A/N: Hi, guys! I promise I'm not abandoning this story; I've just been really busy at work the last few weeks! I'm sorry if this chapter seems a little choppy/all over the place. I needed to connect a few parts of the storyline for some things that are about to happen next! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

"Renegade" by Big Red Machine feat. Taylor Swift
Are you really gonna talk about timin' in times like these?
And let all your damage, damage me?
And carry your baggage up my street?
And make me your future history? It's time
You've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody

Is it insensitive for me to say,
"Get your shit together, so I can love you?"
Is it really your anxiety that stops you from givin' me everything
Or do you just not want to?

RPOV

I wake up the next morning in my bed which confuses me.

Jacob and I fell asleep in the forest last night, right? I'm completely disoriented.

How did I get to the cabin? Where's Jacob? He's not in bed with me, and that fact makes my heart ache.

I sit up quickly and look around. Everything looks exactly as it did before I left. I look over toward the bathroom, hoping that's where Jacob is. I imagine him walking back into the bedroom in his human form, crawling back into bed with me, wrapping his arms around me, and kissing me.

My heart starts hammering in my chest at the thought of seeing him human. It's been far too long.

I want his lips on mine, his muscular arms holding me, his stubble tickling my neck as he kisses me, his hands roaming my body…

God, and I want to hear his laugh, feel his heavy breathing against my neck, feel his lips on the bare skin of my stomach, my thighs…

I clench my legs together at the sudden tingling that's begging for friction. If I knew for sure Jacob wasn't here, I might let my fingers slip lower to take care of the ache on my own. But if he's here somewhere, I'm hoping he can do it…

Or am I getting ahead of myself? We both just completely broke down last night; we haven't even really talked. I just want him terribly.

I take a deep breath and try to refocus, but it's difficult. I haven't been this hungry for Jake in almost two years. The miscarriages and stuff with Avery really put a damper on my sex drive, to say the least.

But my body feels electrically charged again, especially after last night when Jacob licked my lips. I want him to do it again. Who am I kidding? There are a lot of things I want him to do with his tongue...

If he were here, he would be in the bedroom already, scenting my desire. Unless… unless things are different now.

Is there really a possibility that Jacob could imprint on someone else the way Kim suggested? All the legends I've heard are about imprinting being absolute. But is it? With me not being able to carry along the wolf gene, what does that mean? That's the point of imprinting, right? To bring about stronger wolves in future generations? Anxiety stirs in my stomach.

I can't think about that right now. I need to refocus. I take a deep breath and lightly shake my head, clearing my thoughts.

I need to know more details about what happened during that fight with the nomad vampires a couple days ago. Is there going to be a funeral for Brady soon? Who's arranging it, and do they need help? How is everyone else in the pack coping with this? How can I help?

I throw the covers back and notice that I'm definitely not wearing all the clothes I came home in yesterday. Instead, I'm just wearing my sports bra and underwear. Huh, maybe Jacob carried me home and put me to bed at some point during the night/early morning.

If he did, that means he shifted back. That means he's no longer in a catatonic state, right? That means he's doing a little better, hopefully. I know I'm feeling a thousand pounds lighter after last night's mental breakdown.

I frown at the assumption of Jacob carrying me home, though, because that means I missed seeing him human if he isn't somewhere in the cabin.

I glance at the clock - it's 10:00 a.m. I quickly get out of bed and walk into the bathroom. Jacob's not here, sadly, but it looks like the shower is wet. I walk out into the living room, the kitchen, then the spare bedroom. Jacob's nowhere in our small house.

A pang of loneliness rushes through me. Why didn't Jacob wake me up before leaving? Did last night not mean to him what it meant to me? I thought it was catharsis, essentially, for both of us. I thought there was some release that would, in turn, help us open the doors of communication to repair our relationship. Maybe that was only one-sided, though.

I walk back into the master bedroom and find my phone plugged in on the nightstand. I unlock it, hoping that Jacob sent me a message to tell me where he is.

