The next few days were hell for Sandy. He was pretty sure that Kirsten would barely remember them. In the days between the phone call and Caleb's funeral, Kirsten managed to put up a very composed front. It was amazing to Sandy because he also knew just how much alcohol she was consuming. It also amazed him that as far as he could tell their sons and friends had no idea. It seemed so obvious to him that she was just a shell of herself functioning out of necessity. But, then again, he also knew that for some time he too was oblivious to her problem. And that tore at him.
At night he wanted so badly to hold her that he would wait until she was passed out to gather her in his arms. But always when he woke, she had managed to escape his embrace and was as far away as she could manage while still being in the bed.
For Kirsten, the days between the phone call and the funeral were a blur. There was a portion of her brain knew that Sandy was just trying to help her, be there for her. But, a larger, more overwhelming part of her was consumed with anger and resentment toward Sandy. Angry at the looks he gave her as she drank. Angry that the reason why she hadn't fixed things with her father right away was because Sandy convinced her not to. Resenting the fact that he could sit there on his high horse and tell her that she was acting like a child. Bitter at the thought of Sandy mourning her father, he had always disliked the man. It all seemed so fake to her. Mourning the loss of this man that nearly everyone despised or feared.
She knew that she was using the alcohol to numb herself. But she also felt entitled. Her father just died. Anyone can understand the need for alcohol after such a traumatic event. She didn't want to think of the future. Of what would happen once the funeral was over. All she knew was that to get through the next hour, the next minute, she needed alcohol to function. Otherwise the guilt, the grief, and the regret would choke her.
"Get your hands off me!"
Sandy stood there, dejected and shocked at Kirsten's violent refusal of his help. Watching his wife get led away by Jimmy and Julie, a tremendous sense of loss filled him. Never in his life did he think that Kirsten would reject his help over the help of Jimmy and Julie. Never. Had he lost her forever? Were they going to get through this? He never felt so helpless in his life.
He couldn't stand the eyes on him any longer, so he followed them toward their bedroom. Their door was closed and he could hear Julie trying to coax Kirsten into changing into pajamas. Jimmy slipped out of the bedroom and sat next to Sandy who was sitting on the steps holding his head in his hands. Ten minutes later Julie came out. She's asleep now.
Thanks, Julie. Sandy looked at the woman whom he had always disliked with real gratitude. Say what you will about Julie Cooper, but when it comes down to it the woman does have a heart.
Are you going to be okay? Is there anything we can do? Sandy asks them to clear out the party, he wants to stay with Kirsten and avoid facing everyone who just witnessed her breakdown. Julie gives his hand a squeeze and says that she understands.
Sandy enters their bedroom. Kirsten is passed out on the wrong side of the bed. He strips himself of his clothes and slides in next to her. He knows what he has to do and that guts him. As he gathers her in his arms and buries his face in her hair, he realizes that he probably won't be able to hold her like this for a very long time.
"Mom, please. You've got to do this."
With Seth's words hanging in the air, Sandy saw Kirsten's last bit of resolve crumble. He saw her wrinkle her nose in a last ditch effort to gain control. When she couldn't, she wrapped her arms around her middle and folded as her body shook with deep, gut wrenching sobs. He approached her and let her lean on him. And, for the first time since her father died, she let him hold her. Seth came to lay a comforting hand on his mother's back. Ryan and Hailey followed. Sandy looked at them and knew that somehow they would help her through this.
The boys approached her as she said her goodbye to Hailey. Looking at them, the guilt and grief returned as she felt her eyes well up with tears once again. She couldn't believe how low she was and how removed from their lives she had become. She wished she could take back her words to Ryan, and as she threw her arms around both boys, she gave him an extra squeeze hoping that he understood. She resolved that in time she would make it up to them. She would return stronger.
Sandy looked around her room as she nervously put her things away. He was babbling about thread count but he really had no idea what he was talking about. He never felt more scared. And he had never seen Kirsten so petrified. The awkwardness between them was overwhelming, and she couldn't look him in the eyes. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and they both jumped.
"I'm so sorry, Sandy, what I said to you, and put you through...," she faltered.Sandy couldn't stand to hear the words. He hoped by the end of this he would be able to really apologize and absolve himself of the guilt he felt. He knew he was responsible for much of what led her to be in this place. But there was no time for that now. All he could do is reassure her that he would always be there. He loved her more than his own life, and he was willing to do anything to help her get her life back.
Saying their goodbyes, Sandy took her face in his hands and kissed her softly and sweetly. Even though leaving her there was the hardest thing he ever had to do, in his heart, he knew this was for the best. He looked deep in her eyes and saw all her doubts and fears. He asked fate to give them both the strength to get through this. Looking in his eyes, she saw his overwhelming love and the belief that she was strong enough to get through this. As she watched him walk away, she made up her mind that she would do whatever it took to be healthy again and be able to return to her family better and stronger.