Chapter Nine: Fractures
A/N: This one is going to be a bit different, as we'll have many Eltariel-centric scenes. I tried to balance out the Talion and Eltariel stuff a bit, even though this was very much an Eltariel chapter, but I don't think I did a very good job of it. Also, I'm very unsure about how I wrote Galadriel. I tried to go for showing that even otherworldly being like her are flawed, but I might have gone a bit overboard with it? She's a difficult character to write for, I think, with how complex she is and how many different ways you can interpret her. Nevertheless, have some Eltariel backstory, some Galadriel interactions, and some mourning for Gandalf. Starting off with Talion here.
Travel was once again silent, as it had been when the Fellowship first set out from Rivendell. This time, however, there were no quiet musings, no jokes or comments. There was only a downcast atmosphere that heavily weighed down each step they took. Aragorn and Legolas led the way, Boromir behind them, Gimli and the hobbits behind him, Eltariel and Talion bringing up the rear. Many sleepless nights were had, and Talion often found himself lying awake, staring at the endless skies with a mind he could not quiet. When his thoughts were so bad he felt he might crawl out of his skin, he quietly snuck away, sometimes to run and climb and jump until his lungs and muscles burned and he was out of breath, and others to call down his beloved drake, who he hadn't seen in many months. She came when called, affectionately bumping her snout against his armor in greeting.
Tonight, he sailed towards the clouds, feeling the wind whip his hair back, watching the dark, shadowy land below him blur by. Up here, he didn't think, didn't speak. He let Luinil, as he had decided to call her, carry him through the air, gently stroking her scales as she stretched her wings, flying freely through the air. He closed his eyes and held on tightly, trusting that she wouldn't take him too far from the others. By the time they were circling the camp overhead, the sky was just showing hints of a sunrise. They landed a safe distance away, quiet and unseen, or so Talion thought. As he clambered down from her back, he heard Luinil let out a low growl, and Talion followed her gaze to a bewildered Frodo, who looked frozen in terror. Talion shushed her gently, rubbing her snout and beckoning Frodo closer. Frodo looked between her and Talion apprehensively, but approached. Luinil growled with narrow eyes, but Talion shushed her again.
"Be nice," he told her quietly. "Hold your hand out, Frodo. She won't hurt you." Frodo did as he was asked, watching her sniff his hand and eye him curiously, yet cautiously before pressing her snout to his hand, sapphire eyes now filled with kindness. Frodo laughed nervously before petting her snout, pulling his hand away slowly and looking to Talion wide eyed.
"Is she a drake?" he asked.
"Yes. She's a fire drake, though not as vicious as many others that I have met. She protected me from one of her kin once, when it looked as if I might meet my end. She has been my companion ever since."
"Amazing," Frodo uttered in awe as she took off with a nod from Talion, the air from her wings ruffling his hair and clothes. "But, what are you doing up so late? I know you do not sleep often, but… Is everything alright?" Talion smiled sadly.
"There is much on my mind. Gandalf, the Rings, Sauron, Celebrimbor. Moria was only the beginning, and there are much worse things to come. After Lothlorien, we must keep moving."
"You're probably right. But how…" Talion looked to Frodo, who seemed to be struggling with his thoughts. "How do you do it? After everything you've lost, how do you find the strength to keep going?" Talion sighed, images of Dirhael and Ioreth flashing before his eyes at that, disappearing as quickly as they had come.
"I remember that I'm fighting for those I've lost, that they wouldn't want to see me lay down on my sword and give up. I'm fighting so that others will never have to endure the losses I have, and so those separated by the fighting can be together again someday." He pulled the New Ring out from underneath his armor, examining it in the pale light. "I know he would want me to keep fighting, instead of despairing over our separation… Just as Gandalf wouldn't want his death to weigh you down on our journey." Frodo nodded, looking away as he wiped at a tear.
"I miss him. I trust Aragorn to lead us, but… It won't be the same." Talion felt him lean against his side, and he embraced him comfortingly.
"I know, but all we can do now is move forward."
XxX
Eltariel was anxious during travel the next day. Her mind was elsewhere, and it wasn't until Talion brought up her peculiar behavior yet again after several responses of "It's nothing," and "I'm fine," that she finally answered.
"We are approaching Lothlorien," she told him, though she didn't seem at all thrilled at the idea. He took note of this.
"Aren't you excited to be so close to your home, a place others only hear about in tales and dreams?"
"I… Don't think I'd be very welcome there at the moment."
