"I'll never forget the time I saw the smiling boy walking down the street. I can't really describe him, but there was something about that boy that made me smile too." Their journey of finding Aoshi and whatever lies beyond after everything is said and done. SxM
Disclaimer: Lucy Luci doesn't own Rurouni Kenshin.
Finding After
As Soujiro went about his previous travels, he came down to a final conclusion. There were two men who moved him along in life. They both were great people, both having their good and bad qualities, yet they had nothing in common except for their pasts, which were bloody. Only two men, however, only two men that made such a deep impression in his life that it actually helped shape the person he became. But the thing was, each of them saw Soujiro so differently…and both had their own expectations of him.
Only the only man who knew Soujiro best was Shishio, there's no doubt about that. But the only man who knew what was best for Soujiro was Kenshin. Soujiro understood this but no one else did. Everyone just thought Shishio was the evil man who corrupted Soujiro's life and made him the satanic creature that killed anyone on his master's whim. And Kenshin, he was the saint who saved him, who removed the tainted soul that Shishio had placed in Soujiro's damaged body. But not everything was so easy to spot. Shishio had his good qualities. He did, after all, save Soujiro from his stepfamily. He could've done it in a different way though…but that's beside the point! And Kenshin did have to beat him to a pulp to teach him a lesson…even though Soujiro turned out okay in the end…
Who was right? Soujiro still believed that both of them were extraordinary people who did make mistakes, but who doesn't? It seemed as if he was confused while knowing all along. Part of him always wanted to believe that they both were right but there were usually other people who thought otherwise.
Then there were all of the people in between, the people who tried to sway Soujiro, and couldn't leave him as he was. All of the people who just had to believe that either Shishio or Kenshin was right, all of the people who wanted to decide for him. They couldn't just accept that both of them were both good and bad people. The others just couldn't let go of their exceptionally strong beliefs, not that there was anything wrong with that. It was just that, Soujiro always felt the need to agree to make the person feel good, therefore becoming a good person. But was it actually making him a better person? He just had to believe what he saw. Maybe then everything would finally fit into place.
And yet, sometimes none of those people mattered, because there were only two people in his life. Makoto Shishio and Kenshin Himura who saw what they saw and shared their ideals with Soujiro, explaining to him the facts of life.
But then all of a sudden, his life took another turn and met someone completely new. From all of the people he had met in his journeys, people had always saw what they wanted to see. But then he met someone different and special.
There was this girl, Misao, who saw everything…
Chapter two – Sun Dance
"I've never been so embarrassed in my life!" Misao yelled as she threw her hands in the air in an angered rage. She wrapped her arms around her head and shook it as if trying to shake of a giant bug that somehow managed to find a nesting spot on her head, "Did you see the way they stared at me? They laughed at me like I was some sort of idiot! Mental! But I'm not!" She lowered her hands and held herself in more of a slouch.
Soujiro smiled while still being somewhat afraid of her as she continued to rant on. "They thought it was funny! They thought it was funny that I was hurting!"
She stopped walking and turned to him in an threatening stare, "It. Wasn't. Funny."
Misao turned back forward and walked ahead of him. Soujiro couldn't do much except for smile while she continued to fume. It was at least a few minutes until Misao finally slowed down and turned back to him, "Actually, I should be thanking you. No one has ever said something like that to me. And well, it was really nice."
He smiled sheepishly and waved her off, "It's nothing, I just say what I think." Soujiro then glanced at his hand and noticed the bandages he had put on earlier were coming undone.
She walked back to him and held his hand in hers, "Does it hurt?" Her face was saddened.
"Oh," he smiled, "No it's fine. It's barely a scratch." She smiled back quickly and turned back around, but Soujiro asked, "Misao, are you alright?"
Misao turned her head back and smiled downwards, "Well, yeah. I didn't hit the ground that hard." He giggled as she rubbed her red nose.
"But that's not what I meant…" Misao turned her head.
"Oh, well I'm feeling better." She said somewhat happily that made Soujiro surprised.
Soujiro watched her walk for a few more steps before he decided to walk after her. He wondered about the kind of person Misao was. It seemed that only a few things held Misao together, and that made her a delicate person. He wished with all of his heart that she would find whatever she was looking for, being Aoshi or maybe some other form of a prize. Also, he would try to help her as much as he could but sadly, he didn't know if that would be enough. Misao just seemed to be such a heartfelt and kind person. Maybe it was just that Soujiro was worried that no one else saw that. When he first met her, she seemed fierce and headstrong. But the more he traveled with her, the more he noticed the subtle things. The things that Soujiro thought that people usually didn't see…
But for some reason, Soujiro could see these things.
He glanced down and saw Misao dig into her pocket and feel something that made her smile smiled, "Let's go find Aoshi," she stated clearly as she began to walk ahead of him.
Misao and Soujiro then headed towards the next city that rested just beyond them. The certain hop in her step had certainly changed, but Soujiro couldn't really tell if it were for better or for worse.
.o0o. ..Yesterday..
