Don't. Own. The deep voiced guy who likes to say he's black is Incognito. Trust me, I'm far from racist, but I just find it funny if Incognito keeps badgering them about the same thing over and over.

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"And I didn't mean to do it but I did because I was just laying in my bed trying to sleep and then this voice came and it was like," Integra lowered her tone to the decibel of a bass, "Eat the butter"

Alucard watched Integra sob into his coat, awkwardly patting her back. And, unfortunately, her voice had returned to normal.

"And I was like 'okay' and I tried to not listen and like fight it but I couldn't because it was just like 'gooey delicious butter' and I was like 'But I don't want it!' and then it said the strangest thing. All of a sudden, it was just like 'I used to be black, you know' and then I wasn't really paying attention because my face was in the butter. Oh God, I'm an addict!" she wailed and convulsively gripped Alucard.

"….master…."

"I HAVE A PROBLEM!"

"…A) The first step is admitting it, B) You have a lot of problems, master," Alucard remarked dryly, blinking in disamusement.

"BUT NOW I HAVE TO GO TO REHAB! AND TELL EVERYONE MY LIFE STORY! AND I'LL WALK IN AND I'LL BE LIKE 'HI, MY NAME IS INTEGRA AND I HAVE A PROBLEM' AND THEY'LL BE ALL," her voice suddenly dropped to a zombie-esque drone, "Hello Integra"

"….Is rehab anything like hell? Do they wave butter in your face? If they do, master, can I have some?"

"You don't like butter"

"Well if you pour some blood in the butter and give me a spoon it's kind of like butter with strawberry syrup….right?" he asked, tone monotonous.

And then, it came.

"I used to be black, you know"

The tender moment between the master and servant was interrupted as the echoing, deep voice bound through the corridors.

"What was that?' Alucard asked, quizzical.

"Apparently, it's a man who used to be black"

"YES! HIGH SCORE!" the voice yelled.

"Alucard?"

"Yes, master?"

"…He's playing my pac-man machine…that bitch. And to think, he erased my high score. Do you know how much it was Alucard?"

"…Twenty nine thousand, master…and point seventy-five…" Alucard replied automatically.

"DAMN STRAIGHT! …NO ONE CAN TOP MY SKILLS, NO ONE!"

"But, master, the black voice just said he got the high score-"

"SHUT UP! IT'S MY SCORE! NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME! NOT EVEN GOD! OR THE DAMN QUEEN! NOT EVEN MYSELF!" Integra cried, smacking him across the face.

"Yes, master…" he replied, bored and rubbing the stricken cheek.

"Hah! You know what!" she then yanked the pristinely white glove from her hand, grabbed it and thwacked him right across the face, "Pimp slap!"

"…Yes master…" he twitched visibly, right eye having mad convulsions and fangs grinding so hard together that bits of tooth were beginning to grind off.

"SHUT UP! SAY SOMETHING ELSE!" she whined, continuing to slap him across the face with the glove.

So he did the best thing he could think of. He reached forth, bit the glove, and listened as the silken material ripped right across the glove; fangs tearing through it like it was nothing.

"MY HAND! I HAVE NO GLOVE NOW! I ONLY HAVE THE USE OF ONE HAND!" she cried, frantic and shaking her gloveless hand. She then began to jump up and down, screaming and wailing.

"….Master…" with careful precision, he leaned forth, tugged the other glove from her hand and watched as she stood, mouth open to proportions he wasn't aware her mouth could reach He then took the glove and , with crazed merriment, tore it to shreds as she stared.

"Now you're armless," he sneered, right in her face. He waved a shred of glove, still chewing on a few silken ribbons and allowed the shred of glove to tumble from his fingers and into Integra's suit pocket.

"WALTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" she cried, sobbing as hard as humanly possible, "WALTTTER! I CAN'T SIGN PAPERS OR WRITE OR TURN THINGS ON OR FLICK LIGHT SWITCHES OR EAT BUTTER UNLESS IT'S LIQUIFIED!"

"….." Alucard thusly shoved his index finger in his mouth, "Uch, tha's 'errible"

And picked out a long ribbon of material that was once Integra's glove. He then shrugged and placed the material back into his gaping maw, chewing it harder.

"….WHYYYYYY?" Integra wailed, sobbing uncontrollably, "WHY? WHY DOESN'T GOD LOVE ME? I CAN'T eve-"

She stopped, registering, her eyes ticked back and forth in frantic succession, each breath coming as a painful, shallow exhale and inhale, heart speeding up to the point where it should have exploded in her chest.

"MY CIGARS!"

"Oh, we're all going to hell," he remarked, still chewing heavily on a ribbon of former-glove.

"I used to be black, you know"