"And why is that?" She hesitated.
"I have failed My Lady. Had you not helped me escape Barad-Dur, I would still be in chains, wasting away while my quest remained unfinished. The Nazgul would roam Middle Earth without someone to keep them in check, without resistance, and probably would have captured the One Ring long ago. If they had succeeded, I…" She shook her head in dismay. "I do not think I could face her knowing this." Talion considered her for a moment.
"She is patient and just, yes? Surely she would understand that your task was nigh impossible?"
"She is not always as she appears. Just? Yes. Patient? Often. But… She is powerful, in both beauty and anger. She can be truly frightening. I… I strayed from my quest because of a chance at true peace, at winning the war before it could truly begin, and a glimpse of limitless power. She… Is cross with me." She looked away then, mind flashing back to her vision of the Lady Galadriel back at Barad-dur.
As Celebrimbor and Sauron fused together, disappearing into a flaming eye that watched over Mordor with a vengeance, her vision faded to black as she collapsed. When next she could see, Eltariel found herself wandering through a heavy fog, until a bright light morphed into an all too familiar figure. Galadriel let her gaze settle over an exhausted, despairing Eltariel, who gasped at her appearance. "My Lady… I failed you," she said apologetically, approaching her. "I stood with Celebrimbor. I wore his Ring." She bowed her head in shame. "And we failed to defeat the Dark Lord."
Galadriel wore an unreadable expression, unsurprised by the information as she breezed right past Eltariel. "The Dark Lord and the Bright Lord are one, a flaming eye above Barad-dur… But I sent you to Mordor for the Nazgul, and your work is unfinished." Eltariel felt anguish wash over her at those words. She was tired, so tired. For years and years she had hunted down the foul Ringwraiths, doing nothing more than keeping them at bay, and after everything that she'd done… After having Sauron at her mercy—With Celebrimbor's help, of course—and failing to deal a finishing blow, with a Ring of Power as well… She wanted it to be over. She had faithfully served for as long as she could remember, but she couldn't… Defeat was not something she'd experienced since childhood, since her days of sparring with her brethren in Lothlorien. To be beaten on such a scale… How was she to continue knowing she'd failed her most important task yet, a task that dealt with the fate of the entirety of Middle Earth?
"My Lady, let me come home," she pleaded, raising her head. "I—
"You will finish what you started, beginning with the Nazgul who dwells within Minas Morgul, who now wears Isildur's Ring because of your recklessness." Nazgul…? Talion, Eltariel registered, guilt eating her away inside. Talion… Alive, wearing a new Ring of Power… A Nazgul? Surely not… How cruel could fate be to a man, especially a man who had suffered as much as he?
"My Lady, I cannot," Eltariel insisted desperately.
"You will finish what you started," Galadriel emphasized, the power in her voice causing Eltariel to take a step back in fear. "Then you may return home."
Eyes cast downward, she replied, defeated, "It shall be done." As the light faded, she found herself waking in panic when she realized her predicament. She struggled against the chains that bound her, fought and screamed, in anger then in sorrow, until she was hoarse. The very notion of defeat drowned her in hopelessness, something she hadn't felt since her early childhood. She struggled with her chains until her muscles burned and exhaustion settled in. As her eyes slipped shut, she thought she could see the smirking form of Sauron making his way slowly towards her, eyes the color of flames.
Shivering, she told him adamantly, "I cannot go home." Talion looked to her with heartbreak, probably surprised at how vulnerable she seemed. She looked away, unable to meet his eyes.
"Why didn't you mention this before?" he asked, voice full of concern.
"I… You didn't ask. At the time, I didn't think…" 'I didn't think you would care.' Talion sighed, but smiled reassuringly.
"I'm sure everything will be fine once we reach Lothlorien. Besides, weren't you the one that said it does not do to dwell only on the negative?" She scoffed, a sad smile tugging at her lips.
"I could always just kill you," she threatened halfheartedly instead.
"You are more than welcome to try," Talion responded smugly before once again becoming serious. "I… Thank you for trusting me. I know we do not always see eye to eye…"
"There is nothing to thank me for. I think… I needed to face the reality sooner or later."
"But I do need to thank you. I… Lately I've been noticing things, things I've taken for granted… Human things. Knowing how much I've changed, I thought the concept of trust between myself and another would be lost… But thanks to you and Aragorn and Frodo it's not, so thank you." As Eltariel processed his words for a moment, something clicked in her mind. That first night outside of Mordor. No wonder he'd seemed so shellshocked. Knowing he had changed was one thing, but truly feeling and understanding those changes… She understood, more than he could ever know.
