Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.
I have now finished a story called a light in the dark. So that's six stories down.
The nursery at Matt's, the diaper bag, the baby blanket and clothes I have pictures of. They will be up on my Instagram Linneagbfanfiction.
Time seemed to have stopped during the nearest hour, my little Boo- my little Elijah was finally in my arms and I couldn't stop looking at him.
His eyes were the same shape as mine, but blue-grey as any other new born's. Would they be turning green when he got older? His thatch of hair was all red, just like mine…
"Kenny?" All of a sudden Mike was right by me. "Matt's here. Can he come in?"
"No." I whimpered. "No. Leave me alone…. Leave us alone…" I leaned my head forward until I held it against Elijah's. "I'll never let you go."
But the past nine months were spinning in my mind. Every little moment of how I had ran away, ended up in Ashdene Ridge, coming back to Sunshine and then coming back to Ashdene Ridge. Trenton and Kim, Minnie and Floss. Dr. Tricia and her brother. That allergic reaction, all of that nausea, throwing up and all of my worries about if anything could happen to him.
Still, I had never known so much as now as I did about people, children who had been through so much. So much that I could never even compare to before they ended up so hurt…
Flashback
"Do you have everything now?"
Just a few hours had passed since Kim's secrets had come out, one after one. And more people than anyone would ever want had found out about what terrible had been done to her.
By now she stood in the hallway of Ashdene Ridge. Backpack over one shoulder and all of her other stuff in a black plastic bag by her feet. May- Li was going to come to her and drive her across the country. To somewhere, for Kim's safety reasons none of us others had been told where. But there was somewhere Kim could get more help and therapy she must have needed so badly, for only she knew how many years.
"Yes…"
Kim probably had never been so quiet for so long she had been through this whole day and as the day turned towards afternoon. I had wanted to say something, or ask something that could help…
Floss suddenly came walking out from the living room. She hadn't said much after I and May-Li had scolded her. Not even about the potential foster dad, Vincent she had met. The look Kim gave Floss now was so ice cold it could have frozen her to ice for real.
"Well…" I tried, just as May- Li came out into the hallway, holding her car keys. "…Good luck, or something… I hope you'll be okay." Kim nodded slightly, but didn't say anything. And neither did she when Duke and Mike came into the hallway to say their goodbyes. I would guess Kim hadn't exactly made any friends here, but it still broke my heart.
"Has she left now?" Just when we heard May- Li start the car and as we heard it moving away Floss asked that one question, she didn't need to wait for an answer. "Good. She was never nice. I'm happy she's gone from here."
I had never been as angry with anyone as I was with Floss right then. I was so angry I was shaking from head to toe, and I couldn't even think of anything to shout at her- let alone shout at all. Instead, I just looked at her, she looked back for a second. Then she turned away and disappeared out of my sight.
While I slowly moved back up the stairs, I couldn't help but wonder about those two though. Floss was right, Kim wasn't nice. And she hadn't exactly gotten nicer even though I tried to be nice to her, but with everything she had been through…
End of flashback
"I never knew if I could become a mum at only fifteen years old…" I half whispered; half whimpered to the little person in my arms. "….But I always knew I could never do something to you like Kim's mum did to her. Or like so many of the parents of the kids I knew did to them… I just always know that whatever I do I have to keep you safe…"
For the billionth time since I had met her first I couldn't help but feel sorry for Floss too.
I did know she had been in care ever since before she could remember. But I just barely knew anything about what had happened to her…
She must have a back story of why she had become like she was. Why she was so craving for attention and basically threw a fit any time she wasn't the center of it. Why she just needed to let people hear when she didn't like them- maybe no one had ever been there to teach her it was wrong until it was too late and she already had her ways.
She had grown up in different care homes…
She was obviously so used to have to share everybody's attention she would literally give anything to have it. Even now when she'd met who was going to be her foster dad and hopefully take care of her forever….
Flashback
"Hello everyone…"
Only the day after he had showed up the first time Mr. Vincent Ferguson showed up again, this time coming into the kitchen already by breakfast time and Floss as good as jumped up from her seat and ran into his arms.
"Vinny."
"Hello Floss…. Hang on, let go of me…." He was showing the rest of us to be quiet. "I've got something to say and I want everyone- all of you…" he glanced over the whole group of people in the room. "….To be in here, as my witnesses. And you…." He turned his face towards Floss and pulled something out from his coat pocket. "I know you have wanted your mum for longer than I could even imagine. But I was thinking, maybe one of these days- maybe even from today…" He sunk down to one knee and opened his hand to a small velvet box as if he had been proposing to her. "…maybe you could let me be your dad."
For a few moments the kitchen, the house and the whole world seemed to have gone all silent. As if all noises and everything that made any move had suddenly disappeared. Then at last, Floss threw her arms around Vincent's neck with a squeal.
"Yes, daddy."
I was probably meant to be clapping, along with the others. But the thought of what Floss had been doing to Kim were still fresh in my memories. The thoughts of what she had done the same day that she had met Vincent for the first time. And with it, not until the others' clapping was starting to die down I slowly and quietly clapped a few times.