I open my messages. The first one is from my mom from about fifteen minutes ago: Good morning, honey. Jacob just left the main house. We all needed to debrief from the fight. He said you were still asleep when he left the cabin. Come over to the cottage when you wake up. See you soon. I love you.

I quickly respond: I just woke up. Let me shower then I'll be over. Love you too.

Then I have a message from my Aunt Alice: I restocked your closet while you were away. I had a feeling you might need some new clothes. Everything's in the walk-in. Please FaceTime me if you need assistance in assembling an outfit. Xo.

I've never been happier to have a shopaholic aunt in my entire life because almost all my favorite clothes are still with Nahuel in Chile.

Speaking of Nahuel, a have a missed call and text from him: Hey, Nessie. Just making sure you made it home okay? How's everyone doing? How are you doing? No lies.

I smile at the "no lies" part before typing a response. I made it home just fine. I'm not really sure how everyone's doing yet. I'm doing okay. Sorry for leaving so hastily.

No messages or missed calls from Jacob. I debate calling him myself for about five minutes straight, keeping my finger hovered over the call button while I mentally list the pros and cons.

I sigh and close Jacob's contact information. If he wanted me to know what he was up to, maybe he would have woken me up before he left. Maybe he needs some time to process everything that happened last night.

So, instead of calling Jacob, I quickly click on the person I call when I don't want anything sugarcoated, and when I want the honest, stone-cold truth.

She answers after the second ring, her voice sounding hesitant, "Hello?"

"Hey, Leah. It's me," I say quickly.

"Nessie?" Leah questions with the same dubious tone. "Why are you calling me?"

I take a deep breath. "I'm back. I know about Brady. I'm so, so sorry, Leah… I just… I guess I'm calling to see how you and everyone are doing."

I think I hear Leah snort. "How nice of you to check in now. Jacob's been MIA for the last two and a half days, did you know that? Do you even care?"

I deserve any animosity she throws my way, but it still stings. "Of course I care… Maybe I shouldn't have left the way I did, but it's what I needed. I was with Jacob last night. I think he's doing a little better. He just left my family's house twenty minutes ago or so, maybe to come find you?"

"He hasn't shown up here yet." She says bitterly. "Look, I understand why you left. Not being able to have children has probably been taken away from me, too. I understand your hurt to an extent. But you didn't have to take care of Jake's drunken, pathetic ass the last few months."

Leah hasn't had her period since she started phasing. She has hope it'll come back if she eventually stops phasing, but she doesn't see the point since she doesn't have an imprint.

"Drunken?" I question. Has Jacob been drinking a lot?

"Yes, 'drunken'," Leah snaps. "Did the two of you talk at all last night?"

"No, we haven't really talked yet."

"You we're doing other things, got it. How romantic." She says with a sarcastic chortle.

I chuckle once. "No, nothing like that. I wish. He was just in his wolf form, and we fell asleep."

"Uh huh, whatever you say. I'll know soon enough once Jacob lets up on this order for us all not to phase. We're all chomping at the fucking bit."

"I bet he's on his way over now."

"I'll have his ass when he shows his face for that idiotic order."

A small chuckle leaves my mouth. "Don't go too hard on him. That's my job."

"Don't worry, he'll still be able to walk… It just might take him a few days."

We both laugh then it's quiet for a few seconds before I say quietly, "How bad is everything, Leah?"

"Bad," she answers slowly. "We're all hurting individually, and collectively, so it feels overwhelming. I'm glad you're back so Jacob can hopefully function like a normal fucking human being; he's been a pain in the ass with you gone. It's been a rough few months and a shitty few days."

I swallow. "What can I do? Can I help with the funeral if there's going to be one? Have you guys been eating? Do you need food?"

"Brady's family has the funeral arranged. It's in a couple days."

"Food then?" I ask. "When's the last time you ate?"

"I don't fucking know," she gripes. "I haven't been hungry."

"Why don't you all come over to the cabin this afternoon? Invite the pack. I'll make food."

