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"Falling" by Harry Styles
I'm in my bed
And you're not here
And there's no one to blame
But the drink in my wandering hands

Forget what I said
It's not what I meant
And I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left

What am I now? What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

JPOV

"Get up," I briefly hear someone say as they shake my shoulder. I groan. My head is pounding. Once I blink my eyes open, the room is too bright, and it spins. I feel nauseous. I quickly snap my eyes closed.

"Yeah, I'm sure you feel like shit, huh?" I'd recognize that sarcastic voice even in death; it's Leah.

I've come to realize that waking up is always the worst part of my day. When you're grieving, it's when the reality of your loss comes flooding back to you at full force.

It's like a double-edged sword – sleep is the only reprieve from the pain, but the reality that hits when you wake up feels like the escape wasn't even worth it.

That's true this morning as reality slaps me in the fucking face.

I'm so hungover.

My life is a shit show.

Nessie is gone.

I'm alone.

Nothing is bearable anymore.

I haven't heard from Nessie in five goddamn weeks. Not since our short text exchange about me going to that diner in Port Angeles with Seth. I've been trying to give her space like she asked. But that's not to say I don't pull up our text conversation a thousand times a day and type a message to her that I quickly delete.

I hear glass bottles clinging together. "God, Jacob. Is there any alcohol left in the state of Washington?"

I take a deep breath and force myself to open my eyes. I notice that I'm lying on the floor in the middle of the cabin's living room. Why the fuck am I at the cabin? I haven't been here since before Nessie left…

Then I remember. I was already drunk off my ass when I walked here from my dad's. I wanted to find something that smelled like her – like Ness. It's strange how much I crave her scent. I blame the wolf part of me.

There are glass beer bottles and food wrappers scattered around the floor. Leah is currently gathering and tossing the bottles in the recycling bin. It takes a lot to stay drunk as a werewolf. I burn all the alcohol off quickly with my heightened body temperature, hence the number of empty bottles.

Once the spinning subsides, I push myself up into a sitting position and lean back against the couch. I rub my face.

"Drink this, you idiot."

I look up at Leah. She's scowling as she holds a bottle of Gatorade out to me. I reach for it, unscrew the lid, and take a large gulp. Leah goes back to picking up the trash around the room.

"Leave it," I croak. I clear my throat before drinking half of the Gatorade. "You don't have to pick up my mess, Leah."

Leah loudly, and hastily, tosses an arm full of bottles and fast-food wrappers into the trash in the kitchen. "Someone has to clean up your messes, don't they? I just didn't realize that being your Second meant taking care of your pathetic ass every fucking day."

"Leave then," I snap at her. "No one asked you to come here."

Leah stalks back into the living room, her expression livid. "I'm here because the pack needs you! Or did you forget about me and our brothers?"

I narrow my eyes. "Fuck off, Leah. I don't need a lecture."

She laughs scornfully, which pisses me off more. Leah knows exactly how to get under my motherfucking skin. "Apparently you do! Nessie's gone, Jacob. Gone. Maybe she's coming back, maybe she's not. But you can't keep drinking triple your weight in booze every goddamn night when you have responsibilities! You're the leader of our pack. Start acting like it!"

I flinch at her words about Nessie. As much as I want to get up and phase and order Leah to never speak like that to me again while sinking my teeth into her leg… I know she's right. Of course, she's right.

And I'm sure Leah's the only one with enough guts to come over here and say all that to my face.

That's why she's my Second, after all.

She drives me fucking crazy, but she's sensible, fearless, and calls people out on their bullshit when needed with no remorse. And, apparently, I'm the one that needs to be called out today.

Leah's a badass, I have to admit.

I was bitching to Nessie a few years ago about Leah, how she often comes off as self-righteous, shows no mercy to the other pack members, and always acts like she has something to prove. I remember so clearly how Nessie waited until I was finished venting then she looked at me and said, "Of course she feels like she has something to prove. She's the only woman in a wolf pack full of men. I think you're just upset because Leah isn't submissive and polite the way you expect her to be. Women are pushed into those roles to continue patterns of oppression. If Leah identified as male, would you be this annoyed with her?"

