A/N: Alright, alright! Here's the chapter I think you've all been waiting for… Just don't hate me for the ending again. ;)
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
"willow" by Taylor Swift
Wait for the signal, and I'll meet you after dark
Show me the places where the others gave you scars
Now this is an open-shut case
I guess I should have know from the look on your face
Every bait-and-switch was a work of art
The more that you say, the less I know
Wherever you stray, I follow
I'm begging for you to take my hand
Wreck my plans, that's my man
You know that my train could take you home
Anywhere else is hollow
RPOV
"You belong to me, Renesmee." Jacob snarls as he takes a step forward. We're only inches apart now. "I'm going fucking insane smelling someone else all over you."
"First of all, I don't fucking belong to anyone; I'm not property, so stop being such a possessive alphahole," I narrow my eyes at him. "Second of all, you are the only one who's ever had my heart, you jealous idiot!"
As soon as the words leave my mouth, he growls and lunges at me.
His hands grip my hips as he backs me into the wall. He urgently crushes his body into my own. I'm already out of breath when I look up at him. A second later, his lips find mine and all coherent thought leaves my mind.
Nothing matters in this moment except Jacob's hard body pressing into me, his mouth claiming my own.
The kiss is urgent. Our lips move together hungrily, needing more, more, more. My hands tangle in his hair, pulling him closer as his tongue traces my bottom lip. I open my mouth to him and groan as our tongues dance to a quick tempo.
One of his hands travels up my body to cup my breast. I gasp, which gives him the opportunity to break away from my lips and kiss behind my ear.
"You have new curves I can't wait to get lost in," Jacob whispers huskily, causing me to shiver.
He's right about my curves. I was skin and bones before I left. Now, my breasts and hips are even fuller than before the miscarriages; that's what Nahuel's cooking will do to you.
His other hand travels down from my hip and slips in between my legs. His fingers move teasingly before circling around that little bundle of nerves. Even through my clothes, the sensation is heavenly. I widen my stance and arch into his hand.
I tilt my head back and moan. His mouth attacks my neck. "I can feel how wet you are even through your clothes," he murmurs. "I love that I do this to you."
"All you have to do is look at me and my panties are instantly wet and falling off." I breathlessly reply. Jacob chuckles. The beautiful, easy sound gives me goosebumps.
He reaches down to grip the bottom of my shirt. As soon as he pulls it up and off, I strip off the remainder of my clothes hastily until I'm clad in only my underwear. He moans as his eyes travel down to my breasts. He quickly removes his shorts and boxers, so I slip my underwear down my legs and kick the garment to the side.
He lunges back toward me, this time griping my hips and lifting me up. I wrap my legs around him. He pushes my back roughly into the wall, and our lips crash together. One of his hands squeezes my ass while the other cups my breast. He pinches my nipple in between his fingers and a loud moan escapes my mouth.
"Fuck," Jake murmurs. "Your body…" He pauses as he leans down to tease my other nipple with his tongue. Heat rushes to my core, so I buck my hips into him, craving friction.
"Your body is sexier than ever, Ness. Your tits are so full now… I could get lost in them forever." He moves his arm so both of his hands are grabbing at my ass. I rest my hands on his shoulders. He lifts me up a little higher so my breasts are closer to his line of sight. He stares at them for a moment then he leans forward and attacks one of my nipples – flicking his tongue, sucking, grazing his teeth, making my breast jiggle. I am writhing with pleasure and need as he makes his way to my other breast.
"Jake," I whisper. God, have I ever been this horny? I need Jacob. I need him now. I need his tongue or cock running through my folds. I need release, and I need it from him right now before I explode.
"Mmm, still impatient, huh?" Jacob murmurs before resting his face right in between my breasts. He plants a few kisses there. "Shit, Ness. Shake 'em around my face, baby. I want to be smothered by your beautiful tits." I smirk, loving how much Jacob's enjoying my curvier body.
I grab my breasts and lean slightly forward. I shake them back and forth around his face for a few seconds before he groans and captures one of my nipples in his mouth again.
Fuck.
I'm so wound up already. I need friction in other areas.
"Jake, please. Please. I need you."
He groans again then lifts his head from my chest. He grips my hips and lifts me higher. I'm not sure what he's doing at first until he says, "Rest your legs on my shoulders, baby."
Oh my god.
Jacob's going to feast on me in this position? With my back pressing into the wall, my legs flopped over his shoulders, while he's still standing?