"You'll make food?" She asks skeptically.

"Well, I'll probably buy it, but either way, I'll supply it. I need to go see my parents for a little bit, but why don't you tell everyone to come over around 4:00?"

"Sure, okay. I'll see you this afternoon then."

"Yes, I'll see you then… And Leah?"

"What?"

"Thanks for watching out for Jacob while I was away."

She sniffs. "Yeah, well… He might get under my motherfucking skin, but he's still my brother."

I smile. "Thanks, Leah. See you this afternoon?"

"See you then." She hangs up.

I open my conversation with Jacob and send him a quick message. I just talked to Leah. I told her to invite everyone over to the cabin this afternoon for food around 4:00.

I see three conversation bubbles pop up before receiving only a thumbs up emoji. I sigh as I make my way into the bathroom and turn on the shower.

Maybe I'm not coming home to the same Jacob. I've changed in the last few months, what's to say he hasn't, too?

. . . . . . . .

"That's too complicated. Give me something simpler," I complain on the phone to Nahuel forty-five minutes later while walking to my parents' house.

"It's just sandwiches and a few side dishes," he laughs. "I'll text you a list of stuff to pick up at the store then FaceTime me when you get home, and I'll guide you through it."

I sigh. "Okay. Remember I need enough food for a small, starving army."

"I got you covered, don't worry."

"Thanks. I appreciate the help. I better let you go, I'm almost at my parents'."

"No problem. I'll text you a list in a few minutes."

"You're a lifesaver. Talk to you in a little bit."

"Sounds good, bye."

I tell him bye then hang up. I shove my phone into my pocket as I walk through a small break in the trees. Once the cottage comes into view, I see my parents already waiting for me outside. My mom rushes to my side, pulls me into a quick embrace, then keeps her arm around my shoulders as we walk back toward the house. My dad opens the door for both of us. We go inside and sit down on the couch – me sandwiched in between both of my parents. I think they're afraid to let me out of their site.

"We just missed you terribly." My dad crookedly smiles, commenting on my thought. I'll have to get used to that again.

My mom rests one of her hands on top of mine and squeezes. "Honey, you seem like you're feeling so much better."

I nod with a small smile. "I am, mama." And I genuinely mean it.

"Do you want to tell us about your trip?" She asks.

I shake my head. "Can you tell me what exactly happened with Brady and the nomad vampires first?"

My dad's brow furrows. "Jacob didn't tell you?"

I shake my head again and explain how Jacob and I didn't really talk last night since he stayed in his wolf form.

I listen as my dad tells me the details from the fight. My mom chimes in here and there to add information too. When my dad tells me how the hybrid appeared out of nowhere and landed on Brady's back, I can't hold back my tears. My mom wraps an arm around my shoulders when my dad says he's never felt so much anguish all at once since everyone in the pack felt the pain individually and collectively.

I sniff and wipe my eyes. "Why… why was Brady on Leah's shift? He's usually with Jacob during the day."

My mom plants a kiss on my temple before answering my question. "Jacob started drinking a lot when you left, honey. He… he was really struggling. Leah ordered Embry and Quil to watch him 24/7, so Embry and Brady switched watches."

No.

No, no, no.

If I hadn't left, Embry probably would have been the one trailing behind the nomads… Embry's more experienced than Brady, so maybe Embry would have been able to fight off the hybrid…

Of course, this is my fault, too.

"No, it's not!" My dad growls. I look up at him and swallow. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Renesmee. Jacob made his own choices just like you. He didn't have to resort to alcohol to cope, but he did."

"You can't seriously be blaming Jake for this! I'm the one that left!" I yell.

My mom rubs my back soothingly. "No one is blaming you or Jacob for this. It's no one's fault."

"Your mother's right. I'm not blaming anyone, love," my dad says. "I'm merely pointing out that Brady's death isn't your fault, so I don't want you blaming yourself for another second. The nomads would have come at some point regardless, and, with the hybrid's power and motive, she still would have killed one of the wolves. It seems as though she was trying to send a message. She wants the wolves to stay out of her way."