That's when my worldview began to shift. Because my answer to that question was no. I felt like an ass, but it was needed for me to see how misogynistic I was being. I've had my fair share of misogyny-filled moments, but I like to think Nessie has helped me shift away from the toxic masculinity I was subconsciously harboring. And God knows she loves calling my brothers out on their shit, too; it turns me on to no end when she's empowered like that.

Leah and Nessie got closer once Nessie started pointing these things out to me. Leah appreciated Nessie's insight more often than not. So did I. I admired how Nessie could stay calm and open while she listened, then she would open her mouth and put you in your place or ask you a question that made you think about things differently. But she never discarded you for your lack of insight; she was always kind and compassionate.

God, I admired that quality in her so much. She had the perfect combination of no-nonsense confidence and kind-hearted empathy.

Nessie and I might as well have been co-Alphas. I rarely made a pack decision without talking to her. She always had good insight and set me straight when needed. Without her, I didn't know how to be a good Alpha at all.

So, I know I've been shitty as the pack's leader lately. I just don't know how to deal with the pain of Nessie being away… Just the thought of her makes my body quiver in physical pain – like knives are being raked up and down my spine.

At least the alcohol numbs the pain for awhile. I do what I need to do during the day for the pack then I drink my brains out at night when Leah takes over the night shift.

I wish I could tap out as Alpha and give the title back to Sam, but it's a little late for that. He and Emily have kids now, and Sam hasn't phased in several years. He's aging and moving forward in his human life with Emily. I would never take that away from him.

Leah is still scathing. "Get your ass up and take a shower. You fucking reek."

I say nothing as I push myself up to stand, already feeling a little better from finishing off the Gatorade.

I head for the hallway as Leah says, "Look, I know you're hurting, but this has to stop, Jake." I keep my back to her as she continues, "I gave orders to Quil and Embry. You're not to be left alone anymore. Embry's got day duty, and Quil's got nights. They're not going to let you drink anymore."

I nod once and keep my mouth shut. I'm a fucking mess right now, so I have to trust Leah's judgement. It's her job, after all, to step up for the pack when I can't.

. . . . . . . .

I shower and dress as quickly as possible. Everything in this damn house reminds me of Nessie, and I can't fucking tolerate it sober. This is the first time I've been back here since she left. I've just been sleeping in the forest as a wolf or crashing in my old room at my dad's.

When I walk out of the bedroom, I hear Leah and Embry in the middle of a conversation in the kitchen.

"Last night?" I hear Embry ask, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. They went straight into the ocean again, heading south."

Embry sighs. "Shit. I wish we knew what they were after."

I round the corner quickly and glower at Leah. "Those leaches were back again, and you didn't fucking tell me?"

Leah's gaze doesn't falter as she stares back at me. "Was I supposed to tell you when you were hammered last night or when you were practically dead on the floor this morning?"

"Jesus, Jake," Embry says, scrutinizing me pitifully. I know I look like shit. I saw my reflection in the mirror when I got out of the shower. My eyes looked black with bags and dark circles. A permanent frown was plastered on my face. My hair was much too long, and I looked thinner. Probably because I only drink beer and don't eat much of anything nowadays.

"You should've seen him this morning before I ordered him to shower," Leah rolls her eyes and reaches for the to-go coffee cup in front of her. She takes a long sip.

I ignore their comments and sit at the table across from Embry. "Tell me what happened last night. Now."

Embry picks up a coffee from the drink carrier and slides it over to me. He reaches into the paper bag in front of him and pulls out a couple of muffins. He puts them on a napkin in front of me like I'm a little fucking kid. I narrow my eyes at him before glaring at Leah.

Leah takes another drink of her coffee. She's not being quick with her explanation which makes my blood boil. We haven't had any other vamp sightings since the incident over a month ago. We chalked that up to some nomads passing through, but now I'm worried it was more than that.

Leah finally begins the recap. "Well, as you know, I was with Quil, Jared, and Collin last night. Jared picked up a leach scent to the east around midnight. We all hauled ass over to him and chased the bloodsuckers to the edge of a cliff where they both somersaulted into the ocean and disappeared. Same scents from a little over a month ago."

Leah pauses briefly to bite into her bagel. "Some of the Cullens joined the heist, too. Edward and his two wingmen were there. I don't remember their names. I guess they were about to leave to hunt when they picked up the stench. They followed the nomads into the ocean."

I run my fingers through my hair. Goddamnit. "Did the Cullens track them down?"

