We had a family discussion that night when Aila got home from a date with Tsukauchi.

We decided it wasn't a good idea for me to go to U.A. the next day.

Except for one small detail.

I had to go to U.A. the next day so I could remain under supervision of my family if I were to have another episode.

It made sense to me. If I were home alone, who knew what kind of mess it would make and the kind of things my mind would take me to.

If I were at the school, my dad and Aunt would be there, and if they weren't, someone would be there to help me.

Although, It might just be me, but a bunch of teenagers who most likely didn't know how to handle the kinds of attacks I was going through didn't sound like that great of an idea.

But who knows.

Like, sure there were pro heroes there, trained to help people like me, but they were severely outnumbered by untrained kids. I was more worried about them than anything.

What didn't help was that I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't. It seemed like my insomnia returned after almost a year, so go me.

Instead of sleeping, I looked up what symptoms I had been feeling, and what to potentially expect in the future given my circumstance. It was enlightening.

I also managed to remember the mystery novel I wanted to give to Todoroki. I put it in my bag.

I chose, since I didn't have anything better to do, to write it all out. All my symptoms, all my thoughts, my new habits, my old ones, my nightmares, everything. Then I got to work.

What my research had to say was incredible.

I found out that I'd been doing something called 'numbing' ever since I was about four years old. Numbing, according to this site, was a way of coping with trauma where the person would be a-emotional or emotionally unavailable.

I supposed, since my age, it stemmed from when my mother was killed. The severity of it must have made my brain short circuit, and instead of blocking out the memory entirely–as I did with my rape–now it's hard for me to feel almost anything.

I also discovered I go through nearly the opposite thing as well, called 'overstimulation.' This is a condition related to trauma where little things overwhelm me. Sounds, physical touches, people. It's overwhelming and difficult to process.

I did a lot of thinking and writing that night. I did some connecting the dots and figured that since the fire, I'd been coping mainly by numbing. After my rape, I'd stopped doing that and started becoming more overstimulated. I cried more often and felt things more vividly in the worst way possible.

Then, due to emotional manipulation and physical abuse from my grandmother's home, i'd reverted back to numbing so I didn't have to handle the emotional complexities I was facing.

And ever since my period started and I had that episode, I began to see, in hindsight, my body's coping mechanisms flip flops on random. For instance, yesterday with Todoroki, I'd been numbing. The moment Kaminari banged his hand on my desk, it flipped to overstimulation.

I deduced that loud noises, especially wood-on-wood or hand-on-wood or metal was a trigger for me since my rape.

Now, since I was going to U.A. tomorrow, I could proceed one of two ways. Stand up and announce to the class what my triggers are and exactly how to avoid them, or find ways to cope with the triggers should they happen, as it is inevitable that they do.

And I couldn't stand up and demand that they cater to me. After all, I'm sure Midoriya or Iida had some traumatic triggers of his own–let alone Todoroki, the poor kid.

What made me so special to tell people to bow to my demands?

No one. I was the teacher's daughter. They were heroes. I was important, sure, but it simply wasn't rational, logical, nor polite to demand that people do as you say, even if it's crucial to your health.

It was my responsibility to handle the cards given to me. No one else was required to partake in that.

For now, I could ask them to keep the noise down and keep physical contact with me to a minimum. But even then, they're not required to partake in anything I request for the reasons I just suggested.

It was seven in the morning when I stopped writing. Dad and Aila were up and about, and it sounded like Princess was too.

I looked at my deductions of my circumstance with pride. Even if it was messy, i was proud that I could come to these conclusions.

I did like being smart, even if it was my mind messing with my emotions and hormones. I liked being able to rely on myself for answers, even if it wasn't all of them.

However, all of this did make me curious.

.

Me (7:14 AM):

Sorry if this is early,,,can i ask a personal question?

.

I was shocked to get a response quickly.

.

Compound (7:14 AM):

Depends on the question LOL

Sure thing go for it

Me (7:14 AM):

This might be weird but

Do you have any traumatic triggers

Dont answer if you dont want to i dont want to start anything

Im just

Researching

Stuff

Compound (7:15 AM):

Idk if i have triggers, but i have had nightmares recently because of ya know

Im pretty sure its too early to tell

.

