Disclaimer: No own Harry Potter. If we did, I (Samdum) would actually be related to Sirius Black...Which I'm not...so...SHUT UP! Oh, and I don't own any reference to "The Sixth Sense" (i.e. "I see dead people," etc.), M. Night Shamalan in his glorious gory-ness does. We also do not own Milwaukee or Saskatchewan, and have no desire to. Well, maybe Saskatchewan...

Chapter Eleven: Series Finale/I See Dead People

(In which there shall not be a commercial break, because it's the two hour season finale special...and because the glorious co-author said so!)

Previously on General Hogwarts:

Sirius: Was a woman...

Lily: James!

(?): Non Sequitur!

Severus had, for the moment, lost focus on his plans for maniacal laser beams and his loss of his beloved Lily, and stared dreamily down the hall after the taco with legs. He wiped a bit of drool off of his chin.

"Mmm...taco..." Lily snapped her fingers in front of his face. He jumped. "Huh? What now?"

"Helloo! You're supposed to be pining over me and wondering who the person off-stage was!"

"Oh. Right. Who was that mysterious person that turned Bellatrix into a taco?" Severus wondered.

"I dunno," Sirius said mechanically, reading the teleprompter. "'Take out wand.' Oh!" Sirius took out his wand and pointed it at the doorway. "Come out, whoever you are! Or I'll...I'll..." he squinted at the teleprompter again. "I'll curse you into the next century!"

"Why, Sirius, you wouldn't curse your old friend, would you?" the mysterious voice, let's call him Jeff, said.

"Who are you? What do you want?" James demanded. "When can I go back to making out with Lily?" Mysterious music played. "You see! There it is again!"

"It's all in your head, James," Sirius assured him.

"Maybe you two can share a padded cell for being criminally insane," Jeff said. They both grew very nervous.

"We-we don't know what you're talking about," Sirius stuttered. "We're not criminals. We didn't kill anyone. R-right, James?"

"Right."

"Oh yes you did. You killed...me!" The Mysterious Jeff stepped out of the shadows and turned out to be...not Jeff at all but...Remus Lupin!

"Jeff!" Adoring Friend #3 cried. "You lied to me! You said you were just a disembodied voice!"

"Sirius...it's Remus, come back to haunt us!" James cried, ignoring Adoring Friend #3, whom Lily had batted her eyelashes at.

"Actually, no," Remus said, dropping his air of mystery. "I just wanted to scare you guys." He laughed.

"Well then, if your alive," James said thoughtfully, "then who's down there?" He pointed to the set of double doors that opened onto the conveniently placed elevator shaft, which had just conveniently mysteriously reappeared. The dramatic suspense and mystery music played on, very dramatically.

"Oh, you actually got rid of a rather pesky problem for me. You see, that was my twin brother, Romulus. A prophecy was made about us that one of us would found a city. Now I don't have to worry about him, and I can get all the glory!" They then heard, for the first time from Remus, evil laughter. James edged away slowly.

"I see." He turned to Sirius and whispered, "Can we throw him down an elevator shaft, too? Just for good measure, I mean. Wouldn't want him stealing Lily, would we?"

"Well, then, who would found the city...or something like that?"

"We could. I mean, we were just like his brother."

"I can hear you, you know," Remus informed them. "Stage whispers aren't very quiet." James turned to him.

"Well, what would you call your city? Reme, or something stupid like that?"

"Actually, I was thinking of calling it Milwaukee."

"Oooh, Milwaukee," James and Sirius said in unison, sounding like they were in awe.

"Or maybe Saskatchewan."

"Oooh, Saskatchewan," they said again, in awe. The dramatic climax music came to a close. Black words appeared on the screen in front of them, and they all suddenly couldn't move.

"Why can't I move?" James asked. The black words continued without answering him.

And thus ends the misadventures of our pubescent heroes, villains, by-standers, et cetera. ("Hee hee, they said pubescent," Sirius said immaturely.) Dark Lord Tom went on to become Lord Voldemort, the evilest and most vile dark wizard of our time. Sirius supposedly blew up a street full of muggles (and one wizard), and was sentenced to life in Azkaban. Severus, of course, became the greasy potions master at our very own Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James became Lily's permanent love interest and they eventually got married...after James had broken out of an asylum (he'd been committed for the "mysterious dramatic music" insidence). Remus went on to found the city of Milwaukee II (because there was already a Milwaukee, and it was trademarked). Adoring Friend #3 went on to be...Frank. No, not Frank Longbottom. Just Frank. Peter, who eventually figured out the password, did other things stupid, fat people would do...he became a famous dead person. Lambchop went on to make appearances on shows other than her own, while Charlie Horse was left, crying, in her shadow. As for Professor Albus Dumbledore, he was actually dead. Due to James's short attention span and Sirius's temporary short term memory loss that was caused by his second operation, they forgot to blackmail Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore's much less famous brother lived on, pretending to be him. Bellatrix Lestrange was eventually turned back into a human, and went on to lead the Death Munchers (later known as Death Eaters) find Lord Voldemort again. The Wizarding Brodcasting Company thanks you for watching this presentation of General Hogwarts, and asks you to stay tuned for the next daytime drama series, All My Fathers.

But, of course, this being the epilogue of a series, nobody had much time to read all this, as it was left up there for only thirty seconds, and nobody got past the part about Severus become the greasy potions master.

"So, that's it then?" James asked. "What happens now?" Sirius shrugged.

"We just go on living life like this was normal?" James blinked.

"I guess. But how was this a series? It was only eleven episodes long."

"It's called a mini series, James," Lily said testily. "What I want to know is, why were we stuck in a daytime drama mini series?" If the Mysterious Dramatic Music had existed, it would have played suspenseful, mysterious, climatic, and, yes, dramatic music...in E minor. At that moment that would have been taken up by the music, Professor Slughorn walked in.

"Why are you all just standing around?" he barked. "Why aren't you in class?"

"Because, sir," Lily said sweetly, "we were trapped in a daytime drama."

"You mean...a soap opera?"

"Yes."

"So," Slughorn muttered to himself, "my little plan worked, did it?" He evilly twirled the evil little Snidely Whiplash mustache that had suddenly appeared right below his nose. The camera got a close up of the mustache, then panned out to Slughorn's face. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The little circle-y thingy that comes during a screen blackout appeared, closing in on Slughorn's enormously fat, maniacally laughing face. White words appeared on the blackout.

To Be Continued... With All My Fathers! Coming Soon!

Then you could hear Peter's voice from behind the blackout.

"Hey guys! I finally figured out the password! Could you believe that it was 'duct tape'? So...what'd I miss?"

-Fin-

Ta da! The end. Thanks very much to our loyal readers and reviewers and to people who have put this on their alert and/or favorites list. Special thanks to the reviewers who have given us commercial ideas (I apologize for not putting a commercial in this one). Happy New Years, even to those who didn't like, review, or read this! Look for the sequel, All My Fathers, coming soon to a fanfiction site near your mouse, in which Harry tries to discover who his real father is, and where that mysterious dramatic music is coming from...