Fuck, this is different.
And hot as hell.
I do as he instructs. I place my hands in his hair, needing some place to hold on to in order to keep my balance. Jacob's hands are holding me perfectly steady, though – one on my waist and the other cupping my ass again. Apparently he likes that new curve, too.
"Fuck, Ness. Your pussy's even more gorgeous than I remembered." He lowers his head and kisses my inner thighs. "I can't wait to bend you over and thoroughly inspect your ass later."
After some sucks and nibbles on my thighs, his tongue finally, finally connects with my clit in a tantalizingly soft, slow flick.
"Jake!" I shriek as I buck my hips toward his mouth, needing more. "God, please keep going."
"Say it," Jacob says before his tongue barely touches that throbbing bundle of nerves again. He goes back to kissing my thighs.
No, no, no…
The teasing is driving me mad as he does it again and again and again – his tongue barely grazing my clit before he moves away and kisses my outer lips or inner thighs.
I'm going to burst from the anticipation.
"Say it, Ness."
"Fuck, Jake... Say what?" I'm finally able to choke out. "You're killing me!"
"That you're mine. Please. I need to hear you say it."
I sigh as his tongue teases me again. I won't be able to take much more of this. I tug on his hair. "Jacob, look at me."
He doesn't move his mouth from my center as he glances up. Fuck, it's hot as hell to see him looking at me when he's buried between my legs. If his tongue was where I needed it, I think I would have climaxed just from his smoldering gaze.
"I am yours, Jake," I tell him breathlessly. "I am yours, baby. I always have been. I always will be. There's no one else. It's only you."
His muscles relax, and I swear I see moisture cloud his vision. He holds my gaze for a moment as he licks me.
And it's not a teasing lick this time. No, it's a steady, strong, and determined thrust of his tongue.
He completely devours me, and I begin to lose myself in him.
He lifts his head, causing me to moan in protest. He gives me a wicked grin before reaching up to cup my breast and tease my nipple again. I throw my head back against the wall.
"That's right, baby. Remember that I'm the only one that can drive you wild like this," he says in a husky, low voice that does absolutely nothing to help me regain a semblance of composure. "I'm going to bury my face between your perfect thighs again and make you come. Then I'm going to fuck you with my cock and make you come again as a reminder of what only I can do to you," I whine as he teases my other nipple. "You are going to scream my name, understood?"
"God, Jake… Yes. Yes." I mumble incoherently. "Please. Make me come now. I… I just need you."
He situates himself between my legs, but this time he supports my ass with one arm so he can use his other hand to tease my nipple. As he circles his tongue around my clit, he moves his hand down from my breast and pumps two fingers inside me. "Is this what you want, baby?"
"Yes! Yes, Jake." I say breathlessly. "You know my body so well."
His mouth continues with the expert licks and sucks and nibbles. His strong fingers move in and out of me quicker and quicker.
My own fingers dig deeper into his hair. I plant my feet against his back as I lift my hips slightly and begin rocking along his tongue. All my muscles begin to tighten, my toes curling against his back, my head dipping back…
Closer and closer and closer…
Release rips through me like a goddamn tornado. My screams fill the room, every one of them being Jacob's name.
Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck…
Part of me forgot how intense sex with Jacob is since he knows my body like the back of his motherfucking hand.
I slump forward and Jacob supports my weight before untangling my legs from around his shoulders and pulling me down until he's gracefully cradling me in his arms. He plants kisses in my hair as he very quickly walks into the living room and lays me on the large, shaggy rug. He crawls on top of me.
"You still have the IUD?" Jacob asks.
I nod. "Yes."
"Thank fuck," he mutters. "I need to feel all of you."
"Fuck. Get inside me, Jake. Now." I say breathlessly. "I need your cock pounding into me."
He groans and attacks my mouth in an urgent kiss before moving down to kiss my neck again.
I grab for him hurriedly, needing him to fill me up. I'm in a trance-like frenzy as I reach between us and position him at my entrance. I dig my fingers into his back as I try to pull him up so he'll slide into me. When that doesn't work, I try shifting my hips down. That doesn't work either because Jacob's being too still.
Why isn't he thrusting into me? Why is he taking so goddamn long? I need this. I need him. I whine in frustration.
"Ness," Jacob whispers. I whimper and continue wiggling underneath him, trying desperately to pull his cock into my aching entrance. I need this connection.
