Green eyes boring into her soul.
She had managed to run away from Rosier, leaving him in that abandoned classroom.
Emerald eyes she couldn't lie to.
Rushing through the hallways, even if she had escaped his presence, she hadn't escaped his eyes. They were constant, burned into her retina to stay there, reminding her of her betrayal.
All she had to do was not tell him–- or anyone–- about her past, their future, everyone's future. It was so simple, no flutter of wings and the tornado would be avoided.
The tornado had struck, he knew it was Bellatrix that had done it to her. Would he tell? She was sure that Rosier had been a death eater–- was a Death Eater?- so he would tell, wouldn't he?
The hallways blurred together as she made her way to the Gryffindor common room. The painting shut behind her harshly, alerting everyone in the common room to her arrival.
She was about to run up to her dormitory again, but then the thought of his emerald eyes stopped her. If Rosier was her only contact in this time, she would start to break more, and tell him. Not because she wanted to, but because he wanted her to.
Steeling herself she regarded everyone in the room, looking for someone to talk to, someone nice. There were two people that seemed interested in why she had banged the door behind her, Sirius Black and a girl that seemed vaguely familiar.
After thinking Rosier was charming she knew she needed to talk to other people, even if she shouldn't make an impact. Her admission to Rosier earlier counted as a flutter of a butterfly's wing, didn't it? How much worse could talking to someone truly be?
"Hi," Hermione said, clutching her books tight to her chest after she had made her way over to the mystery girl and the boy she sat next to. One foot was halfway off the ground, so she was ready to turn and walk away.
"Hey, Hermione right?" The other girl smiled and Hermione nodded to affirm what she had asked. "I'm Alice, nice to meet you!"
Alice, who she never knew or even saw before going back in time, was better than the one she saved the life of. Even if her heart squeezed at the thought of wounding Sirius even more by ignoring him. He was better without her, all of them were to be honest.
It was selfish of her to want friends, to feel lost. She survived, but the others didn't and instead of fighting out there, she was in here making friends. But she also needed to do this, to spend time with someone that wouldn't turn the war in Voldemort's favor.
Alice, probably sensing her insecurity, smiled in a way that radiated grace and warmth. Hermione couldn't help but envy her. This girl hadn't felt war, hadn't felt the sting of a wand, the blade of a knife, the knowledge that anyone would betray you if it meant saving themselves, or the ones they love.
She gulped, "Nice to meet you." Why was the mere act of saying hello to someone so painful now? It was just a reminder of who she had lost and what she had done. Before she could start retreating or make it worse somehow, the boy introduced himself. "I'm Frank, why don't you join us, Hermione?" He motioned to the chair next to the couch they were sitting in.
"I– thank you," she said and sat down.
As her butt touched the soft cushion, their names hit her and she realized who they were. Longbottom, Neville's parents.
She regretted sitting down, but did not know of a better alternative, nor an excuse to leave now.
"How are you settling in?" Alice asked with a warm smile, setting down the homework she had been working on next to her cup of tea on the table. She leaned back into the cushions and tilted herself so her back was leaning slightly onto Frank. The man in question moved his homework next to him on the couch. Hermione couldn't help but notice it had significantly less work done on it than Alice.
When Alice had motioned for Hermione to join them Frank did not seem to pay attention to much, except for Alice. So it didn't come as a surprise to Hermione that Frank moved on the couch slightly to make sure Alice was comfortable against him. His body twisted in what looked to be an uncomfortable stance, but his face showed no signs of discomfort.
"I'm settling good." Hermione spluttered at her awkward sentence, "I mean, I'm settling in fine, thank you."
Hermione tried another one of her awkward smiles. How come every interaction with gryffindors was like re-learning to socialize but everything with Rosier was natural.
Maybe it was the way Alice had this naivety that reminded Hermione of a young Neville. Before the department of mysteries happened and he was still just a naive young boy that only feared stuff like teachers or failing his grandmother.
Or maybe it was how Frank looked so much like his son, but also seemed so comfortable in his own skin and in the world. A stark contrast to his son, though they were both raised by the same woman.
