This story illustrates one of my favorite things to do, which is to find some little pocket of possibility for Luke and Lorelai tucked inside one of the episodes. This one, based on Season 1's "P.S. I Lo…" finds such an opening in the aftermath of Lorelai's shopping trip, because after all, timing is a beautiful thing. Please note that some of the early dialogue is lifted directly from the script or is paraphrased from the original. The rest of it is straight out of my head and has no connection to what really happened in the show. Hope you enjoy!
Even the Nice Girls Aren't Safe
For one dizzy moment, Lorelai considered skipping up the steps to the diner. The two cinnamon sugar pretzels she'd devoured at the Hartford mall made her feel frisky enough to try it, but the thirteen shopping bags she carried – plus a garment bag slung over her shoulder – convinced her not to give it a go.
Opening the door was a bit of a struggle, but once inside she bounced up to the counter.
Luke hung up the phone and turned his familiar glare her way. "What the hell is all this?"
"The results of my shopping trip! All accomplished in two hours!" she proudly announced, beginning to unload the bags onto the nearby stools and any open counterspace.
"Impossible," he stated, looking at the multitude of bags.
"What can I say? I'm a savant." Lorelai shrugged modestly. "Let me show you what I got."
"First, where's my credit card?"
Lorelai blew out an exasperated breath. "Fine," she groused, giving the card back to him.
"Looks tired," he observed. He slipped it back into his wallet.
"Where's Rachel?"
"Out running some errands."
"Great! Then I can show you what I got!" She excavated the correct shopping bags, took out the Isak Dinesen book and the leather camera bag, then painstakingly explained to Luke why they were the perfect gifts for Rachel.
"OK," he finally said. "Yeah, that all seems right. Thanks."
"Good!" Lorelai was pleased. Mostly. Although something about her being the one to buy Rachel these gifts seemed…off, somehow. But they were great gifts, and Luke was happy about her choices, so why did it all feel sort of…turned around?
"What's all this?" Luke pointed at the numerous other bags littering the front of his diner.
"Well, Luke, timing is a beautiful thing."
"What's that mean?" he asked, knowing her well enough to be wary.
Any self-reflection evaporated as the sugar kicked in again. She pulled out all of the clothes she'd found for him. The sweaters, the shirts, even the snazzy new belt. She could so clearly envision him in everything she'd picked out.
Then she showed him the pretty pants and lost her mind.
"Look at these beautiful pants! So soft! I don't know what this fabric is but I think I wanna have its baby." She rubbed the soft material against her face and looked at Luke as beguilingly as possible.
Luke looked at her and she looked at him, which made her think about him wearing the pants she was currently rubbing against her face, and then she thought about babies, and somewhere in there her brain crossed over to actually making babies, and suddenly there was a quivering inside of her, a sort of longing that she was absolutely not going to think about in connection with Luke. Because Luke was Rachel's Luke now, and she was with Max, and those kind of thoughts about Luke were not welcome in her current world.
To cover her sudden discomfort, she went for the garment bag and pulled out the suit. "175 percent off!"
"You weren't supposed to be shopping for me!"
"But it was all such a deal! Wouldn't you like to have something new to wear?"
"Take them back."
"Aww, come on. Just try them on!" She grabbed up the amazing pants again. "600 thousand percent off!"
"No!"
"Come on. Just once, be too sexy for your shirt and do a little dance on the catwalk!"
Luke dove for the refuge he believed the flimsy curtain offered. "Get away from me, you mental patient!"
Laughing, Lorelai scooped up as much of the clothing as she could and chased after him. Since there weren't many places he could hide behind the curtain, she caught him easily. Almost as if he wanted to be caught. She teased and cajoled, and although he continued to complain, he took the clothes from her arms and went to the storeroom to try them on. Triumphant, she returned to the dining room. Really, she'd expected him to put up much more of a fight.
Then the real fun began. She got him to try on everything, multiple times. She even persuaded him to turn around with every new combination. He let her put different ties around his neck. She helped him pull sweaters over his head. She was bubbling over with amusement. Even without coffee, she was flying high.
"I feel ridiculous," he grumbled, coming out with the pretty pants on for the third time.
"That's because you don't have on the belt." She came around the counter and began to thread the belt through the loops.
"I know how to put on a belt, thank you." He tried to push her fingers away, but of course, she wasn't going anywhere.
Suddenly, she felt his whole demeanor change. "Hey. Rachel. Hi."
Lorelai turned, and sure enough, Rachel was standing in the doorway, staring at the scene behind the counter.
For a split-second, Lorelai froze. "Hi. Uh, this isn't what it looks like," she offered, trying to help Luke out of a sticky situation.
"It looks like you're dressing him," Rachel said easily.
"Then this is exactly what it looks like," Lorelai agreed.
"There was a sale at Bloomingdale's." Luke's added comment just made them seem guiltier.
Nevertheless, Lorelai felt the need to chime in as well. "Six trillion percent off!"
"OK," Rachel said, completely non-confrontationally. She closed the door and walked over to join them.
"I'm going to go get changed," Luke said immediately. As he rushed away, his elbow hit the wallet resting on edge of the counter and it bounced to the floor. Credit cards and receipts came tumbling out.
Not wanting Rachel to see the bill for her birthday presents, Lorelai raced around the counter to gather everything up. But Rachel, being the nice person she was, also came around to help.
"Good idea," Lorelai told her, sweeping the receipts up and folding them in half to hide what was printed on them. "This is exactly what we do at the Inn if we have to dig through a guest's personal item, we always have a witness on hand. Just in case anything turns up missing later on."
"And I'm sure Luke has an itemized list somewhere with everything that's in his wallet," Rachel said wryly.
Lorelai chuckled and picked up the wallet. A few more cards, pictures, and random pieces of paper fell out as she did so. She started trying to fit everything back in. "I should probably let you do this. You have to know where everything goes better than I do."
"I wouldn't be too sure." Rachel picked up a tattered piece of newsprint and opened it. "Wow. Wonder what this is about?"
Lorelai glanced over. "What?"
"This." Rachel held it up so she could see it. "A horoscope? For Luke, of all people?" She laughed, tickled by the very idea.
Some sort of premonition to beware wafted down Lorelai's spine, but she ignored it and looked over at the small clipping. Handwritten words were penned underneath the printed horoscope.
"That's – Is that my handwriting?" Lorelai mumbled, confused about what she was seeing.
"It is?" Rachel looked at her and then back at the clipping. "Are you sure?"
"No, I'm not." She held out her hand. "Can I see?" As soon as the paper was in her grasp, faint memories began to fill her head, as if she was trying to recall a movie she'd seen only once years ago. Something involving a too-short navy skirt, a long line in the diner, and a desperate need for coffee.
The memory starred a guy who wouldn't give her the time of day, let alone a cup of coffee. It was a story of humiliation, marking the first time her flirting had ever failed.
"I wrote this," she murmured, staring at the words she couldn't actually remember writing.
"When?" Rachel asked sharply.
Rachel's tone startled Lorelai. Instead of her new amiable pal, the woman next to her was now someone out for blood. "Um, gosh, I don't really know. It had to have been…five years ago, maybe? I know Rory and I had just moved into our house, because that was when I finally had to venture out to forage for food, and we moved when Rory was 11, so, yeah…Um, five years ago, probably."
"Five years ago," Rachel repeated.
"Uh, yeah," Lorelai said, shrugging. "Something like that."
Rachel's focus was on the clipping. "He kept this for five years. Why would he do that? Luke, who is the most unsentimental man on the face of the earth?"
"Oh, I doubt it was intentional." Lorelai tried to deflect that idea swiftly, now that she clearly saw the danger on the path Rachel was following. "Most likely he stuck it in his wallet for some weird reason and never thought about it again. I mean, I think I've still got ticket stubs in mine from high school."
"Maybe," Rachel said, looking completely unconvinced.
"I'm sure it's nothing," Lorelai said dismissively. She searched for an alternative topic. "Hey, Luke sort of spilled the beans that tomorrow's your birthday."
That got Rachel to look away from the horoscope. "Yeah, it is," she sighed.
Lorelai began to steer them back into unthreatening friend mode. "He said he was taking you out for dinner. Do you know where?"
"No, and knowing Luke, I wouldn't be surprised if he just ends up making me something here instead. Dressing up and eating out isn't his favorite thing."