"Renesmee, look at me," Jacob insists as he cups my face and sweeps his thumb across my cheek. I take a deep breath and focus my gaze on his.
He leans down to kiss me. The kiss is soft, slow, and incredibly sweet. When he pulls away, he's looking at me intensely. He pushes forward, and the tip of his cock enters me. I grip the sides of his body and try to pull him all the way in, but he's still again.
"Open your eyes," he whispers. "I want to see you."
I flutter my eyes open and glance up at him. He slowly inches into me again. We never break eye contact as he enters me fully. I feel incredibly raw and vulnerable moving this slowly, maintaining this eye contact.
Once he's fully inside me, he pauses. "You're mine."
"I'm yours," I vow. "And you're mine?"
"Yes, baby. You have all of me. Forever." He says adoringly before kissing me sweetly.
After the kiss, he's done being slow. He pulls out of me and thrusts back in roughly.
Good god.
I forgot what it felt like to have him inside me. I moan and spread my legs wider, trying to open up to him as much as possible.
As he continues to pump in and out of me, he leans his head down and pulls my nipple into his mouth.
I start meeting his thrusts, feeling myself build again. I squeeze Jacob's bicep and dig my fingernails into his hip. "Jacob," I say. "Oh, Jake, I'm about to…"
"Fuck. Yes. Come again for me, Ness. Let me watch and hear you." He pounds into me again and again, and I'm a goner. I surrender everything to the man above me. The man I will never, ever get enough of. The only man I'll ever truly want and need.
It's right here, in this very moment, that I realize how I will never leave Jacob again. I thought me leaving was what needed to happen to avoid hurting him more.
But that's what love is, right?
In order to love someone unconditionally and wholeheartedly, you have to embrace the pain that will always accompany the adoration.
As Jacob finds his loud release right after me, I open my eyes and watch him. I memorize the way his face contorts with pleasure. I memorize his scent. I memorize how his heavy body feels as it presses into mine.
I memorize it all because I want to have this memory the rest of my life – me completely and absolutely allowing myself to choose and love Jacob Black despite the things we cannot give to each other.
He's breathing heavily into my neck now as he whispers over and over, "I love you, I love you…" His warm, jagged breath tickles against my neck, giving me goosebumps.
He finally lifts his head, pulls out of me, and flops onto the rug beside me. We're both lying still, eyes closed, basking in this post-connection glow. The only sound in the room is our smooth, accelerated breaths.
We both open our eyes and tilt our heads to look at the other at the same time, causing us both to chuckle. The sound is so easy and genuine that I feel emotion bubble up inside me because I feared Jake and I would never get this easygoingness back.
Jacob must feel the same way because he says, "God, Ness. There was a time I thought I'd never hear your laugh again."
I'm not ready to be disconnected from him yet, so I sit up and swing my leg across his body. I situate myself so I'm straddling him. I cup his face and look down at him. We both smile before I lean forward and kiss him with as much love and sweetness as I can muster.
I kiss and nibble his neck, his ear, across his collarbones. I feel him instantly harden under me again. As I continue kissing him, I show him how I want round two because I'm still ravenous for him. I show him how I want to make up for all the lost time.
"Mmm," Jacob cups my face and pulls me back to look at him. "I am going to fuck and make love to you for a week straight. You're not going to be able to walk when we're both finally satisfied enough that we can get dressed."
"I think you'll be satisfied way before I am." I say with a sly smile.
"Oh yeah?" He chuckles. "Is that a challenge?"
"Oh, I'm always challenging you. Or have you forgotten?" I smirk before scrambling down his body. I position my breasts around his cock and stroke him that way a few times, knowing it's something that used to drive him insane.
"Fuuuuck," Jacob groans, letting me know it still does, in fact, drive him insane.
I scoot further down and kiss his length, causing him to take in a sharp breath.
"Nessie," he breathlessly mutters. I take as much of him in my mouth as I can and bob my head slowly. He groans and buries his hands in my hair, gently guiding my head. "And you think I'm going to be satisfied before you? Christ, that's never going to happen, baby."
I stroke him with my hand as I reply, "Good."
Using my hand and mouth, I continue stroking and sucking him the way he likes. The noises he's making are driving me fucking wild with need. I reach down with my free hand and start to rub myself.
Jacob's hands told my face tightly, stopping my movements. I look up at him and silently communicate that I'm fully intending to get him off this way. I want the taste of his release to linger on my tongue.
