A/N: A quick shoutout to femalempowerment for leaving a review yesterday! Thank you for encouraging me to continue writing this story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

"It's Nice to Have a Friend" by Taylor Swift
Light pink sky, up on the roof
Sun sinks down, no curfew
Twenty questions, we tell the truth
You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too
Something gave you the nerve
To touch my hand
It's nice to have a friend

RPOV

Four months ago

"Nessie, I wish you would talk to me. You've been shutting me out for months and months."

I swallowed hard and continued strolling deeper into the forest. How was I supposed to talk to Jake about everything that happened? He was the person it was the hardest to face because this situation was painful for him, too. I couldn't talk to him. Not when everything was my fault. Not when I was the reason he was in pain.

It's been a long, hard fifteen months. What first was joy and happiness, quickly turned into grief and sorrow. And I wasn't managing any of the anguish well, that was for fucking sure.

Jacob tried again, "You've been even more distant since we went to Sam and Emily's last weekend… Did something else happen there?"

I took in a sharp breath. Yes, I wanted to respond. Some of the other pack members think we aren't a good fit for each other. And you feel the same way, don't you?

Of course, I already knew this myself, but the wound was ripped open further after overhearing Kim say her thoughts about our situation to Emily. She wondered if Jake would… imprint on someone else. And even though the idea sounded ridiculous to Emily, Kim had voiced my biggest inner fear.

But I don't say any of this to Jake. Mainly because I'm a coward. But also because I don't want to start any conflict between Jacob and his pack members. I also don't want to acknowledge the fact that maybe Jake and I really aren't supposed to be together. Maybe I'm being selfish, but the thought of losing him on top of everything else feels excruciating.

Instead of voicing any of my inner turmoil, I just shook my head, dismissing his question. I continued walking.

Jacob reached for my hand and pulled me to a stop. His other hand came up to cup my cheek. I finally looked up at him. His dark brown eyes were soft and loving, but also looked full of sorrow. He searched my face for a long moment. I wondered what he saw, or what he was looking for.

"Ness…" He whispered my name, causing me to lose the careful façade I'd crafted. Tears filled my eyes as I leaned into his warm hand and closed my eyes. Jacob's arm wrapped around my back and pulled me into his chest. He rested his chin on top of my head. His thumb swept back and forth soothingly on my cheek as I let the tears silently fall without saying or showing him anything.

"Shh, I'm here, Ness. We will get through this. I promise." Jacob muttered as I continued to sob and bury further into his warmth.

We stood there for quite a while in the middle of the forest just holding each other. After some time, I slowly blinked my eyes open, but I didn't move from Jacob's embrace. It was dark outside now, past twilight.

Jacob had coaxed me into taking a walk with him that evening because he said I needed to get out of the house. He brought home dinner, but I told him I wasn't hungry. I haven't had an appetite lately.

I felt ashamed all of a sudden. Jacob was hurting too, yet he was still functioning. He still took care of the wolf pack on top of keeping me from plummeting further into my dark depression hole.

Maybe I should find the courage to tell him everything I've been harboring for months. Maybe I should tell him how we, maybe, aren't a good match for each other. Maybe I should just tell him everything, really let him in.

If only I knew how.

Everything used to be so easy and carefree with Jacob, but it wasn't anymore.

Because of me.

But I owed it to Jacob to open up to him, to alleviate his worry about me. He was in pain from our situation, but also because of how torn up I've been.

I would try to open up to him.

Once I mustered up a single drop of courage, I slowly pulled away and glanced up at Jake. I reached to cup his cheek. It would be easier to show him so I wouldn't have to speak. I searched his eyes. He didn't dare mutter a word. I think he knew I was trying to find a way to let him in.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I let the first memory flow – one where he had screamed my name and scooped me up from the bed after seeing all the blood. I showed him how terrified I was in that moment because –

I was cut off by a high-pitched scream from deeper in the forest. I spun around, startled. I looked to Jacob who wore a confused expression. I heard the scream again, so I immediately started running toward the sound.