Soujiro and Misao had been traveling together for the past month now, and a very pleasant four weeks they were. She would have her occasional rant while he would always try to calm her down, and every once in a while she would have a certain dream about a certain Aoshi that Soujiro would be kept awake for because of her unstoppable talking. But it seemed that they worked perfectly together. They're friendship was funny though because it was slightly based on a lie Soujiro told two weeks prior. Misao still didn't know he used to be a part of the Jupongatana. As long as she never asked, right? That's what Soujiro hoped at least.
"My feet hurt so much right now!"
He wanted to tell her, he felt a little bad about the whole deal. One might think that a detail like that wouldn't want to be known, especially to a traveling companion. But Soujiro obviously wasn't that sort of a person. There were just these every little day things when his mind would bring it up. Like when he ate breakfast, when he fell asleep, and when he woke up.
…Well, actually it was sort of bothering him a lot by now.
"Do you want to stop somewhere?"
"Not now…"
It was around midday when Soujiro heard noises, papery noises. He glanced over to see Misao reading a piece of paper over and over again.
"May I ask what is that?" He asked with a playful tone in his voice.
She withdrew it in a second, "Nothing, just paper," Shed tried to sound collected.
He laughed a little before replying, "Well I know it's paper, and it has to be something or otherwise you wouldn't be so protective about it. Am I right? Plus, you were reading it." Soujiro glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and the was staring at him agitated, but eventually nodded her head, "So can I know what it is?"
She sighed exasperatedly and flipped him the paper while turning her head so she wasn't as vocal, "It's just a letter someone wrote me once. It's nothing really. Just a gross old piece of paper-,"
"From Aoshi?" He asked while pointed to the letter. Her mouth hung open.
"I told you, you could look at it, not read the thing! How rude!" She yelled as she snatched the paper back and shoved it in her pocket. She crossed her arms in a huff and glared at him as if asking for an apology. Soujiro smiled sheepishly and shrugged as she yelled back at him, "You're supposed to say, I'm sorry Misao Makimachi! I'll never do a horrible thing like that ever again in my entire life!" He seemed to shrink in size a little before he mumbled a little apology while still having a smile on his face.
"You should be sorry you little mongrel," her voice sounded stern, but her facial expression turned a little more smug, "So sorry, in fact, that I think you need to treat this young lady to lunch."
Soujiro smiled, "What young lady?"
Her smug smile was wiped off of her face, "That isn't funny at all. Now come on, seriously I'm starving." She grabbed his arm and pulled him to the nearest restaurant, which happened to be more like a teahouse.
"How many will be in your party tonight?" The fair maiden asked with a soft voice.
"Just us two," Misao replied confidently.
"This way, please."
The woman seated them at a quiet table with a few candles lighting the dim room, "Your server will be with you shortly, please."
After she left, Misao turned back to Soujiro and smiled at him maniacally, "What shall I order today?" Soujiro gulped and felt a tight pinch in his pocket, ah yes, the feeling of money quickly escaping, "Maybe the seafood tempura with a side of Unagi and miso? Yum. Or do I want the yakitori udon? I've been craving some of that lately…"
"Misao," Soujiro spoke up weakly, "Don't spend too much now…"
Misao was busy reading the menu, "Oh I don't know, you did read my private note after all. I think you should pay…literally. I am hungry you know." He just nodded as she continued to scan the menu.
It was strange, even though Misao was sometimes extremely stubborn and radically naïve, but he enjoyed her company to such a great extent. It seemed that no matter how many ways she found to spend his money on food, or how many times she tried to keep her love for Aoshi a secret, he always looked back on it with a smile. And for that reason, he did and did not want to tell her about what his previous crimes had been. He wanted to because maybe she would accept in such a way that he would never imagine before. However, he didn't want to because he didn't want to lose the friendship that he had created with such an enjoyable human being. It was like her soul was naturally kind. And in actuality, no one wants to lose a treasure like that.
After the waitress returned and took their orders, Soujiro had finally decided to ask, "What did Aoshi write to you anyways?"
Misao stared up at him with her hands folded in her lap as she asked, "You didn't read it? I thought you did…"
"I only saw that it was from Aoshi, that's all." Soujiro glanced off to the side while gazing at the candle-lit lamp resting next to the wall. He thought of Aoshi and how he was doing. He never really disliked Aoshi, it was just that Aoshi was such a good fighter. Soujiro had a certain fear of him for some reason…
"Well," Misao began, "It was a letter he wrote to me a few years ago. It…it's nothing really."
Soujiro returned his gaze to her, "But it has to mean something to you if you've kept it for such a long time."
Misao shook her head, "No, it's just a memory. It was a letter I got from him when I was little." Soujiro leaned his head on his hand as if asking her to continue, "He…that's when he went off with a few Oniwabashuu to fight for a man, I can't remember his name. Then he met Kenshin somehow, and he was never the same."
Misao's aura changed. A smile remained on her face, but there was sadness to it that Soujiro couldn't put his finger on. Aoshi obviously meant something to her, something that hurt her deep inside. She was now gazing off to the side with her eyes looking misty. Was Aoshi really bugging her that much? He didn't seem like the sort of person to mess with a person's feelings…well, he could get inside a person's head. Maybe that's what happened to Misao? Was it like a trance, in a way? Or was it actually pure love? You know, Soujiro had never really felt that sort of thing before. That emotion. That love. In a way, he was jealous of Misao. She didn't know it but she was lucky. It was the simple things in life that he never knew, and was just recently discovering.
