Chapter 4
Maya's POV
I love brooks. I officially admire them! A brook saved my life in Middle Earth you know. It felt SO good to wash up after the whole mosh pit incident.
And for once, I had to credit Leggy G. Good elf, that one. He lent me a soft green tunic, and it actually sort of didn't look bad. Haha. It's the Twins that made the tunic fit so well. And perhaps my spandy Wonder-bra made them even more noticeable…
But you don't want to hear about that. Unless you're a guy. But I'm still not discussing the Twins, so nyah.
Aragorn, being the dear soul he is, leant me a spare pair of breeches he'd bought in Bree. Never-before-worn, thank you very fucking much! I was happy about that. So a nice forest green tunic and black breeches, which although was not in style back home looked fine here. My Arwen-ish hair (Did I say Arwen-ish? No way! My hair is way better! It's straighter, shorter, and darker, so nyah!) was back in a braid. I looked pretty female Ranger-ish if I do say so m'self.
So I got back to camp, and there was the whole Fellowship staring at me like I was an alien.
"I didn't do it," I said automatically, stepping back and putting my hands behind my back.
The hobbits laughed, and I sent them a small smirk and wink. "We did not accuse you of anything," Gandalf told me, and I focused on him.
"Uh-huh. Sure," I said, bouncing on the balls of my feet. "I get those sort of looks all the time though, like I have green hair or something. I know I'm charming and beautiful, but it's rude to stare," I told them, playing demure and innocent. Again, I got lots of laughs from the group. Eeeee! I love getting laughs out of people. I was born a comedian.
"I hope you are refreshed," Aragorn said, skinning some deer that he had hunted earlier. I gave him a nod and a smile. "Much better, thanks. Or as you elves would say, le hannon."
I got many confused looks. Uh what, had I said it wrong? Nah, I couldn't have! I had read the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy, plus The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion. I had gone to all the stupid fan sites and everything! No way was I wrong in pronunciation.
Finally, Legolas spoke. " 'You elves'? Why do you refer to elves as if you are not a part of that race?" He asked in puzzlement.
I stared at him, and then gave a laugh. "Do I look like an elf to you? For one, I haven't got the ears," I told him, brushing aside as strand of hair and feeling my ear to emphasize my point.
But I stopped dead. My ear didn't feel round and smooth. It felt pointy.
Holy shit.
"Oh bugger," I said out loud. It didn't really register with me for a second, or else I would have had a much more emotional reaction, like 'OH MY GOD!' Because after all, finding out that you've switched races isn't one of those things where you go, 'Oh that's nice honey, can you please pass the corn?' and move on to another topic of conversation.
Then it actually hit me. Guess what? I made that logical reaction of bellowing, "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" and covering my face. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!"
That earned me more puzzled looks. "You. didn't know…that you were an elf?" Came the really freaked out voice of Pippin. His fellow hobbits turned and gave him 'what the fuck did you just go and talk for?' looks. I personally agreed. Did it fucking LOOK like I knew?
And yet, how hadn't I?
"Guys…what the hell?" I asked weakly. "I wasn't born immortal, I know that for certain. How the hell did this just suddenly…" I paused. This had to be some sort of practical joke. "Good God!" I continued. "What the fuck happened? And- oh shit, tell me Ari's an elf too!" I said breathlessly, looking at her in alarm.
Sure enough, there were her ears, pointed and elfy. Okay good. If I was doomed to live in this hellhole forever, then I had best have SOMEONE sane to tough it out with me.
Legolas approached me cautiously. "How could you suddenly become one of the Eldar without knowing it?" He asked, as though afraid for my sanity. I didn't see why. He should've figured out that I was a nutcase a long time ago. But that's beside the point.
I shrugged. "Beats the hell out of me, but uh…can I just ask him?" I inquired, pointing to Gandalf. I then launched into a seriously good act of being respectful. Apparently that's a good idea sometimes. "You're Mithrandir, aren't you? I've heard of you many times," I told him, bowing and looking as respectful as possible, that being pretty damn unusual for me, as I've just told you. "Please Mithrandir, have you ever heard of the Valar bringing people from other lands here to Middle Earth? Because as you can tell, my sister and I are not originally of these lands." I asked. I had to know if there had been any other cases like mine, because I needed some guidance as to what course I should take. And if something like this had happened before, then the decisions of whomever had come here could guide me in making mine.
He considered me for what seemed like a century. Finally, he said softly, "None. No cases where one would become an Elf…"
"Well FUCK that!" I exclaimed, throwing up my hands in defeat. "That's no fair! I gotta know SOMETHING about ANYTHING!" I was getting pissed again, and it was happening fast. Come on! I'd sprained my ankle, gotten punched out, woken up in Middle Earth, found out my sister might die, and had what…three fights? Four? And I could still barely stand by myself. Let's face it, everything was NUTS.
Legolas and Aragorn regarded me warily, having experienced my bitchy wrath before. "Maya," Aragorn began in a careful tone, but-
"DON'T CALL ME MAYA GODDAMMIT!" I planted my hands on my hips and glared at him. "MY NAME IS BLONDIE, PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS CALLED ME BLONDIE, AND THEY WILL! THEY WILL WHEN I GET BACK WITH ARI! BECAUSE DAMMIT, WE'RE GOING BACK!"
