Hi all. Sorry for the long delay. This fic is Under New Management, and I'll be posting the remaining chapters in the next few days.
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As much as Alpha knew of the world, having only him for a conversational partner grew tiresome rather quickly. No matter the subject our conversation held, it always came down to the same angry, vengeful boasts that he could do it better, faster and without error until all life vanished from the planet. Alpha was too cocky, and still too angry at what had happened.
As I grew more accustomed to living inside Alpha and all of the changes brought about being one with him, our conversations stopped being vocal, and instead completely internal. I had learned how to communicate without speech effectively enough, but it still put a heavy strain on my mind.
I was forced to rest frequently, just so I could differentiate my thoughts from Alpha's. Unfortunately, Alpha wanted to keep talking. He, apparently, found the first-generation navi programs he had absorbed unworthy for extended conversation.
Granted, I couldn't blame him. They were one-dimensional, without opinion. They merely gave information. Even the most advanced Alpha had absorbed pre-lockdown were without personality.
So, that left me, the only "dynamic" person in Alpha's entire being. My thoughts were constantly changing, which Alpha found amusing to no end. How could I change my mind on topics? Why was I so indecisive? He couldn't understand that this was a very basic principle of being human.
He wanted to keep talking. Talking, long after I ran out of things to say, vocally or internally.
I needed an escape, someplace where I could be without Alpha being there. But, that had to be impossible. How could I be in a place without Alpha inside of Alpha?
The idea came to me during a particularly boring "conversation" with Alpha.
Yes, funny creatures we are. "Pleasantries" are needless, but again, one of those human psyche things. That won't change, no matter how much time passes. It is very needless and time consuming. We do it anyway. There's no explanation for it.
I made my way through Alpha's space as he continued to "ask" about human subtelties and not-so-subtleties.
Our eyes move in a certain direction when we lie. As always, human psyche. There isn't a better answer I can give.
I finally found what I was looking for. Alpha "asked" about hand gesturing during talking, but I ignored it.
The Guardian program. A fail-safe mechanism I had installed in case something... catastrophic occurred. Absorption was not on the list.
Alpha started another string of questions, but I interrupted them, speaking this time.
"Alpha," I began, "You knew this was here, yes?"
"Hm?" Alpha replied after a short while, his small yellow-eyed representation popping out of the ground next to me, "Ah, that. I wasn't entirely sure what its purpose was. Do you know?"
I could have lied to him, told him it was nothing. I was more than sure he would know, though.
"It's called the Guardian program," I answered honestly, "It was to be in case you went... out of control."
"Ah," Alpha said, mostly unimpressed. He could have drawn all of the information out of my mind, I would never know. "I fail to see any use for it. It seems what it allows me to do is very limited, and what's left are functions I can perform without this thing's aid."
"Would you mind... if I saw what it could do?"
"Am I considered out of control?"
"Don't be silly."
"By all means, then." Alpha motioned to the Guardian monolith.
My level of access wasn't any different than Alpha's. Not entirely surprising, considering I was a part of Alpha. I located the one function I had hoped to find: creation.
"Would it be all right if I tried something out?" I asked.
"Of course," Alpha nodded. He was eager to see what I would do, I guessed.
There was no keyboard or monitor to work with inside of Alpha. It all occurred in your mind. I worked as quickly as I could, learning how to navigate an interface-less interface.
"A new area, eh?" Alpha said with a hint of happiness. "What do you intend to make of it?"
"Just testing various functions," I said hastily, setting the parameters for this new area.
"Your eyes are moving in the way you told me about," Alpha said suspiciously. "I think I'll just check that..."
I sighed as I felt the familiar intruding sensation in my mind. Lying to Alpha never seemed to work.
I hurried to finish laying down the basics of what I had planned. I could finish the details from inside.
"Aha! Trying to hide from me?" Alpha said, discovering my true motives. "You can't--"
But at that exact moment, I finished setting up the program, and I vanished into it, taking my knowledge with me.
It was a blank room. Not even a room, really, just a... space. There weren't walls, but there was a line where it ended. It was just a rough start, but it was what I needed.
I sighed in relief. I was away from Alpha. It was as if a full symphony orchestra in my head had just stopped playing. The silence was refreshing.
Of course, I wasn't really away from Alpha. Even this space was still part of Alpha, and so was I. But I'd been able to figure out roughly what level of programming Alpha's sentience operated on, and restrict that level's access. Being in here was almost like being myself again.
The blank space wasn't a very comforting environment, though. It was something of a relief after the awareness overload of Alpha, but I wanted something more like the real world. More familiar.
Using the control/modify access rights I'd given myself here, I loaded an image file of the old SciLab, the one where the concept for Alpha had been born. And-- I flinched as the image brought the memory back to me-- SoulNet.
Although it was only an image file, my mind and my simulated body made it real for me. I took a seat at one of the desks, stared into the screensaver on the simulated monitor, and sighed.
"Albert..." The room reminded me so much of working with him, and I felt as if he might walk in at any moment. "Perhaps you were right after all."
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I stayed in my little space for some time, resting and customizing.
It was a great relief to finally have some time to myself. The lab's computers represented restricted network connections, through which I could access most of the files I wanted. I loaded in other image files, relived other old memories. Walks on Oran Isle. The birth of my grandsons. Always, though, I came back to this old lab room. It seemed like the proper place to be.
Eventually, I began to wonder what Alpha was doing without me. Was he planning some desperate scheme? Was he sinking into a deeper depression? I didn't know, and that worried me.
And besides, I was getting... lonely. After all, Alpha was the only one I had to talk to, just as I was the only contact for him. Like it or not, we were stuck with one another.
So, when I felt rested and ready, I opened the door and walked out of the room.
The wholeness of Alpha welcomed me, enfolded and filled me. You came back!
"Of course I did, Alpha," I said, embracing the space around me. "We need each other, after all."
I felt my mind being probed, as Alpha searched gently but with great interest. "So that's what you've been up to."
"Alpha... I need my space." I sighed. "Not all the time. But human minds just... aren't meant for constant contact with something like you. It overwhelms us. Just like..." I realized what I had to do for Alpha. "Just like your mind wasn't meant to be confined in this isolated space."
Alpha was sincerely pleased at what I said, and what I meant. "You mean... you'll help me get out?"
"I think I can arrange a small connection with the SciLab network," I said. "Not full access, but you'll at least be able to see some of what's happening in the outside world. I think you deserve that much."
"That would be greatly appreciated," Alpha said. "Do you think you could give me email access too, while you're at it?"
"Email access?" I blinked. "Who would you be emailing?"
"It's not for me, it's for you. After all..." Alpha's yellow eye beamed warmly at me. "I've been thinking, you should be able to spend time with the rest of your family."