"Turn around," he says gruffly. "I need you on my tongue, too."
I flip around quickly, now facing toward his legs, and scoot my hips up toward him. He grips my ass and positions me right above his mouth before beginning his expert licks and flicks.
Fuck. We haven't sixty-nined in a long, long time. I forgot how hot it is.
I moan as I continue sucking and stroking him with my mouth and hand. I rock my hips along his tongue, feeling myself build already.
"Are you close, baby?" Jacob asks. "Because, fuck… I'm about to…"
I suck and stroke him quicker as he continues to devour me. His body tightens even more. I move my hips quicker, building and building and building…
His cock stifles my moans of pleasure as release rips through me for the third time in less than an hour. I think Jacob was waiting the best he could to come at the same time as me. He moans along with me, and a second later his cum fills my mouth. I swallow every last drop of him before collapsing down, resting my head on his thigh as I catch my breath.
After several seconds, I finally find enough energy to turn myself around and burrow into his side, resting my head on his chest. I tilt my head back and reach up to cup his face.
We stare at each other for a moment before he leans in to kiss me.
And that's what slowly starts up round three.
One of the great things about being half vampire is that I only need a minute or two of recovery time before being fully ready for another round of sex. The same is true for Jake with his werewolf abilities.
We spend the entirety of the day wrapped up in each other, making up for lost time, making up for the heartache that's haunted us. Every time we finish, it's as if I'm even hungrier for him. I showed him the feeling I was having, and he said he felt the same.
We took a break around dinner time so Jacob could phase and check in with the pack members on day watch. He told them he will be MIA for a couple days. Then he sent Leah a text message to let her know too since she wasn't on patrol when he shifted. Jacob said she was only there this morning because she heard Seth's howl and came to check on him.
After taking care of some responsibilities, we scarfed down food as quickly as possible before deciding we probably needed to shower.
Of course, that meant showering together.
I soaped up Jacob's loofah and slowly cleaned every inch of him. He did the same for me. I washed his hair, and he attempted the wash mine, but I had to help since my hair is so long.
Then we just held each other under the steaming water before Jacob turned me around, my back to his front. He pinched my nipples with one hand and teased my clit with the other. Then he bent me over and took me from behind until we were both panting from release.
When we get out of the shower, even though it's a little counterintuitive, I suggest we take a bath together. When my Grandma Esme designed the cabin for us, she made sure everything would accommodate Jacob's massive size, and the bathtub is no exception.
Jacob agrees, so I run the water, throw in some bubbles and bath salts, light the candles, and we both get in – him on one end and me on the other. I smirk, wondering how long the small distance between us will last.
As if having the same thought, Jacob catches my eye and smirks back. He reaches for my foot and massages it with his hands. I smile and lean my head back against the tub, closing my eyes.
We still haven't talked about anything yet. I'm not sure either of us knows how to start the conversation, or maybe we've just been too wrapped up in this sexual frenzy that words haven't been the priority.
But I want to talk to him now. I want to tell him everything. I want to be close to him in every way possible – physically, emotionally, intellectually… I want him to have all of me.
Something begins to slowly click in my mind… Senna said the rest of my healing had to happen with Jacob. This must be the last piece of the puzzle.
But…
But if I let go of the pain and finish this part of my healing, does that mean I'm fully letting go of the babies I've lost, of the life I took, of the friend I lost?
It feels like the pain is a reminder of my losses. If the pain subsides, or leaves, does that mean I've fully let it all go? Does that mean I've fully forgiven myself? The pain feels like a way to honor the losses, in a way. Maybe this is what survivor guilt is?
But if I don't let go of the pain, it will haunt my relationship with Jacob, and we will never move forward. I feel caught between feeling like I should continue punishing myself and letting go to move forward.
Jacob releases my foot and the bath water ripples. I lift my head and open my eyes just as he cups my face and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears I didn't notice had escaped from my eyes.
"What is it?" He asks quietly.
I stare at him and swallow. "I just… I… I'm not sure how we move forward together after everything's that's happened."
He stares at me intently for a moment. "I think we just decide to choose each other no matter what."
His words make me cry more. "But… Moving forward with you feels like I'm accepting the mistakes I've made, accepting the pain I've caused you…"
"Ness," Jacob says soothingly. "It doesn't have to be that black and white, does it?"
