Author's Note: Self mutilation in this and future chapters, you have been warned. Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty

"Bloody Relief"

Anders sat by the lake, thinking, regretting. He felt like everyone was drifting away from him. They try to help, but how can they help if they don't understand?

No one can help me. I'm losing control of myself. I need to be in control. I need to be the superior to myself. I need to find someway, someway to heal. Someway to bring myself up.

Then he thought of a way. His sister had done it too. She was now in control. Anders went back home and grabbed a knife. He would be in control, no matter what.

He went back by the lake. Renee was there. She was sitting by the lake, gazing into its depths. She looked up when he entered the opening. She had tears forming in her eyes. He tried to hide. Too late.

"Anders, its you. I'm not mad at you, I just……."

"You just what? You want to move on? You want to be with someone else because you don't think I like you, right?"

"No…..I want to be with you. I want to get married. I want to have kids with you."

He was shocked. He knew she liked him, but she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him? Anders, the unsure unstable miner? Anders, the boy who wants to use this knife to be in control of his life?

"I don't know what to say. I like you too, but I'm not even sure of myself right now."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No. Its too hard. I just need to sort things out, take back my life."

"Oh."

He hates you Renee. But he just said that he wants to be with me too. That means nothing, and you know it! Maybe you need to get back in control, let him have his time. Give him his space…….

"I'm going to give you your time and space, but if you need someone to talk too, I'm here."

"Ok…….bye."

Anders was looking at the ground now. He didn't want to see her cry, he didn't want to see her hurt. She walked away, tears in her eyes. He wished he was good enough for her, but he just couldn't give her what she needed. He sat down by the lake and took out the knife.

He looked at the green veins in his arm. They were rushing with blood, but soon would be nearly empty. He applied the knife to his tender skin, but stopped before pressing down. He sighed and cut into his skin, making a long line connecting to the tip of his thumb. He felt himself regaining control. He cut again, this time deeper. It connected to his pointing finger. He felt the control rushing through him now. He smiled, it felt painless, he was now going numb. He looked at the crimzon blood now dripping off of the bottom of his hand.

He cut again, deeper. He connected it to his longest finger. He made another one, not as deep connecting to his ring finger. It felt so good. Blood rushing out of his veins was like forcing the pain out, it was so good. He made one last cut. This one slowly connected to his pinky. He looked at it in close inspection. He smiled. He felt relieved through his own bloodshed. The bloody relief.

Author's Note: Resorting to this? Poor Anders. Read and Review.