"Beats me. They never came back to tell us. They might still be tracking them for all I know. And I'm not going over to the Cullen's lair to find out."

"Chicken," Embry snickers.

Leah shrugs. "You go alone, then, if you're so high and mighty, Em."

I roll my eyes. "I'll deal with them. Embry, go join the others on patrol. If the Cullens didn't find those nomad bloodsuckers, I don't want Paul, Brady, and Seth out there alone. Leah, go get some sleep."

"Embry's going with you on my order, remember?" Leah swirls her coffee, acting all nonchalant. God, she pisses me off.

"No," I snarl, my Alpha voice echoing. "He's going to join the others on patrol in case those parasites come back." I wasn't going to overpower her orders to Quil and Embry because I trust her judgement, but I also wasn't going to risk anyone's safety by having Embry play babysitter for a quick errand. It's not like there will be alcohol at the Cullen's place anyway.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here, you fuckers," Embry says. "I'm sure Jake can stay sober for an hour. He'll be on patrol with us once he gets back from the Cullen's. Quil and I will keep an eye on him, Lee, don't worry."

I sigh then reach up to rub my eyes. How fucking low I've sunk that my Second and Third are arguing about babysitting duty to ensure I stay sober.

I'm a shitty Alpha.

Just like I always knew I would be.

When I drop my hand, I look at both of them. They're watching me skeptically. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm really trying here, okay?"

"Well, start trying harder. We need you." Leah snaps before getting up and leaving the cabin, slamming the door behind her.

Embry is quiet only for a moment after Leah leaves. "Jake –"

"Get out of here and go join the others on patrol. Now. Please," I cut him off, dodging his attempt at trying to make me feel better.

I don't want to feel better. I deserve to feel like shit.

Embry just nods, gets up from the table, and heads out the back door to phase. I follow behind him. I don't want to be in the pack's mind right now, so I go to the side of the cabin to pull my motorcycle out of the shed. I haven't ridden in months. It still starts, thankfully, so I jump on and ride to the Cullen's main house.

As I pull up and park on the side, I'm greeted, not surprisingly, by Bella and Edward. They're standing outside on the porch. As I approach, Bella hurriedly strides toward me, stopping when she's only a few inches away.

Her brow scrunches and her eyes look sad and soft. She searches my gaze for a second before closing the space between us and wrapping her arms around my back in a brief hug.

My nose burns from her sickly-sweet vampire scent as I hug her back, but it's something I've gotten used to with being around the Cullens. Plus, Bella's different. She's a vamp that stinks, yes, but she's still one of my best friends.

Like it or not, the Cullens are sort of my family, too, thanks to Ness.

Well, they were. I don't know what they are now.

Just your friendly neighborhood bloodsuckers, maybe?

When Bella pulls away with that same sad expression, she says, "You look awful. I heard you've been drinking pretty excessively. I'm worried about you. It sounds like you're making some pretty stupid and reckless decisions."

"Nice to see you, too, Bells. Or should I say mom?" I respond sarcastically, wondering how she knows about the drinking. "I already got a lecture from Leah this morning. I don't need another one."

"Leah was thinking about your drinking last night when I asked her where you were." Edward responds to my thought.

"So, naturally, you decided to tell Bella – the biggest worry wort in the entire world – about it instead of just staying out of my business. Sounds about right."

"Jake," Bella says sternly. "He told me because I asked how you were doing. I know all this is hard on you."

"I'm fine. Don't worry." I slip my hands into the pockets of my shorts. "Look, I didn't come here to talk about me. What happened last night with the nomad bloodsuckers?"

I wish Leah or Embry weren't so afraid to come to the Cullen's so I could have sent one of them on this errand. I should have sent Seth, but that idea hadn't crossed my mind earlier. I knew it would be hard being here. Almost as difficult as being in that damn cabin.

"Join us inside so we can speak with Carlisle. He's just arriving home from his hospital shift, so we haven't discussed the situation with him yet." Edward explains.

I resist the urge to decline and take off into the trees to order Seth to be here instead. I can't be a coward. I follow behind them inside and into the dining room where everyone, but Carlisle, is already sitting at the table.