"Aww, but it's your birthday! That's not fair." Lorelai handed her the wallet and then settled more comfortably on the floor. "Listen, why don't you come over to the Inn? I'll get it all arranged and then the only thing he'll have to do is drive you over."
"Lorelai, that's really nice of you to suggest it, but I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble."
"No worries about it being any trouble! I'll have a table reserved and ready to go. And that way I'll get to wish you a happy birthday, too." Lorelai patted her hand, girlfriend to girlfriend. "It'll be fun! What time? Around 7, do you think?"
"Yeah, that sounds perfect, actually."
"Well, if it's not, just give me a call." Lorelai got to her feet. "I'm going to head out and collect my non-annoying kid now. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye. And thanks!"
On the other side of the counter, Lorelai paused for a moment to grab her coat and purse. And that's when she saw Rachel frown and tuck the mysterious horoscope into her own jacket pocket instead of back into Luke's wallet.
Pushing her concern aside, Lorelai headed for the door.
"There's the birthday girl! And her very handsome escort!" Lorelai scooted out from behind the check-in counter when she saw Rachel and Luke come through the doors. "Here, let me take your coats and show you to your table."
"You didn't have to do this," Luke grumbled to her.
"And you didn't have to wear your new suit," she told him pointedly. "But you did."
"Yeah, well, you gotta be all GQed up to eat here, don't you?"
"You at least have to be as fancy as your date. You look lovely, Rachel." She took Rachel's arm to show them to their table, determined not to spar with Luke over anything tonight. She led them to what she considered the best, more romantic seat in the dining room. The cozy table for two was tucked in beside the fireplace, completely out of the general traffic pattern. The candles were lit, the silverware was gleaming, and the nosegay of flowers gracing Rachel's charger plate completed the look of opulence.
"Oh, Lorelai – you shouldn't have!" But Rachel smiled, pleased.
"Of course I should have." Lorelai shook her head at her. "You have really got to learn how to milk this birthday thing to the very limit." As soon as they took their seats, Lorelai picked up the bottle of wine already waiting at the table and poured a glass for each of them. "Now, Tina will be over shortly to take your order, but I've instructed the rest of the staff not to hover over you. If there's anything at all you need, though, just let me know. Enjoy." With a big smile plastered on her face, she patted Rachel's arm and then headed back to the lobby, fingers crossed that she could hide there for the duration of their meal.
Rachel picked up the small bouquet and sniffed it appreciatively before placing it off to the side.
"Since when do you like flowers?" Luke asked, more snidely than he'd intended.
She shot a look at him. "Who doesn't like flowers?"
"So I should have got you flowers?" he asked defensively.
"No, that's not what I said. We have our ways and routines, and I'm fine with that. Flowers aren't expected, but sometimes they're a nice surprise. It was sweet of Lorelai to think of it, that's all."
"Well, this is her natural habitat, other than shopping at the mall, so..." He reached for his wineglass, mostly just for something to do, but suddenly became aware of the surly attitude he'd presented so far. He took a breath, trying to recalibrate, then held his glass across the table. "She's right, though – you do look lovely tonight. Happy birthday, Rachel."
It took a moment before a smile broke over her face. "Thanks, Luke." She clinked her glass against his. "You look lovely, too."
"Yeah, well…" he faded off. He took a sip of wine, expecting to hate it, but instead it tasted like a luscious summer day and made him instantly hungry.
Tina came over with the menus and succinctly explained the specials. True to Lorelai's instructions, she did not hover but gave them ample time to decide on their entrees.
The whole night turned out to be much more pleasant than what Luke had expected. The food, of course, was excellent. All the other diners were guests of the inn, so no one knew them and came over to interrupt. No one was there to spy on them and report back to the gossip brigade. As the night progressed he drank more wine and became more relaxed.
At one point Sookie came out to check on them and tried to quiz Luke on what spices she'd used in the poached pears, but he refused to play along and thankfully some disaster in the kitchen soon called her away.
It wasn't until the check arrived that things went south fast.
Luke got out his wallet and pulled out the abused credit card. It slipped easily out of its designated slot; easier than what it should have. Concerned, Luke flipped the wallet open again, to see what the issue was.
It wasn't there.
He pushed his fingertip down into the slot, as far as he could reach. He pulled out the other cards. He flipped through the plastic picture sleeves. He even rifled through his cash.
It really wasn't there.
"Is there a problem?" Rachel asked sweetly.
"No, no, of course not," he bluffed. He quickly placed his credit card on the tray with the bill.
If he would have stopped right then, everything would have been fine. But he couldn't help it. He opened the wallet again and checked the contents a second time.
"What's wrong, Luke? Is something missing?"
"No. I thought…No, everything's fine." With true effort he closed up his wallet and deliberately laid it on the tabletop, then forced his hands to stay in his lap.
Tina came by and unobtrusively removed the small tray.
Once she was out of earshot, Rachel leaned towards him and deposited a small scrap of paper next to his wallet. "I thought maybe this was what you were looking for."
He recognized it immediately, then froze just as quickly. On one hand, he was incredibly relieved that it wasn't lost. But on the other hand, he was pretty sure that no good was going to come from the fact that it was Rachel who'd found it.
"Where did…How did…?"
She leaned back in her seat, getting comfortable. "During your impromptu modeling session yesterday, your wallet fell off the counter and stuff scattered everywhere. This was one of the things that came out."
"Ah." He nodded, feeling the tie tighten around his neck. "Well, thanks," he said as calmly as he could, hoping that might be the end of it.
"Seems weird, you carrying around an old horoscope. I can't tell you how many rants I've heard from you, decrying what hokum all that hocus-pocus stuff is."
He made a grunt that could have meant agreement and reached for his wineglass. Unfortunately, it was empty.
"Was it from Liz? She's always been a true believer in anything occult – which was often the reason for your rant. Is that why you kept it?"
Briefly, he considered just saying yes. Yes, it was from his sister, and that's why he'd tucked it away. But lying never came naturally to him. Especially not lying to Rachel.
He ran a hand over his forehead and decided to man up. He settled back into his chair too, folding his hands over his chest. "No, it wasn't Liz. It was a Lorelai…thing."
"Lorelai?"
"Yes."
"Like a joke thing?"
He jumped on that. "Yes, exactly. It was a joke."
Rachel tilted her head, keeping him under scrutiny. "What was the joke?"
Christ. He sighed and gazed at the small slip of paper, as if he was reading the words for the first time. As if he hadn't memorized the swoop and curl of each letter years ago.
"Just…it was a busy morning at the diner. She wanted a cup of coffee. I told her to wait. She did this to try and wheedle one out of me anyway."
"Hmm. You know, it seems to me that the Lorelai I'm familiar with would just sneak around the counter and get a cup for herself." Rachel put her hands on the table and looked down at them. "Or was this not the current Lorelai? Maybe this was done by a Lorelai from years ago."
That was when Luke began to suspect that Rachel already knew everything about the horoscope. Involuntarily his head turned towards the lobby.
"How long has it been in your wallet, Luke?"
He turned back to face her, beginning to feel annoyed. "Why are you doing this?"
She laughed at that. "Because I'm trying to find out why you're doing this."
"Doing what?" Before he could say anything else, Tina came back with the credit card receipt. He signed it and handed it to her. Once she was again away, he repeated it. "Doing what, exactly?"
"All I'm trying to do is figure out what's going on between you and Lorelai. It's obvious that she has a big spot in your life, and you in hers. I just want you to be honest with me."
"I was – I am being honest with you! It's just like I told you. We're friends. That's it."
She shook her head, a little sadly. "You kept this tucked away for five years. Five years. Something that supposedly was just a joke. From someone who's supposedly just a friend. Luke, come on. I know you. None of that makes sense." She studied him. "And don't say you didn't know it was in there. You did. You started searching the second you realized it was missing."
"Rachel, you are…you are reading this all wrong."
"Am I?"
"Yes!"
"Look." She sighed. "I've been gone for a long time. I left without a commitment between us, and certainly no expectation that you'd live like a monk for the rest of your life. And Lorelai is wonderful, in every way. In fact, if I had to pick someone out for you, she'd be on the top of my list, so if you dated her or had a fling, it would not surprise me."