She asked them about their homework, and they had a brief conversation that was all small talk and no substance before the couple excused themselves.
For the next few days Hermione took to walking with Frank and Alice to most of the classes she shared with them, effectively creating a shield between herself and Rosier. The small talk continued and was still as awkward as before, but Alice always seemed to make an effort to have the conversation.
It seemed like Alice wanted to take Hermione under her wing and let her settle in with the gryffindors. Or so Hermione gathered from a hushed conversation Alice and Frank had about Frank wanting more time alone with his girlfriend, and Alice insisting helping Hermione was the right thing to do.
After that, Hermione made sure to give them more space, even if it left her more vulnerable. Then again, she was always alone when she went to the library. So far it seemed like all that had kept Rosier away was sheer luck.
She knew it would soon run out.
"Did it work?" Rosier said.
She tried not to roll her eyes at him and pretended to be engrossed in her book. "Did what work?"
"Can you forget about your attraction to me by connecting to someone else?" He moved closer to her. The words she tried to concentrate on must be as easy for him to read now. Soon he would know that she had stopped reading to concentrate on their conversation.
"I'm not attracted to you." He took a step closer and she could feel his breath on her hair, letting a single strand escape to fly into her face and get stuck to her lip. She lifted the hand that had held the pages down and touched her lip to get the hair away.
"Oh no?"
Thud.
She had closed her book with the hand that held its spine and turned to face him. Her eyes met his eyes for a short time as she said, "No."
She moved across the aisle to pick up another book. When she went to leave the library, a hand on the next shelf stopped her.
"You will come over to my side, I know it."
"What side is that? The dark side?"
"What makes you think I'm dark?"
She looked at him over her shoulder. Even though he had stopped her from leaving, he hadn't trapped her with both hands on the shelves. One hand was in his pocket as he faced her and she was turned towards his hand and the exit. It was hard not to draw parallels and see the difference between this situation and the one with Sirius. She had felt trapped, helpless and without an escape with Sirius, but for some reason, Rosier didn't make her feel the same way. Her feelings regarding the two men made no sense, but she felt it intensely, her mask slipped with Rosier, but fell in place with Sirius.
"You follow Voldemort."
He tutted and shook his head with a smile tugging at his lips. "Brave of a young Mudblood to use the Dark Lord's name."
"I'm a Gryffindor," she quipped.
"The whole school seems to doubt that," he said and by the smile that now took over his face he noticed her bristle. "Even your head of house."
She was about to come with a clever retort, or maybe something that would, sadly, show how much of an effect he had on her when she realized something. From what he had said to her in that abandoned classroom the other day she knew, "You don't."
He shifted a little and the smile fell from his lips. "Maybe I know you better than they do."
It was her turn to smile a slight smile, "So what makes you want to hang around a 'True Gryffindor' like me?"
He snorted at her using his own words against him. "I think there's more to you than that."
"What more is there?"
His lip quirked and tugged, threatening to spring out into a full smile and she felt herself wishing it would turn into one. Maybe then she could see past his green robes and see an actual human being hiding underneath the scales of a snake.
"Then a house you get sorted into? Hopefully a lot more. I'd rather not be defined by such limits."
Even when she turned the tables on him, a lion stalking the snake, he somehow seemed to twist himself out of the corner she tried to run him into.
"No I-" she sighed, "I mean, what more is there to me that you see?"
"Curious to find out?" He moved closer, a charming look in his eyes that Hermione did not want to find charming at all. She looked away, trying to shake the feeling of him being nice and charming.
"Forget I ever asked." She hastened her steps to get back to the table she had been sitting at earlier. Why was it that Evan was the only one she felt human with?
"Yet, you are still talking to me," he called out after her. When she turned to look at him she noticed his lip quirked again in that almost smile way he used to do. It annoyed her that she had spent enough time with him to notice one of his quirks.
"Because you are stalking me."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong. I can't help it that we have the same classes or go to the same school. I never stand at a distance without you knowing."
"If you did, how would I know?" she retorted.
"Ooo," he moved close to her, a new familiarity with her after the event the other day that she wasn't comfortable with. "You got me there."