Soujiro wondered if Misao could tell that he was devoid of emotions. Maybe she wondered why he smiled all the time. Before, he didn't actually know that he smiled all the time, it was said that if you smiled, you would actually feel better. He couldn't really tell the difference because it was just something he always did. Lately, however, he hadn't been smiling all of the time now. But the times he did smile felt much more real. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to some people but to Soujiro, it meant change.
"Was there ever someone you cared about?" Misao asked, the air still in its awkward flow.
"Hm?"
Misao leaned on her arm, "Was there ever anyone you loved?" Her voice sounded dreamy, she was obviously still thinking about Aoshi.
"Well," He started, readying to bullshit, "the only woman I've ever loved is my mother."
Well that was lame.
Misao nodded as she smiled, "That's sweet, I don't remember my mom."
As Misao pulled herself back up to sit upright, Soujiro silently asked himself why couldn't he have just openly said that he hadn't known his mother either? He kept asking himself this question, but he would always have to answer it that his answers would just lead to more questions. And those questions would just lead to loneliness.
And that was the last thing he wanted.
The meals were then brought to the table and the warmth filled the room, "I was about to die," Misao claimed as she slurped up the warm noodles from her soup, "Just barely made it."
He laughed to himself, "Is it satisfying?"
Misao laughed out loud, "Well of course it is! I was so close to death it wasn't even funny." Soujiro smiled again as she continued, "Thank you Soujiro, thank you very much. You saved my life." They both smiled to each other as Misao ate another spoonful of her meal while glancing at her pocket where her ever so precious note laid.
The two eventually finished and left the restaurant. As they headed down the path they were walking in, a gust of wind blew. Soujiro grabbed his eye because something flew in it, "Ouch!"
She glanced over at him, "Are you alright?" Soujiro motioned to his eye with his free hand as he squinted, "Something's in your eye? Hold on, I have a hanky here somewhere…" She dug around in her pocket until she finally felt the soft material in her hand and pulled it out quickly, "Here, use this." As she handed it to him, Soujiro pointed to her pocket from which the cloth came.
"Aoshi's note…" Soujiro said in more of a whisper, but loud enough for Misao to notice.
"What? Oh no!" She wailed as her special note flew out of her pocket and into the street. Misao stood numb for a moment until she finally dived after it, "GOTCHA!" She yelled, but the letter slipped away from her yet again. It was as if the wind were teasing her, "Aoshi!"
"I'll get it, "Soujiro sighed still rubbing his eye while he stepped towards the note. But every time he made a grab for it, it just simply floated a little bit away again. He repeated this at least four times, "This thing's cursed!"
Misao grumbled, "No it's not, the wind is just being stupid right now." She said angrily as she set her hand on Soujiro's shoulder from behind him. He glanced at her and then back at the note that seemed to be fluttering back and forth, whichever way the wind decided, "You get it from one side and I'll get it from the other, alright?"
"What?" Soujiro asked questionably.
She rolled her eyes and stepped around him, "I'll go behind it, and on the count of three, we'll both go for it at the same time! We're cutting off its angles!"
Soujiro looked back at her with strange look on his face, "It's a piece of paper. It's not like it has a mind of its own, you know."
Misao glared at him, "Just wait for my signal."
A minute later, Misao was positioned directly behind the paper, while Soujiro stood embarrassed on the other side as people walked by, staring. He just had to wave them on as Misao studied the paper intensely on all fours. This was ridiculous, sure the wind was a little weird a few minutes, but it hadn't moved for a while now!
"Misao…"
"Shh! Be quiet! I'm studying its moves."
"But it hasn't moved for minutes now!"
"I need silence!"
A few minutes later, Misao raised her hand, "On my mark…"
Soujiro glanced around to the people around him and smiled with his cheeks slightly reddened. This kind of thing never really happened before. But Misao wasn't exactly a normal girl, now was she? But Soujiro had to admit to himself, even through the embarrassment, it was quite funny to watch her like this. He never really knew people were willing to do this sort of thing, you know, while other people were watching.
"GO!"
"What?"
Misao was already making a short dash to the letter, assuming Soujiro was paying attention. Time to go fast. Soujiro caught up, but he caught up a little too fast. As soon as both of them were right above the paper, they reached for it.
"OW!"
"Ouch!"
They completely collided and fell to the ground as the letter floated gently from under them…
Misao laid there, slightly unconscious as Soujiro picked himself up while rubbing his hand. He stared at the letter for a moment until a gust of wind finally carried it away…
He shook Misao gently until she finally stirred, "Misao, your note, it flew away."
She rubbed her head, but as soon as the news began to sink in, she threw her head up instantly, "What?" She yelled loudly directly into his face, "When? Now?" He nodded as she jumped up, but staggered a little, "Aoshi!"
Soujiro stood up as well, "Misao, I think you have a little concussion."
