Chapter 4

Get out of my Girlfriend, erm…tank

HI EVERYBODY! I was rather surprised to find only two reviews (once of which wasn't even for this chapter) and only 48 hits on chapter 3. I was expecting much more than that but I can live with the current numbers. Anyways it has been brought to my attention that no longer allows script format. I am pretty sure that even if I put the characters name in front of the sentence, it's nto script format as long as I use full sentences to describe the actions…I think…if I'm wrong please tell me so this fic doesn't get taken down by the mean people in white coats.

Clark Cradic (): Well what I was referring to was the fact that although you can be a Spartan and an elite on Halo online, you can't be a marine so you would have to make the entire thing with photoshop. Anyways I am glad you like the fic, making it like the episodes is my intention.

Caboose, Tex, And Church came across the wreckage of Donut's ghost.

Caboose: "Hey…its commander cookie. And he's taking a nap."

Tex: "Hey there's your corpse." Tex indicated towards the dead body lying a few yards away from Donut.

Church: "Yah…the marines killed me right after they killed Donut."

Caboose: "Sergeant Sandwich is not dead he is SLEEPING."

Church: "No I'm pretty sure that he's dead."

Caboose ignored Church and picked up Donuts corpse.

Tex: "Whatever you can have the body as long as I get the scooter."

Church: "What? Why do you get the scooter?"

Tex: "Because ghosts can't drive."

Church: "Yah….well…."

Tex drove ahead.

Church: "Hey, wait up! Not all of us can drive there you know."

Church followed. Caboose then followed suit carrying Donuts body over his shoulder.

While this was going on Griff and Simmons went to Griff's secret hide out.

Griff: "Ok here we are."

Simmons: "This is your secret hiding place?"

Griff: "Yup. Can't you read."

Above the cave entrance was a flashing bright neon sign that said "GRIFF'S SECRET HIDE OUT!"

Simmons: "How is this secret?"

Griff: "It's a cave. There's no place more secret than a cave."

Simmons: "But won't the flashing bright neon lights give it away?"

Griff: "What flashing bright neon lights?"

Simmons: "THE ONES THAT SAY THAT THIS IS YOUR SECRET HIDE OUT!"

Griff looked up at the sign.

Griff: "Ohhhhhh that. I always wondered what it said."

Simmons: "But you told me, and…but the thing….and you said…..you know what lets just ignore this and take down the sign."

Griff: "What sign?"

Back at blue base, Church, Tex, Caboose, and what remains of Donut gathered in front of their old base

Tex: "Wow someone made some sweet changes to our base. Who was it Church?"

Church: "Oh it was Sheila."

Tex: "Sheila? But she doesn't even have any hands."

Church: "What's your point?"

Tex: "Wait where IS Sheila anyways?"

Sheila: "You are not licensed to pilot this vehicle."

Church and Tex looked at Sheila whom had been just 5 feet away standing in the middle of a large group of marines, which they had somehow failed to notice upon their arrival.

Church: "Wow I can't believe we didn't notice her upon our arrival."

Caboose arrived just in time to see a marine get into Sheila

Caboose: "SHEILLLLAAAAA"

Church: "Oh no."

Sheila: "You are not licensed to pilot this vehicle." An ejector seat launched the marine out of Sheila and into the wall.

Caboose: "Phew."

Another Marine took the first ones place

Church: "This isn't good. Sheila is going to run out of ejector seats eventually. And when she does she can be used against us.

Sheila: "You are not licensed to pilot this vehicle or to sit in its infinite amount of eject able seats.

Church: "Ok never mind….although we should probably still help her."

Tex pulled out two SMG'S

Tex: "Leave it to me." Tex ran into the group of marine shooting as she went.

Marine: "Were under Attack. But surely the hundred or so of us can beat just one of-"

Tex charged into the marine and beat the unfortunate soldier to the ground.

Marines: "CHARGE!"

