He had to go see Tubbo.
Just because he deserved his fate, didn't mean that his heart's ugly desires didn't wish to be fulfilled. He was greedy, and he knew it. And that is what drove him to his wanting- no, his need to see his partner. His best friend and so much more.
He had met his own ghost, briefly in the void. He was uncaring and blunt, spewing out whatever was in his mind. He couldn't imagine the imposter wandering around the server, pretending to be him, or pretending to be better. Ranboo was different than he was before death. He had five years to learn and repent his own mistakes. But Ghostboo was a shell, nothing like the old or new Ranboo.
He only hoped that Tubbo would forgive him, and yet a small part of him rebelled, said that he deserved scorn and hatred. Even from him. From Tubbo.
No, especially from Tubbo.
His long strides brought him towards Snowchester. There he would find Tubbo, probably working on nukes or playing with their son, Michael. An odd set of activities now that he thought about it. No actually, just the first one.
He stopped abruptly, having been almost too deep in thought to open the door before walking in. He does so, and for some reason it surprises him to see everything exactly how it was when he left. It'll probably take a while for Ranboo to reorient himself with his home, considering how long he spent in limbo.
Ranboo jumped as Tubbo's head popped up from the hatch leading down, and Tubbo's eyes widened, his mouth in a small 'o', considerably startled as well.
Ranboo felt sick. He didn't know why, didn't have an explanation that his mind would provide him, but he felt a sudden urge to empty the contents of his stomach. He fought desperately to keep his expression neutral, fought against instincts that told him to bend over.
He succeeded, and smiled softly at Tubbo.
"Hi Tubbo. What's up?" He felt his question was dumb, but Tubbo looked like he appreciated it.
"Big man Ranboob!" Tubbo was smiling widely with delight, tripping over himself to rush towards the man he was platonically married to. "Are you okay? I mean, you're not dead anymore, so duh, but are you like, okay right this second?"
Okay, huh? Like what the actual? Oh, Tubbo. He, actually cared about him. Huh. And his current state of health. Ranboo knew this. He definitely did and did not forget. He stopped forgetting things. Or at least, he thought he did. This is normal forgetfulness though, right? Like, normal people forget that their husband cares about them. Yeah.
"Oh, um. I'm good. Yeah. Not really, but yeah." Ranboo gulped and felt that rush of nausea again. NOPE. DID NOT NEED THAT. He desperately tried to hide his grimace.
"Oh." Tubbo said smartly, shifting from foot to foot. "I mean, I guess that's expected. But, you're here! And that's great. I… I missed you."
And if that didn't make Ranboo's insides scramble even more. Well, it did. Impossibly so, but it did.
"Yeah." Ranboo struggled to get the word past the lump building in his throat. He did not expect this to happen, he certainly just, did not.
Tubbo's face screwed up into a concerned frown and he stepped forward. "Is something wrong boo?"
OH SHOOT OH NO OH GOSH
He… he called him Boo, like, the GHOST.
No no no, he's, that's, not supposed to, no.
Boo? Boo? But, but Boo was not him, he's not him. They aren't the same he can't be called that. He's not…
There was pressure on his arm. Someone's holding it. Ranboo jerks away and falls to the ground, stomach jostled and already in the process of emptying.
Well that was not pleasant.
He blinked, shaking and not at all as mentally stable as he was just minutes ago.
"-anboo? Are, are you okay? Why… shoot. What's wrong?" Tubbo was hovering above him, hands held out in front of him as if he didn't know what to do with them.
"Yeah… I'm fine. I just feel, really sick." His voice sounded garbled and rough from essentially being burned by stomach acids.
Before he could speak again, he turned his head and gagged, the vertigo not yet gone, although nothing but air came out. It felt horrible, and he felt bad that Tubbo had to watch. It certainly wasn't pleasant.
Once he calmed down, he looked over to see Tubbo still there, a worried expression plastered across his face. He didn't mean to do that near Tubbo, or at all really, but especially not with Tubbo there. He knew he was weak, but he didn't need anyone else seeing that. And this time he didn't really have an explanation for why, but that didn't trump the truth.