"You are very welcome, Talion," she told him genuinely. From there, the two fell into a comfortable silence as the Fellowship continued moving forward.
XxX
"Stay closer, hobbits," Gimli warned in a hushed voice, beckoning to Frodo and Sam. "They say a great sorceress lives in these woods. An elf witch… Of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell… And are never seen again." Eltariel eyed Gimli with a frown, watching Frodo look around, bewildered and frightened. She could only guess that the Lady Galadriel had made contact with him. She met Sam's eyes, meeting his look of concern with one of reassurance. He nodded to her before asking Frodo if he was alright. "Well, here's one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily." Eltariel rolled her eyes as she watched the situation unfold, a few of her brethren approaching silently, mere steps from Gimli. "I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox! Oh!"
The Fellowship, save Legolas—who drew his bow without fear—and Eltariel, froze as newcomers aimed arrows between their eyes. The leader of the group wore a cautious expression, and Eltariel couldn't help but feel as if he were familiar. It had been too long since she had been home, and much had changed since her parting. She was no longer the carefree, wild looking ellith she once was, and she could only assume that those she knew would look completely different as well.
"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark," he remarked, drawing a growl out of Gimli, before signaling to his allies. They lowered their bows, placing their arrows back in their quivers, leading them further into the forest to where they had been scouting. He welcomed Legolas and Aragorn kindly before acknowledging a fuming Gimli, who uttered something deplorable in Khuzdul that got him reprimanded by Aragorn and Talion. As his eyes fell on Talion and then Frodo, they widened as he felt the dark, raw power emanating from them, and he told them with a hint of finality, "You bring great evil with you. You can go no further." Aragorn went after him, and Eltariel listened to their back and forth: Aragorn insisted that if anyone could offer insight into the quest of the destruction of the Ring, it was Galadriel, and that the Fellowship intended to do everything in their power to ensure the quest was completed. The familiar stranger made his concern known, questioning the safety of the people of Lothlorien with the Enemy's coveted Ring in their midst. They continued their hushed discussion for several minutes, and Eltariel's attention turned back to the rest of the Fellowship.
Talion looked more isolated than usual, separating himself from the rest of the group and standing almost out of sight. Sorrow weighed the hobbits down heavily, and Eltariel watched Boromir try to comfort Frodo, whose eyes seemed most haunted by the events of Moria. Gimli glared at the elves that watched them, almost daring them to say something to him, while Legolas listened in on the conversation. After a final plea from Aragorn, the stranger relented, and motioned to the Fellowship.
"You will follow me," he told them, leading them further into the woods. They followed on for awhile in silence, and Eltariel's eyes never left him, trying to place where she'd heard his voice before. After the sky had lightened considerably they stopped at a vantage point, and she saw a proud yet gentle smile grace his features as he spoke with a true love for his home. "Caras Galadhon, the heart of Elvendom on earth, home of Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light." He continued to lead them into the heart of her home, and she watched their eyes widen with awe and wonder at the beauty of the realm. She re-familiarized herself with Lothlorien's endlessly tall trees, brightly lit winding staircases and platforms, the leaves of gold that gave the woods their name, and the peaceful atmosphere of a realm protected from the shadow of a greater evil. As she continued walking the path they were on, she began to realize just where they were being led, and she felt a shiver race down her spine, her last conversation with Galadriel coming to mind.
"Eltariel?" Talion asked quietly, just loud enough for only her to hear.
"It is nothing," she reassured him, though she could tell he didn't believe her for a second. At the top of the last flight of stairs was the highest platform of the great tree they had just ascended, and it led to what Eltariel knew to be the room of Galadriel and Celeborn, who descended the small set of stairs to their chambers hand in hand, glowing with a beauty only the high elves of old possessed. She kept silent throughout the conversation, closing her eyes in sorrow at the mention of Gandalf's passing in Moria, the air around Galadriel suddenly seeming suffocating from grief before it returned to normal. Eltariel tensed when she saw Galadriel look into the eyes of each individual member of the Fellowship. She watched Gimli's expression crumble before Galadriel's comforting words brought hope back into him, saw Aragorn bow his head, eyes cast downward, saw Boromir nearly burst into tears. Beside her, she heard Talion gasp, hand going to where the New Ring hung underneath his armor, and she was shocked to see Galadriel's brief look of surprise that disappeared in the blink of an eye. When he averted his gaze, trying to get his breathing back under control, she knew it was her turn.