He passed her the book she was looking for, holding onto it for a second when she was about to take it from him. "Maybe you just have to trust me."
She realized they had fallen into a comfortable routine again and it scared her. His eyes threatened to cloud her mind again. Her eyes concentrated down on the book he had handed her, adamant she wouldn't mess up again. "Leave Rosier."
She would not, and she dared not, stare too deep into those eyes again. A small voice at the back of her mind asked her what she feared more; letting another secret slip, or facing how she felt about him. She shook her head slightly to rid herself of the thought. Either way, she couldn't afford to lose control of her walls.
He sat down across from her, but away from the table giving her some of the space that she asked for, but not leaving."Where did you go in your mind now, to make your tone change so suddenly?"
"Why don't you just read my mind and find out," she said, refusing to look back up at his eyes. She didn't need to look up to know exactly how those green eyes were scanning her features.
"Ah, that's where." He leaned back in his seat as he continued, "You know I want to know all your secrets, so what's changed?"
"You cheated."
"A Slytherin, cheating? Oh the horror," he quipped, hoping to get back in that comfortable routine from before. He leaned back in an open and relaxed pose, a perfect contrast to how tense and bent over the book Hermione currently sat.
"I haven't changed my mind, I don't want to tell you any of my secrets."
"I don't believe that's true."
"Well I don't care what you think."
Unperturbed by her response he continued musing. "You want absolution for all of your sins."
She knew she couldn't look up now, he would be able to tell he had hit the nail on the head. All of her horrible actions, they needed to be ok. She needed to know her little flutter hadn't caused a tornado like her heart told her it had. If only she hadn't doomed them all, if only Harry and Ron were alive and safe.
"You want to confess, have someone tell you that you are forgiven." There was something about his voice that almost drew her attention again, begging her to look into his eyes and find his truth the way he had found hers.
"What does a pureblood know about sin? Isn't that a muggle concept?"
She could feel his smug expression without taking her eyes off the pages of her book.
"So you have sinned. Shall I bless you and forgive them as you confess?"
"What, like bless me father for I have sinned?"
"Tell me your confession child."
At this point she was amused and confused. Should she play along or run away?
"It has been ten years since my last confession," she said, putting down her quill in her bag and adopting a more relaxed position. It was too tempting to follow this pattern. Easier to pretend she was at church than to pretend she was normal. She would never be normal again, and Rosier's desire to know her secrets threatened the promise of her future that felt normal to her.
"Go on my child," Rosier continued, mirroring Hermione's body language.
"There was this thing that happened last Christmas… I was in this manor," she could almost feel his excitement. "And I met a boy."
"Not a man?" It seemed he couldn't help his pride and had to interject.
"And ever since then," she continued, ignoring him.
"I can't stop thinking about…" He leaned forward as her voice got lower and lower.
"How annoying he is." She shut her book and quickly put the rest of her stuff in her bag and left the library. She heard the tinkling laugh fade as her feet carried her away from the boy that should make her feel unsafe but only brought treacherous feelings of something else she couldn't quite put her hand on.
Authors Note:
Hello again ;)
It's been a while, and I've missed this. Did you know I have ADHD? yeah, me neither xD I discovered it sometime after I posted this last (if memory serves me right) so I will go through phases of stuff being really intensely focused on, and not. So I've fallen into fanfiction again, and that means an update for you lovelies 3
For now I have this chapter, 1 more written up, then a halfway done chapter, and a done chapter. You know what bothers me though? It's not like it stops there, I have written so many more chapters, some just need a polish and i could publish, some are just one sentence or an idea for the chapter, so I have another 35 chapters mapped out. I really want to finish this story, not just to publish but because Evan and Hermione deserve a full multi-chapter done about them in my opinion.
But for now, all I'm promising before new years is 3 more chapters after this. But I hope the next break, when it comes, will be much shorter and I will manage to finish this.
Thank you so much to my reviewers!
paredescharlene, angel897, MoonflowerDaydreamer, nkh1, SheIsAFairyTale and 1 Guest reviewer.
Thank you all for taking the time to leave me a little note that you enjoy my work, it gives me serotonin :D