Race to the Top of Mount Potter - Hanahaki Disease
Assignment 10 - Elemental Magic - Task #4: Air: Write about a journey to recovery (can be mental or physical)
And now I'm covered in you
A/N - Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease where the victim of an unrequited or one-sided (or what they think is unrequited/one-sided) love vomits or coughs up petals and flowers until they can't breathe.
Helping Remus through his recovery of Hanahaki Disease, Sirius suddenly develops the same illness. Wolfstar!
Sirius paces the waiting room at the hospital. He ignores people telling him that it's going to be alright, that Remus will be fine, because Remus is not fine.
The world is a horrible place, because Remus almost died and didn't tell them. Remus doesn't tell them the important things. He never mentioned he was a lycanthrope. He didn't mention that he's in love, and he certainly didn't mention the fact that he's suffering from a rare magical illness.
And Remus would know he has it. The symptoms leave little in the way of mistakes, and Sirius knows Remus. He knows his friend would have researched the moment a petal appeared. He'd have known.
Knowing Remus, he'd have thought he had more time. He wouldn't have wanted to worry them, because Remus' biggest fear is being a burden to his friends even though none of them think that.
"The operation… it can hinder…" James trails off quietly. He's been clutching the medical book with information on magical illnesses ever since he confiscated it from Hope.
"It can remove his capability for romantic love," Hope finishes, her voice just as quiet as James'. "He's been avoiding me for the last two weeks."
"Us too," Sirius mutters. He doesn't stop moving. He can't. He needs to be on his feet ready for when they can go and see Remus. Standing will just waste time. He needs to see his friend.
As though he's been summoned by Sirius' desperation, a doctor appears, chart in hand. "Lupin family?"
"That's me," Sirius almost shouts, rushing over. "I mean… us."
"I'm his mother," Hope says, approaching. "How is he?"
"Your son was in the last days of the Hanahaki disease," The doctor explains. "If he waited even a few more days, it'd have been critical. When he collapsed…" the doctor sighs. "We've removed the entirety of the illness before its roots became inoperable."
"And will it hinder his—"
"A little," the doctor says, anticipating the question. "This illness is caused by emotions, so it can affect the emotions. But over time, it'll pass. Perhaps an intense emotion can push his emotions back into place. But please be patient with him as he recovers."
"Can we see him?" Sirius asks.
The doctor glances at Hope once more and she nods her head, and the man leads the way from the waiting room.
When they see Remus, he looks a mess, and Sirius hates this. In that moment, he realises what he needs to do. The most perfect plan.
He's not going to risk this happening to Remus again, so the most logical solution is to get Remus to fall in love with him instead, and then he'll never suffer or be alone or feel like a burden.
The doctor says it can take a while, but Sirius is good to wait…
"He's fine," Hope says, twisting her hands together and frowning, in a way that is reminiscent of Remus. "Just… I think he still needs time to adjust."
"It's been four months," James points out, folding his arms.
Sirius shrugs his shoulders. "I think… I think I can make a difference," he mutters. "Look, they're saying that some big emotion could start to break down that wall right? Well, does it have to be romantic? Maybe any big emotion could help to chip away and that might help."
"Do you think you could do that?" Hope asks, looking at Sirius like he's some sort of saviour.
Sirius nods. "I can try," he says. He's tired of Remus being so mild and without much emotion. He wants his Remus back. "He always calls me the most infuriating person he's ever met. Have him come stay with me for a bit and I'll get him back if it's the last thing I do."
"I'll have a bag packed this afternoon," Hope insists. "I'll tell Remus… well, he won't mind what I tell him." Her hopeful smile slips. "I hope you can do this."
"Me too," Sirius says.
Sirius watches as Remus unfolds the corners of the book, his mouth set into a firm line as he does. He doesn't let on that he's looking, because he doesn't want Remus to know that this is all intentional.
"Is this… wet?" Remus asks, suddenly dropping the book.
"Yeah. I had my tea on it," Sirius tells him. "Couldn't find a coaster."
Remus snorts and reaches for the book a little more gingerly this time, taking it out of the room in order to clean the cover and Sirius stands up.
"Gonna take a shower," he calls.
"You don't need to tell me everything you're doing," Remus mutters loudly enough for Sirius to hear. But Sirius does, because it's annoying Remus to no end hearing a commentary of every action Sirius does.
"It's so quiet in here, we gotta break the silence somehow," Sirius points out. "How long is your mum away again?"
"A couple of weeks," Remus murmurs, going towards the kitchen. "Do you want a cuppa?"
Sirius nods, disappearing into the bathroom. He takes a quick shower, singing loudly as he does, and he pays extra attention to his hair, wanting it to look good for Remus, even if Remus is struggling with being attracted to anyone at the moment.