Luke leaned partway across the table, the better to hiss his words at her. "Well, thanks for your benevolent tolerance on something that did not happen! I feel so much better now!"
"You know Stars Hollow. I know Stars Hollow." She looked at him forcefully. "The only thing that's going to make me mad is if I find out that everyone in town knows the truth and I'm being kept in the dark."
"If you know Stars Hollow so well, then don't you think such a juicy piece of gossip would have been in your ear two seconds after you landed back in town? You think Miss Patty would have kept quiet about something like that?"
"The town loves you, Luke. Always has. So yes, I can see them banding together, thinking that they're protecting you, or something like that."
"And you think Lorelai would go along with that?" he demanded.
Rachel worried her lips and looked towards the lobby.
"What?" he snapped.
"It's not just coming from you, Luke. It goes both ways. She's just as devoted to you as you are to her. If what you say is true, that there's been no past relationship, then she's just waiting for you to give her a sign."
"Oh, for…!" He put his hand over his forehead, rubbing his temples. "There's…there's no sign to give! Listen to me when I tell you that I am not her type! And even if I was…that's not what she's looking for. She's a mom above all. In second place there's the Independence. Guys are a distant third. I'm glad we're friends, because anything else would be impossible."
She looked at him steadily. "I think you're just making up reasons why you haven't given it a shot."
He groaned. "Why are you doing this? You've never been insecure. You're here; we're together. Why would I be still looking around when you're here? We've always been comfortable together. Can't we just enjoy being back together?"
"Comfortable. Is that what we are?" She looked off into the distance, considering that. "It doesn't feel comfortable this time. It feels like you can barely stand to have me here."
He bit his lips in frustration. "Then…I'm sorry if that's the impression I've given you. I am glad you're here. I'll try to show that more. I'm still getting used to you even wanting to be here."
"Believing me, you mean."
"Yes, that's part of it." He took a deep breath. "But that has absolutely nothing to do with Lorelai, or anyone else. That's just our history." He glanced around, hoping that no one else had been listening to their drama play out. "What do say we get out of here now?"
"Yeah, we should." Rachel bent over to pick up her bag. "I've made plans to stay with Sarah tonight."
"Your sister?" Luke was stunned. "Why would you do that?"
"She's been wanting us to spend some time together."
"You're doing this because you're mad? To punish me some?"
"Don't be ridiculous." For the first time, she looked angry. "I want to see my sister. I need time to think. You need time to think."
"I don't need time to think about anything!"
She tapped her finger against the horoscope. "You need time to think about why you've been carrying this around with you for five years, if nothing else."
Rachel stood up. She picked up her flowers and gave them a defiant sniff. Then she walked out.
Not knowing what else to do, Luke followed her.
Behind the check-in counter, Lorelai spotted Rachel and Luke leaving.
Rachel waved the flowers at her. "Thank you, Lorelai! Everything was wonderful!" she stated in such a way that Lorelai instantly knew everything was definitely not wonderful.
Luke nodded grimly.
"Well, crap," Lorelai muttered, perfectly reading the tension between the two. "I tried, dammit."
A bit later she went into the dining room. She'd been avoiding it while Luke and Rachel were there, just to prevent her very presence from messing up anything between them. However, since they were short-handed tonight, she now went over to the table to help reset it.
A small piece of paper, facedown on the floor, caught her eye.
"Crap," she grumbled, picking up the forlorn horoscope. "Crappity crap crap."
It was nearly ten o'clock when the entrance door opened and Luke strode in, a man with a purpose as he barreled towards the dining room.
"Luke!" she called to him, hopping down from her seat behind the counter.
He came to an abrupt stop, then turned towards her, his face a study in guilt. "Hey, hi. Uh, I didn't think you'd still be here."
"Yeah, we had some scheduling issues tonight. I'm filling in for a couple more hours."
Luke nodded and rocked back and forth on his heels.
"OK, see, I've told you why I'm here, now it's your turn to explain why you are."
Looking even more uncomfortable, he motioned at the entry to the dining room. "I think…it's possible I left something here. I thought I'd do a quick search."
Lorelai looked away, took a deep breath, then turned back to him. "Well, as much fun as it would be to watch you root around in the trash for an hour or so…" She put her hand in her pocket, drew out the horoscope and handed it over to him. "Here."
She saw the relief bloom on his face, followed rapidly by the realization that she knew what it was, why he was searching for it, and that he was all kinds of busted.
"Thanks," he muttered in embarrassment.
Lorelai could think of only one way to get them through this. "You know, I'd like a drink. How about you?"
"Yes," he agreed emphatically.
She chuckled. "Well, then follow me." She zig-zagged through the dining room tables until she reached the bar on the wall next to the kitchen. "Have a seat," she offered, stepping behind the counter. "You want a beer?"
Luke sat down heavily on one of the stools. "What are you having?"
"My friend José here." She plunked the bottle down on the surface.
"Is there any bourbon back there?"
"Bourbon? Really?" She looked at him in disbelief. "I would have guessed a million times and never come up with that option for you."
He shrugged. "I guess it's one of those things I associate with my dad. If he was celebrating something, he'd sip on a glass of bourbon. If it was a bad day, he'd do the same. It's the aroma more than anything, probably, that takes me back."
Lorelai chose a bottle and held the label out to him. "This OK?"
"Sure, anything's fine. Not like I'm a bourbon snob or anything."
"Well, you might be, for all I know. You might belong to a club, where you all sit around in leather armchairs and swill expensive alcohol all night."
"Yes, with me in my flannel shirt," he said dryly.
"Hey, who am I to say what the dress code is?" She selected a glass, tossed a few ice cubes in, then proceeded to pour the liquid with a heavy hand.
"Whoa!" Luke reached over and stopped her before she could fill the glass further. "I still have to drive home."
Lorelai took a sniff before she passed it over to him. "Strong. Distinctive." She sniffed again. "But yeah, that's nice."
Luke leaned down over the glass and inhaled. "Yeah," he said softly.
"Since your knife skills are a ton better than mine…" She passed a small cutting board over to him, along with a lime and a paring knife. "Mind cutting that up for me?"
"Wedges or slices?" he wanted to know, taking the knife in his hand.
"Wedges." She added some coarse salt to a saucer, grabbed a shot glass, and pushed them both across the counter before she came around to take her seat on the stool beside Luke.
"Here you go." He added the cut citrus to her spot.
"Thanks." She picked up her glass and wet the edge of it with one of the wedges. "A former bartender showed me this when I complained that licking the back of my hand was gross." She put the rim of the glass into the salt, coating it with the crystals, before filling it with tequila. "Voilà!" she said dramatically, holding her glass out towards him.
He nodded and clicked his glass against hers, before they both took a sip. Lorelai then sucked the rest of the juice from the wedge of lime.
"That's not gross?"
"Eh, gotta get my vitamin C."
"Well, sure." He took another sip and sighed.
She waited for him to say something, but of course, he didn't. "So…going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing the bourbon is not celebratory."
He nodded.
"Bad night?"
"Not great." He took another sip.
"Because of this?" She pointed at the creased piece of newsprint he'd placed on the counter when he first sat down.
"That's one of the reasons," he agreed.
She downed the rest of her shot. "You know, yesterday, when I first saw this, I really didn't remember it at all."
"Wait." He turned towards her, looking stunned. "You saw this yesterday?"
"Uh, yeah, when your wallet took the dive to the floor."
"Oh, dear God," he groaned, covering his eyes.
"Sorry," she offered. "I didn't know you didn't know that."
"Rachel said it fell out of my wallet, but she left out the part about you still being there when it happened."
"Well, I was, and all of the receipts spilled out, so I tried to snatch them up before Rachel could see them, but then she started picking stuff up too, and she found the horoscope thingy."
He groaned again.
"And I was sort of amazed to see my own handwriting and before I could even think about it, that's what I said, that I thought I wrote it." She refilled her glass. "And that's when Rachel went into prosecuting attorney mode. Again, I'm sorry."
"Not your fault," he muttered. "I'm sorry she grilled you about it."
"It didn't really matter, I could hardly answer anything about it." She pushed her glass around on the counter. "But since then, I've been thinking about it, and I remember more now. It's from my first day in the diner, isn't it?"
He nodded, keeping his focus on his drink.
"Because I really, really wanted some coffee, and we all know I will say or do anything for a cup of coffee."