She fell backwards against him and turned her head to meet his worried, "I'm perfectly fine." But her facial expression was somewhat distant.
"Misao, let's go find somewhere for you to rest, I don't want you to get worse."
She shook her head, "I feel…fine."
Then she fell asleep.
Soujiro sighed as he lifted her on his back and stood up, she was once again mumbling something to herself about Aoshi. It wasn't annoying, it was just that it had become a regular thing now. Almost every night he'd hear murmurs to no one about her deep affection for the only man she saw. And every night, Soujiro would listen to every word just trying to understand how someone could care for another person so much. In a way, he was learning from her. But it was sad in a way, she really was talking to no one, no one really cared, just a whisper in the night to the silent sky that hears everyone's problems.
"Aoshi…"
Soujiro wondered sometimes if anyone ever heard her.
"I care…"
He looked back upon her slightly saddened face, her facial expression giving away her dream.
"Don't leave…"
"I won't." Soujiro whispered back to her, ensuring her that he would remain.
Her whispers stopped as she moved a little before gentle sleeping noises escaped her mouth. Soujiro turned back to the road he was walking on with a distant gaze in his eyes. For some reason now, talking to someone who wasn't listening, someone who wasn't there, was depressing. He looked back on her face once more, which was now peaceful. He couldn't help but smile because of it. Soujiro felt like all of the sad feelings disappear, he thought it was amazing how people could make other people do these sorts of things.
Soujiro, holding Misao, finally reached an inn. It was small, but quiet, with an old lady sweeping the front steps, "Hello there! Looking for a room to stay for the night?" He nodded with a smile as he approached her, "Is she alright?" The old woman continued.
"She hit her head and she's just resting for now, it's fine." Soujiro reassured.
The woman nodded after frowning and waved him on into the building. She led him up a small dark staircase, their only light being provided by a candle she held shakily, "You can stay here tonight," She said as opened the door to the unlit room, "There's a lantern over there. Enjoy!" She then slid the door closed behind her.
Soujiro glanced around the room. There was a mattress in the middle and a lamp a few feet away from the head. He walked to it silently and gently set Misao down on the soft surface. While pulling the cold blanket over her, she opened her eyes, "Hi."
He looked at her, "Good morning Misao. Except it's night time so good night."
Misao smiled tiredly, but then suddenly frowned, "What happened? Why is it dark out now?"
Soujiro smiled as he answered, "We hit heads while we dived for your letter. It's my fault though, I went too fast."
She smiled, "You're really fast Soujiro, like a train." He smiled back at her until she finally got her thoughts together, "Wait, what letter?" She brought her hand up to her forehead and rubbed it.
"Your special lett-,"
Her facial expression changed as she cut him off, "Aoshi's letter?" He nodded, "Did you get it?" She asked, her voice sounding more frantic now, but it still was slow.
He replied, "Well you fainted and-,"
"You didn't get it?" He shook his head. All Misao could do was bring her hand down to her eyes. He could tell that she wasn't too happy, and now he wasn't either, "We have to go find it," Misao blurted out suddenly.
"What?" Soujiro called, "We can't! You can't. You should just sleep now. We'll go look for it in the morning, you'll be alright by then in the morning."
She shook her head clumsily, "No! It'll get blown away or something by then!" She started to get up, "We have to go now!"
He stared at her sadly as he set her back down again. That letter obviously was something important to her, no matter how much she tried to hide it, "Misao," he whispered, trying to calm her down. As soon as she made eye contact, he continued, "I'll go look for it. You just rest here, alright?" She tried to oppose, but he cut her off, "You just need to sleep now."
She gazed at him with heavy eyelids as he sat up and headed towards the door. But he didn't leave without saying goodbye. He waved while smiling as her eyelids finally began to close.
When Soujiro finally exited the building, he just began to walk. He had no idea where to, probably to start at the place it was last seen, but other than that, he was worried Misao might never get the letter back again. As the silent sky above him twinkled with the heavenly blue and white stars, he couldn't help but wonder what Aoshi had written to Misao? Was it really just a simple thing to remember him by? Or was it actually something? Something secret maybe?
It wasn't long until he reached the spot where he and Misao initially collided. It didn't seem that the paper was there anymore. It was on the ground last time he saw it, but it wasn't anywhere to be found. It wasn't beneath any bushes, and it wasn't stuck in any trees. Someone must have picked it up on accident. But he had to try his hardest to find it anyways, for Misao.
"Where is that thing?" Soujiro mumbled as he dug below a bush near by, "It can't be that far away, it's not windy…" He dug a little more until the bush above him scratched his hand, "Ouch!" He pulled his hand back and found a streak of blood across his hand. He winced for a moment as he tried to wipe it off, but found it apparently was a gash. Soujiro pulled himself out from under and glanced at it for a while as if thinking it would make it go away.
He sighed for a moment to himself before ripping a part of his sleeve to wrap his injury. After he wrapped it, he stared at it tiredly as the red color began to seep through the blue cloth he used from his outfit. He layered it once again be fore standing up and making his way back to the inn.
During his walk back, he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in himself. He really wanted to find that letter, even if that meant going out in the cold night to look for something that had no importance to him.