I wasn't sure why, but my instincts told me I had to. Jacob was beside me a couple of seconds later in his wolf form. We raced forward upon hearing the shout again.

I could hear a deep voice as we got closer to the source of the sound. "Just be still! Stop fighting this. I know you want it, too, sweetheart."

"Get away from me!" A woman yelled back. The voice sounded familiar for some reason. Jacob whined, letting me know he heard them too. I started running quicker.

As soon as we made it to the break in the trees, Jacob stopped to phase back. I didn't wait for him as I jolted into the small clearing.

A man, maybe in his mid-30s, was forcefully holding a woman against a large tree. His forearm was pressed across her collarbones, keeping her pinned against the bark. His other hand was in the middle of unbuttoning his pants. The woman was wearing a dress that was already bunched up around her stomach, revealing her underwear that was, thankfully, still on.

"If you scream again, you little bitch, I'll slap you across the face a second time," the man said menacingly.

The woman was struggling against his grip and was attempting to bite his arm but couldn't reach. She was also trying to kick him, but the bastard was using one of his legs to pins both of hers.

The woman wasn't just anyone, though.

It was my human friend I made in college – Avery. She was the only friend I made fully on my own – my only friend outside of my vampire and werewolf family.

Avery had just texted me this morning to see how I was feeling. She told me she had a date tonight with some new guy she met online.

"Get the fuck away from her!" I screamed. They both turned to stare at me, their eyes wide.

I strode forward quickly, straight toward the man that was still pinning my friend against the tree.

"Nessie?" Avery yelled. "Oh, god, get out of here! Go call the police!" I ignored her. My gaze was locked in on the filthy piece of shit that still had the audacity to jive his arm harder against Avery's chest, causing her to let out a whimper and gasp for air.

"Oh, someone else came to play too, huh?" The bastard said, giving me a sarcastic, conceited smirk.

I felt fire start in my chest and explode out of me in blinding rage. I might have had a small semblance of logic when I first came into the clearing, but it was long gone now. Long fucking gone.

I didn't care that Avery was here and that she might see the vampire side of me. My only focus was getting his grimy hands off of her and making him pay for assaulting her.

Most women don't get any kind of justice for men sexually assaulting them.

But Avery would not be one of those women. Not if I had anything to say about it, anyway.

Nothing else mattered in that moment except for retribution – for Avery and for all the other women I'm sure that creep preyed on.

That bastard was going to beg for death once I was done with him.

I shot forward and gripped the back of the man's neck tightly and threw him across the clearing. He landed several yards away from us on his side after banging into a tree. He groaned. Good. I turned my back to Avery and stalked toward him.

"Ness," I heard Jacob say, worry in his voice. I turned around where he was now hunched down with Avery's arm slumped around his neck and his arm around her back. He was supporting her weight as tears streamed down her face, leaving mascara streaks on her cheeks. She stared blankly at the forest floor in front of her, looking like she could be going into shock.

"Get her out of here! Now!" I ordered Jake.

"Nessie –" He started to protest.

"Jacob, listen to me!" I demanded. I knew he didn't want to leave me here alone, but I was in no state of mind to hear him out on it. I could hold my own against a human, against anyone. And this disgusting, pathetic man was going to pay. "Get Avery out of here! Take her to Carlisle and make sure she's not injured!"

"You take her. I'll handle things here." Jacob retorted.

I shot him a murderous glare. "No," I growled. "Absolutely not."

"What? I'm not leaving you here alone with him!" Avery shrieked. "He'll hurt you instead, Nessie!"

I gave Jake a pleading look. I wasn't budging on this, and I think he could tell. "I'll drop her off and come right back." He conceded before turning toward Avery.

He asked her if he could carry her. She nodded but started yelling as Jacob scooped her up and took off running into the trees. "No! What are we doing!? Go back! He'll hurt her, he'll –"

Her cries eventually became too distant for me to hear.

I prowled forward toward the man who was still lying on his side on the forest floor.

