I ran. Ran for what felt like the umpteenth time during that three day trip. Ran as fast as my sandal-clad feet would carry me away from that chapel. Ran away from the hand that was just holding my wrist, and the voice that was desperately calling out for me to wait. I wasn't ready to face him or those feelings he wanted to convey. If I looked back at the dejected face he probably had on, I knew that my resolve would have crumbled.

"When this is all over and we get back home, I promise I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

The memory came to me as I looked out the window of the train carrying me back to Nerima. I never did end up hearing what he had to say, as things fell apart very quickly that day. I didn't notice him chasing after me until I had already met up with Mami-san in front of Grandma Nagomi's room. Before either Mami-san or I could say a word, he was the one who took the initiative and revealed the secret. In his family's eyes, I was a helpless victim just doing her job and getting dragged along by his selfish whims to try and impress the people around him.

I remember the guilt that filled me that day, as his grandmother prostrated in front of me, begging for forgiveness for raising "such a foolish boy." I remember his mother silently sobbing as she fiddled with the cheap ring I had given her the night before. I remember hearing a thud as he hit the floor after getting punched by his father. He didn't retaliate. I tried to say something, but he gave me a look that cut me off. A determined look that I knew all too well, one that said "I'm doing this, no matter what."

When the train arrived at the station, the sun was just starting to set. I grabbed myself a quick snack from a vending machine and boarded the bus that would take me to the old apartment complex. It had been a long journey from Okinawa, and I was just ready to unpack and get some relief from this damned summer heat with a cold shower.

The last rays of sunlight began to recede from the sky as I made the short walk from the bus stop to the apartment complex. The nervousness was setting in now as the familiar two floor building came into my view. What if he came out right now and saw me? Would he be happy to see me or would the sight of my face bring back bad memories? Besides the occasional awkward greetings when we would bump into each other, we had not spoken after getting back from the resort. Well, besides the talk we had before I left, but I would prefer not to remember that.

We hadn't communicated at all in the five months that I was gone. There was an incident on my birthday though, when I had received a mysterious package. It had no return address, but when I opened it up and saw a familiar box of pickled plums, I felt a little flutter in my stomach. A single index-card sized postcard was attached to the top that read: "Happy Birthday! Keep up the good work!" I remember being overcome with joy. I giggled at the stupid, yet thoughtful gift. He was always thoughtful, wasn't he? I popped an umeboshi in my mouth, and wallowed in the acidic taste.

Sour.

A year ago, we had been standing on our respective balconies as I thanked him for the gift and he insisted that he didn't touch Ruka-chan. That's when the tears started falling. I missed him so damn much. I wanted to see him again, to apologize for being such a cold bitch, and (if he still wanted to) listen to whatever he had to say that day at the church. I spent the rest of my 21st birthday evening eating pickled plums and crying over a boy. What a sorry sight I must have made back then.

Fortunately, the landlord was in his office when I got there. I had been paid reasonably well for the role that I had played, so I decided to continue to pay rent while I was away. There were probably apartments around that cost more or less the same, but where else would I find an apartment with such a large closet that was so close to Uni on short notice? Plus, this was the only apartment complex that had him.

With my key in tow, I decided to take the opposite staircase up to the second level from my usual one. Making my way to my room, I glanced at the nameplates as I passed by.

Room 202: Yaemori

I hadn't spoken to Yaemori-san much since the movie wrapped up. I wonder if he told her everything that had happened? Considering that she was always looking out for him, she probably knew everything. She might even hate my guts now. I continued walking.

Room 203: Kinoshita

I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. He hadn't left. He was still here. Against my better judgement, my hand moved forward on its own, but before I could rap my knuckles against the door, I stopped myself. What was I doing? What would I even say to him right now? I let out a sigh and pressed my head right above his nameplate and stared at it.

Was it this hard for you too?

"Sorry ma'am, but I think you have the wrong room."

Startled, I jumped back from the wall and stared at the direction that the voice came from. There stood a man dressed in a disheveled looking suit and garish brown-orange hair. With one hand on the railing, he held his hand up in greeting and attempted to smile at me, but it came out more like a grimace.

"Welcome back, Mizuhara."

Sitting at the table in his room, while he grabbed some drinks for the two of us, I took in my surroundings. To my surprise, the place was practically spotless. There were no clothes strewn about, his futon was neatly folded and put to a side, and there were no empty food containers or cans. His fish's tank was shining like it had been impeccably cared for. Even the typical musty smell that greeted my nostrils whenever I walked in was replaced with a faint lemon scent.