Eltariel looked into Galadriel's eyes with shame, with regret and a sliver of hope, but was shocked when she received no terrifying visions or emotions, as her companions most likely had. Instead what she found was an almost unreadable expression full of too many emotions to proper decipher the Lady's true reaction to her. What she could make out was relief, sorrow, determination, and frustration, and she wasn't sure what exactly was being directed towards her. They broke eye contact then, and Eltariel let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace." As she spoke those words, Eltariel saw her eyes fall on Frodo. For now, at least, she would be able to plan just what exactly she would say to Galadriel when the time came for them to meet again. As Galadriel swept gracefully away from the platform, Eltariel looked to Celeborn, who gazed upon her lovingly, and she did not hesitate to go to him as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Eltariel," he whispered fondly.
"My Lord," she greeted back with a kind smile, returning the embrace. When they pulled back, Celeborn lowered her hood, tucking loose strands of hair behind an ear as he observed her.
"The hardships and horrors of Middle-Earth have changed you greatly… But I am truly glad they have not changed you completely. Welcome home, sel nin." Eltariel couldn't help the way her heart felt lighter when she heard those words from him. She knew that she was no Celebrian, but Celeborn had never hesitated to treat her as if she were his daughter, and she couldn't feel more appreciative and loving towards the Lord of the Golden Wood. He returned to his chambers shortly after, and Eltariel readied herself to join the company when she came face to face with the ellon who had consumed her thoughts for most of their travels in Lothlorien. He took in her non-hooded appearance, and his eyes widened in recognition. But how could such a free and radiant spirit grow up to be such a mystery? No longer was she the young elleth he'd trained with, spent nights under the stars with, chased through trees and challenged to dares that usually got the two in almost as much trouble as his brothers. No, here was a battle hardened elleth who'd seen and done much, so much that he hadn't recognized her at first glance. Eltariel watched his confusion morph into an almost surprised happiness.
"Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would be reunited here. You are much changed since last we saw each other, gwinig." The nickname drew a gasp out of her as she realized just who she was speaking to, and her gaze softened, filled first with great joy before being replaced by great sorrow.
"Haldir." He nodded, smile slowly fading as he watched an apology rise to her lips. He shushed her gently as she went to speak, a hand raised in plea.
"What's done is done, and the past is behind us. I do not wish to reflect on unpleasant times." She nodded, looking at how much her childhood best friend had changed in her absence. Muscle built from years of hard work and training, beautiful long golden tresses that hung past his shoulders and framed his face just so, steely blue eyes no longer holding the mischief that used to always be present in them. He had grown into a fine and handsome ellon. "I am glad you have returned home safely, though I wish it were under better circumstances."
"As do I," she told him. "I…" What could she say to him? Ever since she had left, she had done her best to put her past behind her, to focus only on the task at hand: to hunt down the Nazgul and defeat them once and for all. She had tried to block out all memories of a frivolous childhood, so as to not let those times distract her when greater things were at stake. Now, she felt the walls she'd built to protect herself come crashing down, joyful memories of a time of peace and few worries flooding her mind. She shook her head as some of her last memories of home, of Haldir, and her departure, made themselves known, and Haldir looked to her in concern. "I am glad to see you well," she finally settled on. "It seems I'm not the only one who is much changed." Haldir laughed softly.
"My days of pranking my brothers and running rampant through the trees are behind me. I no longer have the time as marchwarden, and… I lost my accomplice along the way." His gaze saddened at that, and Eltariel sighed.
"That time has passed for me as well. I… Don't even know if I remember how it feels, to run free, without a care in the world, without the fate of the world resting partly on my shoulders…" A strange silence followed for a few moments before Haldir cleared his throat awkwardly.
"You must be weary from your travels. Perhaps you should rest."
"Perhaps," Eltariel agreed quietly. They met each other's gazes with unreadable expressions before averting their eyes and parting ways, not looking back.
XxX
A few days later Talion found himself wandering as the rest of the Fellowship settled in for the night, gaze drawn to the beauty of the Golden Wood in the dark. Brilliantly lit paths led him to many small clearings and stretches of forest, and the soft sounds of nature calmed him as he allowed his mind to wander, his feet carrying him where they would. He only looked up when his steps slowed, finding himself in a new clearing, stone statues, ancient trees, a fountain, and a strange stone basin at its center. Galadriel looked up from where she was gathering water, and he met her gaze curiously. She still glowed with the same otherworldly light and beauty as before, but this time she had a different air about her. She observed him with caution, and Talion's mind flashed back to their arrival, to her shock at finding out about his connection to Celebrimbor through the New Ring.