I've been so numb the last several months that I forgot what it was like to have any type of emotion at all. But adrenaline was flowing through my veins now, making me feel alive again, making me feel good.

The man groaned and tried to get up as I approached, but he was unable to. It seemed like his leg was broken. I grabbed his shoulder and flipped him down onto his back, causing him to shout out in pain. I stepped over his body and crouched forward.

"Get away from me, you bitch!" He yelled before spitting toward my face. I dodged it then glared at him before sending a punch directly into his nose.

"Ahh!" He moaned before cupping his face in pain.

I drew my arm back again, preparing to send another punch into his jaw, but I was stunned into stillness by the scent of blood.

Blood that smelled heavenly as it gushed out of the man's nose.

My throat burned. Aching need spread through my body…

Blood.

Blood.

Blood.

Blood.

I was starving.

I could think of nothing else.

I wanted nothing else.

Nothing else mattered.

When's the last time I hunted, or ate anything for that matter? I couldn't remember. Everything was a blur in my mind.

I just needed the blood.

I needed it more than I'd ever needed anything.

I punched the guy so hard in the side of his head that he went unconscious. Then I immediately leaned forward and sunk my teeth into his jugular.

I thought I felt alive with the adrenaline flowing through my veins earlier, but I was wrong.

So very, very wrong.

The taste of human blood was exactly what I needed to feel alive again. The ache in my throat was easing, my muscles felt stronger, my body didn't feel as sluggish, and my mind…

My mind felt clear and relaxed and euphoric; the best high I could ever imagine.

I drank and drank and drank…

Gulp after glorious gulp…

Until I heard Jacob mutter my name behind me, knocking me out of my blood-induced coma. I stood up after I drained all the blood, which only took a few more mouthfuls. I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt before turning toward Jake.

"Ness," Jacob said softly again.

I stared at him. His face was full of concern and bewilderment. He swallowed hard before taking a few slow steps toward me. I turned back to the man. His skin was disgustingly pale. His chest wasn't rising. He didn't have a heartbeat.

He was… dead.

Dead because I drank his blood.

Dead because I killed him.

I killed him.

I killed him, I killed him, I killed him…

"Nessie, what –" That wasn't Jacob's voice.

I turned around quickly to see my dad, flanked by both of my uncles. They all strode into the small clearing. I looked to my uncles first, knowing their criticism wouldn't be anything compared to that of my dad's, or, worse, my grandfather's… I prayed he wasn't here.

My Uncle Jasper had a stoic, flat affect. My Uncle Emmett just shrugged. I finally looked at my dad and saw disappointment in his expression.

I was no longer a model daughter.

I fell off the pretty little pedestal he and everyone else had me on.

I didn't live up to my family's expectations.

Or my own expectations.

This was unforgivable.

I was a monster.

A murderer.

"Renesmee, love, that's not it. I –" My dad started to say, but I cut him off with my loud thoughts: Please don't say anything right now.

I glanced at Jacob again. He took a step toward me again, his arm outreached, palm up, and his expression still one of sadness. I shook my head at him and turned back around, no longer facing my family.

Shame flooded through me.

I was a killer.

I murdered someone.

I drank all of his blood… and I liked it.

God, did I like it.

And I wanted more.

More, more, more…

But the craving scared me.

I didn't want to be a monster. I didn't want to kill humans. I didn't want to see the disappointment and pity and judgement on my family member's faces. And…

Fuck!

Did this break the treaty between my vampire and werewolf family? What would this do to Jacob? I just put him in the middle of defending the values and morals of his pack or protecting me…

I truly was a monster.

I took one last look into the dead eyes of my victim then bolted into the trees to run away.

Away from this mistake, away from my grief, away from the disappointment my family would have, away from the conflict I just created for Jake.

Away, away, away.

I ran and ran for what felt like a lifetime. I eventually stopped to rest for a moment and ended up collapsing and curling up in a fetal position underneath a tree. I closed my eyes and focused only on the raindrops that hit my face. I let myself drift.

