It was a sunny September afternoon, as Jackie stood in her office, making herself her second cup of coffee for the day. She wore a plaid suit with a loose white blouse and her hair was wrapped in a low bun. A few strands of curls fell loosely around her face. She had taken four sessions this morning, with an hour to go for her next one. She was pondering over what to order for lunch when her phone rang.
It was Bucky. Jackie took a sharp breath before answering. She hadn't heard from him since the party, and that had been a month ago. A sudden wave of concern passed over her.
"Are you seeing someone?"
"You could at least buy me a coffee before getting all possessive,"
"Are you at the office, with a patient?" Bucky's tone was more urgent and blunter than usual. Jackie heard car honks behind him.
"Yeah, I'm at my office, but no I'm not with a patient. It's lunchbreak," she was aware that this information was probably useless to Bucky, but she figured she might as well offer it, just in case.
He replied with jagged breaths into the phone. "I'm a few blocks away, I'll be right there,"
The sound of traffic nearly drowned out his low voice. Several questions crossed Jackie's mind, but it didn't seem Bucky would stay on call long enough to answer. "Okay, see you," she added lamely. The call ended without a reply. Jackie sighed and stirred her coffee.
Sure enough, in about ten minutes there was a knock on the door and when Jackie opened the door – Bucky stood there huffing against her doorframe, as if he'd just run a marathon.
"Hey, what's going -" Jackie caught sight of his gloved hand wrapped across chest. It was bloody. "No…"
Without a word, Bucky brushed past Jackie into her office and simply flopped down on the ottoman sofa. Jackie was left speechless in shock, but she knew she had to find the right words – fast.
"No, no, no…" was the best she could do as she quickly locked the door behind him. In direct sunlight, Jackie could see that there was more blood than she had first noticed. It had seeped through his brown jacket and even stained the front pockets of his dark blue jeans. The wound was still covered by his hand. Jackie stared incredulously at the blood that trailed down through his fingers – and then at Bucky's face. Besides being pale and the sweaty, his face didn't show any sign of pain. Only exhaustion.
"It's complicated," was his only remark as he gently rested back against the sofa. His tired gaze fixed towards his boots. Bucky looked like he'd just come home from a long day at work, and to compensate for the indifference on his end – Jackie felt even more panicked.
"What are you doing?!"
He finally looked up at her, his brows furrowed. Under his suspicious gaze, Jackie felt as though to Bucky – she was the one who was behaving oddly.
"I just need 20 minutes, and I'll be out of here,"
He grimaced as he tried to sit upright, and slowly began to remove his jacket by swapping his hand over the wound. With his bloody hand now free, and his right hand over his wound, Bucky awkwardly slid his left hand out of the sleeve of his jacket. He winced in pain but made no sound. His expression was dark and focused. It was as if nothing around him even existed. Including Jackie.
She couldn't comprehend what was happening, but she quickly collected herself and approached Bucky to gently aid in pulling his arm free out of his jacket. Once it was out, he calmly removed the rest of his jacket and began to clumsily fold it with one hand. She quickly intervened and took it from him to fold herself, as she nervously stared at the blood that had brightly stained the entire right side of his light grey t-shirt. His left hand remained clutching the bloody side of his torso, so Jackie (thankfully) couldn't see the wound. Bucky let out a deep sigh as he squirmed uneasily again to remove his gloves, exposing his metal arm – which Jackie made a note to never stare at. However, he strangely didn't seem to be in too much discomfort. At least far less than what he should have been experiencing. His eyes trailed drowsily at the carpet and he looked like an utter mess.
Now that everything had gone quiet and Bucky wasn't fidgeting anymore, Jackie finally found her words, which she spoke firmly. "Bucky, I'm going to call you an ambulance, okay?"
"No." he simply retorted. His voice was steady and firm. "Do you have a first aid kit?"
Bizarrely enough, Jackie wasn't too shocked at Bucky's refusal. And she could already predict that it was a losing battle to try to convince him. The man sitting in front of her, bleeding out on her expensive ottoman sofa – was resolute in his convictions. There was no way she was getting him to a hospital if he had decided not to go. Jackie knew that even before she had asked the question. He had come to her office and she would have to deal with him here. She reminded herself that he had been through much worse in his lifetime, and this was possibly just an average Tuesday for him. This thought relaxed her.
"I do have a kit, but not a surgery room – which is where you should be right now,"
Bucky ignored her, possibly due to the fact he was in her space after all – where she didn't want him to be, and that meant she was at least allowed to be cynical towards him. She handed him the open box and he rummaged through it for items he could use. He took out the iodine and cotton swabs and began mechanically tending to the gash.
Her first aid box had only the most basic necessities, so Jackie couldn't fathom what help it would be to Bucky, whose injury was far from basic. She suddenly felt a pang of nausea mixed with agitation and she had to turn away to avoid him. Almost instinctually, she opened her chest of drawers and pulled out a box of tea. Jackie was aware that the nagging exasperation inside her, nervously churning in her stomach – was directed towards Bucky.