Maybe it was the fact that it meant something to Misao was why it meant something to him. It was that special feeling you get when you make someone smile.
When he finally reached the room in the inn and opened the door, he smiled to himself. Misao was there, sleeping on the mattress sprawled out on the floor, her petit figure gently lifting and lowering at a regular pace. Soujiro walked over to her and set his hand on her shoulder, "We'll get it tomorrow Misao." Her head moved a little, and Soujiro interpreted it as a nod. He smiled once more before going to bed, it had been a long day.
Misao was the first to wake the next morning. As soon as the morning light brushed over her face, she blinked and squinted out the window. She hoped the bright light would suddenly remind her where she was, but she only did so once she found Soujiro sleeping against the wall.
By the look of it, he had been sleeping upright with his legs crossed until eventually he fell over to his side. It was pretty funny actually.
She turned her attention back to the ceiling as she reread the letter in her mind. Of course she had it memorized…
'Dear Misao,
I've gone to Tokyo to work on a mission. Don't grow up to much.
Sincerely, Aoshi'
It really wasn't anything special. It wasn't really anything anyways. It was just in Misao's mind, she always wanted to believe that when he wrote that, he was thinking of her, and how much she had grown since the time he met her. She wanted to believe that he pictured a perfect beauty while writing, not the stick that always hung around. Misao just wanted to believe that all of her dreams would come true because of what he wrote down on that little piece of paper, and maybe how there was a secret meaning in it. She wanted to know that he was always thinking of her, and nothing else would remove her from his mind.
There wasn't a smile on her face though. She couldn't only think about how Aoshi left without leaving a note this time, or write one while on his travels. He cared, right? He always thought of her, right? Right?
She sighed loudly and turned over back to face Soujiro, who had eyes were partially open, "Morning sleepy head," She chimed as he sat up straight and stretched her shoulder, "Sleep well?"
He smiled sheepishly and shook his head, "I was feeling so anxious for today, to find that letter of yours."
Misao just shook her head and began to stand up, "Let's just go try to find it now." She turned for the door and waited for Soujiro to follow who was still sitting staring at the floor with his sword in his hands. Misao turned back to him and asked, "What's wrong? Are you alright?"
Soujiro shook his head and stood up, "Nothing Misao, let's get moving."
They made their way back to the spot where the letter was last seen. It was a silent journey, however. Misao was too busy thinking about whether she'd find the note, while Soujiro was still stuck in his own little world. Just tired? Probably. He hadn't gotten that much sleep that night. He had a strange dream. He couldn't even remember it.
He rubbed his eyes and continued walking with Misao, "Here we are!" She exclaimed as she went straight to the ground as if she could actually make out tracks of a piece of paper, "Misao, what are you doing?" She lowered her head to the ground so her ear touched the dirt and listened to the earth, "Misao that doesn't do anything!" He exclaimed as people began to stare again, "Misao…" She held her finger up to her mouth, shushing him.
A minute paseed until she finally pointed left of where she was planted. Soujiro looked, too, to where she was pointing. He raised an eyebrow as she sat up and brushed her hands off, "I don't see anything." He said plainly as she eventually stood up.
Misao held her hand above her eyes to shield the sun, "It's kind of far away now. It's moved."
He lowered his head, "How can you tell!" He whined as she began walking.
"Come on! We need to get moving to catch it! It's stopped now so there won't be a problem finding the direct pinpoint."
Soujiro stared at her frustrated, "You can't pinpoint a piece to paper by listening to the ground!"
She turned back to him with hands on her hips, "I have a special connection with that little piece of paper! I would gladly trade my arm for it." He continued to stare with an even blander look on it, "I would gladly trade my thumb for it."
"No you wouldn't." He stated coolly as Misao turned back around and started walking again.
"It's this way, whether you follow me or not."
She began walking again to the direction she pointed and eventually Soujiro trotted after her, thinking the idea was less impossible with each step. He slowed down when he was right behind her and feeling a little perturbed, "Misao, I'm sorry I said those things. I know that letter is incredibly important to you. I shouldn't have belittled something that great to you."
Misao didn't reply for a while so he continued, "And I also know how much Aoshi means to you, and I shouldn't think less of your relationship with him either."
Not a word once again, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that a lot of things have been on my mind lately, and I'm sorry if I've damaged your spirit in anyway."
She stopped walking and looked up to where the sun was. Soujiro smiled, hoping some of his heartfelt words had gone through to her.
Misao then turned around with one of the most confused looks on her face and bellowed out, "What?" He stood there, taken aback a little because of the outburst, but it didn't stop there, "Sorry, but I wasn't really listening. I just caught on at the point where something, something, something, things on my mind. Was there a point to it?"
Soujiro stood there somewhat disheveled. He sadly shook his head, "No…"
"Oh, well, okay then we're almost there."
She turned back around and began walking once again while Soujiro mentally beat himself up in his mind as he pathetically trudged on behind her.
Then all of a sudden Misao gasped, "There it is! Look! Look! I found the it!"