He stands under the spray, washing out the conditioner when he feels something in the back of his throat. It feels weird and he gags a little at it, before he coughs and whatever it is comes out into his hand.
He stares at the petal in his hand and he feels sick at the sight.
A petal. A tiny rose-pink petal, but a petal nonetheless.
He feels panicked, because Remus has gone through this and he's not recovered, and it can kill if not fixed, and now Sirius is at risk. The illness isn't contagious, and it's just bad luck that he's developed this.
But at least he didn't develop it a few months ago, because there would be less chance to do anything to treat it when Remus was still suffering from his own illness. But now… he's got to get Remus better.
Sirius gets out of the shower and he throws the petal into the bin, shoving a bit of tissue on top of it. As he takes the last bit of tissue off the roll, he decides not to put a new roll in its place, because Remus hates stuff like this.
He dries himself with the towel and tosses it onto the floor away from where he's standing. He pulls on pyjama bottoms and walks out of the bathroom, the floor wet from his shower.
Sirius hates this sort of mess, but Remus hates it even more. Remus is going to be furious.
He strides out of the bathroom and towards the living room where he knows Remus will be, and just as expected, Remus is curled up in the armchair in the corner of the room, book in hand. It's a little area Sirius put together with Remus in mind. Books next to the cosiest and most comfortable armchair that could be found, near the radiator so it's warm and the window for in the summer, and with a blanket in close reach. Also a side-table for hot drinks.
Sirius notices a cup of tea by the sofa and he walks past it, going to the desk in the corner. He grabs some writing paper and a quill - and quickly writes a note to James. He rolls it up small and ties it with a bit of string.
As he does, he realises a new way to annoy Remus.
'James, I need the book on Hanahaki. Also, can you send me a lot of messages through owl-post? Remus is cosy by the window and this will do his head in. Sirius.'
He opens the cage in the corner and the little wren inside hops closer in excitement. Sirius is fond of his little bird - James bought the little guy as a joke, a splendid fairywren, but Sirius loves him so much.
"Starburst, do you think you're up to taking a message to James?" Sirius asks. Starburst hops onto Sirius' hand and when Sirius lifts it, he hops onto the top of the cage, holding his tiny leg out.
Sirius carefully attaches the letter. They'll have to switch birds because Starburst won't be able to manage more than going to James' and then coming back, plus he won't be able to manage a book. He's too tiny for that.
"Just bring the letter and come back," Sirius murmurs. "What a beautiful boy you are," he coos. "So beautiful."
The little bird preens at the praise and hops back onto Sirius' finger, allowing Sirius to bring him over to the window. When Sirius opens the window, he takes flight, his small wings flapping furiously. Sirius watches until he's a tiny dot of midnight blue in the distance.
Sirius leaves the window open slightly for him to return, and he goes over to the tub of berry nibbles next to the cage and puts a few in with Starburst's food as a reward.
"You spoil him," Remus comments.
"He deserves it," Sirius responds. He sets the tub aside and takes a seat at the desk, drumming his fingers on the desk in a restless manner.
Remus shuffles in his seat, frowning at the sound and Sirius grins as he realises it's yet another way to annoy Remus.
So he taps away, ignoring his friend's growing annoyance, until Starburst returns. When the bird comes back, Sirius goes to close the window. He glances at Remus who has settled into his chair once more.
They could be curled up on the sofa right now if Remus felt the same, and that's when he feels it again. The soft petal against the back of his throat.
Sirius darts from the room. He can't let Remus know about this, or anyone else. There's time for him to get better because this plan will work. It has to. He's sure he can make it work, somehow.
The book arrives with James' owl, following Starburst by about ten minutes. Starburst is leisurely enjoying his reward of berry nibbles and is not concerned about the appearance of the large owl at the window.
Remus, however, is. He frowns as the bird taps on the window and he moves to open it, letting Zeus inside.
Sirius stands and heads over to the bird and he unties the book from his leg, before opening the tub of berry nibbles and taking out a few. "Want a drink before you return?" Sirius asks.
Zeus hoots softly and heads to the small perch near the window and Sirius drops down the berry nibbles for him and Zeus helps himself. He unscrolls the paper.
'Sure'.
Well, James is quite the wordsmith it seems, and Sirius gets his quill and turns it over.
'Just wanna look things up.' He attaches that to Zeus' leg. "Back to James when you're ready he says."
Zeus hoots a little more loudly, quickly eating his treats before he flies out of the window, Sirius shutting it behind the large bird.
He pats Remus on the shoulder. "Tea?"
Remus gestures to his cup. "No, I still have this one. Should still be warm enough." He reaches for the cup and brings it to his lips, taking a big sip. He's already looking glad for the drink, but that pleased look fades to horror as he swallows the tea and sets the cup down.
"What tea-bags are you using?" he asks.