"That is definitely true."
"I guess what I don't understand…" She paused to consider her words. "Why did you keep this?"
"Because you told me to," he said, and then swiftly took a mouthful of bourbon.
An incredulous laugh burst out of her. "Because I told you to? Since when do you do anything because I tell you to?"
He shook his head, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was going to say next. "Because when the most beautiful woman you've ever seen tells you to do something, you do it."
Now she was gaping at him. "The most beautiful – Luke, come on! Are you already drunk or something? I may not remember the details about why I did this, but I remember you from that day! You couldn't have cared less about what I looked like. I threw my best flirting your way and it made no difference at all. There's no reason to go all revisionist on me now."
He rubbed his eyes again. "Truthfully, until you handed the horoscope to me…" He sighed and looked down at the counter. "I actually hadn't looked at you, not really. That morning was so crazy, I was just trying to get through the rush. If I'd taken the time to even once glance at you, while you were pestering me…Well, you probably would have had your coffee the first time you asked."
"Why…Why Luke…" Lorelai floundered. It wasn't often that someone could make her speechless, but his admission had accomplished the nearly impossible. "Maybe I'm the one who's drunk."
"On one shot of tequila? Doubt it."
"For all you know, maybe I've been drinking all night."
"Nope, not while you're at work," he said decisively.
"Yeah, probably not," she conceded. "So that's why you kept it, because I told you to? That was the only reason?"
He bent his head, contemplating the amber liquid in his glass. "You said I should put it in my wallet, that it'd bring me luck someday."
She chuckled. "Seriously? And how's that been working out for you?"
"Not real good so far," he admitted.
A quiet interlude followed, as they both stared at their drinks.
Lorelai could only do quiet for so long. "I like Rachel," she volunteered. "I like her a lot."
"Well, sure. What's not to like?" Luke put in, slightly on the sardonic side.
"She's really important to you, right?"
He nodded, but at the same time, he muttered something under his breath at his glass. "She was."
Hearing the past tense made another premonition of danger waft down her spine, but still, she continued. "And you're glad she's back, right? This is what you've always wanted, right?"
His face swiveled to see hers. His eyes met hers and held.
She gulped and held up her hand. "Maybe – maybe don't answer that."
Once again he nodded. He turned back to the bar.
She fiddled with her glass for a few moments before tossing back her shot of courage. "Here's what I know. The only two people who should be discussing this are you and Rachel. There shouldn't be anyone else getting into the middle of it until you've figured it out."
"That's basically what she told me tonight. That I need to figure this out. That we both need time to think." Luke sounded like it was painful to admit that.
"Oh! Oh no! No, no, no!" Lorelai looked at the clock in a panic. She jumped off the bar stool and began tugging frantically at Luke's arm. "Get out of here, now! Go home!"
"What? Why?"
"Because the worst thing you could do is to be sitting here drinking with me! Go now! Before this gets any worse!"
He'd begun to get to his feet, but now he slumped back down on the stool. "Don't worry about that. There's no one home, waiting for me. Rachel went to spend the night with her sister."
"Oh no." She leaned against the bar and covered her face with her hands. "Oh, Luke. I'm so sorry."
"It doesn't have anything to do with you." He reached for his glass, and a small, teasing smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Well…maybe it has just a bit to do with you."
She groaned.
"But you're right, this isn't where I should be." He drained his glass and then stood up. "No need to add more fuel to the fire." He reached for the horoscope.
Lorelai got her fingers to it first and moved it her way. "Let me keep this for a while." She picked it up and carefully folded it back into its well-worn creases. "Maybe I'm the one who could use some luck."
This time her eyes were the ones that held his. And this time, instead of a warning of danger, a spark ignited at the base of her spine. The warmth traveled throughout her body, and despite the sudden heat racing through her, she shivered.
"Keep it," he said, his gaze still locked on her. "Maybe it'll work better for you."
"Maybe." She shrugged as she put it back in her pocket. "I'm the one who wrote it, after all."
He pointed to the bar. "Thanks for the drink."
"Bourbon. I'll remember next time."
He turned and walked out of the dining room. She convinced herself not to follow him to the door. Instead, she sat back down and pulled his glass over to her. She sniffed at the lingering scent of the bourbon, and wondered if in the future that aroma would always make her a little bit sad.
Lorelai yawned. Even though it had been after midnight when she'd finally gotten home and crawled into bed, sleep had eluded her. There were a pair of blue eyes keeping her awake, haunting her. Sad, hopeful eyes that she was scared to acknowledge. Words buzzed around her head that she should have said. As well as words that she did say that maybe should have kept to herself. Plus there was an emotional weight weeping out from the horoscope, which for some unfathomable reason she'd felt compelled to keep on her bedside table.
She was not at her best. She gave garbled instructions to her staff. Everything struck her as hilarious. Or so sad that she had to blink away tears. In short, she was a mess.
So, when she looked up mid-morning and saw a head of reddish-blonde curls walking across the lobby towards her, she naturally assumed she was hallucinating. Unfortunately, she wasn't.
"Oh, God," she groaned. "Rachel."
"What?" Rachel said, giving her a weird look.
"I mean…Rachel! God, it's great to see you!" Lorelai swiftly corrected, trying to summon up a smile.
Rachel opened her mouth, but then closed it, as if she was recalibrating as well. "Hey, thanks again for arranging the dinner here last night. It was so nice."
Lack of sleep had erased most of Lorelai's normal filters. "Was it, though? Was it really?"
Rachel looked at her in surprise, then gave a sour laugh. "No, actually it was pretty terrible."
Lorelai shook her head. "I'm so sorry."
"Not your fault," Rachel said swiftly. "Listen, the only reason I'm here is to see if you know where Luke is."
"He's not at the diner?"
"Nope. Well, let me rephrase that. When he's in the diner, he's too busy with broken toasters and special orders and phone calls to talk to me. And then he's out of the diner, to run to Doose's, or the post office, or to help Kirk coax a cat down from the roof of the gazebo. And now he's disappeared completely."
"Wait. He voluntarily went to help Kirk?"
"You understand my skepticism." Rachel touched her arm. "All I want to know is if you're letting him hide out at your house."
"No! Of course not!"
Rachel looked at her frankly. "Are you sure? Because it seems like your house is exactly where he'd head for sanctuary. And that you'd be the one person to always come to his aid."
"No! He hasn't – I'm not…!" Lorelai took Rachel's arm and led her into the empty dining room, as it was as yet too early for the luncheon crowd. She sat down at a table close to the kitchen and motioned for Rachel to take a seat. "Rachel, honestly, I have no idea where he is. Scout's honor."
Rachel looked at Lorelai, drummed her fingers on the table for a moment, then looked back at her. "Look, we've…bonded, right? The way women do sometimes. We just clicked."
"Yeah, we have."
Rachel nodded. "So that's why I feel comfortable coming to you, in spite of the…the whole awkwardness of it. I believe you'll tell me the truth. But Luke, I'm not sure he can tell me the truth. I'm not sure he even knows the truth."
"Of course I'll tell you the truth. If I knew where he was, I'd tell you."
"It's not just that. I mean the whole truth, about whatever it is between you guys. I trust you to tell me about whatever this thing is between you."
"There's no thing!"
Rachel gave her an incredulous look.
"There's nothing! Not even a thinglet!" Lorelai protested.
"Really? You've never looked at him and thought – you've never wondered…"
Lorelai took a deep breath, then reached for Rachel's hand. "Let's face facts here. I doubt that there is a woman in all of Connecticut, who, if she got a good look at Luke, wouldn't have some thoughts. But there's a big difference between having some naughty thoughts and acting on those thoughts. And I haven't. We haven't. Ever. I admit, there have been some times, some moments, where things felt like they could change. But they didn't. We landed back down on the side of friendship, every time. And I'm glad of that, because he's been a good friend."
Rachel continued to study her for a few more seconds before she took a deep breath of her own. "Thank you, Lorelai. That's more than I'll ever get out of Luke. I appreciate your willingness to talk about this. I know it's awkward as hell."
Feeling good about the conversation so far, Lorelai decided to continue. "Look, I'll tell you the same thing I told Luke last night –"
"Wait – last night? You talked to Luke last night? After the dinner?"
Lorelai thunked her forehead down on the crisp white tablecloth. "Kill me and my big fat mouth now."