Jacob's arms slid underneath me at some point as he carried me back toward our cabin.

"I killed someone, I killed someone, I killed someone…" I muttered over and over again into his chest.

Then I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. They were shaking me. Why was I shaking? What was happening?

"Nessie! Nessie, wake up. I think you're having a nightmare."

My eyes shoot open. I spring out of bed, immediately landing to my feet and looking around me. My forehead is covered in sweat, my heart is racing, and I'm panting.

"Easy," someone says behind me. I turn around, seeing Nahuel with his hands slightly up. "You're safe. Everything's okay."

A nightmare. I had a nightmare.

Breathe in, belly expands.

Breathe out longer, belly contracts.

I close my eyes for a moment and repeat the breathing technique until my heart and breathing slow down.

When I open my eyes, Nahuel is still in the same spot, a few feet away from me. We stare at each other for a few seconds in silence. I am in a small bedroom in Nahuel and Hulien's house.

It was a long trek southeast to get to Nahuel and Huilen's home outside of Chile; it took us a couple of days. Nahuel and his aunt have a small cottage in the Chile forest, and I've been here with them for about three days.

Nahuel is the first to break the silence. "Do you want to join me on a walk?"

I glance over at the clock. It's 4:00 in the morning. "Now?"

He nods. "When I've had nightmares, I often find it difficult to fall back asleep. I thought that might be similar for you? Walks seem to help me."

"You've had nightmares before?"

"Yes. Quite a bit when I was younger."

"Oh," I say, surprised. "Let me just get my shoes on."

"I'll meet you outside." He says then leaves out of the guest room.

I scramble over to my duffel bag and find some clean socks before shoving my feet into my hiking boots and lacing them up. I meet Nahuel outside a minutes later and follow his lead deeper into the dark forest.

We don't say anything for awhile, but it's not awkward. I've found that it's easy being in Nahuel's company; his quiet presence is settling instead of anxiety-provoking.

"Truth or dare?" Nahuel asks randomly, breaking the silence as we continue walking.

A small chuckle escapes from behind my lips. "What?"

"Isn't that a game people play to have fun, or to get to know each other?"

I laugh. "I guess so. Sort of… Maybe you're thinking of twenty questions or would you rather."

"How about we play a game of asking questions where no one can dodge the answer?"

I swallow nervously before hesitantly agreeing.

"Okay. Let's play. I'll ask first. What's your favorite color?"

"Russet brown." I respond without a thought.

He snorts in amusement. "That's oddly specific."

"Yes, I suppose it is," I laugh. "It's the color of Jacob's fur."

"Jacob is one of the shapeshifters, if memory serves me correctly?"

"Yes."

"I found the shapeshifters fascinating when I briefly interacted with a few of them years ago," he says before pausing. "Jacob is your partner, right?"

I shrug. "In layman's terms, I guess that's the easiest way to put it. But it's more than that. Or it was, anyway."

"How is it 'more'?"

I shake my head. "No, no, no. You already asked your question! It's my turn."

He laughs this time. "My apologies. Go ahead."

"Hmm," I ponder. "Do you have any hobbies?"

Nahuel jumps across a creek then turns to make sure I follow him. I do, and we keep trekking through the forest as he responds, "I like to cook."

"Really?" I try to mask my surprise, but I don't think I do a very good job.

He smiles. "Yeah. I prefer human food to blood nowadays. There's so many different options and flavors when it comes to food. I'm always trying new recipes."

"Maybe you can give me some pointers. I'm a terrible cook."

"Sure," he laughs. "We can make dinner together this evening."

"I'd like that," I say and genuinely mean it. Jacob always cooked for us back home. He had to learn at a young age to cook for himself and his dad. I never picked up the skill since no one in my vampire family prepared human food often. "Okay, your turn."

"How is your relationship with Jacob 'more'?"

"Of course you come back to that," I reply somewhat scornfully.