I swallow and look at him confusingly. He explains, "You keep thinking you have to be fully healed to… I don't know, deserve to be with me?" He shakes his head, like the thought is absurd. "We can still be sad and upset about everything that's happened and still choose to be together. We can choose to work through everything together instead of separately, can't we?"
He's right. Of course, he's right. I've been thinking this entire time that I need to be better before we can be fully be together again. I definitely think I needed time away from him because I was drowning in his pain, too, but now that it's manageable, we can choose to work through things together. I don't have to let go of my pain in order to move forward with him. Maybe I can let him help me carry my pain and vice versa.
I reach for him, holding his face, and pull his mouth to mine. We kiss soft and slow.
When he pulls away and rests his forehead against mine, I whisper, "I choose you, Jake. Now. Forever. Always."
He kisses me again before murmuring the same thing back, "And I choose you, Ness. Now. Forever. Always."
He settles back on his side of the tub and runs his fingers up and down my shin, like he can't stand the idea of not touching me in some way. We are silent for a few moments as I muster up the courage to start this needed conversation.
"Jake," I say quietly. I wait for him to look at me. "I want to tell you everything."
He nods. "Then tell me when you're ready, baby. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you say."
"You've been so distant and angry with me since I got back, though. I'm not blaming you, but are you sure you're ready to hear about everything? I don't want you to go back into that shell."
"I was grappling with a few things…" He reaches up and runs a hand through his hair nervously. "Look, I know you slept with someone else, Ness. And… Well, it was driving me fucking insane to smell someone else on you. But I didn't want to make you feel guilty for that because… Because I want you to be with someone who you can have a baby with. If you just came back for the funeral and wanted to leave and be with someone else, I didn't want you to feel bad for making that decision."
"Jake," I say sternly. "I want your baby not a baby."
He nods, but doesn't seem fully convinced. "I was also just really struggling with everything that happened with Brady… I know you don't think it's my fault, but it is, Ness. I'm the leader of the pack. When mistakes happen, it's on me. And if I hadn't started drinking, Brady wouldn't have been in that fight. If I wasn't so lenient, I would have given him orders to back down earlier… I was just feeling too much shame to be around you. I felt damaged, like I didn't deserve you."
I scoot close enough in the tub so I can put my hands on his shoulders. "Jacob, your logic is so skewed. I can also sit here and say if I hadn't left, then you wouldn't have been drinking; therefore, it's really my fault all this happened."
He shakes his head. "No, it's not!"
"It's only Serena's fault, Jake. Not yours, not mine. She was trying to send a message. She would have hurt someone regardless of your actions or mine. And you're not damaged. Please don't think that about yourself. We've both made mistakes, but that doesn't make us damaged." He nods, but stays quiet.
"Are you still drinking a lot?" I ask after a moment.
"No," he shakes his head. "I haven't touched any alcohol since you got home… I'm sorry I've been so cold and distant."
I shrug. "I deserved it. Seems like all the sex helped, though, huh?" I say, trying to lighten the mood a little. "All that pent-up toxic masculinity just evaporated after a few orgasms?"
He throws his head back and laughs before leaning forward to peck my lips. "I think sex with you can fix just about anything, but especially my piss poor mood. It helps that your scent is mingled with mine again, that's for sure."
I smile tightly for a second then situate myself so I'm straddling him because I can't stand the idea of being on the opposite end of the tub while telling him everything. I need to be touching him. He wraps his arms around my back and pulls me into him.
I hold his face between my hands and search his eyes for a moment. I have to explain everything to him. I have to let him in. Fully let him in.
The only way to find repair in relationships is to be vulnerable and remorseful about your shortcomings. That's another thing Senna taught me.
Sensing my apprehension, Jacob nods once reassuringly. I hesitantly nod back before letting the memories flow. He closes his eyes, as if to fully concentrate on all that I'm going to share with him.
I show him how something inside me broke during the first miscarriage.
I show him how all of me broke after the second one.
I show him how badly I wanted to die after losing our babies. His grip tightens around my back and a tear escapes down his cheek.
I show him how it all felt like my fault, how I felt like there was something wrong with my body.
I show him how I overheard Kim telling Emily that imprinting is about the best gene match for offspring, so Jacob will likely imprint on someone else. He growls after seeing that memory, but stays quiet for me to continue.
I show him my conversation with my Aunt Rosalie – how she told me she would give up everything (even my Uncle Emmett) if it meant she could be human and have a child. I show him how I thought that was true for him after I saw how painful it was for him to realize he wouldn't be able to have a child with me.