She was only a little kid after all…
"Does it fit?" Vincent questioned and took the ring from the box he had opened, then took Floss' hands and pushed it onto her ring finger. "Perfectly…"
"Well." Mike interrupted. "I have to admit I have never seen anything like that before. You're very creative Vincent… I'm certain you two will be just perfect for each other for all future."
"Yes…" Floss squealed again. "…daddy and I…"
End of flashback
Daddy and I…
After all, Floss was just a kid who had spent her first few years in care. But as we all know. I just knew I needed to find someone for Elijah before he was born. But now I couldn't help but change my mind. I knew Matt was right on the other side of the door from me. And I knew he would make the best dad ever for my little one.
I even knew he had sorted out a nursery and everything, I had been to his and seen everything, loved everything.
But now, when I was finally here and knew I couldn't give little Elijah up…
Well, I was little sure about that as I was sure about anything else really…
Flashback
"Really, Kenny… I could never thank you enough. I can't believe you're letting me do this and… take care of your little one, a part of you…"
It was two weeks before my due date. And I and Mike had gone to the little house that Matt lived in and soon also a little baby that was growing inside of me would live in.
"I can't believe it neither, really…" I said almost quietly and tiredly. "…I just… I always knew some day I want kids of my own. But then I didn't exactly plan or know I'd get pregnant at fourteen. Now I am, I just know I can't… well. I know I could never care for a child. And I also just know that you would be the best dad ever to one. And I knew that even before Trenton lived here too… and he will also be the best big brother…"
Trenton smiled, pride shining from his eyes. I tried smiling back, but now- seeing where it would be Boo would grow up. Where he would have his dinners and do his homework just made everything feel so real. The fact that he had kept me awake all night with his kicking tonight hadn't made me feel any better.
"Kenny…" Matt said calmly and caught my attention. "I am…. So happy and so… honored yiu feel this way. And I promise you I will do my very best to give Elijah the best life he could ever possibly have had… but you are always going to be his mum. There is nothing that we'd want or that can ever change that… and we'll always let him know about you and who you are, what you did for us…"
Whenever Matt spoke like this thoughts were spinning in my mind so badly I felt like either fainting or puking, or both. I needed to find something else to talk about, and remembered something Matt had mentioned when we spoke on the phone earlier.
"You said you had a nursery sorted out for him." I said at last. "Can I see it?"
"Yes of course." Matt jumped onto his feet. "Here… should I help you?"
"I can walk on my own, thank you."
Matt kept his hand on my back still, but I decided not to comment on it while he lead me through the kitchen, hallway and up the stairs into a small hallway with one door to the right, one to the left and one right front.
"Now, here's the bathroom right ahead…" Matt explained to me. "To the right is Trenton's room, my room is on the bottom floor by the living room. From the very beginning Elijah will be in with me in my room but then he will get his own…" He opened the door to the left. I looked around the fairly small room, and had to admit I wouldn't have minded living in a room like this neither. The walls were painted grey, with a painting of a white tree with leaves and birds, there was a grey arm chair and a white crib with different pillows patterned in dust pink, white and black. The white blanket with pink hearts that my mum had given us hung on the side of the crib, and so also a grey diaper bag printed with one big blue owl and several small ones, and at last a bodysuit with a grey body and white front and ears to look somewhat like a bear.
"His clothes will be in the dresser in the hallway on the bottom floor along with all of ours'. I was getting a nursing table too…" Matt told me before I'd had the time to ask. "I'm just waiting for it to arrive… don't be shy. You can go inside- touch, feel, smell anything you want."
As in a fog I went over the floor and took the little bodysuit, as I held it in front of me I saw and felt how Boo kicked and turned inside of me.
I would have liked to smile, I would actually have liked anything but the thoughts spinning in my mind so to the point I almost fainted when I looked around the room.
Would this be the room little Elijah Christopher Dunn grew up in once and for all? Would the crib be switched into a bigger bed when he grew? Would the nursing table be switched into a desk? Would he have his own TV or computer at some point? Would this be where he laid dreaming through the nights? Or lied awake with a cold or stomach flu? Would he want the colors in it changed to the same pink as the blanket from his biological grandma, or would he like blue better? Would he want the walls plain painted, or patterned wallpaper?
"So…" Matt interrupted my thoughts at last. "What do you think? Not so bad, huh?"
End of flashback
I couldn't help but think about how Matt had set anything ready for Elijah to come to the world.
And I couldn't help but know how little I knew about this. How after all, if I and Elijah stayed together we couldn't even stay at the dumping ground. How when I took him home with me I wouldn't have anything except for the blanket mum had given us…
How at least my thinking had been a little more realistic before I saw a piece of myself in my arms…
I must have sat like that for hours, although maybe it was only seconds. All of me were shaking and tears streaming down my face, dripping onto my chest and even down on Elijah…
I wouldn't ever hurt him like so many other parents hurt their kids. I couldn't even imagine anyone ever hurting him…
But still, I was fifteen years old. I was in school and I lived in a care home.
"I love you…" I cried at last. "…I love you more than I ever knew I could love anyone… But that's why I am making the choice I know I have to."
Random fact
When I started planning for this story I had an idea that Kenny and Elijah would get to stay at the dumping ground. But then, afterwards I have been moving a bit back and forth. You will see in the next chapter what decision Kenny ends up making.