She wasn't at all sure what was going on. She did know that she felt more settled, more in control of herself. Was it because she had kissed him, and he had allowed it? He could have stopped her, moved away…left. But he hadn't. Maybe he sensed her…what? Could he read her so well that he sensed her desire? Was it even real desire? Maybe she just needed love, and she was seeking it from him. She looked at her face in the mirror. Yes, it was her face. Damn…what was she doing to him? To them? The last thing in the world she wanted was to screw up their partnership. Life was complicated enough.
She had kissed him as a measure of comfort, in response to the deep sorrow she'd caught in his eyes. When he hadn't objected, she'd drawn her own comfort from his closeness. And she felt so much better now. He had been the one to withdraw, to question of himself what was going on. She'd seen that in his confusion. She knew he had not expected that from her, and she was surprised by it as well. But she couldn't deny that it felt damn good…and she didn't think he would either. Splashing water on her face and drying it, she took a deep breath. Yes, she did feel better.
She half expected him to be gone when she went back into the living room. But he wasn't. He was still there, on the couch, head leaned back, eyes closed. "Bobby?"
"What?" His voice was quiet.
"Do I need to apologize again?"
"For what?"
She sat down on the opposite side of the couch. He turned his head and looked at her. He didn't need an answer and she knew it. He sighed. "No, Alex. Please don't apologize. Unless…"
She understood what he meant. Unless she regretted it, which she definitely did not. "No regrets, Bobby. Not unless I've hurt you."
His mouth eased into a smile, and she was relieved to see the smile touch his eyes. "You didn't hurt me."
No, not an ounce of hurt was involved if she didn't regret it. But she was certainly driving him nuts. He had no clue what to make of her, and he just…he wanted his Alex back. Not that he didn't love her all the same, but he couldn't take her being all over the emotional map like she was. He couldn't follow her map and he was so lost he didn't know what to do. Following her lead just made it worse, but there was nothing else he could do. He wasn't going to abandon her, not when she needed him. But there was something behind her lability, something beyond hormonal fluctuations. And he had an idea what it was.
Against his better judgment, he set foot into uncharted territory when he softly asked, "Is this about the baby?"
She looked at him, and he didn't miss the tears that welled in her eyes. "What…what do you mean?"
He motioned to her. "Come here."
When she hesitated, he reached a hand toward her and, taking her hand, drew her closer. She let him. And she slid into his arms, burying her face in his chest. He put his arms around her, holding her in a protective hug. His voice quiet, he said, "You feel empty inside, because the baby is gone, and you don't know how to make it better."
She nodded against him. He hit the nail on the head, and a new wave of desolation struck her, drawing forth tears she thought she had cried out. "I miss him," she managed quietly.
He nodded. He didn't understand how that felt, but he could understand why she felt that way. She had carried that little life in her for nine months, and she had loved being pregnant. That much he knew. Now that he was gone…and she had no baby to hold in her arms…she must be feeling empty and alone. The empty and alone feeling he could sympathize with. He knew exactly how that felt, and it hurt him that she was feeling that way. There was nothing he could do to alleviate it, either. Nothing more than hold her, than listen to her, than comfort her. And he felt inadequate. He kissed her head. "I'm sorry, Alex. I wish there was something I could do, some way I could make it better for you."
She shook her head and pulled back from his chest. "You don't have to apologize. You have no idea how much you have helped me." She took a deep steadying breath. "I know this is something I have to come to terms with. Until the time comes when I can have a baby of my own, nothing is going to change." She laid a hand on his cheek. "But you have made it better, Bobby. Because you understand."
He shook his head. "No, I don't."
She smiled. "You do…more than you know. I…I don't know what I'd do without you."
She slid her arms around him again, hugging him firmly. He returned her hug. He wasn't sure what he'd done, but it had obviously been the right thing. God help him if he ever had to do it again, because he was clueless. But she felt better, and that was what mattered. In the meantime, he just contented himself with holding her, and enjoying having her close.