"Your fate is a strange one, Talion of the Black Gate. Before our first meeting, I considered you an enemy, a threat to this world. Now… Your fate has changed yet again, and it is unclear where it will now take you." Talion came further into the area, moving around slowly.
"How has it changed?"
"Before, you seemed destined to join the Nine, trapped in servitude to Sauron until the undoing of the One Ring. Now, you and Eltariel have begun to rewrite a tale that seemed set in stone." Talion averted his gaze as her eyes turned piercing, searching. "But that is not the reason you came here." Talion paused, but nodded.
"Frodo told me of a mirror, one that allows you to see what may or may not come to pass, full of horrors and tragedy."
"And you wish to see for yourself," Galadriel observed, approaching the mirror and pouring more water into it, actions graceful and effortless. Talion nodded, bowing with a deep breath.
"With your permission, my lady." She looked at him for a moment before taking a few steps back, welcoming him forward.
"As you wish." He stood back up, taking uneasy steps towards the mirror, stopping as he hovered over it, seeing his reflection in the water, the moon and stars a bright, stark contrast to his dark armor and gloomy figure. He stared at the unmoving surface nervously, startling as it rippled.
His eyes turned their flame color, a Ringwraith's mask coming to cover the rest of his face, a fell beast landing next to him on the flaming plains of Gorgoroth. The scene changed, showing a massacre of the members of the Fellowship and an army battling orcs and Uruk-hai, the capture of Eltariel and Aragorn, looking bloodied and lifeless. He hovered over a terrified Frodo, Urfael held to his throat as he snatched the chain of the One Ring from around his neck with a victorious, cold grin. He slit Frodo's throat slowly and with satisfaction, watching Frodo choke on his own blood as the life drained from his eyes.
The scene changed again, Talion kneeling at Sauron's feet, holding the One Ring out to him, Sauron's eyes alight, grin wide. He slid it on his finger, and Talion found himself blasted back by a burst of all-powerful energy, a strong and whole looking Sauron standing tall and invincible before him. Talion's gaze looked out from the top of Barad-dur, watching the entirety of Middle-Earth fall under Sauron's tyranny, civilizations a shell of their former selves, endless armies enslaving those too afraid to fight back, places of beauty unrecognizable, more of a graveyard than the entrance to Moria.
At the end of it all, however, was an eye. It was not greedy, hate filled, and the color of ravenous flames, as expected, but benevolent, determined, and sky blue. It hovered over all of the terrible visions seen before it, a light piercing through the hopeless and terrifying darkness. In it was the silhouette of a very familiar elf, and one of Talion's eyes returned to its natural sapphire shade, a human hand trying to free itself from a cloak of darkness reaching for the eye in desperation. A spectral hand reached back…
Talion found himself stumbling backwards, hand clutching at the glowing and burning New Ring as he barely managed to stay on his feet, breathing erratic and panicked, heart racing. He looked to Galadriel, who met his eyes with an unreadable expression, though he could see a hint of sadness. He took a few more breaths before speaking, steadying himself.
"Is that… My future? To join them? To fall?" He shuddered, and the image of him with flaming eyes and a Ringwraith mask, merciless and unfeeling, flashed before his eyes again. He flinched, holding the New Ring tightly. Galadriel's gaze fell upon his clenched hand, a soft smile coming to her face.
"If Celebrimbor has anything to say about it, no." He followed her gaze to his clenched hand, opening it to show her the New Ring. "There is a great darkness that tries to overcome you, the price you continue to pay for bearing Isildur's Ring." He watched her expression fall as she said so, and she noticed. "It was a surprise upon first discovery of the original owner of the Ring you wear, a tale that was never told and kept secret. The same can be said of your New Ring. Your future is in your hands, and it is not mine to tell whether or not the darkness claims you in the end. That is for you to decide." She stepped closer, closing his hand gently around the New Ring and bringing it back to his chest. "Whether you realize it or not, your fate is now tied to Frodo's. If either one of you falls, all will be lost. Remember this," she told him.
Talion bowed, taking his leave, mind spinning with what he'd just seen. He returned to his resting place, suddenly weary, and as he settled down he heard a soft voice in his ear. "The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled in grief, it grows perhaps the greater." The words were comforting, bringing him warmth and reassurance as his eyes slipped shut in slumber for the first time in a long time.