"No, I'm not killing you until after I hear the rest of it. When did you talk to him last night?"
She reluctantly raised her head. "Please don't make me tell you this."
"Why? Because you think it's going to hurt me? Or because you think it makes you disloyal to Luke?"
"No, because…" She paused a minute to rub her tired eyes and to admit, only to herself, that both of Rachel's statements were true. "This is what I was trying to say before. Whatever issues you and Luke are trying to work through, they have nothing to do with me. I don't want to accidentally say or do something that suddenly makes me the issue, because I'm not. I'm just here, trying to be a friend to each of you. I'm not going to be made into the monkey in the middle."
"OK," Rachel said, after sober consideration. "Just tell me about last night, then."
"Fine." She tried to find a comfortable spot in the chair. "It was probably about 10 o'clock? He came back because he thought –" She broke off the statement abruptly, suddenly seeing the bombs ready to go off under her feet if she continued.
"He thought what? Go on, Lorelai," Rachel said impatiently.
Lorelai decided to just have it out. "He thought he'd left something here."
"Left something?" Rachel frowned, obviously picturing them from the night before. "Like what?" Before Lorelai could formulate an answer, her face cleared as it hit her. She actually laughed. "The horoscope? Are you kidding me?" She laughed again, more bitterly this time. "This is hopeless, isn't it?"
"I don't think it's hopeless." Lorelai wasn't sure what she was going to say exactly until she opened her mouth. "I don't think it has that much to do with me. I think it has everything to do with Luke's sense that you're not going to stick around."
Rachel sat up straight in her seat. "He told you that?"
"No, it's just an inkling on my part, mainly from the things he said before he gave you a drawer of your own. I think the idea that you're not permanent is something he can't get past."
Rachel considered that before shaking her head. "Well, there's not much more I can do about that. I'm just going to have to prove that I'm sincere, and the only way to prove that is by putting in the time."
Lorelai nodded agreement.
Rachel continued to ponder, before turning to Lorelai with a sigh. "That still doesn't address the horoscope, though. You know Luke as well as I do. Seriously, carrying that thing around in his wallet is the most unLuke-like thing ever."
"Well, normally I'd agree, but he does make exceptions sometimes. For example, he's sentimental about his dad."
"That's true."
"So that shows he has that capacity, even if it doesn't show itself very often. We talked a little bit about the horoscope last night. Apparently I told him to keep it in his wallet; that it'd bring him luck. I'm sure he stuck it in there as a goof. And then…I don't know. Of course he didn't believe it, but maybe just having it there all the time was sort of reassuring. And then when it disappeared it unnerved him because he was so used to having it there. Kind of like if you wear the same ring or watch everyday for years, it feels like your hand's been cut off if you forget to put them on one day. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think it had much to do with who gave him the horoscope. I think it just became a habit. A comforting habit."
"He does like his habits. His routines."
"Right. He doesn't weather change gracefully at all."
"Oh gosh, yes! I almost fainted when I saw he'd changed to a new hat!" Rachel grinned at Lorelai. "I never thought he'd switch up any of his daily uniform!"
Lorelai laughed hollowly. "Well, the old one was looking pretty ratty."
"And I have to say, the blue one looks great on him."
"Uh, yeah. It does," Lorelai said, trying to maintain her poker face.
Rachel stood up. "I'm going to get going. See if I can use my journalist instincts and flush him out of wherever he's hiding."
"Which is not at my house," Lorelai reiterated, as she also stood up.
Rachel pushed in her chair. "I'm not going to hug you, but it has nothing to do with me thinking you're to blame for this or anything like that. I'm just not much of a hugger."
"Not a problem." Lorelai paused for a well-earned breath of relief. "And if you take one thing away from this conversation, please let it be that I'm not in the middle of this at all. I'm Luke's friend. That really is all I am."
"Got it." Rachel looked down at the carpet. "I'm sorry that I made it seem like I thought you were lying to me. I didn't think I was the jealous type, but maybe I am."
"I think we all are, if the circumstances are right."
Rachel looked at her frankly, then took a couple of steps towards her. "You know what? What the hell." She gave Lorelai a hug.
Lorelai hugged her back. "Good luck. If I do see him, I'll let him know he needs to go talk to you."
"OK, thanks. See you later!"
"Yeah, see you later." As soon as Rachel left the dining room, Lorelai plopped back down on the chair and covered her face with her hands, stifling a cry of frustration.
A minute later, something that sounded substantial hit the table. She opened her eyes to see a silver tray filled with a coffee carafe, cups, and a heaping plate of chocolate croissants.
She gasped. "Oh, thank heavens. God does answer prayers."
Sookie sat down in Rachel's recently vacated seat. "I don't claim to be God, but I did hear your silent plea for caffeine."
"You are the best pal ever." Lorelai filled a cup with divine coffee.
Sookie absently broke an end off a croissant. "I heard something else, too."
"You did, huh?" Lorelai said grimly. She swallowed down some coffee.
"Yeah. Mind you, I didn't understand all of it, but I heard." She popped the flaky pastry crumb into her mouth. "You want to fill me in?"
Lorelai sighed heavily and rubbed her temples. "The short story is…" She sighed again. "No, even the short story is too long. Let's put it this way." She looked humbly at her friend. "You know how you've tried to convince me for years that Luke has a thing for me?"
"Yeah?" Sookie asked warily.
"I think Luke has a thing for me."
Sookie gasped. "But you just told Rachel he doesn't."
"I'm aware."
"What finally made you believe he does?"
"Because last night I found out that not only does he think I'm beautiful, but apparently he'll do anything I tell him to."
Sookie chuckled. "This is news to you?"
"Go ahead and laugh, but yes, that was quite the reveal to me."
Sookie looked from Lorelai to her croissant and back again. "OK, explain to me why we're not jumping up and down and squealing like teenagers right now."
"Because this is like the worst timing ever. I mean, Rachel's here and sincere about being with Luke, but instead of them being deliriously happy, there's all of this drama going on behind the scenes, and a lot of it seems to be directed my way. I hate that. And…well, I've got enough romance drama going on in my own life. I don't need theirs on top of all of the Max and Dean stuff!"
Sookie gave her a grimace of sympathy. "From what my ears picked up, Rachel thinks Luke has a thing for you too?"
"Yeah," Lorelai confirmed listlessly. "She keeps saying she doesn't care if we had a past fling, she just wants to know the truth. We've both told her the truth, that's there's nothing between us, but then she doesn't believe us."
Sookie nodded sagely. "Probably because of the puppy-dog eyes you two give each other when you think no one's watching."
"Oh, stop!" Lorelai scoffed.
"Me stop?" Sookie protested. "Me? I'm the one who's witnessed the longing looks for…however many years it's been."
"Five years," Lorelai said with another sigh.
"Five years," Sookie agreed. "Wow. Has it really been that long?"
Lorelai smacked her hand on the table, suddenly invigorated again. "And that's the really irritating part! If he does have a thing for me, why wait for five years? Why wait until Rachel's here and then let it out?"
"I think… because Rachel's here."
"What?"
"Well, think about it. He's always had the memory of Rachel sort of hovering over him. Look at how he reacted about giving away the sweatshirt. He wasn't done with it, or with her. Even though you were right here, and he liked you, really liked you, there was still this idealized vision of Rachel lingering in his head. Then, she comes back, and suddenly he's got the two of you standing in front of him. A real-life side-by-side comparison. He finds out his dream Rachel doesn't exist. But you do."
Lorelai glared at Sookie. "I hate it when you make sense."
"Sorry, but that's my job as BFF. I point out the things you're too close to see."
They both nibbled at the mid-morning treat for a spell, as they thought about their conversation so far.
"We've talked about Rachel, and we've speculated about Luke," Sookie observed. "We haven't talked about you, yet. How do you feel about this?"
"I am Switzerland. I am completely neutral territory. I don't want to influence whatever happens between them."
"Really?" Sookie looked at her sharply. "You're cool if they settle down together forever? You have no feelings for Luke at all?"
"I didn't say that," Lorelai grumbled.
"He's just a friend, huh?"
Lorelai pushed the broken flakes of pastry into a pile. "He is my friend," she said quietly.
"He is," Sookie agreed. "So when you look at him, that's all you think? There's my friend Luke. That's it?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, sure, he's…he's…" She gave up and sighed, pushing back from the table. "You saw him last night, right?"