I'm not sure if my dad is just trying to make me feel better or not, but I know it's useless trying to argue whether I'm at fault or not with him. "Who is this hybrid? Why was she here?"

My dad shrugs. "I was never close enough to hear the hybrid's thoughts directly, so a lot is undetermined. The first vampire was shredded by the time I was close enough, so I couldn't hear his thoughts. We received the most information from the female vampire, Nina. The male vampire was Milo. Apparently, the hybrid captured Nina's and Milo's mates and threatened to kill them if they did not assist her in locating a magical dagger. How you can capture a vampire's mate, I'm not sure. Nina didn't even know the hybrid's name. Nina served on the Volturi's guard long ago. She helped Caius exterminate the Children of the Moon. She thought the wolves were Children of the Moon."

I swallow hard as I begin to piece everything together…

Because I know who the hybrid most likely is.

I recall the conversation I had with Nahuel, Maysun, Hulien, and Leo just a few days ago. Maysun explained how Serena, her and Nahuel's older half-sister, was helping Joham, their father, in locating some magical sword the Volturi had made from the teeth and bones of the Children of the Moon's Alpha. The sword is enchanted to flock to the most powerful vampire and can also kill a vampire as soon as it pierces their skin. Joham wants the sword because he's power hungry, but also because he theorizes the dagger won't work on hybrids. Maysun said one side of the sword says, "wield with humility" and the other side says, "nullify with your life."

I feel sick to my stomach.

"Do you know if the hybrid can teleport?" I ask as soon as I connect the dots.

"It's Nahuel's older sister?" My dad asks confusingly.

My mom looks at my dad questioningly before answering, "It seems like it. Jacob said when he went after her, she disappeared into thin air."

Fuck.

It is Serena.

Serena thinks my family has this bizarre sword thing? She manipulated two other vampires into helping her by capturing their mates? Those two vampires must be the ones who randomly showed up in Paraguay when I was with Zafrina and Senna. Why was she keeping tabs on me? How did Serena manage all this?

That means she's the one that killed Brady…

"Renesmee," my dad says tensely before placing a hand on my shoulder. "What else do you know?"

I swallow. "I think that's all."

"What's going on?" My mom asks worriedly. My dad explains everything to her that he just learned from my thoughts. She gasps as he recants the information.

"Do you think the two vampires that showed up in Paraguay when I was there with the Amazon coven were the two the pack killed?"

"I think it's highly likely," my dad concludes. "Serena talked to Jacob and threatened to harm you if the wolves kept getting in her way… That's why we didn't want you traveling home alone."

"How does Joham know about the dagger in the first place?" My mom asks.

"Maysun said Joham found out about the dagger from an old member of the Volturi's guard. So, maybe that was Nina?"

My dad shakes his head. "Nina's thoughts didn't indicate her telling anyone about the dagger except her mate. She was confused how the hybrid even knew about it."

"Why didn't Nina and Milo overpower Serena and stop her?" I ask.

"Serena told them if she was harmed and didn't return home, their mates would die. They felt backed into a corner."

"But… How can you imprison a vampire? I don't understand how Serena could trap Milo's and Nina's mates in the first place."

My dad frowns. "I don't know either. But Nina was definitely fearful and worried for her mate's safety and well-being."

My mom and dad decide they need to meet with Jacob and the rest of my vampire family today to explain this new information. My grandfather gets home from his hospital shift at 4:30 this afternoon, so they decide to meet then. My dad quickly sends a text message to everyone about the meeting. I tell them I already told the wolf pack to come over at 4:00, so they should have the meeting without me.

My mom explains how they were originally theorizing that the Volturi had indirectly sent the nomad vampires to investigate to see if Alice maybe had the dagger. Then my dad explains more of the backstory with the dagger – how Caius had the dagger made, how it belonged to him until it went missing, how the enchantress who bewitched the dagger is dead after Caius killed her…

"It seems as though your trip served another purpose in finding out all this information from Nahuel." My dad comments.

