it- not invade on her private life. Now, you go and wait in the office and make yourself ready to apologize." Floss didn't say anything. "I have to talk to Kim, then talk to Mike and Duke and then we can come up with a suiting punishment for you. Because trust me when I say you will be punished." Big, crocodile tears had come streaming down her cheeks.

"Do you think Vincent will still want me? After what I did to Kim?"

"I don't know anything about that. But go!" Sniffing and wiping tears she got up and ran towards the office with heavy steps. "And no slamming doors! You only brought this upon yourself.,," She turned towards me when I held her the diary. "I'm not saying you should have gone into someone's room without asking." She took it. "But thank you, Kenny." I nodded into an answer.

While May- Li, I and Floss had been talking no one else in the room had been talking. Although, like any time else we were in the same room I could see Yazzy glaring at me with a disgusted look on her face. I could see she was tugging her sleeves over scars and new wounds, and I couldn't help but wonder if that story was one about Kim too…

I would have liked to shake the thoughts of privacy and tragedy off. But I just couldn't and it wasn't exactly made any easier when everyone within a mile radius could hear Kim start yelling at the top of her lungs.

"WELL, I DO REMEMBER. I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING."

"Kim, please. You don't have to yell like this." Kim didn't reply at May- Li's calmer tone. "You don't have to…"

"YOU WANTED TO KNOW. DIDN'T YOU? I'VE BEEN ASKED SO MUCH AND SAID I FORGOT. BUT I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER WHAT MY MUM DID, I CAN POINT OUT EVERY SINGLE SPOT SHE TOUCHED ME. I REMEMBER MY DAD HATED ME AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO LEO. I REMEMBER THE NOISE OF A CAR'S SCREECHING BREAKS. I REMEMBER HEARING IT HITTING LEO. I REMEMBER. I REMEMER EVERYTHING."

I knew… Well, I understood that Kim had tried to keep everything secret. And I understood that while I had too, it couldn't compare.

But Kim was going to regret it, she was already going to…

But I just couldn't walk around here and listen to her spilling her heart out for the whole house while people had started gathering outside her door.

"Kim…" I didn't even know if I dared doing it when I tried talking to her. "…you don't have to do it like this…"

"PEOPLE WANTED TO KNOW, DIDN'T THEY?"

"People wanted to help. But if you just yell everything for everyone to hear it like this, they won't be able to." Kim didn't answer but it was nothing less of a miracle there was more than a pile of ashes left of me when she looked at me. "I don't know what you need help with, but it shouldn't happen like this, or by a little, sneaky kid reading your diary… They might be able to help you if you let them…"

I didn't even know where everything I said came from. And I had absolutely no idea if what I said made any sense or not.

But it was like I could see something running off Kim, and she had stopped yelling. Her voice turning into something callous, barely more than a whisper.

"Get out."

I nodded slightly, then turned around and left the room. On my way May- Li mimed a "thank you" towards me. I didn't quite get why I had to admit…

Closing the door after me I couldn't help but to think, even though I tried not to… it sounded like all of Kim's family had their fair share of what had made her who she was. But if it was her mum who had "touched" her…

Touched her? Touched her how?

I knew that already, I knew I knew, maybe it just was unthinkable that any woman could do something like those you usually heard of men doing.

And what did it do to Kim when I was there? Or May- Li?

I just couldn't help it when I left the hallway and went into our room where Minnie sat on her bed and was drawing. Something in her was shining about that she was all concentrated on what she was doing, but when I sat down on my bed she looked up.

"Kim has been through very bad things, hasn't she?"

I didn't know what there was to say, I just nodded. Minnie was happy with that answer and looked down on her drawing again.

I couldn't help for everything to spin in my mind…

And all of a sudden I just felt bad. Sure, growing up on Sunshine wasn't perfect and my mum was like she was, while my dad was dead. Ninety nine percent of people I had known from when I was little was like her.

Most people were like her since they had been hurt like acts like Michael's dad had done to him… Although these people had had it from accidents. What happened to Michael was no accident!

I lifted my arm and put one finger against a long, thin line of a scar after someone (adult) had hit me with a broken stick, while I (child) was playing with a toy he wanted.

But I was really lucky, wasn't I? I had always been safe and loved. I had never had to be hungry, cold or paid rent. I had never been left alone.

If I was alone by now I really only had myself to blame.

That day I had run away seemed like a distant memory…

All of those things I had thought about and called my mum. But really, she had always loved me and would never do anything to hurt me.

Now we hadn't even spoken for months…

All of a sudden I held my phone in my hand and searched in my contacts, then held it to my ear while one signal after the other went by.

"Hey, this is Joanie."

"Hey mum."

Random fact

It took me like weeks to finish this chapter. I just couldn't concentrate. Even though I kind of had fun writing it and a lot of interesting happens with Kim's background and everything.

I saved all the syoc forms for this, and I had some new ideas for the chapter from reading over Kim and Kenny and Xavier's.