I pursed my lips. I'm so stupid.

.

Me (7:15 AM):

Ok thanks u

Sorry for sucha personal question i shouldnt have asked

Compound (7:15 AM):

Nono i dont mind

Just,,,are u ok?

Youve been acting strange lately

Me (7:15 AM):

Wym

Compound (7:16 AM):

Well ur like more depressed and sad n stuff

I'm not sure it'd just a different feeling I get from you ever since the internships

Me (7:16 AM):

Idk if I'm alllwe to say I don't wan to be that person like

You're dealing with stuff too

Compound (7:16 AM):

Yeah but you ate too, and if I can help I wanna help

Me (7:17 AM):

Yea

Sorry if Im super invasive or smthn idk

Compound (7:17 AM):

Are u coming to class

Dw ^^

Me (7:17 AM):

Yea iam

Compound (7:17 AM):

Do u wanna talk then? I'm all ears

Me (7:17 AM):

Maybe

Thanks u

For being great

I've never had a real friend before but I think we're get least getting there so

Thank you

Compound (7:17 AM):

O/V/O

You're welcome XD

.

I laughed. Part of me wondered if that was his actual response to my words of affirmation. The other part of me didn't care because it was funny regardless.

.

Compound (7:20 AM):

Do you have any triggers?

.

Shit.

.

Me (7:20 AM):

Loud noises mostly

Like banging ona. Door

Physical contact not initiated by me

Compound (7:21 AM):

Okay, thank you for telling me. I will do my best to avoid doing those things to make sure you're okay ^^

.

I didn't quite know how to respond. Dad and Aila were ready to go to the school so I put my phone in my bag with the notebook I'd been writing my analyses in since about midnight.

Aila handed me my vanilla chamomile tea sweetened with honey and good lord it was the best tea I'd ever had when she brewed it.

Dad took my hand as we walked out.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked.

"I didn't," I said without thinking.

He hummed. "What did you do?"

I snickered. "I worked out a psychoanalysis of my mental state."

He looked down at me. "Can I see it?"

"Sure," I said, "I'll show you in class. I wrote it all out. It helped a lot, actually."

"The psychoanalysis or the writing?"

"Both," I said, "but I meant the writing."

"Depending on what's in it, we might show Hound Dog too. See if he can get some insight."

I nodded.

Everyone was in class by the time we got there. I went to sit down and I set my bag on the ground, suddenly remembering the book for Todoroki.

I almost went back and handed it to him, but Dad started talking. It could wait until after announcements.

I looked back at my phone, realizing that I still haven't responded to Midoriya.

Eh, I could tell him in person. He was sitting right in front of me.

Dad said something about the midterm finals. If they passed the practical, then they'd be qualified for a specialized training summer camp.

I was smart enough to plug my ears before he said something, because they erupted into cheers and shouts.

They quieted down fairly quickly, and I reached down and grabbed the book for Todoroki and my notebook for Dad. He would be done any second.

"And another thing," My dad said before dismissing them to do whatever they wanted. "If anyone hasn't noticed, Samiko has been facing some trouble in her personal life. I am demanding that no one perpetuate it. That means no sudden loud noises, and absolutely zero physical touch, even if it's friendly or with good intent, without her explicit consent. Failure to adhere to these boundaries will result in severe consequences for the offender. I am putting my foot down here and now. If you are curious as to why, it is her decision whether or not to tell you. When she says no, do not push the subject. Do I make myself clear?"

I could feel my will to live diminish as he spoke on my behalf. I really hated being the center of attention.

It wasn't their responsibility to care for my wellbeing. They weren't obligated to care for me.

The class was about to enthusiastically shout "Yes, Sensei!" then remembered the 'no sudden loud noises' rule.

So what took place sounded something like this:

"YE–oh, er–yes, Sensei."

I genuinely couldn't help laughing. So I did. I was the only sound in the room. I looked at Dad.

"Good," he said. "Now. you have the rest of class to yourselves."

He turned to me, who was still smiling. He held his hand out and I handed him my notebook.

"You okay?" He asked quietly.