I smirk, I think it served many more purposes that just that one. Want to see something else I learned?

He nods, so I close my eyes for a moment and tune into the vibration in my chest. I let it expand before connecting the invisible tether with my dad.

"Nessie, what –" My dad is cut off by confusion when he hears his thoughts echo in my head.

What is Renesmee doing, exactly? This is another part of her gift, it seems. Oh! She can hear thoughts!

I respond to him, Yes, I can tell and show you things without needing physical touch. I can also manipulate minds to make someone believe the things I'm telling or showing them are their own original thoughts.

"Renesmee!" My dad exclaims excitedly, causing the tether to break at my lack of concentration. He leans forward quickly, placing his hands on my shoulders. "How did you find out about this new ability?"

"What's going on?" My mom asks.

My dad's proud expression doesn't leave my face as he explains. "Bella, love, Nessie's gift is much more powerful than we ever realized. She can infiltrate and control another person's mind without them knowing."

My mom is just as surprised as my dad. I explain to them how I reacted to a trauma trigger with Senna, causing me to project my thoughts without even knowing. Then I tell them about the training Senna and I did to foster healing and to assist me in harnessing this new part of my vampire talent.

"Will you try it on your mother?" My dad asks excitedly once I'm finished explaining.

"Only if it's okay with her?" I glance at my mom. She nods. "It still feels like an invasion of privacy in a lot of ways to me."

My mom smiles at me, waiting. I turn to face her fully and work to connect the invisible cord with her mind. I hear her thoughts fill my mind a second later, just like with anyone else: Of course, Renesmee has more gifts we are just now finding out about. I'm not the least bit surprised. She takes after Edward in so many ways, after all.

I quickly add, But this gift isn't just from Edward. It's from me, too. She's such a perfect combination of us both.

My mom doesn't even flinch at the thought I planted, so I continue, I missed Renesmee so much. I'm going to lean forward and kiss her forehead.

Immediately, my mom leans forward and kisses my head. I smile then break the connection with her. I turn to my dad, who's still looking awestruck.

"Incredible," he breaths. "You're incredible, Renesmee."

I turn back to my mom whose brow is wrinkled in confusion. "Did it not work?"

"No, it worked, love." My dad answers with a smirk. "I'm surprised it did, since your mind is so private to everyone else."

I grin. "I planted the thought of me being a perfect combination of both you and dad. And I had you lean forward and kiss me."

"You did?" My mom questions. "But I didn't even know… Wow, you really are incredible, honey, just like your dad said. I already knew that, though."

I smile at them both and feel emotion well up inside me because of how much I've missed them. Tears prick my eyelashes, causing my mom to lean forward and place her hand on my knee.

"What is it, honey?"

I sniff and reach up to wipe a tear that escaped. "I just missed you both so much… I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I'm sure I worried you quite a bit."

My mom scoots closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders again. I lean into her and rest my head on her shoulder. "It's not your job to worry about us. It's your job to take care of yourself, and I think that's what you've been doing, right?"

I nod. My mom's hand runs soothingly up and down my arm. "I know the miscarriages and everything with Avery has been so rough for you, but I can't even begin to describe how good it was to see you yesterday. You appear as though you're doing a million times better."

I nod again. I know I'm better. My heart still aches from the loses and my mistakes, and I think it always will, but I know how to manage the feelings when they surface now. I was drowning before. I didn't know how to process through my distressing feelings, and they were eating me alive.

I, quite frankly, owe Senna my life. I wanted to die before my work with her. If anyone has this weird-ass magical dagger, I bet it's her. I mean, you can be the most powerful vampire in the world, but if your mind isn't right, you will not be able to think or behave clearly.

I still feel irresponsible for leaving Jacob alone in his grief. He had no way of escaping the way I did, so I can't help but feel selfish. I just… I couldn't continue hurting him. At the time, I thought maybe if I left, he really could imprint on someone else like Kim had suggested to Emily. I thought maybe I would be saving him from further pain. Two miscarriages when I was supposed to be able to pass along the wolf gene and killing Avery's attacker, putting Jake in the middle… I just wanted to give him a break from me. Maybe he could've had a better life without me.