There it was. And never did Soujiro think that something so simple could be so beautiful. The wind seemed to toss it around in midair as the bustle of people stomped by. And the dust that was being kicked up accentuated the light that shone upon it, which made the dull-white piece of paper glow with a breath-taking brilliance.
Soujiro stared as Misao stepped forward in anticipation, "Wow! Look at it! It looks like it's dancing in the sun!"
She was right too. The delicate paper never touched the ground and flipped just at the moments you would think it the show would end, and catch the light of the sun perfectly so it almost shined.
Out of the awe that the two faced, Misao snapped back to reality.
"Let's go get it," Misao stated confidently as her other foot stepped forward as well.
Soujiro set his hand in front of her, to stop her from moving forward anymore, "Misao, this is such a busy street. I can hardly imagine you grabbing an unpredictably flippy paper in all of the crowd that don't even care if you get trampled."
She set her hand on his arm that defended her and smiled with assurance, "I'll be fine. Besides, I'm a trained ninja."
He let his arm down as she walked past him and towards the street. He called after her, "Are you sure you'll be alright?"
"Yeah," She called back to him, "Geez, you sound like my babysitter or something."
Soujiro still watched her with worry in his eyes. Did he really sound like her babysitter or something like that?
He shifted embarrassedly as Misao stepped closer and closer to the busy street. The paper was still being flipped about and Misao was seeing if there was a pattern in the way people were storming by.
"You should've gone a couple seconds ago." Soujiro chimed as Misao turned her head.
"I knew that!" She yelled as she brought her attention back to her beloved letter.
Soujiro waited patiently as Misao stood there crouched down, waiting for the right moment to jump in. It was interesting, there were so many times when she could've grabbed it. Was that the difference between Misao and him? Well, besides the Jupongatana ordeal, but bedsides that, Soujiro never imagined the differences between the two of them. But then they also had their similarities…how could that be?
A minute passed until Soujiro finally spoke up again, "You know Misao, I could get it if you want me to. There've been quite a few times when I could've gra-."
"I KNOW! I KNOW!" She yelled, "I'll just go now!"
She dived into the crowd as horses ran by her and carts rushed by, "Not now Misao!" He yelled while Misao managed to dodge a few hoarding animals and got closer and closer to her letter.
Of course only a few split seconds had passed by, but it felt like every millisecond was being dragged out. He saw everything. He saw the horse about to trample her, the cart about run her over, and a guy running backwards?
"Misao!"
He almost flew after her, he ran so fast. She managed to get a firm grip on it before Soujiro got a hold of her. In another split second, he continued through the path of feet and hooves until he finally saw the clearance…
They ended up on the other side of the street, Misao in Soujiro's firm grasp. Soujiro was sitting on the ground while Misao laid on her stomach with her note out in front of her, held tightly in her hands, "Got it Misao? Wonder how it got here." Misao didn't reply, however, instead she continued to stare in a daze at the letter.
What in the hell had made her risk her life for this thing? She had also put Soujiro in a bad position to save her, Misao hadn't felt that embarrassed for a while now.
"Are you alright? Nothing hit you on the way, did it?" Soujiro asked as he smiled down to her. She couldn't look at him though. She was still wondering why she wanted it so much. It was as if she didn't care if the wind blew it from her fingers. She just grew tired of caring for some reason. And as ridiculous as it sounds, she began to worry about the life she was apart of.
She sighed solemnly.
Was there really such thing as emotional attachment? Misao thought there was, but she could've sworn that right when she was coming out from under the crowds, a feeling left her. And for some reason now, everything she believed, she now questioned.
"Misao?"
Misao sighed and sat up, "Soujiro, I have to ask you something…"
He looked at the letter and then back at her, sensing something was wrong, "Sure."
She smiled sadly while holding the paper more tightly in her hand, "Soujiro, do you think Aoshi really cares about me?
Soujiro didn't really know how to respond. It was never like he and Aoshi really spoke to each other. Soujiro didn't even know how Aoshi worked, and why he was the way he is. Although, Soujiro didn't really understand a lot of things…and now this came along, "I couldn't be the one to answer that, I don't really know him."
"You've met him before though, right?"
His head turned to her immediately, "What?"
Misao didn't answer afterwards, she just continued to sit on the sidewalk thinking about what Aoshi meant to her. All of these years now, she was positive that she was in love with him. But now that she was on a journey to find him for the second time, there was this certain thought that wouldn't leave her mind. 'I love him?' Nothing really seemed strange about it, but when she would state that phrase in her head, it turned into a question moreover. And that scared Misao. It worried her that something she used to be so assured of, was now falling apart. Maybe Soujiro would know the answer.
"I'm now sure he cares about me the way I want him to," Misao finally replied with a sad smile spread on her face.
"Well," How was he supposed to reply to that? "I'm sure he cares for you. The way you speak of him, well there's no doubt about that."
'Soujiro…" She whispered, "Tell me what you really think. I bet you're just sugar-coating."
He couldn't look at her anymore. Should he really tell the truth? Something was obviously wrong with her but did she really want him to tell her what he really felt? Soujiro wasn't sure that Misao knew what she was getting herself into. Plus, what he had to say might lead to him telling Misao that he used to be a part of the Jupongatana. This would only lead to problems Soujiro didn't want to deal wih.