XxX
Eltariel found herself wandering around just within the outskirts of the forest in the early morning, eventually hanging upside down in a tree, eyes closed, listening to everything around her. She hadn't done that in many years, not since she'd left, and for whatever reason something possessed her to do it as the sun began to rise. It was familiar, comforting, something that seemed at least halfway normal ever since she'd begun remembering that part of her past, her younger, more carefree days. It was… Nice, freeing. She drew one of her swords when she heard a rustling to her left, greeted by a fond laugh shortly after.
"This is a welcome sight," Haldir told her gladly, hands held up in surrender as she opened her eyes, and she felt herself flash him a lopsided grin that hadn't emerged from her since her late adolescent years, lowering her sword and dropping down on the thick branch below her.
"I… Needed to get away for a bit, clear my head. I… Missed doing that," she told him, grin dialing down to a wistful smile. "Morning patrol?"
"Yes. You're welcome to join us if you'd like." Eltariel considered it, and decided she might benefit from more familiarity, nodding and sheathing her sword. "Do you still remember the routes?"
"Well enough," she answered, falling to his side, drawing startled stares as they caught up to the rest of the patrol. She glanced at the others and found herself surrounded by old acquaintances and a few faces she didn't quite remember. They walked alongside the paths, above in the trees and just out of sight on the ground. She re-familiarized herself with her surroundings and the patrol route, getting flashes of her childhood every now and then. The patrol proved to be relaxing and something she didn't know she truly needed, and as the rest of the patrol headed back towards the heart of Lothlorien, Eltariel pulled Haldir aside as something caught her eye.
"What is it?" he asked in worry, reaching for his bow with a frown. She stilled his hand, pointing instead to a large, old tree with a hollow trunk and wide opening at the base. His expression softened, a small smile appearing on his face. "Ah," he realized, the two of them walking over to it.
"Do you remember when we would meet here after returning from our assignments? We would share meals and tales of heroic deeds…"
"And reenact battles of old on the nights we would stay."
"And get in trouble the next day for going missing." They stopped at the entrance to the tree, peering inside of it. Old tally scratch marks, climbing branches, and small, dusk covered trinkets remained. Eltariel traced over some of the marks, remembering her younger self scratching them into the trunk after a particularly successful assignment. She felt herself genuinely smile yet again, joy flowing through her, such a small thing, and yet… Something she never knew she would miss. Haldir watched her, unable to stop himself from smiling as well.
"It was a long time ago…" he began, smile faltering and eyes turning sad. "Before you left." Eltariel's expression immediately crumbled at his words as memories of that day came to the forefront of her mind.
"Eltariel, wait!" Haldir shouted, chasing after her as they neared the border, dodging odd tree limbs and gnarled, above ground roots. "Please, wait!"
"This doesn't concern you, Haldir!" she shouted back, finally stopping when open land was in sight again with a sigh, turning towards him. "Just go back," she told him quietly. It was the dead of night, and she'd left right as the night patrol had returned, picking an odd spot on the border to take her leave from. Haldir took another step forward defiantly.
"You leave without a trace in the middle of the night? Without a word? Without saying goodbye?" She kept a straight face, hiding her feelings.
"I have to do this."
"You don't have to go alone. Whatever it is, all you had to do was ask and I would have come with you."
"You wouldn't abandon your brothers," Eltariel protested. "You would never leave your home."
"Our home—
"No. Your home, Haldir." Haldir looked taken aback at her statement, and she shook her head, trying her best to look indifferent when everything inside of her was screaming at her to stop this charade and tell him. "I was an outcast, discovered by a young boy and spared by the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn's kindness. Did you ever really believe, deep down, that I had any place here?" Haldir stared at her in shock.
"Of course you do!" he defended. "You have always had a place here. You are our finest warrior, our sharpest scout, my best friend."
"A good sword arm, a decent eye, and your… Affections are supposed to mean I belong?" She shook her head again. "I need to go." She turned to continue forward, but was shocked when Haldir grabbed her arm, keeping her in place.
"What aren't you telling me, Eltariel? This isn't like you! Ever since you returned from your last assignment, you've… Changed." He caught the haunted look that glazed over her eyes for a moment before it disappeared as quickly as it came, replaced by a glare.
"Maybe I've decided I'm done wasting my time here. Maybe I'd rather be on my own than spend another minute around you." Eltariel felt her heart break at Haldir's hurt look, but maintained her glare, and his grip slowly loosened around her arm, until he finally let go.