"Later," I said. I decided it wasn't a good idea to address how I felt in front of everyone. Besides, I needed to get Todoroki his book.

Dad nodded once and opened my notebook where I bookmarked it.

"It's messy, but just follow the lines," I said, albeit nervously.

He hummed. "Will do."

I stood up with my novel and walked to the back of the class, where Todoroki was sitting.

He and I made eye contact and I looked at my feet, still walking. Why was I so anxious?

"Todoroki-San," I said gently, "I brought the novel I told you about."

He looked at me–he was almost eye level to me, even though he was sitting down–and I held the book out for him.

"Oh," he said. "Thank you, Samiko. I brought the manga…let me grab it out."

I stepped back as he reached into his bag and pulled out the first volume of an isekai manga, an old shounen that I'd never heard of, if you can believe it, and one of the All Might comics we were talking about a while ago.

I smiled, then my mouth twitched. "Oh, thanks! Are you sure you're okay if I read them? I'll try to finish them as soon as I can, but it could still take a while."

He waved it off and shook his head. "You can keep them forever if you want. I can get more."

"Oh," I laughed. "I won't do that. These are…collector quality."

He shrugged, looking at me as if to say, "I meant what I said."

I closed my mouth and said, "I'll return them as soon as I can finish them."

"Okay," he said. "Keep them as long as you need. I don't mind."

I blinked. "O-Okay. Thank you."

"When would you like your book back?" he asked.

"As soon as you're done, I trust you,'' I said. "Thank you for asking and clarifying."

"Of course," he said. "I look forward to reading it."

My mouth twitched, then I smiled. "It's really one of the best I've read. It's such a mental exercise, but you never know what's a hint to the mystery or what's not, it really draws you in."

He gave me a small smile. "I'm excited."

I smiled again, and I looked at the three titles again, my heart fluttering again at Todoroki's kindness.

"How have you been?" he asked quietly. "But…honestly."

My mouth twitched as I gave a half-hearted shrug. "Not great."

"What's wrong?"

"Just…life. Stuff from my past coming back to haunt me, but not in a funny way," I decided to sit on the ground behind him.

"What kind of stuff, if I'm allowed to ask?" he said, turning where he sat. He rested his chin on the back of the chair.

I looked around us, and it looked like no one was close enough to hear, but I still wasn't sure if I wanted to spill my guts yet.

I shrugged again. My mouth was twitching. Was that a tell? "Two years ago there was a break in where my dad and I lived. The whole experience sucked, but I thought I'd blocked out most of it. So did the therapist I saw, and my dad. I was sent away for a while soon after that, and that sucked too, but…About three days ago, the trauma started resurfacing, and the episodes I have are pretty severe." His eyes widened as I explained myself to him. He looked ready to kill someone or something.

I'd seen rage like that in the past. Since yesterday's trauma session, I realized I saw this kind of rage when my dad found out what happened to me while I was at my grandmother's home.

I gritted my teeth and looked at the ground, feeling the carpet. I grounded myself before I even began to lift off.

I breathed in and out slowly, calming my climbing heart rate. Not in front of everyone in their mother, me.

What are you doing with your life, me?

I looked back up at him when I was stable.

"Did they find the people who broke in?" Todoroki whispered.

I paused. I glanced over at my dad, who seemed like he was minding his own business at his podium. I knew that was far from the truth.

"They know who they are," I said. "They haven't…they haven't caught them."

Todoroki leaned back a bit. "And how long has it been? Two years, you said?"

I nodded, spacing out.

"What the hell are they doing not catching these guys?" he seethed. "Just siting with their thumbs up their asses–"

"Careful," I chuckled softly in a very unfunny way, "the detective in charge of my case is probably gonna be my uncle soon, I suggest you mind your words."

He huffed. "Who knows who else got hurt in two years," he shook his head.

"No one, looks like," I said, picking at dead skin on my finger. "After about two months of the UHC looking for them–" That's the Underground Heroes Commission– "the suspected group dropped off the face of the earth, or so it seemed." Todoroki began to listen again, his expression turning contemplative. "No similar incidents, no leads, nothing. He had a track record before, but after me, up to now, it looks like there's no word of similar victims–"

"Victims?" Todoroki interrupted me.