I hear my dad take in a deep, sharp breath, so I shift my gaze over to him. "You are a lot more like me than I thought, love, and I'm not sure that's a good thing."

I look at him, puzzled. "What do you mean, dad?"

"I know you've heard the story of when I left your mother all those years ago." I feel my mom stiffen as she recalls the memory. My dad reaches over and places his hand on top of my mom's reassuringly. "Your reasoning behind leaving was much like my own. Unluckily for you, love, you inherited my self-deprecation and your mother's stubbornness."

I laugh once then sit up from leaning on my mom's shoulder. "Maybe that makes me more fortunate than you think because I can't imagine two better parents."

. . . . . . . .

After the visit with my parents, I go to the store to buy the ingredients for everything Nahuel is going to help me make then I head back to the cabin. Once I get there, I FaceTime Nahuel, and he walks me through how to make massive batches of potato salad and macaroni and cheese. He also helps me make a variety of sub sandwiches. I bought massive amounts of chips, cookies, and drinks when I was at the store also.

Surprisingly, the only hiccup in making the food is boiling over the water for the potatoes. Everything passes Nahuel's careful inspection, so I'm hopeful the food will at least be edible.

Once I finish assembling everything, it's a little after 3:00. I wash the dishes and change my clothes because I made a huge mess. I'm definitely not graceful in the kitchen like my best friend.

I pull out my phone and open my text conversation with Jacob. I take a deep breath then quickly type out a message to him: Are you coming home after the meeting with my family?

I'm pulling the elastic out of my hair when my phone buzzes with Jacob's response: If you want me to.

I always want you.

Then I'll see you sometime tonight.

I'm not sure what else to say, so I don't respond.

I brush my hair out, apply a little mascara and fill in my eyebrows. I put on some chapstick then walk into the living room to wait for everyone to get here.

I'm feeling a little nervous since I haven't seen my werewolf family in quite awhile. I start chewing on my thumb nail as my mind begins to swarm with anxious questions: Are they angry at me for leaving? How badly was Jacob hurting? Do they hate me for causing him that pain? Do they blame me for Brady's death? What if they don't even show up? What if –

My thoughts are abruptly cut off by the sound of the doorbell. I must have been so anxious I didn't even hear the footsteps outside beforehand. I jump up and quickly open the door.

All I see is a smiling Seth before he lurches forward and pulls me into a huge bear hug that lifts me off the ground. "Nessie! I've missed you!"

I laugh as he sets me back down. "I've missed you too, Seth."

Leah walks in behind Seth and nods to me, her face staying stoic. "You look good."

I nod back and give her a small smile. "Thanks."

Everyone else slowly makes their way inside. Most of them pull me into a hug as they walk in. I feel somewhat overwhelmed like I did when my vampire family picked me up at the airport yesterday because…

Well, because I didn't expect anyone to still care about me after all the chaos I've caused.

But they're all here – Quil and Claire, Paul, Rachel and their baby, Lizzie, Jared and Kim, Embry and Laura, Sam, Emily, and their toddler, Kyle, Sue and my Grandpa Charlie, Billy, and Collin. Jacob, of course, is the only person missing.

I haven't seen my Grandpa Charlie in a long time, so when he embraces me, I have to tell myself to keep it together because I didn't realize how much I missed him. He retired a few years ago and spends most of his free time either with Sue or fishing.

He's completely in the loop on all the vampire/werewolf stuff, but it still weirds him out. I think he's just decided the strangeness is worth keeping my mom, Billy, and Sue in his life. And me, too, I suppose.

My vampire family decided to stay in the Forks area indefinitely so my mom can be near Charlie as he ages. No one's questioned my family's lack of aging yet, and my Aunt Alice is monitoring things for them to be able to stay as long as possible.

