161 DAYS REMAINING

PoV: AMANDA

It only takes about four months before I crack. If I didn't wake up terrified in the middle of the night after seeing Leo screaming for help in a dream, but not hearing him make a sound, I wouldn't have scrambled for my CD and player in my junk drawer in a brand new and novel desperation to hear his voice. To know it's still there. I hear it all the time, but it's always directed towards other people; never me. I miss when it was for me.

Trembling and slightly sweaty from my traumatic encounter with my subconscious, I plant myself cross-legged in my bed and insert the CD into the player. I press PLAY and hear the first track start with a soft click. My eyes close on their own, enveloping me in a comforting darkness defined only by the sound of our voices.

"Is it recording?"

"Yeah. What now?"

"We talk."

"What about?"

"Anything and everything. Wanna pretend it's a radio show?"

"Sure…..Hello everyone, and welcome back to the show! I'm your host Amanda Ellerby—"

"And I'm Leo Fitzpatrick—"

"And today we'll be discussing some of the world's biggest controversies. First up…uh, socks!"

I giggle to myself in the dark.

"Socks?"

"Only the hottest new topic hitting the papers today, Leo. The people want to know: how important is it that your socks match your pants?"

"Amanda, I spent all of third grade in mismatched socks, do you really want me to answer this question?"

Recording Amanda laughs for seventeen seconds straight, sounding like another person entirely. "Wait, you're forgetting fourth grade when you only wore neon-colored socks for two whole months!"

"What was wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I could always see you coming a mile away!"

"Ha-ha, now how about the fashion skeletons in YOUR closet, Miss Ellerby? I believe I should mention a certain suspenders phase in first grade?"

"Not fair! Those were Kylie's old suspenders that my mom made me wear and you KNOW I hated them!"

Leo laughs. "If you're going to shame my nine-year-old self's sock game, then at least let me prove that you aren't perfect."

"Of course I'm not perfect. Just last week I laughed so hard orange juice came out of my nose."

"Ouch."

"Major ouch. For all our listeners out there who can sympathize, don't let your dad tell you a stupid joke at the breakfast table. You are vulnerable, even if you don't think so."

Listening to my own voice feels like nails on a chalkboard, but hearing Leo's, talking to me instead of just near me, feels like a faraway dream. I swear he sounds different talking to me in that recording than he does now, talking to anyone else. To be fair, I sound different too.

The year we didn't speak, I was too angry to miss his voice. But when we became friends again, I realized just how strange it was not to hear him speaking to me for so long. Leo was a huge part of my life, just like sleeping or eating, and then…he wasn't. So much changed on that one night, and it took me a while to become fully aware of the empty space.

Which is exactly what's happening now, but only with his voice this time. Considering I know how it feels to lose all of him, this is a small mercy.

We talk a little more about nothing, and then the track abruptly stops and switches to just Leo.

"Hey Amanda," he says, his voice a little lower since I wasn't supposed to hear him record this. If I remember correctly, Leo taped this in his parents' bathroom. He sounds shier than before, and I feel like I can hear him blushing through the recording.

"Hi Leo," I whisper in the dark, smiling.

"Um, I thought about all the things I could say to you when we're not speaking, but I've decided I should say the things that mean more when spoken out loud, you know? My truths, if you will. You may find this incredibly stupid, but if you've put up with me for this long then I think you'll know what to expect. Okay, here goes.

"I really admire you committing to this. For Angelina's sake, and the sake of anyone else involved—and for my sake too. I hope you know how awesome you are for doing this. I won't let you face any part of this alone, Amanda. You have my word.

"Did you know you have a great laugh? I love hearing you laugh—especially if it was something I said—because I know you and you don't laugh at too many things so I like hearing it when you do. Don't stop laughing when we stop talking, okay? Please? Believe it or not, that would make this so much easier for me.

"You're a great friend to me, and I don't know if I ever told you how much it meant to me that you forgave me for what I said on our tenth birthday. I'll always be making it up to you. If I had lost you for good it would have been the stupidest mistake of my life. Because then it wouldn't matter if everyone in the world was my friend, since you wouldn't be. Of all my truths, that's the truest one.

"If anyone ever gives us a hard time about the chalkboards, try and remember that. I'd take you over anybody else, any day, hands down. And I'm with you all the way. I hope I prove to be as good of a friend to you through all this as you always were—are—to me."

And it cuts off there. The silence that follows is the loudest one I've ever heard, the void that was just starting to fill empty once again. I pull my headphones off, my eyes drawn to the moonlight streaming in through the window, and the tree he and I used to climb when we were small.

I lie awake thinking about his words. And how I haven't laughed the way I did in the recording in a long time.

A/N: This came out a bit more serious and melancholy than I had originally intended, but I don't know...I kind of like the turn it took. Gives us a chance to see just how much of an effect the chalkboards really had. For anyone who is still reading this nine chapters in, I'm writing for YOU!