"I did. He looked pretty sexy in that suit."
"That was my suit. I picked out that suit."
"Good choice."
"If there's one thing I excel at, it's shopping for clothes."
"Kind of amazing that you were able to nail his size so accurately. Kind of like you've memorized his measurements or something."
"OK, fine! Yes, I like looking at him. He's…you know. He's got the shoulders, and the…the eyes, and those insane eyelashes, and…and…"
"He's handsome. Strong. Manly. He's sure of himself without being obnoxious about it."
"Sometimes he's obnoxious," Lorelai felt duty-bound to observe.
"Not about how he looks."
"OK, I'll give you that."
Sookie waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, she pressed the issue farther. "That's it, then? You only drool over how sexy he is?"
"Yeah, the flannel's a real aphrodisiac," Lorelai said sarcastically. Sookie didn't react, so she was forced to come up with something else. "I like…I like our talks. I like that I can come in and tell him anything. I like that he tells me stuff that he doesn't tell anyone else. And I like that he…he takes care of me. It's nice that it feels like…he wants to take care of me."
"That is nice," Sookie murmured.
Fed up, Lorelai rapped her knuckles against the edge of the table. "But why now? Why are all of these stupid feelings flowing through me now? Why is this all happening now?" she wailed.
"Because…Rachel's here."
"Sookie! Come on!"
"No, think about it. How did you feel when she just waltzed back into town and claimed Luke right from under your nose? Luke, who listens to you? Luke, who takes care of you? And before you try rewriting history, remember that I'm the one you came running to the day she walked back into the diner."
Lorelai scowled at Sookie but knew she was trapped. "OK, fine. Yes, I felt insecure. And worthless. And yes, I'll even admit it. Jealous. It was hard to see the way they had such an immediate connection. It…It hurt."
"I know it did, Punkin." Sookie reached over to pat her hand. "Listen, I should get back to the kitchen, and I'm sure Michel is frothing at the mouth because you've been away from the lobby for so long."
"Well, there's one bright spot then."
Sookie stood up and began to pile the plates and cups back onto the tray. "There was one other thing I heard, and that was you telling Rachel there's a difference between having thoughts and acting on those thoughts."
Lorelai nodded agreement.
"So let me just say, there's also a difference between wanting to stay neutral and tipping your hand a bit to one of the sides."
"Not sure I'm following you, Sook."
"I mean, does Luke even know that you're not completely uninterested in the outcome? Maybe if he knew you had some feelings for him other than friendship, that would decide everything for him."
"But that's exactly what I don't want!" Lorelai stubbornly disputed. "I don't want this to be about me! He needs to make up his own mind about what he wants!"
"OK, then. Keep him in the dark for another five years. Let's see how that turns out."
Totally frustrated, Lorelai wadded up her napkin and threw it at Sookie's smug, departing back.
Luke turned away from the dining room at large. He rested his hands on the back counter, trying to get grounded again. He knew he'd been acting the fool so far today, trying to stave off the inevitable scene with Rachel. At least he'd had time to prepare. To think of some ways to phrase things. To try and make it understandable. To be able to talk through it rationally, hopefully without exploding. If the next person through the door was Rachel, he was ready.
The bells chimed over the door. He turned around.
Only to discover it wasn't Rachel. It was Lorelai.
"Coffee?" he said, reaching for a mug. Anything to avoid what had been said/not said the night before.
"No."
He shook his head from side to side, convinced his ears weren't working. "What? What did you say?"
"I'm not here for coffee."
"OK." He sat the mug back down, feeling off-balance. "What do you want, then?"
She tucked some hair back behind her ear and looked down at the counter. "I was hoping that maybe we could talk."
His nerves at the breaking point, he gestured in exasperation between them, indicating that they were already talking.
"I meant talking someplace where hopefully no one else would hear the talking."
"Oh, yeah – that's a swell idea. Let's go talk in private. No way Rachel could misconstrue that."
Her eyes lost their natural sparkle. Her mouth puckered. Her shoulders drooped. He'd hurt her, and he immediately regretted his words.
"Never mind." She tucked her hair back again and turned from the counter. "Look, you don't even have to give the annoying woman coffee to get rid of her. I'll just go."
"No, Lorelai – wait!" He leaned across the counter and snagged her upper arm, keeping her from storming off.
Touching her may have been a miscalculation. His grasp gentled as her skin warmed under his fingers. She turned his way and their gazes fused.
"Caesar!" Luke called out. "I'm stepping off the floor for a minute." He had yet to release his hold on her.
Caesar came to the kitchen door. He looked at Luke, followed his arm to Lorelai's position. "Sure, Boss," he said calmly. "Not a problem."
Lorelai dropped her gaze from his face and he was able to let go of her arm. He came around the counter and put his hand lightly on her back, guiding her across the dining room floor, through the curtain, and indicated the way down the hall to the storage room.
"Ooh, do I get to admire your pickles again?" she teased, some of her spunk returning.
"Knock yourself out." He opened the door and she stepped inside.
He closed the door and went to the old table in the middle of the room, so that he could lean against it. "Go ahead. Let's hear it," he said wearily.
She paced back and forth a few times, full of nervous energy. "I'm a nice person," she finally said.
"Sure," he agreed, with a shrug.
"I worked hard at it. I didn't let myself get stuck where I was at 16."
"You didn't –" Already he was lost.
"They say that, you know. They say that if you go through some sort of life crisis when you're young, your whole development stalls out at that point. If you get married super young, or if you have some sort of trauma, or if – maybe – you have a baby at 16. Your personality gets stuck. You never mature or grow after that."
"Uh –" he began to hedge.
"And I know – I know!" She was striding rapidly back and forth in front of the door now, agitated. "I know that I can act like a teenager. I can be immature. I can still be mean, the way I was in high school. But I taught myself to be nice. To be in society, to have a job, to run a business – you have to be nice, right?"
"It doesn't hurt."
"I save the mean stuff, the really cutting comments, for Rory to hear. And Sookie. And…and you." She spun around again, wringing her hands. "Well, and sometimes for my mother, just to see the horrified look on her face. But of course, she's the one who taught me how to make those perfect comments, the ones that cut people down to size. How to say them just loud enough to be heard. I learned from the best."
"Is this going somewhere?"
She came to a frenzied stop in front of him. "I am nice!" she insisted.
"Sure," he agreed, scared not to.
"Rachel's nice."
"She is."
"And I've been nice, the whole time she's been here. I've done all the nice things. I've said all the things a nice girl would say. I've told her – I've told you – that none of this involves me. That I'm not the issue. That the two of you need to figure this out. That I have no stake in this." As if to prove her point, she took a step back and put up her hands.
"OK," Luke said, not knowing what else to say.
"But that's not what I want to do. I don't want to be nice. I don't want to step aside. I don't want to slink off into the shadows. I want to be an issue. I want to be the mean girl. I want to be the girl who's willing to fight and cause trouble to get what she wants. And what I want is for you…" She suddenly seemed to run out of steam. She took another step backwards, crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at the floor. "I want you to…at least consider the fact…that I'm…here. That I am in the middle of this. That maybe I'm the one you should…choose."
Luke opened his mouth to pull in some air, and it felt like that was the last oxygen remaining in the room. "Do you think there's been a day – ever – when I haven't considered you?"
She looked stunned, the way she had the night before when he'd said she was beautiful. "I don't…I don't know."
"Well, trust me, there hasn't been one damn day since that horoscope landed in my wallet that I haven't thought about you. Wondered. Wished –" He cut off his last sentence savagely.
She halved the distance between. "Wished for some good luck, maybe?"
"Yeah," he said, very quietly.
She stepped even closer. "You know, the stupid horoscope's had five years to work. Maybe it's time we made our own luck." Tentatively, she put her hand on his arm.
Automatically he leaned away from her, then thought better of it, and instead slowly moved into her personal space. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "What if we…I mean, could we try…Ah, the hell with it."
He kissed her.
Luke was kissing her.
Her heart seized up, flooded with the fear of embarrassment. Frozen with potential awkwardness. Panicked about how they could possibly go forward after this misguided sign of affection.
But it wasn't embarrassing or awkward or misguided. Her heart came alive as she immersed herself into the rightness of his embrace.