He had appeared out of the blue at her office with a fatal wound – however casual it was for him, it seemed. It was disturbing and wrong for him bring this here if he wasn't going to let her take him to the hospital. Or even talk to her. She felt more inclined to reset her boundaries again, to pause and then restart afresh. But she couldn't. The entire room began to slowly whirl around her vision, and she felt a headache approaching. Inhaling deeply and rolling back her shoulders. Jackie closed her eyes – letting the air slowly flow out of her lungs. Her heartbeat slowed down, and she did this a handful of times before turning towards Bucky, with a revived composure.
Fortunately, he had cleaned his gash and found the gauze. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to cover the wound – which Jackie was finally forced to see since Bucky held his shirt over his chest, half-uncovered, as he cautiously placed the gauze over the gaping flesh. She reflexively spined back around to avoid gagging, but after a couple of seconds, she involuntarily turned towards him again.
Bucky had placed the bandage over it, but it wasn't enough to stop the blood from seeping out. Jackie grimaced uncomfortably but Bucky remained concentrated on the task at hand. He didn't even flinch as he tried unfolding the gauze to cover more surface area. It didn't work, and the bloody cloth began trailing down his chest. He swore under his breath.
"I have an idea," Jackie's frown didn't disappear even as she pulled out her handbag to rummage through. All the while, Bucky waited patiently, pushing the gauze back in place, in hopes it would stick. She pulled out a square packet and tore it open, unfolding the content inside and handing it to him uncertainly. Bucky took it – equally hesitant – as he stared up at her, awaiting an explanation.
"It's a sanitary napkin, you can try sticking it on the inside of your shirt, and then keep it pressed."
Jackie looked sceptical herself, but Bucky simply sighed and did as recommended. After pressing the napkin to the inside of his shirt, and then putting pressure over the wound, he noticed that the gauze underneath didn't slip down anymore. Bucky gave a soft sigh of relief. "Do you have another?"
While Bucky cleaned himself off with paper towels and water, Jackie occupied herself with her most soothing activity – making tea. "Do you want some tea?" she asked over her shoulder.
"Hmm, depends on the flavour,"
The audacity of her visitor never ceased to astound her. "That's up to me," she countered. If Bucky was bothered – Jackie couldn't see it.
As the electric kettle boiled, she turned back to Bucky to give him another sceptical look as he gave her an inconspicuous smile.
"You'd be happy to know, I didn't get any blood on your sofa,"
Finally comfortable, Bucky had a newfound energy which, for Jackie – was edging on the brink of annoying. His eyes flashed across the room as if he was seeing it for the first time. He shrugged casually as if it was simply alright for his taste. Was he faking his composure to avoid explaining himself? Or was he truly settled with showing up in this state – at the workplace, of someone who he barely knew? He purposely avoided Jackie's gaze and she struggled to read past his nonchalant demeanour. He was much less reserved now. The blood stain on his shirt had fortunately stopped growing as Bucky gazed restlessly around for something to catch his eye. Something finally did. "Daniel Wall, right?" he pointed at the painting fixed on the wall in front of him. Jackie inadvertently shot him a scowl and didn't respond.
"I guess you wanna know what happened?" he gave in reluctantly.
"Not unless I'm in trouble. Otherwise, I don't want to know, Bucky,"
He nodded affirmatively, almost as if he was grateful to avoid this conversation. He stared unassumingly back down at the floor. A rush of guilt overcame Jackie as she bit her lip. The kettle went off – breaking the nervous silence between them.
"Are you sure you can get back safely?" Jackie inquired earnestly as she poured the water into two mugs. One was in the shape of a cat, which she handed to Bucky – who accepted it with a soft "thanks". His metal hand clinked against the glass as he sipped the scalding hot tea without any hesitation.
"Yeah, it's just a flesh wound." As if, it was minor compared to other kinds of wounds. Jackie didn't know what was considered a serious wound, if this wasn't it. "It was my mistake, really,"
"What do you mean, did you accidentally stab yourself?"
Jackie leaned back on her desk, one foot dangling in the air as she gave him an apprehensive look. The tea she had chosen for him was peppermint and honey, while she drank her trusted chamomile, for relieving herself of the anxiety brought about by the afternoon. Bucky seemed to enjoy his tea as he gulped it all down in a few sips (which was peculiar considering Jackie's was still too hot to drink) and set his mug down on the floor.
Bucky rubbed his forehead. "No, I mean I didn't see the fifth guy in the corner. Like I said – it was a careless mistake."
Jackie's jaw fell open, but she quickly sipped her tea to conceal it – feeling the rush of the hot liquid travel to her stomach, filling her with warmth and sweetness. It wasn't her place to know what happened to him, and guiltily – neither did she want to. Bucky's Winter Soldier days were over, but she knew from this moment – that his life was still far from normal. However, after a moment, she cautiously raised her brows. "What do you mean?"