Being in this room again was nerve-wracking. He had invited me in, and I had accepted without really thinking about it. Truth be told, I had expected a more dramatic reunion like in the movies where the girl jumps into the guy's arms after being apart for so long. I promptly banished the embarrassing thought from my head as fast as it had entered.

He returned to the table with a tray of drinks and a plate of cookies. I graciously accepted the glass of iced tea, while he cracked open a can of beer. One of the ice cubes in my glass bobbed up to the surface of the tea as it started to melt and he said, "You look a little tanner. Okinawa must have been good to you."

I guess I didn't realize how tan I got. "Most of my scenes were outdoors, guess all the sunscreen in the world can't help you from getting a little darker. It was definitely a great experience though, I got to meet and learn from a lot of cool people."

I told him about some of my co-stars and how we got along. Luckily, Umi-kun was there to break the ice when I first met everyone. The cast was pretty down-to-earth for the most part, save for the odd eccentric here or there.

"The director sounds like a total weirdo."

"He really was. There was this one time…"

It was strange talking to him like this. Outside of the rental agreement, we didn't have much of a relationship. We had never spent time together without a reason. I don't think we would even consider each other friends. I was glad that we had slipped into a comfortable way of bantering that we rarely had. There was one thing bothering me though.

"What's with the suit?"

"Oh this? He frowned then and grabbed the end of his tie before letting it flop down again. "I started this part-time job at a sales company right after the semester ended. I figured it would be a better experience than the old karaoke bar. Plus, it'll help me out later when I have to run the store." His shoulders slumped then as he bemoaned the new job. "It's actually pretty stressful though, most of our pay comes from actually making sales."

"Sounds like a lot of hard work, have you actually sold anything yet?" I ran my finger along the rim of the glass, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Nah, not yet. Most of the people I call just end up ignoring me and don't pick up. Even when they do pick up, I end up spending a bunch of time trying to sell some stupid hair product only for them to say no in the end."

"I'm sure that will make it much sweeter when someone finally does say yes and buys something."

"Yeah, well I haven't had any luck with that yet."

Suddenly, it felt like we weren't talking about the job anymore. I peered up from my glass and finally took a good look at him. There was no other way to describe his face other than weary. There were bags under his eyes, and his skin wasn't in the best shape. To me, he looked like he could keel over from exhaustion at any second. I wanted to ask how he was holding up, but I didn't think I'd get a straight answer to a direct question about himself, so I opted for the roundabout way.

"How's your family doing?"

He raised the can to his lips and feigned a sip, but it was clearly empty at this point. I could tell he was hesitant but he spoke anyway. "They're alright. Dad doesn't really talk much, but he calls every once in a blue moon just to ask how school is going. Mom calls every couple of days though, checking up on me, asking if I'm eating enough and all that, you know how moms are." He must have realized who he was talking to then, because he quickly apologized. I brushed it off, I know he didn't mean anything by it.

"I see. And grandma? How is she?"

I noticed the way his grip on the can had tightened slightly and his jaw tensed for a split second. "She's healthy from what my mom tells me. We haven't spoken since the resort though. I… I'm too ashamed to try calling."

The guilt that I had felt since that day threatened to consume me in that moment. After everything that family had done for me, they ended up being torn apart because of me. I had spent the better part of the last half year going over my regrets thinking about what I could have done differently to spare some of the heartbreak.

"Hey," I looked back up to see his hand waving in my face. "Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Looking so miserable. I already told you before you left, none of it was your fault. You don't have to keep beating yourself up."

That was awfully patronizing of him. "That secret belonged to both of us. If it wasn't for me insisting on keeping it going, the lie would have been over a long time ago. Both of us should have faced the consequences, but it seems like you just want to hog them all to yourself," I said sarcastically while pouting at him.

It wasn't something I could actually be mad about. No matter how we revealed the secret, it was always going to end up this way. Even if he was right though and I was overthinking, that didn't help assuage the guilt that I felt. Talking about it any further tonight would just have us going in circles apologizing, so I decided to leave it there.

The anxiety of seeing him again had worn off, and the exhaustion of my journey had settled in. My eyelids were starting to droop and he picked up on it immediately.

"Sorry, you've had a long journey and here I am bringing up all this troublesome stuff. You should get some rest," he said.