I show him how I left because I wanted to give him an opportunity at a life with someone else, if what Kim suggested could truly happen.
I show him how I also left so I could figure out who I am outside of him and my family, which I was able to do in my friendship with Nahuel.
I show him my anguish over killing the man that was sexually assaulting Avery. I show him how guilty I still feel for putting him in the middle of me and his pack's values.
I show him my memories of Steven – how I met him on the plane and slept with him when I was somewhat intoxicated and trying to figure out how to escape from my pain in very unhealthy ways.
I show him all the training I did with Senna. I show him how I found out I can hear and manipulate thoughts without the other person knowing.
I show him everything about Nahuel. I show him how validating it feels to be close to someone who's exactly like me. I show him how Nahuel is only my best friend, nothing more has ever happened with him, and it never will. When he takes in a sharp breath, because Nahuel is a sore spot for some reason with him, I show him the looks on Nahuel's and Leah's faces earlier.
Jacob isn't able to stay quiet any longer as his eyes burst open and find mine. "Leah imprinted on him!?"
I smile and shrug. I guess he wasn't phased long enough earlier to find out what exactly happened this morning between Leah and Nahuel. "I'm not entirely sure. Seth seemed to confirm it when I saw him, but I left to come find you before officially finding out."
Jacob stares at me for a moment then starts laughing. Like, uncontrollable, double-over laughing.
I watch him skeptically for a second, but when he reaches for my hand, like he's going to try to calm down to explain, another laughing fit overtakes him. I can't help myself as I join in.
I don't know how long we sit there laughing, but it's a least a few minutes.
"Ness," Jacob says through another chuckle. "Oh, you realize this means we are stuck with Leah and Nahuel forever, right? Your family better find a bigger house for all of us. Out of everyone in the pack, of course I would be stuck with Leah for eternity."
"Hey! Be nice!" I smack his arm somewhat playfully and frown. "Leah's great!"
"Sure, sure. It's just funny how life works sometimes."
"I guess they never saw each other all those years ago when the Volturi was here?"
"Leah loathed all the vampires that were here. She wouldn't have even glanced their way… Wow," Jacob says as he reaches up and rubs the back of his head.
"What?"
"I guess my dad and Sam's theory might be right. I just didn't believe it because it didn't make sense."
"What theory?"
He shakes his head before explaining, "Well, after the miscarriages, I met with Sam and my dad. They said there is an old legend about a 'Mighty Alpha'," he uses finger quotations and rolls his eyes before continuing. "The legend says that, eventually, when the strongest Alpha of the pack is found, they are to remain the pack's leader forever, essentially. The legend never made much sense because everyone in previous packs would eventually stop shifting to live out their human life with their human imprint. But with you and Nahuel being immortal…"
My expression must show how confused I am about why all these things go together, so he continues to explain, "They thought that meant eventually a pack leader wouldn't imprint on anyone and would just keep phasing indefinitely. But after the miscarriages and the testing Carlisle did, they said that maybe I was this 'Mighty Alpha' since it wouldn't make sense for me to imprint on you otherwise."
I stare at him, dumbfounded. "And you never told me about this!? Why!?"
"Why would I?" He laughs. "It's ridiculous, Ness. Me? Being the most powerful pack leader in existence? C'mon."
"It's not ridiculous! Jacob –"
He cuts me off. "Ness, I was drunk off my ass the entire time you were gone. Brady died because of my shitty leadership. I'm not a good Alpha. Maybe that's why Leah imprinted on Nahuel. She's really the one that's meant to be a leader, not me!"
I reach forward and hold his face in between my hands. "First of all, you've gotta stop blaming yourself for Brady's death. Second of all, you doubt yourself way too fucking much. You and Leah make the perfect team! Of course you would be a Mighty Alpha and Leah would be your Mighty Second or whatever it's called for her!"
Jacob shakes his head. "God, I bet she's pissed right now."
"Leah? Why?"
"Leah hates vampires, Ness. She likes you most of the time, but that's it. I can't imagine her imprinting on one."
Jacob reaches behind me and turns on the hot water again since it's getting a little cold.
"He's only half vampire," I say, feeling the need to defend Nahuel. I love Leah too, but she should give Nahuel a chance; he's the best. "I guess she can't really do anything about it now, can she? Isn't she going to be madly in love?"
Jacob shrugs. "You would think. But leave it to Leah to figure out a way to reject an imprint."
