Dovepaw sat, staring up at the moon. Its soft, silver light bathed the surrounding forest. A soft Greenleaf breeze rustled through the trees. She couldn't help but feel a small sense of relief as it swept through her fur, cooling her down. While the drought may have ended, thanks to her mentor, herself, and some other cats from the different Clans, it was still unbearably hot - even during the night.
But that's not what was keeping her awake tonight.
The noise was.
She was a light sleeper; every toss and turn of her denmate's in their nests, evey shallow breath, every snore, and every mutter. She heard all of it. That extended to every other den in ThunderClan camp and stretched out even further.
Dovepaw could hear everything.
Even now, where the forest should be silent, she could hear the scuttering of prey in the underbrush and the flapping of an owl's wings. The apprentice could hear the gentle lapping of waves on the lake's shore and the rushing water on RiverClan's territory. There was a warrior on ShadowClan territory, expressing exacerbation at their clumsy apprentice struggling with stealth training.
Most nights, sleep would eventually overtake Dovepaw after she had buried her head in her nest after hours of staying awake. Tonight, however, the noise was just too much for her to handle. Out in the forest, it was a little more quiet. Not by much, but it was a brief respite. She would just sit here and wait until she was too exhausted to care about how noisy ThunderClan camp was.
"Dovepaw." a voice suddenly called out.
Her fur bristled and, with a startled squeak, she whipped around. At the edge of the clearing there stood a figure. Their skinny frame, grey tabby pelt, and their small, amused smirk let her know immediately who it was.
"Oh! hi, Jayfeather," the apprentice greeted, "what're you doing up so late?"
Nobody could sneak up on Dovepaw, she could hear even the most silent of warriors creeping in the shadows like heavy-footed kits. That was usually the case, anyways. She told herself that she was too preoccupied with her thoughts to have noticed him.
"I'm surprised I snuck up on you," commented Jayfeather, "so much for your hearing."
"I-I was just distracted," she admitted.
"Really now? I thought I was just sneaky." the healer replied, sarcasm dripping from his words. He began padding towards her, his eyes gleaming as the moonlight caught them. Dovepaw tried to ignore how loud the grass underneath his paws was, it was like a clash of thunder each time he took a step. Dovepaw couldn't help but flinch. "To answer your question, though," began Jayfeather, "I couldn't sleep. It's far too warm. If I stayed in my nest, I would've melted."
"It's really hot." Dovepaw agreed. Her eyes followed the tom as he made his way to her side, resting on his haunches.
The two sat in silence.
As silent as things could be for Dovepaw anyways. Jayfeather's silent exhales as he breathed were now added to the cacophony of droning noise. Off in the distance, she heard an owl swoop down and catch a mouse. The warrior in ShadowClan, sighing in defeat, called off their apprentice's training for that night. In WindClan, she could hear two cats awkwardly discussing their relationship together.
Dovepaw wished she wasn't privy to it.
Her cousin suddenly spoke, "Lionblaze told me about the argument you two had."
Dovepaw bristled with indignation. Is this what Jayfeather was out here for? To tell her off? "I did the right thing!" she protested. The apprentice was growing tired with the lack of understanding and bemused looks for simply wanting to help others and the instance that she should only think about ThunderClan. Perhaps most cats wouldn't understand, but her cousins should.
Their prophecy encompassed all Clans - not just their own.
Why were they so insistent on being narrow-minded?
Jayfeather scoffed, "please, I'm not here to yell at you - if I wanted to do that why would I wait until now, mousebrain?"
She paused for a moment, supposing that her cousin had a point.
"It got me thinking," the healer mewed, "you hear everything, Dovepaw, it's no surprise you'd view the Clans differently than most."
Dovepaw huffed in frustration, "I wish Lionblaze understood that."
"Regardless," Jayfeather continued, "if you can hear everything, it must be loud."
