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Episode Two- Lily's Next Love Interest

Previously on General Hogwarts:

James: Sirius!

Sirius: Lily!

Lily: Sirius!

Adoring Friend #3: Uhh . . .

Tears began to well up in Lily's eyes as she stood in her crowd of adoring friends, and she looked as if life as she knew it was over. "Sirius . . . life as I know it is over! I thought I loved you! I thought what we had was special! And now you tell me, you tell me . . . you're a lesbian! How could you!" Lily cried for a moment, and then became very agitated when her adoring friends just stared at her. "Hello! I've been through an-an emotionally scarring p-point in my life! Where are my-my adoring friends when I need them most? I suppose you all d-don't want to get paid for this episode . . ." Immediately, all the adoring friends ran over to console Lily and call Sirius a lot of nasty names.

"Lily . . . it's not like that! I never meant to hurt you!"

"B-but you did, Sirius! I can't go out with you anymore! You broke my heart, Sirius. I will never be able to love another man . . . er, or woman." As Lily spoke, rather depressing music started to play seemingly out of nowhere.

This is my chance to go out with my beloved angel, thought James, who remained sitting in a corner because he thought it made him look dark and imposing. But of course, not just any man could melt that heart of stone. It could take months, even years, for Lily's heart to mend, and I'm going to be there every step of the way.

Suddenly there was a loud clamor from the center of the flock of adoring friends. James popped out of his darkness and imposingness and saw to his surprise-

Commercial Break!

(Opens up to a modern day history classroom):

"Mr. Morey, what's so important about dumb Lewis and Clark?" says Bobby.

"They're booooring!" says Susie.

"What did they do that was so important?" says Billy.

"You kids aren't thinking of something very important to your lives!" says the great Mr. Morey.

"Play-doh?"

"Pudding?"

"Raisins?"

"Nope! Lewis and Clark ate pure lard on their famous journey, and made it famous!" says the wise Mr. Morey.

"Lewis and Clark are wicked awesome!"

"Pay your tribute to American history . . . eat pure lard!"

James popped out of his darkness and imposingness and saw to his surprise Remus with his lips locked to Lily's!

A Few Moments Earlier ( fuzzy edges around the screen)

As the adoring friends surrounded Lily, Remus walked over and put his arm around the red-head's shoulders. "Please don't cry, Lily. Everything will be alright."

"H-how can y-you say that at a time like this?"

"You have such lovely eyes, it would be a shame to have them get bloodshot." Lily immediately stopped crying and looked deeply into Remus's eyes.

"Oh, Remus!" she cried. She proceeded to throw her arms passionately around his neck and started to swap spit. Remus happily went along, as he had no current love interest.

Present (end fuzzies)

"No!" shrieked James, but no one heard him over the many cat calls of the adoring fans. He felt deep hatred run through his veins like he had never felt before. All of a sudden, Sirius was standing next to him. "Sirius," he whispered, "I need your help to," he paused for dramatic effect, and began again when suspenseful music played, "murder Remus."

"I thought you hated me for dating Lily!" he said as if that were the gravest part of James's request instead of the actual murder. He then raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth as wide as it seemed he possibly could. "Did you try to kill me, too, James?" Tears were streaming down his cheeks in a matter of seconds.

"Geesh, Lily was right . . . you are PMSing, Sirius! But no, the writers didn't think it was good for the drama at the time to kill you. Now, here are the details . . ."

To Be Continued . . .