Tex began killing the marines but there was a small problem. There were a hundred marines, and Tex only had 60 shots left with her gun.

Tex: "Caboose give me your weapon."

Caboose tossed Tex his battle rifle.

Tex aimed the battle rifle at the marine sand shot a series of colorful bullets at them.

Tex: "What the?"

Apparently Cabooses gun had been loaded with crayons.

Marine: "AHHHH MY EYE! OH GOD IT BURNS! WHY CRAYOLA? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Tex: "Well this could work." Tex began blasting the marines with a rainbow of death.

Caboose: "I like rainbows of death."

Church: "Stop reading the description Caboose and go help Tex."

Marine: "oooohhh it's so pretty. OH MY GOD IT BURNS!"

Caboose: "You had best hold this Church." Caboose tosses Donut's body to Church.

Church: "I AM A GHOST I CAN'T CARRY HIM!"

Caboose ran over to Sheila.

Sheila: "Private Caboose. It has been a long time since I have seen you."

Caboose: "I missed you to Sheila."

Marine: "Um are you forgetting that I'm driving you?"

The marine was launched out of Sheila and into the wall.

Another marine came out of no where and took his place.

Caboose: "You better get out of my girl friend…I mean tank."

Marine: "How can a tank be your girl friend?"

Caboose: "Mean….Chicken….with spikes….must…think…bad"

Caboose jumped onto Sheila and in a dark voice said

Caboose: "My name is Michel J. Caboose and I HATE BABIES!"

Marine: "eep….."

Due to only being rated T the following scenes of violence have been cut out due to immense amount's of overkill.

Tex shot down all of the marines except one. When she tried to shoot it the marine did a matrix dodge

Church: gasp

Donuts body: gasp

Caboose: gasp

Dead marine: gasp

Tex: gasp

Sheila: gasp

Marine: "ALL RIGHT YOU FOOL! LETS SEE IF YOU CAN PLAY WITH THE BIG GUNS!"

The marine….was Johnson.

Church: "OH MY GOD JONHNSON MY HERO!" Church's ghost ran to Johnson completely forgetting Donut's body.

Church: "Johnson! I can't believe it's you! In person I mean! I mean you're my idol! You're the one person in this universe who yells at his subordinates more than me! And you are so god damned kick ass."

Johnson: "Thank you." Johnson hit Church over the head.

Church: "Ow. Wait how did you hit me? I'm a ghost."

Johnson: "I'm Johnson I can do anything. The arbiter knocked me out by FLUKE!"

Church: "Can I have your autograph?"

Johnson: "You can kiss my ass wimp."

Church: "Who do I look like? Simmons?"

A couple of miles away Simmons hiccupped.

Tex charged in and tried to punch out Johnson. Johnson easily evaded Tex's attack and hit Tex in the face with his battle rifle. Tex stumbled back a few steps and Johnson proceeded to shoot at Tex with two Shotguns. (Johnson can duel wield shotguns because….well he's Johnson he's kick ass)

Sheila: "Target acquired." Sheila fired her main cannon at Johnson who somehow managed to dodge it at point blank range.

Marine: "They have the tank! RETREAT!"

Church: "Wait, weren't all of the marines except Johnson dead just a second ago?"

Johnson: "Are you wounded Marine?"

Marine: "Well that crayon did take out my eye-"

Johnson: "WELL UNLESS YOUR DEAD MUTILATED BODY HAS BEEN SHOT ENOUGH TIMES TO MAKE YORU CORPSE AN ARMORY YOU ARE NOT HARMED ENOUGH TO SLINK OUT OF THIS ONE!"

Marine: "but…"

Johnson: "NO BUT'S! A MARINE NEVER GIVES UP!"

Sheila's main cannon fired right next to Johnson scattering the corpses of several dead marines.

Church: "And now they're dead again…."

Johnson: "How ever a strategic retreat is sometimes in order." Johnson ran erm…strategically retreated through the teleporter.