Charlie doesn't know about the pregnancy stuff with Jacob and me. He's still completely freaked out that Jacob and I are a couple. I don't blame him; it is an incredibly outlandish situation from his perspective.

I didn't realize how small the cabin was until now. I leave the front door open since we have some chairs outside on the patio and tell everyone to get some food.

Everyone looks exhausted, like they haven't slept in weeks. No one has their usual energy; instead, everyone is slow and somber. They're all getting food, though, so that makes me feel a little better.

"This mac and cheese is fucking delicious, Nessie." Paul says as he shovels another bite into his mouth and plops down on the couch in the living room across from me.

Rachel and Lizzie are on his left and Leah's sitting on his right. Seth, Quil, and Claire, who's now 16 years old, are sitting on the floor in front of them. Everyone else is lingering in the kitchen or sitting outside.

"Thanks." I respond with a small smile.

"You made this?" Quil asks pointedly. He scoops up some of the macaroni and scrutinizes it carefully.

Claire elbows him before muttering, "Just be nice and eat it."

I laugh. "Yes, I made it. I had a friend help me, though. So, it should be edible, Quil."

Seth laughs. "Who helped you? Seriously, everything is delicious."

"I don't know if you remember Nahuel or not, but he's the one who helped. I was visiting him for awhile in South America. He's a hybrid like me and only eats human food. He's an amazing cook."

I want to tell them all about Nahuel's half-sister and dad being responsible for Brady's death, but I can't without Jacob being here. He should be the one to tell everyone after the meeting with my vampire family.

"Cool," Seth says as he shoves the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.

"You were staying with Nahuel this entire time?" Rachel asks as she bounces Lizzie on her lap. I realize, for the first time, that I'm not at all bothered by a baby being around me which is definitely different.

"I was visiting the Amazon coven before that – Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna."

"You're just friends with Nahuel?" Rachel questions.

I frown at her insinuation. "Of course."

She just nods but doesn't say anything else. I've never thought of Nahuel as more than my best friend. Nothing about our relationship has ever been more than that.

Paul snorts. "Thank the fucking heavens you're back, Nessie. I've been going insane not being able to phase from Jake's gag order."

Quil groans. "Goddamn, it felt so good to run on four legs again."

"I'm sorry," I say in a small voice, looking down. I feel my cheeks warm. All these things feel like they're my fault.

"Don't do that," Leah says disapprovingly. I look up at her. "Don't be self-deprecating. You did what you needed to do to take care of yourself, right?"

I nod. She continues, "Then don't apologize for anything. None of this is anyone's fault. I could sit here and blame myself for giving the order to Quil and Embry to babysit Jake, but I'm not. Sometimes shit like this just happens and it's unexplainable. I have no patience for pity parties right now."

I give her a small nod. "You're right. Thanks, Lee."

She nods as she bites into her sandwich. "Oh, these are good. For being half-vampire, this Nahuel guy knows his shit."

. . . . . . . .

It's 9:00 when everyone begins cleaning up and getting ready to leave. The last few hours were spent remembering and telling stories about Brady.

Jacob never came home, though which worries me. I can't imagine the meeting with my family taking this long.

Once everyone leaves, I check my phone, but I don't have any messages or missed calls. I finish cleaning up then go into the bedroom to change into my pajamas and brush my teeth.

Once I'm finished, I pace around my room for a while, debating if I should call Jacob or not. It feels strange to be this self-conscious of my every move with Jacob right now… I just feel like everything is fragile, and I don't want to break anything else between us.

I decide to make some tea and sit in the living room with a book. If he's not home in another hour, I'll call then. As hard as I try, though, I can't get my mind to focus on anything but him.

I hear the clattering of footsteps outside and immediately jump up and rush toward the front door. There's a scratching sound before I fling the door open.

Jacob's here, standing on the porch, but he's in his wolf form. I look at him confusingly. "Jake? What's wrong?"

He shakes his head, indicating that nothing is wrong. He walks a few steps toward the corner of the porch and lies down. "What are you doing? Don't you want to phase back and come inside?"

