Download! Chapter 2: Download teh pr0n, a hellsing fanfic

Chapter two of 'Download!'. Eventually the title will come into play, but for now it's all…mysterious and stuff. Woot. Okay, so, I own nothing, as per the usual. Except…nope, I still own nothing. Thanks for the reviews, peeps! On with the show!

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"Wee!" the little Integra giggled, racing down the hall. Her blonde hair flew about her shoulders as she ran, "CORPSEY PUPPY, WHERE ARE YOOOOU?"

The little girl began to race through the millions of rooms in the house that no one in the world could ever afford, trying to find her undead dog.

"CORPSEY PUPPY, WHERE ARE YOOOOU?" she sang, giggling wildly whilst racing down the hall.

In the meantime, Alucard the adorable eight eyed puppy (I don't know how that statement works out) sat leaning against the wall, watching the stupid child run around.

How hadn't she found him yet?

He had sunk into the wall, figuring he would use the age old 'I'm in an obvious place, the last one you'll look, stupid' trick.

It was working well. The supposedly intelligent little creature had taken to playing hide and seek with 'Corpsey' and it was the dog's turn to hide, leaving Integra to seek. And seek she did.

For a very long time.

He let out a flat, dry "Woof" because he was quickly becoming bored and the girl turned.

"Corpsey puppy, there you are!" she grinned "now I get to hide!"

With that, Integra's almighty 'brain' kicked in. She sat down in the middle of the floor and covered her eyes with her hands, silently collapsing into a laughing fit.

"…….I can still see you, master" he said darkly, glaring at the girl.

"No you can't, I can't see you, Corpsey!" she exclaimed, laughing still.

"Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I can't see you" Alucard commented flatly, not amused.

"Nu-uh! I'm invisible, you foolish man!" the Hellsing smiled.

"…..you're right there, master" he commented blankly.

Integra was, indeed, right in front of his numerous eyes. But she thought as all damnable little brats did. 'If I can't see you, you can't see me'. Pfft, okay.

"I told you, you can't see me" she whined. The annoyed mutt trotted over and licked her arm, all eight eyes empty and deeply bored. She laughed and scooped the little dog into her grip, hugging him and causing him to bark loudly and struggle in the young Hellsing's hold.

"I love my Corpsey puppy"

Many Years Later

"CORPSEY!" a shrill, high, accented voice rang out.

The exhausted and thoroughly annoyed Nosferatu looked up from the laptop set in front of him, glaring through his orange-tinted glasses. There, hands on her hips, stood Integra. Her lips were set into a firm pout upon her face, glasses slid down to the bridge of her nose and eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

Why was she standing-

Ohh no. She was going to yell. Or squeal, maybe.

"Corpsey, you better be doing what I told you to" she scolded, wagging a finger at Alucard.

The great vampire sighed deeply and looked to the floor, ears nearly drooping in his master's chiding.

"Of course, master" he responded flatly, looking ashamed.

She pranced off with a cheery smile and a high pitched squeal of "download the porn, Alucard!"

He made for another deep sigh and his fingers flitted back across the keys. The whole time he angrily muttered to himself, fingers pounding harder at the keys.

"She doesn't even watch it, she just makes me download it because it takes up infinite amounts of space on this thing's…hard drive…thing…so when it breaks I'll have to fix it. And the whole purpose for downloading this porn…thing…is just to take up my time. Damn you, master…" he grumbled, pounding relentlessly at the keys.

A box suddenly popped up, rectangular and containing bright scarlet text on a cream-colored background. It read:

VampMastahBitch: Download the pr0n, corpseh

Alucard heaved a great sigh and began to type in the box. This was this instant message thing Integra had set up for him…for no purpose, he was sure. The response read:

CorpseySlave101: …whatever you wish, master.

He waited a few moments, tiny text in the corner read 'VampMastahBitch is typing…'. After drumming his fingers in his lap for a moment, the response was made. Now, it read:

VampMastahBitch: Download the pr0n

Out of total anger, Alucard slammed closed the laptop and let out a yell of agitation, cracking the object's screen. Fifth one this month.

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Wow, the retardation is massive. Yeah, that's the reason for the fic's title. Integra and the porn…the porn that she doesn't even watch. Poor damn Alucard xD