Bella gestures to the open seat to her right, so I take the hint and sit down. Esme is sitting on the other side of me. She reaches out toward me slowly then pauses. I look up at her and nod slightly. She gives me a warm smile then places her cold hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly. "I know it might sound a little strange to you, but I've missed seeing you just as much as I've missed Renesmee. You're part of this family, too, you know."

I have no idea what to say to her, so I stay quiet until Blondie chimes in. "No dog will ever be part of my family."

"Rose," Esme scolds in a motherly tone.

That makes me crack a small smile because some things will never change. "Don't worry, Blondie. I wouldn't want to be part of your family either."

Rosalie rolls her eyes, flips her hair over her shoulder, and sticks her nose up in the air. "At least we agree on something."

"Hey, Beauty Queen, what's the hardest part about being a narcissistic vampire?"

She glares at me but says nothing. "I bet it's how you can't even see yourself in the mirror."

"Jaaaake," Bella draws out my name disapprovingly and elbows me, but Edward, Alice, and Jasper laugh. Even Emmett, who's standing behind Rosalie, cracks a smile and presses his lips together to avoid laughing. I bet that's wise of him. I'm sure Rosalie will clobber him later if he chuckles at any joke I make about her.

"Yes, she would." Edward responds to my thought with another laugh.

"You really are a prick, you know that?" Rosalie replies before snapping her head in the other direction. Emmett still looks like he's trying not to laugh, but he reaches forward and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, c'mon," I say to her. "I know you enjoy our quips. I'm the only one that ever dishes it back to you, giving you a challenge."

"She does enjoy it." Edward tells me with a smirk.

"Get out of my head!" Rose yells at him.

"You," Bella says to Edward. "Stop encouraging him." She turns back to me. "And you, stop being rude."

What can I say? This is just the type of relationship Rosalie and I have. She'll come back at me with a snide dog joke soon enough.

Nessie would be frowning at me if she were here and heard my comment to Rosalie. Ness has a soapbox about how misunderstood her aunt is. Now that I understand Rosalie's history, I have a lot more compassion for her. I like to think she tolerates me more nowadays, too, but I never pass up an opportunity for some sarcastic banter with her.

"I'm really not going to be able to see anything now." Alice whines as she rubs her temple and looks at me. She's sitting directly across from me, Jasper on her right, and Rosalie next to him.

"You weren't seeing much of anything, anyway." Edward comments.

Alice sticks her tongue out at him as Carlisle comes into the room and sits at the head of the table. Everyone turns toward him.

Edward begins by explaining how he, Emmett, and Jasper were leaving to hunt last night when they caught on to the nomads' scents. They ran into Leah and the others and joined in trying to track them. They ended up diving into the water and swimming in the direction they thought they were going, but quickly stopped their tracking since they couldn't follow the scent from under water. Long story short, the nomads got away again.

"We got close enough for a brief moment, and I was able to hear their thoughts," Edward continues. "The first one was just focused on his annoyance at the wolves. The other was thinking about a Children of the Moon dagger. That's what they're looking for. Have you ever heard of such a thing?"

"Yes." Carlisle appears pensive for a moment. "When Caius was nearly killed in a fight with a Child of the Moon, he organized the hunt against them, leading to their annihilation and extinction, as far as we know, anyway… Well, when Caius killed the Children of the Moon's Alpha, he had the creature's teeth and bones ground and made into a dagger."

Ugh. What a sick, psychopathic fucker.

"Why would they be searching for the dagger here of all places? What's its significance?" Jasper asks.

"Rumor has it, the dagger can instantly kill any vampire as soon as the sharp blade pierces the skin, just as a Child of the Moon's bite. Of course, I don't know if it's ever been tested. It was merely a trophy of sorts to Caius that he admired."

"Was?" Esme asks.

Carlisle nods. "It's been missing for decades. No one knows where it ended up, even to this day."

"So, these nomads somehow heard the story about the dagger, and now they're searching for it? But why here?" Bella asks.

Carlisle continues, "I should also mention that Caius supposedly had an enchantress bewitch the dagger to belong to 'the most powerful vampire in the world,' which, at the time, was him since he orchestrated the events that led to the demise of the Children of the Moon. However, he lacked humility in this asking, as he thought he would remain the most powerful vampire. That, obviously, has not been the case. Aro has theorized the dagger wasn't stolen, but that it merely left Caius once it deemed someone else more formidable. That is one reason Aro keeps searching for vampires to add to his guard; he wants to find who has the dagger."