"it's really loud," she answered solemnly, then she felt a sudden surge of emotion. "I-I just. . .i-it's really overwhelming an-and..." The apprentice let loose a quiet sob and tried to push down the torrent of emotion bubbling inside of her. She had never spoken to anybody before about what it was like to have such sentitive hearing. The isolation it brought to her, knowing there was nobody who could truly understand, was crushing.
"Hey, take your time." Jayfeather soothed, giving her a reassuring lick on her forehead.
Dovepaw responded with a shakey voice, nodding her head slowly, "o-okay." she then took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. "It's just. . .I can hear everything and I can't not hear it - even things going on in other Clans."
"Sounds like a lot." Jayfeather replied, giving a sympathetic blink.
"It is."
The healer then sighed, hesitating for a moment before speaking, "you know, it's noisy for me, too. I can feel another cat's emotions, it can be overwhelming to be in camp and just have the feelings of a dozen different cats dumped on you. When I was an apprentice, I used to wonder if my feelings really were mine." he gave a dry laugh, "I think I've had more identity crises than I've sorted herbs."
He sounded awkward as he spoke, like he was choosing his words just as they left his lips. It seemed like Jayfeather has never talked to anyone about this before, having kept this all to himself from moons and moons. She felt pangs of sympathy, knowing exactly what having nobody to talk to felt like and to deal with constant threat of being overwhelmed. But it was another thing entirely to doubt your own emotions and your own self.
"I'm really sorry to hear that, Jayfeather." Dovepaw replied softly.
"It's fine, I'm over it now."
The two sat in silence once again.
Dovepaw could hear the ShadowClan warrior from ealier comforting their apprentice. They tell them not to beat themselves up, everyone has an off day.
"Does the noise ever go away?" the apprentice inquired.
"No." he responded simply.
She lowered her head, giving a defeated sigh.
"But I can show you how to deal with it," offered Jayfeather. "It will always be loud for us two, sure, but it doesn't have to be overwhelming. Nobody was there to help me as an apprentice - it doesn't have to be that way for you."
Dovepaw was taken aback by the sencerity in the voice of the usually prickly and distant tom. She wanted to say something but she couldn't find the words, simply knowing someone else experienced the same , overwhelming noise. Though, the apprentice supposed that she didn't really have to say anything, Jayfeather already knew what she was feeling.
"In a regular conversation, it's easy to tune it all out - just focus on me, Dovepaw."
She did as she was instructed, her gaze meeting his as he continued to speak. Dovepaw took note of the inflections in Jayfeather's words as he spoke, the way his whiskers twitched when he thought of what he was going to say next. The apprentice soon realised how quiet everything had become. The noise was still there, of course, but it wasn't nearly as loud. It had settled comfortably into the background.
For the first time in her life, Dovepaw didn't feel so overwhelmed.
"It's not so loud anymore..." she mewed quietly. The apprentice couldn't believe it.
Jayfeather replied, "told you so, but there's going to be times where you have nobody to talk to, you'll have to find something to focus on if you don't want to be overwhelmed."
Dovepaw frowned, feeling a pang of disappointment. "So, then what?"
"So you focus on something around you. I spend my time around herbs, obviously, so I usually try to pick out a scent of one specific herb or think on how the ground feels beneath my paws," the healer responded. "How does the grass beneath your paws feel?"
It felt ticklish. It always did. The grass was also dry, no doubt because of the Greenleaf heat. The indivial blades would spring back to their previous position when she move her paw away. The dirt beneath them was also bone dry and dusty, cracks were along its surface. The apprentice hoped it would rain soon, she didn't like how brittle the ground beneath them felt. It was provide a brief respite from the unrelenting heat the Clans were experiencing, too.
Once again, the persistent noise became more distant. Dovepaw could barely make out any prey scurrying in the night, any hoots of owls, any rushing water, or any gently lapping waves. She couldn't make out a word that was being in another Clan, it was all just barely audible.
For a second, she wondered if this what other cats heard. If this was how quiet it was for them.
The apprentice purred, a relieved smile spread across her face. "Thanks, Jayfeather."
He nodded in response, a slight smile on his face, "don't mention it."
Dovepaw didn't feel so alone anymore.