Bucky sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. He seemed more exhausted than when he first entered her office with a gaping gash. His vitality from moments ago, had disappeared and he looked almost embarrassed. Jackie silently cursed herself for asking. She had said she didn't want to get into it, and she didn't. There was nothing good that could come from her knowing more. Bucky seemed to know that too, as he stayed quiet for a while.
Finally, he patted his knee and straightened up. There was more to him than he let on, his mind was always calculating the risk of every outcome, but maybe he felt like he owed her the story at least. The truth. He began speaking in a steady, hushed voice, his tone was flat and held no discernible emotion.
"As expected, there was a man working in S.H.I.E.L.D. who didn't… belong there. I went to take care of him this morning, but his hotel room was full of armed guards – which I should've seen coming. Anyway, everything worked out, except a bullet grazed my ribcage,"
Jackie was pretty sure the phrase "graze" didn't apply to his wound, it had most definitely gone through, but she was too speechless to argue. Bucky didn't seem fazed, as he continued in a monotonous tone, as if this was just a part of his daily routine – and he would much rather not have to go over it again. "It was a few blocks away from your office, so I figured I'd drop by and clean up here, because the blood was starting to draw people,"
Jackie couldn't argue with his logic, and she couldn't comment on his story prior to that – because it seemed too perplexing and out of her domain of experience. She shouldn't interfere, she kept reminding herself. However terrifying it all appeared to her. So, she tried to move forward from it all and cleared her throat, trying to seem as unperturbed as she could, while her stomach did somersaults.
"Well, it's still pretty obvious." She nodded at his grey shirt, which contrasted strongly with the dried blood stains on it.
Bucky stared down at it and then exhaled wearily, glancing towards his blood-soaked jacket on the floor, that lay folded with his gloves on top. "The jacket will cover it up,"
Without taking time for second-thoughts, Jackie pulled off her blazer and handed it to Bucky, who held it out in confusion.
"It's oversized, and it still might be a slim fit on you – but it could work. And you just have to get from here to a taxi – which by the way, you're going to take. You can't walk around any longer,"
Bucky frowned uneasily as he twirled the blazer around in his outstretched hand. With his brows furrowed, he debated it for a moment as he glanced between it and Jackie. When Jackie's firm gaze didn't break, he decided to let her win this round and folded the blazer in his lap; giving her a wary nod in return. "Thanks."
Jackie took the mugs and placed them on the chest of drawers, to wash in the bathroom later. Bucky rubbed his forehead, completely worn down. As his gaze zoned out, Jackie noticed the dark circles under his eyes and she felt a pang of concern for her uninvited visitor.
"You know, I still have around half an hour to go till my next session, you can rest here for a while,"
Bucky immediately straightened up – wincing unconsciously, and looked around. His eyes didn't meet Jackie's as he leaned down to grab his jacket and gloves, flinching uncomfortably from the pain.
"No, it's fine, I better go,"
"Seriously Bucky, you can stay here for a while. Maybe take a nap," she offered. She didn't want to press him, in fears of driving him away even further to prove a point against her, but she felt strongly that he should at least rest, before jumping into whatever his plans for the rest of the day were. Jackie doubted that he would even change them to cater to his injury.
Bucky finally met her gaze, and she could see him debate over the offer, especially after the discomfort he had felt when he knelt down. His mouth slightly twisted as he searched her face for something that Jackie couldn't fathom. What was he trying to read in her? She felt suddenly flushed being under his unwavering stare, and warily averted her eyes, perturbed.
"Okay, just 15 minutes," He gently rested his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes with a resigned sigh. He was going to take a nap by just sitting there. Jackie knew better than to question him and sighed as she picked the bloody swabs and paper towels off the floor and threw them into the basket.
She tried to focus on her next session by going over her notes, but it was useless. She couldn't focus. What if her patient came early? A million thoughts raced across Jackie's mind as she sat staring at her notes, not taking in a single word that was written. What if whoever Bucky had fought this morning, had tracked him to her office? He'd said everything had "worked out" but what did that mean? Were the people dead?
Suddenly, Bucky jolted awake. Jackie looked down at her watch on cue, and to her surprise – it really had been exactly fifteen minutes. Rubbing his eyes, he carefully put on Jackie's blazer without a word. She knew it was possibly unisex, but she was still surprised to note it didn't look too odd on him at all. Except for how tightly the sleeves hugged his arms.
Bucky grabbed his bloody jacket and put on his gloves. Standing up cautiously, his body still leaned awkwardly towards his right side as he rolled his shoulders back with a wince and straightened up. He staggered towards her desk where Jackie still sat watching him curiously.
"Thank you, I really owe you and I'm sorry for everything," His voice was hoarse, and he looked as if he had just arrived back from war. Was this how he lived his life? Jackie could only hope not.
She raised an eyebrow at him. As if on command, her stomach growled from an absence of lunch. She sighed. "Maybe when you return my blazer, you can also buy me lunch,"
Bucky gave her a soft smile, which was earnest and kind – despite how weary he looked. He nodded and left quietly, leaving Jackie alone with her million and one thoughts.
Hope you enjoy xx