"Please don't feel pressure to answer. I'm merely curious now."

I think with almost anyone else, I might dodge the question. But two things keep me from doing so. First, before I left the Amazon coven, Senna told me to begin practicing vulnerability. She said if I can speak my difficult thoughts and feelings out loud, it often removes the shame. Second, Nahuel feels safe. It's hard to explain, but his presence is calming. He seems genuine and authentic. It feels easy to be friends with him.

So, I take a deep breath and explain, "There's something called 'imprinting' that happens to many of the shapeshifters. It's sort of like love at first sight – that's the easiest way to explain it, anyway. Jacob imprinted on me, so that makes us mates… I can't fully describe the level of adoration I have for him. He's the best person I've ever known. He's the reason I separated from my family – I wanted him to have a break from me fucking things over for him."

Nahuel is quiet for a few seconds. "So, you don't get to choose your own partner if you're a shapeshifter? Fate, essentially, decides for you?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Interesting," he responds inquisitively. "I think I would hate having the choice taken away from me."

What he says rings true to me in so many ways. I wish I had a choice in choosing Jacob, in a way… I feel guilty for even having the thought. The truth is, I'm a million percent sure I would always choose Jacob. But I don't want him to be obligated by the dumb wolf magic to choose me after everything I've put him though.

"It's an interesting phenomenon, that's for sure."

"You're up," Nahuel responds, indicating it's my turn to ask him a question.

"Do you have a partner?"

"No," he answers. "I've had a few relationships with both men and women, but nothing that's stuck long-term."

"Were they vampires?" I ask.

"Yes. There aren't many hybrids, you know, and I don't think a relationship with a human would ever work out unless I planned to change them."

I nod in understanding before gently asking, "Have you ever had a broken heart?"

He's quiet for a moment, contemplative. "Yes, but not from romantic love… My heart will always ache from killing my mother when I was born."

I take in a deep breath as sadness courses through me. Technically, I killed my human mother during my birth, too. How would I feel if my dad and Jacob hadn't worked to keep her heart beating long enough to change her into a vampire?

"You didn't kill your mother, Nahuel. You were just a baby."

"Yeah, a monster baby that clawed my way out of my mother's womb."

I shake my head. "You're being irrationally hard on yourself."

He shrugs and is quiet for a moment. "That's what my nightmares used to be about – killing my mother." He glances at me briefly before continuing. "My dad… Well, he's a piece of shit, in my opinion – preying on human women to get them pregnant for his sick, obsessive hobby of creating more hybrids… I used to have a lot of nightmares about him, too, after meeting him."

We continue walking as I whisper, "What happened when you met him?"

"He wanted me to be like him, essentially. He wanted to experiment to see what would happen if I got a human woman pregnant. I told him to go to hell and never contact me again. He hasn't, but I see my sisters occasionally. One of them is completely estranged from my dad, too. She and her mate just had a child."

Nahuel stops at the base of a huge tree, and I'm grateful because I need a moment to process when he just said since it feels like a blow to my gut. "Your… your hybrid sister had a baby?"

"Yes, my half-sister, Maysun, and her vampire mate, Leo."

"And her pregnancy was… normal? She didn't have any complications?"

He shrugs. "As far as I know. She's perfectly healthy now. I just saw her a month ago. Her baby, my niece, is growing like a weed."

I focus on all the regulation techniques Senna's taught me, forcing myself to stay present and not to get lost in the past grief that's surfacing.

Nahuel must understand my struggle because he starts talking, maybe trying to distract me from my own inner turmoil. "I used to make myself sick with worry, afraid that I would become like my father in some way," he shakes his head. "You know, after I met your family, that's when I became obsessed with cooking. I stopped eating human blood altogether once I knew it was possible. I don't want to be a monster like him." He avoids eye contact with me, looking down like he feels ashamed. It makes my stomach churn that he's being this hard on himself.

