5

Buffy swam in the murky depths of unconsciousness before emerging into a dream. She was lying in bed with Angel, they had food scattered all over the bed and were dozing in each other's arms. Buffy gazed sleepily at Angel and spoke softly.

"Angel, are you awake?"

"That depends" Angel's voice was marred with sleep but definitely awake, and he kept his eyes closed

"Depends on what?"

"On what you want" Buffy propped her head up on her hand and stared at Angel.

"Elaborate" Buffy began drawing designs with her finger on Angel's chest, feeling the warmth of his skin and the steady thump of his heartbeat.

"Well, see if you want me to be awake just to talk, well, then I'm asleep but if you want me to be awake so we can. . . . . do other stuff, then I'm wide awake." Buffy pressed her hand against Angel's chest and pushed him. Her Slayer strength gave her push a little more bite and Angel flinched.

"Right, I have to get used to restraining myself around you now." Angel's eyes flew open and he examined her face.

"I don't want you to have to change yourself for me, just because I'm human, now."

"Angel, everything's going to change because you're human now."

"But I don't want it to." Angel's tone came out a little whiny, but Buffy understood what he meant.

"I do. Let's face it, Angel, my life has pretty much been crap up to now and I know this wasn't expected but it's not unwanted."

"You're right, Buffy, let's just work this out as we go." Angel smiled and closed his eyes once more. Buffy giggled, a sound out of place in such a well-worn fighter.

"What are you doing?"

"I told you, if you just want to talk, then I'm asleep" Buffy leaned over and kissed Angel deeply.

"What makes you think I just want to talk?"

Buffy woke up with a shock, ensconced in Spike's cold arms and she knew. She knew everything. A sound came from the other side of the room and Buffy scanned the room quickly. One shape stood out from the surrounding shadows.

"Angel" Buffy breathed, suddenly aware of where she was and who she was with.

"How did you get in?" Angel moved out of the shadows but not out of the dark and Buffy realized that only in her dreams was he ever in the light.

"Willow let me in."

"Oh God, Willow and Dawn . . . . ." Buffy tried to sit up but Spike's arms kept her stuck to the bed.

"Don't worry, I briefed them on the situation, they got another room. They aren't mad" They were both silent and the silence stretched on, as impenetrable as the night itself.

"You know, don't you? About that day, with the Morha demon?" Buffy shook her head, tears in her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Angel shoved his hands into his pockets and sat on the edge of the bed. The differences between the two vampires now currently next to her were numerous, their hair color, their eye color, their body shape. Pretty much the only thing they had in common was the love they shared for her and the love she in turn felt for them. They love she felt for Angel and the love she felt for Spike were two completely separate feelings, but neither one nor the other was stronger than the other. Angel was her first love and Spike was her last. She knew that now, just as clearly that she knew what had happened to her and Angel when she had come to L.A, but she also knew she had to choose between the two, she just didn't know which she would choose.

"I felt that you didn't need that burden, that you would be better off not knowing." Buffy laughed quietly, so as not to wake Spike.

"You know despite all your differences, at your core, you and Spike are very similar." Angel let that one slide and his brow creased suddenly, as if in pain.

"You love him, don't you?" he said motioning to Spike's sleeping form.

"I do." The pain was back in Angel's face before he could smooth it away.

"But I love you too, Angel" Her first love gazed into Buffy's eyes, unconsciously pleading her to choose him, love him more.

"Who do you want to be with?" he asked, unable to cover the break in his voice.

"Honestly, I don't know." Despite his obvious pain, Angel managed to smile.

"Are you cookies, yet?" Buffy's answering smile was warm and filled with a silent humor.

"Not yet, can you give me a little longer before slipping on the oven mitts?"

"Sure" Angel's tone was resolute and he stood up to walk over to the door. He turned back before leaving.

"I love you, you know that, right?" When Buffy nodded, he added;

"And I'll wait for you, forever if that's what it takes" Sliding back into the shadows, Angel left. Spike stirred next to Buffy and half-woke.

"Buffy, was someone here?" Buffy smiled at the blonde vampire and pushed a lock of his hair off his forehead.

"Just a ghost" Spike settled back into sleep and Buffy's smile faded, leaving her with a full mind and a heart to match.

To be continued .. . . .