My blood went icy. I let it slip.

I just looked at him. I knew my expression said a lot, but I wasn't sure what. Guilt? Contempt? 'What do you think I mean by that'? Shame? Sorrow? Frustration? Pain?

All of it combined?

Maybe.

His expression changed too. I read it just fine. It shifted almost seamlessly from slight confusion, to denial and realization. Then shock, then anger. Then sorrow. It almost settled on pity, but it shifted to determination and sympathy.

People think that Todoroki is aloof and unaware. Perhaps he is, in some aspects, but he's far from stupid. He knows the things that matter. That's all that matters to me.

"What's wrong with people?" he said so quietly I almost asked him to repeat himself. "You were ten."

That realization–the realization that I was only ten years old when I was raped–it sent a shot of ice cold, pricking pain to my chest. I almost started crying.

I shoved it down. I numbed myself. Was that a good or a bad thing?

I just shook my head and looked at the manga he gave me. "Pedophiles are messed up. People are messed up. I learned to stop expecting good things from average people because I always end up disappointed. Might be a good lesson, might be bad ideology." I shrugged. "Does it matter? Not really. Here I am."

"Suffering from severe traumatic attacks and episodes," he said skeptically.

I scoffed. "Live with a hero for long enough, that's the least you see."

He hummed. I couldn't tell if it was in contempt or agreement.

"It's still sad," I did add, pulling my knees up to my chest. "Sad that not everyone is good enough to just do the right thing."

"I agree," he said.

I began looking around the room in the silence that stewed between us. At Yaoyorozu-San with the lower-end group of the class in terms of grades, at Bakugou and Kirishima and Sero all talking, At Midoriya-San with Uraraka-San and Iida. Dad and I made eye contact and I raised my eyebrows at him. He narrowed his eyes at me before returning to what he was doing.

My mouth twitched again. I made a mistake in wearing a skirt today. No way I sat was 'safe.' especially with the way that Mineta was looking at me from his desk.

I tried to ignore how he was looking at me and hugged my legs tighter to my chest.

"It's a blessing and a curse to not have a ton of people know," I said finally.

"What do you mean?" Todoroki said.

"My private life stays as such, the way I like it, but people feel like they don't have a reason to respect my wishes without me telling them," I confessed, pointedly turning my head away from Mineta, who was still looking at me so obvious as to what he was thinking.

Todoroki looked in his direction. I rested my head on my knees, trying to find some stability as my mental state was rocking again. I felt the floor with my hands.

"Got something you wanna say?"

I was shocked to hear Todoroki's voice carry all the way around the room. He was a quiet person, and to hear his voice turn like that…

All the talking stopped. I lifted my eyes to look at the scene. Dad was watching warily as Mineta's formerly smug facade withered.

"I–oh, well–er–uh–"

"Go ahead," Todoroki insisted. "If she's pretty enough to look at," he tossed his head to gesture at me, "she's pretty enough to talk about, right?"

I watched as Mineta panicked, looking between me and Todoroki, and the entire rest of the class staring at him.

Forgive me–glaring at him.

Dad didn't step in, didn't say a word, just gave me a look that asked if I was alright. I nodded in response. He blinked in response before he proceeded to watch in silence.

"One thing though, before you say anything," Todoorki added.

"You'd better make it good."

Literal chills at the tone of his voice. I was partially grateful I couldn't see his facial expression, because by the look of pure horror on Mineta's face, it must have been scary.

Mineta sat there, gobsmacked, for just a few moments longer, like a fish that just got hauled out of his home and onto a boat. He finally squeezed out a small whimper and shrank back into his seat. Todoroki didn't move an inch.

I saw a few people look back at me where I was sitting. Todoroki waited a good while before turning back to look at me. By then, he was back to his normal neutral-stoic expression.

"Thank you," I whispered. "You…You didn't have to do that."

"He needs to be put in his place anyway," he said.

I scoffed. "I suppose."

"Sami," Todoroki got my attention again. "If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

Haha, here's my in. "Your phone number."

He blinked, then smiled and shook his head.

I snickered. He sighed.

But I still got his number.

.o0o.