She kissed him back.
He kissed her again.
Then, by mutual agreement, they kept on kissing until oxygen deprivation became a true concern. And even then, they broke apart reluctantly, gasping for breath, not noticing her disheveled curls or how his blue hat had been trampled under their feet.
"OK," Luke said. He looked at her with new confidence. He nodded two or three times, decisively. "OK." He walked past her, heading for the door.
Still stupid from his kisses, she watched him go. She kept staring at the door, thinking he'd return in just a second or two. As time ticked by, it slowly came to her that he wasn't coming back.
"Luke?" She went to the door and peered out. Not seeing him, she ventured further out into the hall, then into the dining room itself. "Luke?"
Caesar was at the entrance, closing the door that was standing open. He turned to look at her, his eyebrows raising slightly at her appearance. "Luke just went off down the street, Lorelai."
"He did?" She finally thought to run a hand through her hair. "Did he say where he was going? Or when he'd be back?"
"No. Sorry." He looked at her kindly. "Can I get you some coffee?"
She tugged at her shirt and pulled her jacket straight, hearing the horoscope rustle in the pocket. "Thanks, but I guess I should go, too."
"When Luke gets back, is there anything you want me to tell him?"
"Oh, Caesar." Lorelai briefly laid her forehead against the door frame. "I wouldn't even know where to begin." She gave him a half-hearted wave and trudged to the Jeep.
It had certainly been a day. A day of sleep deprivation, confusion, and riddled with too many emotional conversations. She hadn't seen Luke since he walked out of the diner after that mind-blowing kiss. Afterwards she'd gone home, thinking that he'd surely turn up to see her. She paced and fretted and looked out the window at nothing. Rory came home from school and somehow being around her felt even worse. Lorelai bailed, saying that she was needed back at the inn. Later, coming home for the night, she stopped by the diner. Still no Luke. Caesar shook his head sadly at her.
Now it was dark, and Lorelai was sitting out on the front porch steps, alone. Inside, Rory was in the cheery living room, watching TV and studying for a final during commercials. Lorelai would have also liked to be in the house, watching TV and keeping her daughter company, but she couldn't do that because with every passing second the probability increased that she'd blurt out something self-incriminating. So, she sat outside, in the dark, ready to scream from the tension.
In her heightened state, she thought she heard footsteps. For the second time that day, she wondered if she was hallucinating the person walking towards her.
"Hi," Luke said, dropping down on the step below her. He angled his body so that he could look up at her. The smile he gave her made her forget that she'd been ready to murder him just a minute ago.
"Hi," she said back, momentarily unable to think of a pithier comeback.
He kept smiling that killer smile at her. He put a hand on her knee and gently rubbed it.
Self-preservation made her sit up straight. She aimed a frosty glare at his hand, then at him. "You know, Luke, I never had you pegged as the love 'em and leave 'em type."
"What?" The smile left his face, the hand drew back from her knee.
"Today. You kissed me, then ran for the hills. Without a word, you just disappeared."
He shook his head firmly. "Not true. I said…I said OK, didn't I?"
She exploded. "Right. My mistake. You did say OK. Whatever the hell that means. Like, OK, that was disappointing? OK, time to go make out with my girlfriend? OK, time to do my D.B. Cooper impersonation?"
"No!" he snapped. "We kissed."
"We did."
"And after that, there was no way I could…" He let his words trail off as a painful realization crept into his consciousness. His head dropped. "Or maybe I'm the only one who thought the kiss was amazing."
She couldn't stand to see him distraught. She put her hands on his face and tugged so that he was looking at her again. "No," she said. "It wasn't just you. It was amazing." Unable to stop herself, she leaned forward to kiss him again.
When the kissing ended she was on the same step as he was, their arms tight around each other. Her head rested against his chest. Periodically he kissed the top of it, while one of his hands stroked her hair.
Reluctantly, she pushed herself away. "Now it's time for you to explain the mysterious 'OK' and where you disappeared to."
"Well, the OK just meant…OK. That we were OK. That things made sense in a way they never had before. That the doubts I had were gone. OK meant that I knew what I had to do next."
"Which was?"
"Go find Rachel."
"And did you?" Lorelai felt panic flare, in spite of the amazing kisses, suddenly afraid that she'd completely misunderstood the phrase I knew what I had to do next.
"Yeah, she was right where I thought she'd be." He looked away from her, ran his eyes across her yard. "There's this spot down at the lake. You can't get to it from the main drive. You have to go completely around and come in from this little path in the back. It's always been Rachel's favorite place. She'd set up her camera there and take pictures every time the seasons changed."
Lorelai swallowed down the jealousy that washed over her as Luke displayed how thorough his Rachel knowledge was, knowledge which of course had been built up during their long relationship. It was perfectly fine he knew Rachel's habits so well. Really, it was, because who didn't like Rachel? And besides, Luke had chosen her instead. Hadn't he? Hadn't he?
Ignoring her worry, she pressed on. "Once you found her, you guys talked?"
"Well, first I apologized."
"Apologized? About what?"
"Pretty much everything I said or did since she walked into the diner and said 'Hey, how's it going?'"
"That encompasses an awful lot."
"Yeah, I know. Before that, though, I thanked her for coming back to Stars Hollow. It was good we had the chance to see each other again. It put a lot of our history into perspective, you know? Helped to cement the fact that people do change and grow apart as the years go by."
"True," Lorelai murmured, thinking about her own lopsided relationship with Christopher.
"After that I started apologizing for a ton of things. I wasn't honest about how I really felt when she came back. I refused to admit that I wasn't comfortable with us being together. I realized almost immediately that whatever pull there used to be between us no longer existed, but I couldn't make myself tell her that. I should have said that to her right away."
"Why didn't you?"
"Didn't want to hurt her feelings? It was a huge deal, her coming back here to see me. It was a generous impulse on her part, and I didn't want to throw that back in her face. And I guess I kept thinking that maybe I was still mad from the other times she left; that maybe I did just need to get used to her being around."
"What changed your mind?"
He turned and looked at her skeptically. "Really? You don't know?"
"Not really?" She sighed. "And even if I maybe know, I need to hear it anyway."
He looked down at the step under his feet and slowly explained. "Every time you and I talked about Rachel, I almost figured it out. The answer was almost there, but then I'd rationalize it all away again. It wasn't until last night at the inn, having that drink with you, when I realized that the truth of it all was literally sitting right next to me." With a pensive smile, he put a hand against her face before pushing her hair back over her shoulder.
Lorelai's smile felt timid. "You didn't tell her about us, did you?"
"Not about today. I only said that she was right, that the horoscope meant something to me after all. And that I hadn't realized how much my feelings had shifted from her to you. I explained to her that we'd been sort of friendly adversaries at first, and then friends, then good friends, but it all happened so gradually I didn't appreciate how strong the bond was between us." He reached for her hand. "It wasn't until I had to think about cutting that bond that I really understood."
Lorelai pulled in a deep, cleansing breath while she squeezed his hand in relief. "That was a lot for her to take in. Was she – is she OK? What happened next?"
"I offered to drive her to the airport."
"Luke! That's terrible!"
"No, it's not. I knew she'd want to get out of here as fast as possible. Put this behind her and get back to her real life. Making her exit easier was the best thing I could do for her."
"Wait – are you saying she's already gone?"
"Yeah, that's what I've been doing since the 'OK' business. We got her packed up, she said her goodbyes, then I drove her to Bradley and sat with her until she had to go through security."
"I didn't get to say goodbye to her!" Lorelai protested.
He looked at her incredulously. "Frankly, Lorelai, she didn't want to see you."
"Owww!" she howled, putting a hand over her heart.
"Oh, come on. If the situation was reversed, would you want to see her?"
She'd just spent hours worried that the situation was reversed. "No," she admitted quietly.
Luke sighed. "She did want me to tell you that she will eventually write to you, and that she hopes that maybe the two of you can find a way to still be friends. Someday. Once we all get used to how things have changed."
"That's nice of her." Lorelai frowned. "See, she is a truly nice girl. Nicer than me," she grumbled.
"I think you're perfectly balanced. Nice, but mean when you have to be." He leaned over for a kiss.
She kissed him back before looking at him levelly. "Was that a compliment? 'Cause it could really go either way."
"Definitely a compliment."