"Oh. Typhoo," Sirius answers. Remus almost drops the cup in disgust, and his lip curls at the word. Sirius knows that Remus hates these teabags. He's the biggest tea snob ever, and will only use PG Tips. If he can't get any of those, he'll begrudgingly have Tetley, but he won't touch anything else.
He eyes Sirius suspiciously, but Sirius tries hard to look innocent. "What?"
"I… I'm not feeling much like tea," Remus murmurs, setting the cup down. He sighs softly and gets comfortable again. "I'll just finish my book."
Sirius takes the tea and leaves the room. He has a pack of PG tips in the back of the cupboard ready for when Remus is better, but he wants Remus to be annoyed and agitated and for his friend to lose his temper. The intense emotion should help. He hopes. He just has to push Remus to his breaking point, and then some.
It seems to be working as Zeus delivers letters back and forth. His arrival startling Remus each time and causing him to glare at the poor bird.
As Sirius waits for each message, he studies the book. He needs to know how long he has before this condition gets serious, or if there's a way to prevent this or slow it down. He needs to buy himself time to help Remus.
Remus doesn't leave the room. He's comfortable and he's still recovering and Sirius knows that Remus hates to recover in bed.
"I love this episode," Sirius says, as they watch the television. Remus missed some of his favourite show when in the hospital and Sirius made sure to record them for him. "It's sad when Lucy falls through that void."
Remus turns his head, staring at Sirius without blinking and Sirius tries not to look amused. He'd usually not give a spoiler, or talk through the show because he knows Remus hates both.
But he has to do this.
"Are you doing this on purpose?" Remus snaps, raising his voice. "This is getting ridiculous. That's three times you've done this." Sirius can see he's getting angry now. "What part of 'no spoilers' do you not understand?"
"You need anger management," Sirius says, turning back to the television and dismissing Remus.
"You need to stop pissing me off," Remus retorts, glaring at him. "It's like you're going out of your way to annoy me, Sirius, and I'm getting really fed up with this."
"Look, I'm trying to take care of you," Sirius tells him, because it's true. He hates upsetting his friend, but he feels like there is little choice. "I just have to get used to you being here."
"I'm not a child. I don't even need to be here," Remus mutters. "I thought it'd be… the usual. Quiet and calm."
Sirius shrugs his shoulders. He knows Remus won't leave because Remus promised Hope he'd stay. Even if Remus isn't his usual excited, incandescent, dorky and adorable self, he's still someone who keeps to his word. Sirius knows that much. Remus is here until Hope returns from her holiday.
"Look, I'll leave you to watch the rest of this," Sirius murmurs. "Won't spoil it anymore." He leans in, placing a loud kiss to Remus' cheek and grins as he stands up. He immediately regrets this, however, because whilst he's done things like that in the past (and Remus has put it down to Sirius being Sirius), the action has never caused petals to form in his throat.
Sirius is glad that he's already excused himself because Remus doesn't seem to pay much attention to Sirius darting from the room. Sirius rushes to the bathroom and he locks the door before he leans over the sink and starts to cough up what's sitting in the back of his throat.
There, in the sink, sit three maroon petals, and Sirius can only stare at them. It's been a day and it's gone from one to three. The colour has changed, darkened, and that's a bad sign too.
He scoops them up, his fingers shaking as he does, and they get wrapped in tissue and tossed into the bin once more. He starts to whistle as he opens the bathroom door. Remus hates distractions from his show and the whistling will annoy him to no end.
He starts on dinner as he does so, making shepherd's pie with bits of carrot in it, just the way Remus hates. Remus likes it without any vegetables. He knows Remus won't say anything about it, but it'll just rile up his friend.
The dirty pans go in the sink without being soaked, and he leaves rubbish all over the kitchen, not tidying as he goes. He hates this - and he'll clean it later of course - but he knows Remus will hate it more, and he needs Remus to be better.
Because once Remus can feel romantic love again, Sirius will then have to get Remus to fall in love with him. He needs time, but the petals are telling him that he doesn't really have that.
"Are you planning on helping tonight?" Remus asks, as he cleans up the kitchen.
"I cooked," Sirius points out, dropping the almost empty plate on the counter without scraping it. This all hurts him, he hates it. It's day four and he's coughed up six petals in one go and it felt horrible. They're scarlet now, and he's not sure what that means but he's not feeling good about it. He's actually pretty scared.
"Something is wrong," Remus suddenly says. "This isn't you, Sirius. It's not like you at all. You're tidier than I am. You hate mess, and I've never once seen you leave a plate without scraping it. Something is wrong." He looks concerned as he approaches, reaching out slowly as though Sirius is the delicate one.
Sirius supposes that he is, though Remus doesn't need to know that. This isn't about Sirius - it's about Remus. He needs to look after him, protect him, and make sure Remus doesn't get this Hanahaki illness again because if you get it once, you can get it again. Sirius can't allow that.