"I know you're lying to me," he whispered, eyes averted. "I just wish you would tell me why." Eltariel turned away from him as she felt a tear slide down her cheek. She'd promised. She'd promised the Lady she wouldn't tell anyone, not even… Not even Haldir. Everyone had to believe she had left, for their own safety. If word got out one of their own were hunting down the Nazgul, that the threat of Sauron was once again serious, a panic would arise. Word could spread outside, people could get ideas, put their lives and others' lives in danger. The peace Lothlorien had worked so hard to attain would be shattered in an instant, and they might find themselves caught in a war.
"Goodbye, Haldir," Eltariel told him, cursing the slight shake in her voice as she took off, not looking back.
She shook her head, pushing the memory away, ignoring the tightness in her chest and the burning of her eyes. This, she reminded herself, was why she had fought so hard to lock away her memories of this place. If she were in a battle with a Nazgul, on the verge of defeat or death, and her mind flashed back to a moment like that, or a fonder memory, she would be done for. They served as distractions, weaknesses that made her an easy target. She reigned in her expression into the cool, indifferent mask she had perfected long ago, not quite able to meet his eyes.
"You're right. It was a long time ago. I'm… Distracting you from your duties as marchwarden. Forgive me," she told him, stepping away. "I shall take my leave." Before he could stop her, she was out of sight, and Haldir sighed, mentally scolding himself. Whatever assignment Galadriel had sent her on all those years ago had changed her, and reminding her of the past was the last thing he should have done. He quickly headed after the rest of the patrol, distracted for much of the rest of the day, replaying that same memory in his mind.
XxX
Later that day saw Eltariel sparring with an equally distracted Talion, Aragorn and Boromir watching from the sidelines. They both missed ye another swing, and Talion growled in frustration, standing down.
"This is pointless," Talion told her as she looked to him in confusion. "Your mind is elsewhere, and so is mine. We stand more of a chance at accidentally hurting each other than keeping our skills sharp." She stood down as well, lowering her swords with a sigh.
"Being back here, it… It brings back many memories," she admitted.
"I know," Talion told her softly, not oblivious to her far off and sometimes remorseful looks. "But sparring… Helps?"
"I was taught to fight at a young age, and my skills only grew with time. Sparring is usually something I can lose my mind to, but…" Her eyes found Haldir, sitting down with members of the border guard. "There are some things I cannot so easily forget." Talion and Aragorn followed her gaze with questioning looks before Eltariel raised her blades again, eyes back on Talion. "Now, let us try again."
"Are you sure?" Talion asked worriedly.
"Yes." He sighed, but raised Urfael, falling back into his battle stance. Their movements were not as light and elegant as they'd usually be, but the two still fought with a grace and technique that many elves marveled at as they occasionally stopped to watch. They knew of Eltariel's skills as a warrior, but many had never seen it with their own eyes. Talion moved with the combined muscle memory of his and Celebrimbor's fighting techniques, a strange, but highly effective mix of styles that often left opponents guessing. As Talion seemed to settle into a groove, Eltariel found herself growing a bit frustrated, anger weighing down her movements slightly, enough that only a seasoned fighter would notice. Aragorn, Talion, and Boromir frowned slightly at the change.
"You are fighting angrily, Eltariel," a graceful voice called from not too far away. Talion and Eltariel froze as the Lady Galadriel reached them, standing down and greeting her respectfully.
"Lady Galadriel," Talion greeted with a slight bow.
"My Lady," Eltariel greeted, tone of voice calm, but expression slightly nervous.
"Your anger slows your movements, blinds your senses. It is not becoming of you, to fight in such a way." She reached out a hand to her, expression unreadable, but eyes requesting. "Shall we take a walk?"
"Of course," Eltariel answered after a moment of hesitation. Sheathing her swords, she took Galadriel's hand, falling in step with her as they left, throwing an apologetic look Talion's way. The two walked for some time in silence, neither of them speaking until they began the climb up a spiral stairway, headed towards Galadriel's chambers.
"Forgive me for whence last we spoke. My emotions got the better of me."
"M-My Lady?" Eltariel asked her, and they stopped on a lower platform. Galadriel sighed sadly.
"When I realized what you had done, I was angry, disappointed that you would go against my wishes. You had never done so before, and my words were overly harsh."
"I never should have strayed from the mission. My moment of weakness nearly cost me my life, and now… It could cost this world."