"I really want you to tell me. I need to hear someone." Misao continued to ask while Soujiro stayed reluctant, "I won't get mad or anything."
He glanced at her quickly as he sighed quietly.
"I don't really know if you'll be upset with what I have to say. That's why I don't want to say anything."
Misao opened the letter and began to read it, "Please just say it. I need to hear someone else's view."
He glanced over her shoulder and read the letter as well. Soujiro didn't know if she wanted him to or not, but if she was asking for help with her love life now, and he didn't want to breach any certain line her emotions had.
"It seems that we're both just confused, Misao," Her eyes looked above the letter, but she didn't look at him just yet, "I don't think we're in the right mind to make those kind of decisions. And I'm really tired, I can't think of the right words to say. Sorry, I guess I can't say anything."
Soujiro looked at him once more and smiled a little goofy smile. Misao looked up at him as well and it was only a matter or seconds until Misao started to crack up, "Soujiro, don't do that! I'm trying to be serious! I mean it!"
She laughed a little more until Soujiro finally turned forward again and gazed off into the distance, "Aw Soujiro I didn't mean to worry you or anything. For some reason, just everything I thought changed. It was scary almost."
He returned his attention back to her, his smile slightly faded, "Misao I have to ask you something."
"Shoot."
"Well," he took a deep breath, "you've memorized the letter Aoshi gave to you, haven't you?" She nodded with an eyebrow raised, "Well why do you keep it then? Your letter, that is. Of course a dear friend of yours gave it to you, but I don't quite understand what happiness it brings you. I always thought memories were more important than material possessions, but you're the one to decide."
Misao stared befuddled. What Soujiro said made so much sense but for some reason, the letter wouldn't leave her hands.
"I should just throw it away." Misao said, somewhat sadly.
"I didn't say that! Just, …well I don't know. Do whatever you think is right."
Misao thought. She thought and thought and thought and thought. His words made sense, but she just couldn't put them together in her mind. She glanced at his feet and pictured herself in a white room. In the room, it was just Misao and the letter across the room from each other. What was disappointing about the image was that no matter how hard she stared at the note, it wouldn't turn into Aoshi. Maybe that's what Soujiro wanted to say. There was a big possibility it wasn't, but in Misao's mind, that's what she perceived.
Then it happened. She felt lighter. Misao felt like a weight was taken off of her shoulders. She loved Aoshi so much, and the reason she went on this journey was to find out if he could ever return her love. She felt stronger and more willing, like wings had sprouted out from her back so she could fly any distance. She realized her love was so real, a little letter couldn't supply her happiness for her.
"You're right, Soujiro." Misao said with such confidence as she stood up and held her letter up, while blocking out the sun with it, "I guess this letter meant so much to me because this was the only thing he ever sent me during his travels…I worried so much about him you know," her voice drifted off in a sweet sadness.
"Misao…"
"But you know what?" Misao yelled as she turned to him, "I shouldn't be obsessed about this stupid letter! It has consumed me! Well I say NO Aoshi! I'm not going to fall into the category of some pathetic girl who only worries day and night about her man!"
"Wait, Misao. I didn't say-,"
"TAKE THIS AOSHI!" Misao was really ready to rip the paper in twos and threes and as many pieces as she could. But Soujiro grabbed her hand just in time. They were frozen in that position until Misao finally looked down at him in a confused look, "What are you doing Soujiro, I have to do this so I can release my inner hatred and such."
"Huh?"
She shook him loose and stared angrily at the paper, "If I eliminate this, my worries will disappear!"
Soujiro's eyes grew wide, "Misao, what I forgot to say was that you don't have to destroy precious things that are close to you just to feel satisfaction! All you'd feel is regret! You have to feel it personally. It's not simply something you can get rid of by the press of a button, or…the rip of a letter."
She looked down at him, and then back at her letter she was about to tear, "But I can feel it, I feel something beyond this…"
"Misao," He understood a little better now, "There is so much more beyond this. Some things come later though, and you can't just expect easy satisfaction with something you can accomplish quickly. Wait, that was confusing…"
Misao fell onto her rear but still held the letter up to the sun so it glowed in all of its magnificence. Her smile was quickly fading, however, as she noticed something that hurt in her heart.
What a disappointing feeling she felt as she lowered her hands, the hand with the paper fell to her side and brought the other to her eyes and rubbed it tenderly. This was the second time in five minutes that she misinterpreted something Soujiro had said. Just sometimes, ideas would just begin to flash through her head, and she'd rush things. She never really knew why it would happen, so that would also mean she wouldn't be able to explain it to other people. The way she lived life, she felt no one would ever understand. But now that Soujiro was around, it was nice to have someone who tried to make an effort to perceive her the way she wanted people to.
"Soujiro," Misao said only loudly enough so Soujiro could almost hear, "I always mess up."
"…"
He didn't know how to reply to that. He didn't know how he could help her. Misao seemed so distraught, and her love for Aoshi just brought her worry. There had to be a reason that she loved him so much even though he caused her so much stress.
Soujiro glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, then up to the bright yellow sun, then back to Misao.