He shakes his head again.

"You aren't going to phase back?"

He tells me no.

I slowly walk over and plop down next to him on the porch. I reach toward him automatically, wanting to run my fingers through his fur. Catching myself, I pause a couple inches away and look at him, waiting for permission.

A small whine leaves his mouth. He looks somewhat hurt by my hesitation. "Sorry. I just…" I swallow. "I just don't know how to be around you right now."

He leans forward and plants a small wolf kiss on my cheek. I smile and continue running my fingers through his coat. "Are you hungry? There's some leftovers."

He says no. "Why don't you want to shift back?"

He stares at me like he's trying to tell me something. I've always fared decently when it comes to communicating with Jake when he's in his wolf form, but I feel the thrumming in my chest, begging me to use the power that's coursing through me. As tempting as it is to think about connecting to Jacob's mind to hear his thoughts, I can't without his permission. And I don't want to explain this new part of my gift to him right now.

"I don't know what you're trying to tell me, Jake." I say to him. "Are you sleeping out here?" He nods.

I sigh and stand up. "Okay. I'll be right back then."

I go inside and head for the hall closet where I pull out a sleeping bag. I walk into our bedroom and grab a pillow before turning out the lights and going back outside.

Jacob whimpers as I unroll the sleeping bag and situate it next to him. "I don't know why you aren't shifting back, but I'm not sleeping in our bed without you."

I crawl into the sleeping bag. Jacob curls up beside me. We face each other as I continue running my fingers through his fur. I notice for the first time how choppy his coat his. Some sections are long and shaggy while others are short and jagged.

"Did you try cutting your hair by yourself?" He nods. I continue trailing my fingers through the fur on his neck, observing the different lengths. "I can fix it for you before the funeral if you want."

He lifts his head and looks down at me. He searches my eyes for a second before nodding again. I used to cut Jacob's hair all the time.

"Tomorrow?" I ask. He bobs his head to indicate a "yes".

"Did my parents tell you everything with Jahom and Serena?"

He whines before shaking his head yes. "I'm sorry," I say quietly. "Leah and my mom told me about your drinking and about how Embry and Brady switched shifts. If…" I clear my throat. "If I hadn't left, Jake… Maybe… Maybe Brady would still be alive because Leah never would have given that order."

I feel Jacob's body stiffen before he whimpers and quickly begins shaking his head. He scoots even closer to me and uses his legs the best he can to pull me against him. He kisses the few tears that escaped down my cheeks. I burrow into him and breathe in his comforting scent.

Jake nudges my cheek, so I pull away enough to look up at him. He peppers my neck with his wolf kisses which makes my body feel as though it's on high alert. My breathing becomes jagged, and my heart is pounding.

"Jake…" I sigh. He shifts so he can look at me for a moment. Then he leans forward and lightly traces my lips with his tongue again, just like he did last night. The sensation sends me into a frenzy.

I cling to him with more ferocity, pressing my body as tightly to his as possible. He kisses me again, and my body begins trembling with urgent need when our tongues move together.

"Jacob," I breathe his name as he kisses my neck again. "God, please shift back, Jake. Please. I need you so bad."

He whines before shaking his head. My face flushes, and I feel embarrassment flood through me. Of course, Jacob doesn't want me this way right now. What was I thinking? I unwrap my limbs from around him and move back into the sleeping bag.

Why won't Jacob shift? Is he afraid to leave the pack alone? Is he avoiding talking to me?

Jacob whines and nuzzles my neck again. "It's okay," I tell him reassuringly.

I push against his chest, and he scoots away from me. I can't stand the idea of going back inside and crawling into our bed without him, but I also can lie here with him kissing me because my body begins to take on a mind of its own.

I roll over, my back to him. "Night, Jake."

He situates himself so he's right against my back. I close my eyes and try to will myself to sleep. The last thing I'm aware of is Jacob planting a kiss on my cheek as I silently pray for our relationship to fully mend.