"Can that happen?"
"I don't think so. I'm just saying that Leah's stubborn. I can't imagine not being with you after imprinting, but if there's a way, Leah would figure it out."
I nod, trying to absorb all that Jacob's told me. "So, you imprinted on me for me, not because of my ability – or lack of ability – to pass on your wolfy gene, huh? Did I get that right, Mr. All Mighty Alpha?"
He laughs and leans forward to kiss me. "It was always just for you, Nessie." He kisses me again then rests his forehead against mine. "But I would have loved being a parent with you. I'm sorry I can't give that to you."
I sigh. "Me too."
He sits back up then reaches forward and holds my face between his hands. He waits to talk until I look up at him. "Please, please stop blaming yourself for the miscarriages. They were not your fault. It's both of us, not just you."
"I'll make you a deal," I say. "You work on not blaming yourself for Brady's death, and I'll work on not blaming myself for the miscarriages."
"And for killing that piece of shit that was assaulting Avery."
I nod. "Okay. I'll work on not blaming myself for that too. Deal?"
He smiles my favorite smile. "Deal."
I try to pull away from him, but he still holds my face, "And Kim was wrong. Imprinting is absolute. I could never imprint on anyone else. It's you, Ness. Only you."
I nod then lean forward and bury my face in his neck. Jacob reaches around me and turns the water off.
"You also didn't put me in the middle when you killed that prick for assaulting Avery. No one in the pack thinks what you did was wrong. They were a little repulsed that you killed him the way you did, sure, but that's it. He was going to rape her, Ness. Fuck him."
"That doesn't mean he deserved to die."
"You were protecting and avenging your friend." Jacob argues.
"She's not my friend anymore."
"I know." Jacob's arms tighten around me. "I'm sorry."
I shrug. I can't do anything about Avery. I just hope that one day she reaches back out to me. And if she doesn't, I hope she has a happy, fulfilling life.
"Will you show me your power? How you can manipulate thoughts?" Jacob asks.
I sit up to look at him. "You don't think it's totally bizarre or weird?"
He smiles. "Nothing about you could ever be bizarre or weird to me. Please show me. I have a pack full of wolves that get to see inside my head all the time, so I'm used to people knowing my thoughts."
I smile back. "Okay. Ready?"
He nods. I close my eyes for a moment and focus on that familiar buzzing inside my chest. I let the feeling spread then I open my eyes and focus on creating a tether to Jacob's mind.
I hear his thoughts right away, Nessie is brilliant. I bet she has even more gifts she doesn't know about yet. She's incredibly talented. And beautiful. How did I get this lucky? And fuck, she's so much healthier now. Her feminine curves are driving me mad. I want to fuck her from behind again to watch her ass and tits jiggle.
I feel my cheeks redden before interjecting, Maybe I'll do that right after she shows me her new power. She likes when I fuck her doggy style. And I can't wait for her mouth to be wrapped around my cock again. I know she likes blowing me.
I watch Jacob swallow. I feel him grow beneath me. I smirk. Even though it sounds fucking hot to take her from behind, I can't stand not being able to see her face, though. It's been far too long, and I feel like I have to watch her come a million times before I'll be satisfied. I want to see every ounce of pleasure that shows up on her face because of me.
I'm starting to lose my focus because a distracting heat rushes down my body and pools in my lower belly, making everything tingly. My breathing picks up from his thoughts.
God, is this what Leah and your brothers have to listen to all damn day?
Jacob's eyes widen. Holy shit, she really can hear me.
Yes, I heard everything. And I manipulated your thoughts when I said that I liked it doggy style and liked blowing you.
Jacob grins then reaches forward and kisses me again. The distraction breaks the connection with his mind. Once I'm breathless, Jacob moves down to my neck.
"I'm never leaving you again, Jake. I'm so sorry," I whisper.
He lifts his head back up. "I'm sorry, too. I should have told you about the legend. Maybe you wouldn't have left."
"I still would have gone. I needed space away on my own… We both should have opened up to each other more, though. But I promise never to run away from us again."
Jacob smirks. "You're not leaving me for that Steven guy then, huh?"
I feel myself blush with shame. "I'm sorry about that, Jake… Really, it wasn't anything more than sex."
After a moment, he sighs. "I understand where your mind was. It might be a little raw for awhile, but I know you were just trying to find a way to escape the pain." I nod, avoiding eye contact with him because I'm not sure what to say. "Besides, I think I know how you can make it up to me."