Misao had a goodness about her, and it was especially emanated in the sun. He wondered if she knew that but…it would be far too embarrassing to tell her that. But Soujiro did find another way to do it.
"I'm tired…" Misao whispered as she lowered her head to her knees that faced the sun.
He watched the crowd continue to run by while Misao sat next to him, her head buried in her arms. He turned his head to her and lifted his arm so he could gently pat her on her head and reply, "You aren't tired physically though, aren't you?"
That was enough for to pick up her head and stare at him in an awkward way, "What?"
Soujiro didn't reply, he just patted her on the head once more and then removed it. He turned his head back to the crowd rushing past them with a small grin on his face. Misao's stare remained still until she finally gave up searching for an answer and decided to face the bustling street as well. There was something very settling about the scene, Soujiro thought. Just watching a scuttling crowd ahead of them, running to wherever they wanted or needed to be. But Misao and Soujiro just sat where they were.
Misao kept watching forward, but out of the corner of her eye, she watched Soujiro and smiled discreetly. It really was nice to have someone try to understand her, it was just that Misao just got so distracted every once in a while.
Maybe there were more people like Sourjiro in the world, and that gave Misao hope.
Maybe there are more chances to prove yourself, because that was especially what Misao wanted to do.
Maybe Misao would be a stronger person in the future, that was her dream but she 'd make sure Soujiro was her personal assistant with like situations and such…
…or something like that.
After a few minutes of hard contemplation, Misao abruptly stood up, "So shall we get moving?" She asked in the same tone she used to, hands on her hips. Soujiro looked up and smiled once more and stood up as well with her, "Lets get moving then!" Misao exclaimed while pointing to the sky, "Who knows what adventure awaits us beyond the horizon!"
Misao took a valiant step forward to begin her new journey. Soujiro smiled happily, yet still slightly embarrassed because quite a few people were staring because of Misao's yelling.
Soujiro looked at the ground an wondered why Misao was so amazing? She was so happy, but she also had so many secrets that made her a deep person. He wondered if she thought about herself in that way, but then again, Misao seemed like she would overlook such qualities in herself.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Soujiro looked to the crowd who were laughing hysterically and pointing at something in front of himself, which was probably Misao. He turned his attention to her. She was lying flat on her face with her rear above her knees, facing the sky.
"Misao!"
He ran to her side and checked to see if she was alright, "Misao, did you trip? Oh no, do you have another concussion"
Her face was buried in the ground as she responded, "Nng, Yes…no…fine…"
Soujiro chuckled slightly as the crowd's laughter seemed to die down and went about their own ways, "Misao let's get up."
She jumped up, holding her nose and ran forward, eyes closed, "Misao wait!"
It took five minutes for him to catch up, not using his super speed of course, "Misao, why'd you run away like that!"
She rubbed her nose and then paused for a moment while her eyes scanned the sunset before her. Misao then turned around with Soujiro walking besides her, "Are you alright Misao?"
Misao stopped for a moment and hung her head so he couldn't see her eyes. He was so kind…It was so nice to have someone around like that. What a wonderful person.
But out of nowhere she threw her hands into the air and yelled, "I've never been so embarrassed in my life!"
-OoO-
-Sun Dance represents the feeling you get when something extraordinarily moving occurs. It could be when a person accomplishes something, in Misao's case, finding something precious, or in Soujiro's case, discovering something important about another person first. I don't really know how to explain it, but it's the only way that seemed right.
Just in case you didn't notice, this chapter was kind of a loop. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life!" Beginning and end.
Man, I really didn't want as many locations as I did. It made the story really clustered. But for me, it's basically impossible to have the story take place in one spot for I don't know, over twenty pages of writing on Word…but I'm complaining…I'm so sorry if half of this didn't make sense. I wanted to describe certain things, but I felt that the story would be better if I left it the way it was. Also, where it says 'or something like that,' well that was actually where the story was meant to end. I completely forgot about the loop thing and I had to make something up right off the top of my head for her to be embarrassed about something. Good thing I noticed. I can imagine my readers like, "wtf?" haha…I made myself feel bad.
As you might've noticed, quite a bit of time passes in between chapters. I just felt like saying that. Sorry, it just came out. And I think I said sheepishly twice…I like that word. I also confused myself in the introduction part. That's embarrassing. But I just wanted to clear up that the introductions have absolutely nothing to do with the story. Well they do, but not like the chapter title or the chapter itself.
And when I said 'beyond this' towards the end I meant a feeling beyond the letter. Have you ever stood on the side of a cliff and wanted to jump off just to see what would happen? Well maybe not but I have. It's not suicidal, it's just wonder. And that's what Misao felt. That's sort of what I meant, but the way in the story is a lot less explanatory.
PROPS TO MY REVIEWERS: Wood Word (my first one!), Mischievous-lass, and hopeless lady all signed reviewers who are so nice. And then Philia-chan, H5N1, Charming woman, Leona Westley, F's Fan, Genki Ninja Girl, and Baby Girl all anonymous reviewers but are also super nice. Thanks!
REVIEW! And naiLAUG says hi (to anyone who cares haha)
Lucy Luci