Church: "Johnson retreated? Aw man it must be one of those phony Johnson marines you can buy on E-bay or seven bucks each."

Tex: "….I was beaten by seven dollars worth of crap?"

Back in the cave Simmons was lecturing Griff about leaving all of the Oreos in water.

Simmons: "I can not believe that you smuggled over a hundred Oreos from our base and left them in this POOL OF WATER!"

Griff: "First of all, our base? You're on blue team now remember. Second of all, It wasn't over a hundred, it was more like, over ninety nine. Third of all, it seemed like a smart idea at the time."

Simmons: "I don't see how you could possibly think that this was a smart idea."

Griff: "Think of it this way, now I have a pool that tastes like Oreos. Griff dived into the water drinking as he went.

Simmons: "Hey get out of there. Were suppose to be on the look out for marines."

Marine: "Why?"

Simmons: "Because when you find us your going to kill us."

Marine: "I am?"

Simmons: "Yes and…wait…what are you doing here?"

Marine: "Well I guess I'm here to kill you."

Simmons: "How did you get here."

The first marine pointed at the warthog parked right next to the pool of Oreo water.

Simmons: "Oh….."

Marine: "Hey is that a pool of Oreos?"

Griff: "Yes."

Marine: "Can I have some?"

Griff: "no it's mine."

Simmons: "Let him have it. It will help distract him."

Griff: "No way, I made this pool so it's mine fair and square."

Marine: "That's it I'm coming in with or without your consent."

The marine dove into the water and then immediately surfaced coughing and gagging.

Marine: "What? Mint Oreo's? You fool! THE ONLY GOOD TYPE OF OREOS ARE NORMAL AND DOUBLE STUFFED!" With these last words the marine drowned in the pool of Mint Oreos.

Griff: "See. And you thought that this was a bad idea."

Simmons: "Shut up. That was a close one we need to be on guard or a tank can get in or something."

Sheila: "Hello Simmons."

Griff and Simmons turned around to see Church, Tex, Sheila, Donut's body, Caboose, and the ghost right next to the warthog.

Simmons: "See what I mean."

Griff: "See Simmons I told you we should have been on guard and this is what happens.

While this fascinating reunion was going on Omally was, as usual laughing evily.

Wyoming (O'Malley voice): "BWUHAHHAHAHAAH!"

Wyoming (normal): "Hey you really need to stop laughing I'm going to loose my voice and my awesome British accent at this rate."

Wyoming (O'Malley voice.): "MWUAHAH AHAHAHAHAH! NEVER! Shut up you fool."

Sarge: "There you go. Lopez how do you like your new body."

Really dark ominous music starts to play

Lopez: "This shall do…nicely."

Really dark ominous music starts to play at a faster beat

Lopez: "This day marks the start of a new empire. With these worthless marine's as our pawns, a new day shall come. A day, where the robots rule all!"

Wyoming (O'Malley voice) "Wait. I'm suppose to be the evil mastermind. That is MY line you fool."

The ominous music suddenly comes to an abrupt end.

Lopez: "Fine. But until you have your own body, allow me to take care of the survivors."

Wyoming (O'Malley voice): Knock yourself out. I am sure your methods will….amuse me."

Lopez: "Marine, send out a distress beacon on the open channel, saying that the marine's are all dead and that it is safe to come back to red base."

Marine: "Yes, My lord."

Wyoming (O'Malley voice) "Ahem."

Marine: "Um…yes…My lord's assistant."

The ominous music starts to play again

Lopez: "Will you shut that thing off?"

The music abruptly stops….again

Marine: "Sorry. I couldn't find a good station."

Lopez can speak English now OMG! The questions remains, can this fic get any more insane? YES IT CAN! And remember the more reviews the faster the next chapter comes because reviews make the world go round. So if you DON'T review the world will stop going round and it will always be winter and life will suck and it would all be YOUR fault for not reviewing.