I pointed an accusing finger at Legolas. "That is, if you help her. How is she? Tell me the truth," I demanded. I know it's cliché to say this, but if looks could kill the whole of Middle Earth would be dead a thousand times over thanks to me. I'd be a murderer, which is a scary thought. But right then I felt like killing something. Preferably I would kill Legolas, or maybe one of those Valar bitches that had brought me down to this hellhole. Well fuck the fucking Valar! Fuck Legolas! Actually, I'll leave that to Ari. But still. DAMN THEM ALL!
That's better. And Ari can't make something perverted out of that, so I win! Hahaha!
Okay, so it's not nice to think of Ari being perverted when she's comatose. But you know what, I have to think like everything's normal, because if I don't I'm really going to loose it. And these bastards do NOT want to see me loose it completely.
Anyway, Legolas fixed me with another one of his piercing stares. I'm happy to say that not only did I hold and return his stare; I intensified mine to show him that I meant business.
Ick, not like THAT. Damn it, Ari's got me into the habit of having my mind in the gutter 24/7, just like she always does! Stupid sister, being bloody horny. True, I'd liked Orlando Bloom too, but not like her. Because I'm not freaking obsessed.
AGH! Elf Obsession of Doom!
Blimming mother of hell, I always get off track! I suppose that makes my stories more interesting and in-depth though, so don't yell at me! God! So Leggy G is staring at me, looking all princely and indignant. "We have already gone through this," he told me in a calm voice, though I could once again detect some coolness behind his words. "I care for her well-being, just as you do. I am trying my best to heal her."
"Oh whatever! I'm not in the mood for this shit. Just tell me-" Here I stopped, unable to ask what I needed to ask. I simply couldn't say it, because my vocal cords seized up and air passed through them, but no sound. Breath seemed stolen away from me.
"Tell me," I tried again in a whisper, "-if she's going to die."
Here he nearly smiled. "No, she is going to recover. I can sense life stirring in her bones again. And indeed, she was awake for a few minutes when you were gone. But then unfortunately she slipped back into unconsciousness. However, the mere fact that she was stirring slightly for a few minutes is a good sign."
I stared blankly at him. "She was awake and you didn't tell me? YOU JACKASS!" I wanted to punch his lights out like I'd done to Captain Fuckhead, but figured that wouldn't be a nice wakeup present for Ari. If her elf was injured she wouldn't be happy with me, and I didn't want to fight with her too.
Damn it, why couldn't she fall in love with an elf that I DON'T hate? Okay, so I don't hate him. And she's probably not in love quite yet, but she admires Leggy a pretty damn lot. If they gave it time, I'm sure Ari could love him. And I know he could love her back. After all, my sister is pretty kick ass. And she never had trouble with long-term relationships. Well, not as much as I did.
And then it hit me just how deep in shit we were. Here Ari is, falling for an elf that has had more than two millennia of life experience, and she's only just out of college. How the hell is that supposed to work? By mortal standards, they're far enough apart. By elven standards, it's even worse.
Love fucks everything up. I've always said it, and here's proof!
And you know the worst part? Though right now I want to freaking de-ball him, Legolas is the only elf that I'd trust to take care of my little sister. Suddenly I'm finding this rather funny, because Mom always said that Ari and I deserved nothing less than royalty for husbands. And here's an immortal Prince, custom made for my little sis! Priceless.
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps if you would have stayed here instead of worrying about your female vanity, you would have seen her awaken."
That was a slap in the face, and I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest. The whole group was silent, and slowly I saw that Legolas had realized what he said. Immediately he looked guilty. He began to say something, but I mutely held up my hand to silence him.
"That," I said in a quiet voice that held pure venom, "Was unforgivable. She is my sister, and I would die for her. I would kill for her. And right now, you seem like the perfect person to be on the receiving end of that kill instinct, Your Highness." At that point, I couldn't even muster the strength to throttle him like I fantasized about doing. Something one of my friends would have said to him echoed through my mind. You're such a bitch. God, how true that was of the ninny in front of me.
Leggy might not have liked me very much, but at that point I loathed him. What a big, happy family we'll be someday if and when he and Ari get married! Not.
Losing control, I swooped down and grabbed a stick. I strode up to Legolas and poked him with it. "You've got no idea how much I care for my little sister, Legolas Greenleaf. You don't know her, and you sure as hell don't know me. So BACK OFF!" With my two bare hands, I snapped the stick cleanly in half. Letting the halves fall out of my hands I slapped him cleanly across the face.
As he stared me down and I glared coldly back up at him (not that he's THAT much taller than me) I heard a sound. We both whipped around to see Ari stirring.
We cast last venomous glances at each other before rushing to Ari. Let it go to record that I got there first, thank you very fucking much! We each took one of her hands and waited for her to stir.
Her eyes opened, and I couldn't help but squeal. "ARI!"