"You are nothing like your father," I say to him. I reach for Nahuel's hand and link our fingers together. It's not in a romantic way – just a comforting, friendly gesture. He looks at our hands then finally makes eye contact with me. I search his eyes and try to silently convey the message: I see you. And you're not a monster.

I see him swallow before dropping my hand and turning toward the tree. He jumps up and grabs a high branch before starting to climb. I follow after him. We climb for several minutes in silence until we stop near the top of the tree. We stand together on a large, sturdy branch. Nahuel turns toward the east. The sun is barely starting to peak up over a small mountain range.

Nahuel turns toward me. "Senna pulled me aside before we left. She told me we both can offer each other healing – that we are both looking for connection and companionship with someone that's like the other. She told me I needed to be vulnerable with you. I've never told anyone about my nightmares besides my aunt."

Damn Senna. She couldn't have given me a heads up that Nahuel has been struggling with inner demons, too? I'm not equipped to offer any type of support to someone when I'm broken myself.

I swallow and take in the deepest breath I can before letting it slowly release out my mouth. Before I can chicken out, I say, "She told me the same thing. The worst of my nightmares have stopped after all the work I did with Senna, but I still have them sometimes. The one tonight…" I pause, feeling anxiety course through me.

My heart starts pounding. I tell myself I'm safe and take another breath. "The one tonight was about me… killing someone. A human… I… I wasn't taking care of myself well, and I was lost in my emotions. I was also starving, not that that's an excuse. Anyway, a man was sexually assaulting my human friend, Avery. I stopped him, but I also killed him… I drank his blood, and I lost my friendship with the only friend I ever truly made on my own."

I choke on a sob and look away from Nahuel. Will he still want to be here with me? Is he going to ask me to leave? I take a small step back so I can lean against the trunk of the tree for support. I wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks.

Nahuel takes a step toward me. I peak up at him, and he's looking at me with no judgment, just curiosity and something else… Compassion, maybe.

The anxiety in my stomach begins to settle. That's what Senna said would happen all along, didn't she? Finding the courage to be vulnerable squashes shame.

"How did that result in you losing your friendship with Avery? You saved her, right?"

I sniff. "Yes, but… Well, she found out I wasn't just human and… It completely freaked her out. My dad and grandfather talked to her about not saying anything to anyone, and now my Aunt Alice monitors her to make sure she doesn't say anything to anyone, but she won't speak to me."

Nahuel nods in understanding. "Did you like it? The human blood, I mean."

"Yes. More than anything," I admit. "That scares me because I don't want to kill humans."

"You're part vampire, Nessie. Now who's being too hard on themselves?"

"You don't know my family well enough, I guess," I say with a snort. "But I don't want to be a monster, and… killing a human made me one. I also put Jacob in the middle of defending me or defending the values of his wolf pack. The shapeshifters exist to protect humans from vampires like the one I was in that moment."

"Didn't you get a free pass in that situation? I mean, the world is probably a better place without that bastard going around assaulting people."

I shrug. "It's not my job to determine that. He was still a human being. Maybe he could have changed, but now he'll never have the opportunity for rehabilitation."

Nahuel reaches for my hand this time. "You're not a monster, Nessie."

"And you're not like your father." I tell him again.

"Agree to disagree?" He says with a small smile.

I shake my head. "Why are we so hard on ourselves, but so compassionate to others who make mistakes?"

He shrugs. "Maybe that's how we know we aren't really monsters. Monsters don't feel remorse for their actions like we do."

After those words tumble out of Nahuel's mouth, it's as if something clicks inside me… In this moment, I think I take a step toward forgiving myself.

Because he's right – real monsters don't feel remorse or shame for their mistakes or shortcomings.

I just told Nahuel about one of my biggest regrets, and he didn't run away or look at me pitifully. Instead, he stayed, listened, and didn't condemn me. If he and Senna can accept me despite my mistakes, maybe I can accept myself, too.

We are silent now as we turn back toward the mountains. I can't help noticing how the sunrise is a beautiful metaphor for life: there will always be a new beginning, a fresh start.

The darkness doesn't last forever.