"So, Draco, what exactly do I do?"

They were headed up to the attic. Maria was going to meet them there, using House Elf magic. Draco looked over his shoulder, to smirk at her, then turned back. "You, my darling Gryffindor, will follow Maria around, and watch what she does. She's old, and I'll free her soon. Once she's gone—since she's the last House Elf at Malfoy Manor—you will be the cleaner. You will wash and rinse, sweep and mop. You'll be able to use magic, of course."

Hermione paused, one foot in midair. "Are you mental?"

He looked over his shoulder again. "I've been told so, but no one's sure." He continued up the stairs, and she had no choice but to follow. "Now, from every evening, 5 to 7, we will have 'How To Control Your Anger So You Kill No One Else' lessons. Then, at 7 we'll eat, and at 7:30 I'll teach you to cook." He opened the door at the top of the stairs. Once she entered, Draco smirked at her. "'Kay?"

She sighed and glared at him. "Have I choice?" He shook his head. "Thought so," she muttered.

"Think of me as your mentor and your shrink." he remarked, perkily.

She stared at him again.

"Now, I have to go to work. If Maria would show up, I could leave. MARIA!" The Swedish House Elf appeared in a puff of smoke. Draco turned to Hermione. "Don't break anything, don't burn anything, and DO NOT get Maria drunk. If you do, she'll think she's Britney Spears and Spike from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'combined. If there's any trouble, I'm at Hogwarts. Good day." He Apparated out.

He must be mentally challenged. Hermione shook her head.

"Did maser call me name, miss?" Hermione turned to Maria. "Or was me old ears playin' tricks again, miss?"

Hermione closed her eyes. Why me? Why, oh God, me? "Yes, he called you. You're supposed to show me how to housekeep."

Maria smiled at her. "I'se love havin' prentices!" She snapped her fingers and an apron appeared. "You'se need put this on, miss. It's goin' get dirty!"

Why me? I'm surrounded by idiots. I'm not wearing that apron. I'm not. it's ugly; even uglier than Voldie! Did I just think of him as 'Voldie'? Oh, good God in Heaven, please get me out of here!

A/N: ya like? review! i've got cookies for anyone who reviews (not really)