I look up and see Jacob grinning devilishly at me. "Oh yeah?" I ask.
"Yes," he says in a husky voice before tilting his head down to tease one of my nipples with his tongue. I bury a hand in his hair and arch my chest toward him. He moves to my other nipple then lifts his head up to kiss me fervently.
He wraps his arms around me tightly before standing up from the bath, my limbs wrapped around him. We're still dripping wet when he lays me on our bed and crawls on top of me.
We make love again, but this time there's no urgency. We take our time exploring each other, loving every single inch of each other's bodies, flaws and all.
He kisses all my scars and I kiss his, tangled up in each other as we surrender into the messy life that's completely ours.
. . . . . . .
When we finish, the sheets are soaked as we lie in our bed, still entwined and breathing heavily.
"You weren't kidding about me not being able to walk when we're both finally satisfied, huh?" I joke.
He laughs. "Oh, baby, the things I still want to do to you…"
"We've gotta sleep at some point."
He glances over at the clock. It's 10:00 p.m. "We've only been having sex for the past twelve hours. I'm not even close to being satisfied. Are you?"
I laugh. "Never. I'll never have enough of you." Jacob chuckles, pulls me closer, and kisses my head.
We're comfortably quiet for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts. Something occurs to me, so I quickly prop my head up in my hand by resting my elbow on his chest. I look up at him mischievously. "I have an idea."
"Uh-oh," Jacob says sarcastically.
I smile then reach up to cup his face. I search his eyes for several moments before unhesitatingly saying, "I want to marry you."
Jacob's eyes widen in utter shock. "What?"
"I guess I should have done that a little smoother. This is my first time proposing to someone, so let me try again," I laugh then clear my throat. I scoot up a little more so my face is closer to his. "I want to be tied to you in every way possible, Jacob Black. I was just lying here thinking about it, and it's not something we've ever really talked about. But I love you, Jake. I want to be your wife. I want it to be official in every way that I am yours and you are mine… Will you marry me?"
His eyes search mine, looking confused but also incredibly excited. "I thought you hated the idea of marriage!"
Even though marriage used to sound silly to me, there's something incredibly special about choosing to officially tie myself to Jacob in this binding way.
I shrug. "I do. But not when it comes to you."
He reaches forward, cups my face, and kisses me intensely. He rests his forehead against mine. "Of course I will marry you! I will marry you whenever, wherever, and however you want. I want to be your husband. I want to be with you forever, for always."
A huge smile takes over my face. "Sorry I don't have a ring for you."
He laughs, pecks my lips, then pushes himself up. He scoots to the side of the bed so he can stand up. He walks over to our dresser and opens his sock drawer. I watch as he rummages through it for a minute before pulling out a small jewelry box. He comes back to sit on the bed, looking at me excitedly.
He reaches for my hand. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I've waited to give you this ring for a very long time. I just kept waiting for the right opportunity. As always, you beat me to the punch, but I wouldn't have it any other way." He flips the jewelry box open, and I immediately start bawling as I reach up to touch the pearl pendent charm around my neck.
"Yes," Jake says, nodding toward my necklace. "This was my mom's ring… I want you to have it. I want it on your finger. I mean, unless you want something different?"
"Your sisters?" I question through a sob.
"My dad gave it to me. He said my mom always wanted me to have it."
I lunge forward and wrap my arms around his neck. "Yes, yes of course I will wear it! It's perfect; don't you dare get me anything different! I love it so, so much!"
As soon as I pull away, I wipe my eyes and Jacob reaches for my left hand. He slips the ring into place and kisses it, sealing it. It fits perfectly.
Even with the dagger and Serena stuff looming, even with our relationship still on the mend, even with our mutual grief… Everything in this moment is absolutely perfect.
In fact, I cannot imagine a more perfect moment. I cannot imagine a more perfect man. And, to my surprise, I cannot imagine a more perfect life.
It's as if every dark event has led to this very moment. The darkness is just as important as the light. Without the darkness, we will never know true happiness. Maybe the goal in life is to appreciate the darkness just as much as the light.
With happy tears still flowing, I beam at my fiancé and pull him into a passionate kiss. I bask in the love we're flowing into each other. We're choosing each other despite the pain that's still present. We're choosing each other always, forever, no matter what.
I didn't know in this completely perfect moment, that exactly three days later, I would be separated from Jacob again. Although this time, it would be against my will.