I nodded in agreement and rose to head to the door. As I slipped on my shoes, I recalled that last conversation we had, before leaving.

"You should definitely take it. It would be such a big deal for you," he exclaimed. I explained that I had passed an audition that Umi-kun had told me about at that dinner party a few months ago.

"I know, but it would mean I'd be gone for a few months at least." That had been my concern when he first told me about it.

"If you let the school know, I'm sure you could take a semester off without an issue."

"I already talked it over with them, but what about you?"

"Me? Why are you running this by me? I already said I think you should go."

"No, I mean… after everything that happened are you going to be okay?"

He looked a little irritated then. "What are you worried about me for?

"I just thought that after everything that had happened, maybe we could try and fix things. I could try talking to your family or maybe-"

"You know that this is the first proper conversation we've had in weeks?"

"..."

"We've barely talked to each other since the trip and now that you're thinking of leaving, you're trying to check in on me? What exactly can you do to fix this? I already fucked everything up!" His eyes widened as soon as the words left his mouth.

He sighed and slumped over his balcony railing. "Sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. It's not your fault. For both of our sakes, I think it would be best if you took the role."

I wish he didn't apologize. The yelling, the frustration. I deserved that. If I could be his punching bag for even a moment, I would gladly take it.

"Seeing you right now… I'll be honest, it hurts. A lot. I just start thinking about what I could have done differently"

My heart sank. I had no idea that I was making it worse.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Ever since that day, I've just felt so awful about everything. You shouldn't have been the only one to take the blame that day."

"None of this is your fault. This is all my responsibility. I was just your client, and you were just doing your job. There was no way I was going to let them yell at you."

"But still-"

"You should go. If you really want to help me, then I'm asking you to do the thing that you love."

All I felt was remorse.

"It's just… I think I need some time apart from you."

That night on our respective balconies had been a tough one. I understood where he was coming from. I knew he was struggling, yet I never reached out to offer him my ear when he was in pain. Maybe I had reached out to him that night to get an excuse to run away from the problem again. If the roles had been reversed, I'm sure he would have stubbornly refused to leave and done everything in his power to cheer me up. He'd already done it once.

The truth was all of our shared history was based on those terms & conditions. Without that rental structure, I didn't know how to interact with him anymore. He was always the one initiating everything, so when he pulled away I wasn't sure what to do.

I was just your client, and you were just doing your job.

I couldn't help but wincing at that line. After all we had been through, he still thought my opinion of him was low. I couldn't blame him though with how much I had reinforced that idea. I still don't know how to begin fixing everything, but I knew that at the very least, I wanted to be there for him. The same way he had been my only support system when I was feeling low. I couldn't rely on him leading everything anymore, I had to take a step here tonight, no matter how small.

He opened the door for me and mustering up whatever courage my exhausted brain had, I blurted out, "Do you remember what you said that night? About how you needed some time apart?

A little startled, he simply said "Yes, I do."

"I know today must have been a surprise and you probably felt obligated to talk to me but," I gulped and continued, "if you still need some more time, then I promise I'll stay out of sight. But… if seeing me doesn't hurt you as much anymore, then I hope we can talk like this again. As much as you say it's not my fault, I disagree. I'm the one who stopped you from telling the truth to everyone at the hospital."

I took a deep breath and exhaled and continued, "You've always indulged all my wishes. If you'll let me be selfish one more time, I just want you to let me be there for you, like you've always been for me."

He took some time to process my words as I waited with baited breath. This was nerve wracking, and it was the kind of thing he used to say to me on a regular basis. I just desperately wanted him to give me something I could latch on to. Then, he softly smiled and replied, "I think five months is more than enough time. And besides," his cheeks reddened a bit as he rubbed the back of his head and said "I might have missed you just a little bit, anyway."

If I was a normal girl who hadn't trained herself to suppress her emotions, I probably would have squealed. He didn't hate me. It might take some time, but I could work with this. I turned my back quickly in embarrassment of what I was about to say and cleared my throat, "Right, well, it was strange not seeing you for so long. Maybe I might have just missed you at some point, too."

It relieved me to hear him chuckling. I really had missed him, more than he would ever know.

"Hey Mizuhara," he called out as I walked towards my door. I turned to see him smiling.

"Okaeri."

My heart skipped a beat and for the first time in five months, I felt something akin to hope that we could fix what had been broken. I smiled back.

"Tadaima."