"Why don't they ask the enchantress more specifics about the spell? Or see if she can track the dagger down?" Rosalie asks.

"The enchantress is dead. Caius killed her once he received the hexed dagger."

"Of course he did." Edward growls through clenched teeth. Apparently, I'm not the only one who loathes psycho Caius.

"Let me get this straight," I say as I glare at Dr. Vamp skeptically. "There's a magical bloodsucker dagger that the vamp police created, and this dagger has been enchanted to flock to whoever is the most powerful vampire?"

"Precisely," Carlisle responds. "But, quite frankly, I thought it was all a ruse."

"Apparently not." Alice says, sounding frustrated. "I don't know who these vampires are, so I'm not sure how to see them. Plus, anytime I try, it's like they're a blind spot – similar to how it is with the wolves. All I know is that they don't appear to be visiting us anytime soon… We still don't know why they would be searching for this dagger here."

Emmett shrugs. "We were about to obliterate the Volturi the last time they were in town. That must mean we are more powerful. Maybe they sent these nomads to see if one of us has it."

Alice shakes her head. "I would have seen if this was the Volturi. Unless they have someone else making decisions. Which they have done before, I suppose."

"Aro wants you to join the Volturi more than anything, Alice. Perhaps he thinks you have the dagger." Edward tells her. "Maybe he indirectly sent the nomads here to investigate you. He knows how your visions work, so maybe he's intervening with that knowledge in mind."

"No one will touch her." Jasper growls as he puts his hand on Alice's arm protectively.

"Could this be the Volturi's way of picking another fight with us?" Bella wonders as she looks first at Edward then back to Carlisle.

It's silent as everyone waits for Carlisle's response. He's quiet for several seconds before sighing. "Possibly."

. . . . . . . .

The meeting is over shortly after we discuss the plan moving forward. There's not much we can do since we have so little information, but it's decided that one of the wolves on each patrol shift will be stationed near the Cullen's residence. This is so Edward can monitor if any of the pack members pick up the nomads' scents. He'll intervene with the pack if that occurs so he can try getting a better look into the nomads' minds. Alice will continue trying to monitor things, but she's frustrated about her blind spots.

After it's all decided, I say bye to Bella and Esme then head outside to phase so I can inform the pack of everything going on.

Who the fuck would have thought some mystical leach dagger would cause all this chaos? Just another stupid situation I don't want to deal with.

What I really want to do is take off into the woods and run as far away from all these responsibilities as I can. I want to run toward Ness and beg her to come home to me. I want to pull her into my arms and bury my face in her hair. I want to feel her body wrapped up in mine. I want her insight on this weird-ass dagger situation. I want her reassurance. I want her friendship…

I just want her.

All of her.

Nothing else matters.

Fuck, I need a beer.

I get to the tree line and strip my shirt off, preparing to phase.

"You are still our family, just as Esme said," I turn around to see Edward standing on the porch. "You wondered about that earlier. Even though Renesmee isn't here right now, you are still our family, Jacob."

I roll my eyes. "Great. Just what I need. A family full of bloodsuckers."

"I know this is beyond difficult for you. When I left Bella all those years ago, I would have been drunk, too, if vampires could escape in such a way… I also had the luxury of physically leaving and isolating myself. You don't because of the wolf pack. I can't imagine you trying to keep all that afloat while missing her."

I'm quiet for a moment. "Have you heard from her?" I ask because I'm a masochist.

"Bella and I spoke to her yesterday via FaceTime. She seemed well. Better than I've seen her in a long time, Jacob. It sounds like Senna has really helped her… She's leaving the Amazon Coven soon and traveling to Chile with Nahuel and Hulien."

Nahuel and Hulien… It takes me a moment to remember who they are. Then I remember that it's the other hybrid and his vampire aunt. Awesome. I try not to be jealous as I think of Nessie with them. I'm glad she's doing better, but what does that mean about our relationship if she needed to get away from me to feel better?

I guess that's just me being selfish since I can't determine what Nessie needs for her own healing. I just can't imagine ever being in a headspace where I would want to be away from her. My healing happens with her, not without her.

"I think she's doing this for you rather than to spite you, Jacob."

"Could've fucking fooled me." I gripe before turning away and taking off into the trees. I strip off my shorts and burst.