She thought that over. "OK," she then deadpanned, trying to imitate him from earlier in the day. A smile soon broke out over her face, though, and then she kissed him again. She leaned against him in contentment. "Do you want to come in?"
He glanced over his shoulder, at the light shining through the front windows. "Rory's home?"
"Yeah. She's watching some silly thing on TV and studying."
He suddenly seemed a little nervous. "You want me to come in?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"You think Rory's OK with this?" He gestured between them.
"You're one of her favorite people. I think she'll be thrilled."
He was silent for a moment. "She knows what's going on, right?"
"No," she had to admit. "I mean, I wasn't sure what to tell her. Until a few minutes ago, I wasn't even sure what was going on."
There was another spell of him silently searching across her yard. "What about the snow guy?" he asked grimly.
"There's a snowman?" she asked, justifiably confused.
"No, guy. Snow guy. The guy who showed up the night it snowed." He heaved a sigh. "The guy that you were really excited to see show up."
"Oh! You mean Max!" She tried to chuckle casually, but couldn't really pull it off. "Yeah, uh, Max has been a thing for a while."
"Is he still a thing?"
"No. Well, other than there's still some mopping up to do. He might need a ride to the airport."
Luke gave her a look so sharp it was painful.
She took a deep breath. "He called last night, after you and I had our drink, after you left to go do your thinking. And as our phone call went on, it hit me that I really didn't want to talk to him. I kept looking at the door, wishing that it would open and that you'd come back in for another bourbon."
The painfully sharp look left his face.
"Maybe the tequila made it easier to say, or maybe I just channeled what I wished you'd tell Rachel, but I told him that I didn't see anything long-term happening between us. I told him that even though I'd been trying hard to ignore them, that I had feelings for someone else."
Luke absorbed that. "How'd he take it?"
"He spent some time trying to convince me otherwise. Finally he said I should sleep on it and see if I felt differently in the morning." She'd been anxiously rubbing her hands together, but now she straightened them out over her knees and looked down at them. "When this morning came, of course I felt the same way, so I called him before he left for school and said I was sorry, but it was over. Max is the type who can make a convincing argument for anything, but there was nothing he could say that was going to make any difference this time. I said sorry again, and goodbye, and…that was that."
Luke nodded, looking away from her. "You've got feelings for someone else, huh?"
She reached over and took his hand. "I do."
"Good." He squeezed her hand back, then looked towards the front windows again. "You sure you want me to come in? Maybe you should have some time to talk to her alone first."
"Nah, it'll be fine." She got to her feet and pulled him up too. "Come on."
She led him through the entry to the living room. "Hey, look who's here!" she said brightly, getting Rory's attention.
"Luke! Hi!" Rory put down her book and beamed at him.
"Hi, Rory. How's the studying going?"
"Eh, OK. I won't know for sure until I take the final." She tilted her head, trying to peer around him. "Where's Rachel?"
"She's, uh…Well, she's…gone," Luke said haltingly.
"Gone where?"
"Gone…gone. Back to doing her photography thing."
Rory scooted to the edge of the couch, looking alarmed. "You mean she left Stars Hollow?"
Luke nodded, beginning to look anxious.
"But I didn't get to say goodbye!" Rory complained, looking distressed. "She's coming back, right?"
"I don't – I don't think so." He glanced over at Lorelai, desperate for backup. "You can jump in here at any time, you know."
"Why? Why should Mom jump in?" Rory got to her feet and glared at her mother. "What did you do?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.
"Nothing! I had nothing to do with this!" Lorelai insisted.
Luke scoffed and Rory turned on him. "Did you let Mom talk you into dumping Rachel? Luke! How could you?"
"I didn't talk him into anything!" Lorelai said, panicking. She pointed at Luke. "It was all him!"
"Oh, it wasn't all me," Luke snapped. "Let's not forget who was in the storeroom this afternoon, begging me to choose them."
"I certainly wasn't begging –"
"Mom!" Rory interrupted her mother's defense. "You made Luke dump Rachel? What about poor Mr. Medina?"
"Well, Max…I told Max…" Lorelai shrugged, feeling helpless. "I broke up with Max."
"Great. Just great. So you dumped Mr. Medina." Rory then pointed at Luke. "And you dumped Rachel. Why? So that the two of you can be together? Because it's just meant to be?" She taunted them in a sugary sweet voice. "What, is this great romance of yours written in the stars or something?"
Lorelai felt frozen to the floor. In a million years she never expected Rory to react like this. She didn't know how to respond to her angry daughter.
But then Luke reached over and took her hand. She took a step closer to him and together they faced down Rory.
"Yes, exactly," she said firmly. "So that we can be together."
Luke put his arm around her shoulder, giving her added protection and – and love, maybe? At least it felt like love. She settled naturally into her place against him.
"Rory, I'm sorry you're upset," Luke said, sounding calm and decisive. "Normally I'd do whatever it took to make you happy. But this thing between your mom and me – it's too important for me to back down. You're just going to have to get used to us being together for the long haul."
"So that's the way it is?" Rory challenged. "You've made up your minds?"
"We have," Lorelai confirmed. She wrapped her arm around Luke's waist, hoping that he felt the same maybe love vibe coming off of her. "We're 100 percent together."
For another moment or two, Rory continued to glare at them. Then a huge grin broke over her face. "Took you long enough," she said smugly. She plopped back down on the couch and picked up her textbook as if nothing had happened.
"Wait – what?" Luke sputtered, trying to understand her rapid mood shift.
"She knew," Lorelai said simply, immediately grasping Rory's game. "Didn't you?"
Rory nodded, still looking pleased with herself. She waved towards the windows. "Heard every word."
"You knew?" Luke was dumbfounded. He looked again to Lorelai. "She knew?" Then back to Rory. "You put us through that on purpose?"
Rory laughed and nodded emphatically, delighted at having put one over on them. "Serves you right, keeping me in the dark. I thought we'd already been through that issue once or twice, Mom."
"Dear God." Luke stared at Rory, horrified, before he turned to Lorelai in disbelief. "She really is just like you. I thought she was the nicest girl in the world, but it turns out she's just as mean as you are!"
"Hey, Mom's not mean!" Rory said hotly, jumping in to protect her mom.
"No, Rory, it's OK. I am mean. At least, when I need to be. Everyone needs to be mean sometimes, because mean girls know how to fight to get what they want." She smiled at Luke. "And look what I got."
He shook his head at her, but the smile on his face told another story.
"Mean girls fight for what they want, huh?" Rory said quietly. She looked as if she was committing that nugget of Lorelai wisdom to memory. She sighed and then stood up, holding her textbook. "Tell you what, since it appears you two have had quite the tumultuous day, I'm going to go study in my room and let you have the living room to yourselves. Just remember how the acoustics work in this house. I'll still be able to hear everything that's said or done in here from my room." She began to walk out of the living room. "Oh, and don't think you can keep me in the dark again about anything. If you do, it won't be this pleasant next time."
"This was pleasant?" Luke grumbled.
"I heard that!" Rory yelled, as she pulled her door shut.
After Rory's departure, they looked at each other almost shyly, not sure about what to do next. Luke took a step towards her, then she took a step towards him, and then they were together in the middle of the room, their arms wrapped tightly around each other.
Lorelai finally pulled a little away from him. "Hey, do you want a drink?"
Luke smiled at her. "Not really. This right here is fine."
"Are you sure? Because I did a turn through the liquor store. Picked up a bottle of bourbon. Six trillion percent off!"
"You can give me all the drinks you want," he informed her, "but I'm never going away."
"Promise?" she asked.
"Promise," he agreed.
"Can I get that in writing?" She pulled the horoscope out of her pocket. "Feel free to write it on the back."
"Think it'd bring us more good luck?"
"I think from here on out we make our own fate," Lorelai said. She then pulled him to her for a long, stealthy, and oh-so-lucky kiss.
Author's Chat: Yeah, I know. It's been a long time. Honestly, I don't know how I ever used to find a way to write while working full time. Actually, I've been writing, I guess – I just haven't been able to finish anything. There's soooo much stuff to finish. I don't know if there's still anyone around to read this or not, but Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who ventures this way. I'd love to hear from you – it's been a long, quiet summer and fall.
ETA: Oh my goodness, Oh-no-she-di'ent posted a brand new story! Make sure you go check it out if you haven't already!