"You thought you could stop a great evil before it spread. A Ring of Power is a tempting thing." Galadriel held up Nenya, eyes falling on it briefly before looking back to Eltariel. "Your actions were misguided, but your intentions were noble. Celebrimbor made a compelling argument, but failed to realize he was only at his most powerful with Talion at his side. It is that which cost you."
"That still doesn't excuse my actions. I… Left him to die," Eltariel told her, remorseful.
"And he has forgiven you, has he not?"
"I… I don't know," she answered truthfully. "He says he trusts me."
"Then perhaps you have your answer." They continued up the stairs, stopping as they reached the platform of the tallest tree, a long familiar sight. "I must also apologize for something else."
"My Lady, you have nothing to apologize for," Eltariel insisted. "I owe you almost everything."
"Haldir came to me, when you first left us, demanding answers. I gave him none, and he changed, never quite the same as he once was. He came to me this morning and asked me about the same things he had then: where you had gone, what you were doing, why it was kept a secret."
"And?"
"I told him. He discovered that the Fellowship was carrying Rings of Power with them, that a threat had appeared in Middle-Earth, that you were a part of that quest. There was no reason to keep the information from him any longer. I realized then, that you had also changed. You have never been the same since your first assignment on the Nazgul, and I am to blame."
"I knew what I was getting myself into when I took it."
"As did I, and when I saw that you were successful, I continued to push you, continued assigning you to them." She slowly pulled down Eltariel's hood, cradling her face gently, eyes lingering on faded scars and worry lines with sad eyes. "You are like a daughter to me, and my faith in your abilities blinded me. You were young, and I forced you to mature far before any elleth should have. For that, I ask your forgiveness." Galadriel bowed her head, dropping her hands, and Eltariel gaped, frozen in shock.
"I… My Lady, please raise your head! It… It is true that the Nazgul assignments changed me, but without them, I would not have met Talion, would never have discovered the threat of the Nine. We would not be here now. And even if my social skills need a bit of work…" she added with a small smile, "You won't find a better fighter anywhere on Middle-Earth." Galadriel raised her head with a small smile of her own.
"I am glad to see that you have not changed completely."
"As am I." Eltariel bowed her head. "My lady," she said in parting.
"Go well, Eltariel. Your days of rest here are swiftly approaching their end. The next part of your journey… Will be fraught with peril." Eltariel nodded, and the two went their separate ways.
XxX
The Fellowship rowed down the waters out of Lothlorien on their way to Amon Hen, mourning still but in noticeably higher spirits, calmed, assured, determined. To each member, Galadriel gave a gift, each with their own significance and purpose. Legolas received a bow of the Galadhrim, Merry and Pippin blades of the Noldorin. To Gimli, who gazed upon her with reverence and admiration, she gifted him three of her hairs instead of one, as he had asked. To Sam, she gave a bundle of elven rope and a nut from a Mallorn tree to plant in his garden in the Shire, and to Frodo the Light of Elendil. To Boromir, she gave him a belt of gold not found anywhere else on Middle-Earth, and to Aragorn she had no gift greater than anything he already possessed, eyes lingering on the Evenstar as she told him so. Eltariel had declined a gift, simply showing the Light of Galadriel and bowing her head, and Galadriel respected her decision. At last she reached Talion, who had bowed to her respectfully before meeting her eyes.
"And what gift would you ask of me, Ranger of the Black Gate?" Talion sighed, shaking his head.
"I know not what to ask for, nor what is within your power to grant me." She smiled softly at him at that.
"Then I give you this." She held out a small bound journal, preserved by magic, a likeness of holly etched on its cover. "It came into my possession from Rivendell, recovered from Eregion's remains after its demise. It is his." Talion took it reverently, opening it and seeing familiar elegant handwriting, hand drawn maps, sketches and designs for weapons and crafts. He looked to her gratefully.
"I couldn't ask for anything greater. Thank you."
Galadriel's soothing, beautiful voice accompanied them on their departure as she saw them off, and she silently wished them well as they headed towards the place where temptation, separation, and death would awaited them.
**Luinel: Blue Star
**sel nin: my daughter
**gwinig: little one
Closing A/N: Amon Hen next chapter! It's… It's going to be interesting. *wink wink nudge nudge Jo* :) And clarifications on Eltariel's past will be forthcoming in… two more chapters if I get my way. Can't promise a super quick update with the semester starting back up next week, but I'll do my best. Hope everyone's had a lovely start to the year, and I will see you guys next chapter!