"How are you?" Sirius asks instead, changing the subject. "The whole petal thing… shitty, right?"
Remus sighs. "I don't expect you to understand," he mutters.
"Why not?"
"Because you've got to be in love for it to affect you," Remus tells him, turning away to get the plate. He brings it to the bin and starts scraping it, the sound grating on Sirius. "But you're… not well?"
"Just a bug I think," Sirius tells him. "I'll see Pomfrey about it tomorrow." He wants to avoid any inquisition and he hopes that Remus drops it if he says he's seeing a healer.
Remus nods his head. "Fine," he mutters. "Sirius, even though this has been… difficult - you having me here, I mean… well, I appreciate you being here for me. Looking after me. I know you're all worried, since…"
"I'm always here for you, no matter what," Sirius murmurs. "You know that, yeah? I'm here if you want to talk about… what happened."
"Aren't you charming?" There's a hint of a smile on Remus' lips. "I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it though. I don't know if I'll ever be ready."
"Maybe you won't. But if you ever do… even if it's three-am and it's on your mind, here I am."
The smile widens. "Thank you," Remus says. He puts the plate in the sink, puts in the plug and runs the tap for a minute before turning to the fridge and opening it. "Whilst I have your attention, what is with the empty wrappers everywhere?"
"Empty?" Sirius asks, innocently.
"Don't play that game with me," Remus mutters. "That box of chocolates on the table, it's empty. You put a fucking note on the box that said 'their great'. Not 'they are' but 'their'. Then there were none." He takes out the empty egg box and slams the fridge with more force than necessary before putting it in the bin.
Sirius hides his smile.
Sirius can feel Remus' angry gaze on him as he sits down, wearing Remus' favourite jumper. He brings his knees up on the sofa and pulls the jumper over his knees, stretching it out.
He's a little desperate now, because he's just coughed up about a flowers' worth of petals and it's alarming the rate this is going. It's actually quite terrifying and he's afraid now. Afraid that this is going to happen. That he's not going to be able to help Remus, and that he won't be able to put his plan into action. Because this isn't just about protecting Remus anymore. It's about getting Remus to fall in love with him because Sirius has been so in love with him for so long and never been able to tell him or show him.
He'll replace the burgundy jumper. He'll buy Remus as many jumpers as he wants. He hates Remus looking at him like that, but the anger is simmering and Remus just needs that push over the edge.
"Do you have different tea bags?" Remus asks.
"No," Sirius says.
"Hot chocolate?"
Sirius nods. "You know what, you're still recovering, let me get you that drink." Because there is one thing that pisses Remus off more than having the wrong teabags.
He heads to the kitchen and uses magic to heat the water in the kettle so Remus doesn't hear the tell-tale click, and he makes up a hot chocolate with water, instead of with milk. Remus is going to be fuming and hopefully this is what'll push him over the edge.
Remus storms to another room and Sirius isn't sure it's enough. He's lost now. He's tried everything he can think of. He's smoked indoors, he's not rinsed out the sink after brushing his teeth, he's sung annoying songs that'll get stuck in Remus' head. He's made a habit of knocking on the bathroom door when Remus is using the loo and proceeding to have a conversation through it. Then there's the constant sniffing and not using a tissue.
He drops to his knees at the familiar feeling in his throat, and he tries to think about anything else, but Remus is at the front of his mind and he coughs so hard that he gags and almost throws up.
There are petals everywhere. A blood red this time. More petals than he's seen, and he knows he has to go to the hospital. But he's been telling himself one more day. One more. He can do one more.
But as he looks at the petals, he feels more. They come up too, and then there's more, forcing their way up his throat, the reflux painful.
When they spew from his lips, he hears a gasp and he looks up, dizzy, and unfocused, and his friend is there, his eyes wide and mouth open.
"Sirius, you're…" Remus' gaze moves between all the petals.
"It's supposed to be at least three weeks," Sirius whispers, his throat burning now. "It's been less than one. I thought I had more time. I told you I was sick. But I didn't want to worry you."
"I'm calling James," Remus says. "And you're going to St. Mungos. Now."
He rushes to the fireplace and Sirius can't focus on the words. Remus is quick, however, and then there are fingers dancing over his back as Remus tries to rub it, comforting him. "I didn't… you're in love?"
Sirius nods, dazed.
"You could have warned me about the petals," Remus mutters. "But that would have been too kind."
"Didn't want to worry you," Sirius whispers. "Like I said, I thought I had more time." The petals are back, and he coughs until he's sure he's coughing up blood. There are too many and things go dark.
"Remus?" James asks, frowning.
Sirius gives a slight nod. "Book says three weeks minimum. It wasn't even half as bad this morning. It came on suddenly. I thought I'd have time to get him to fall in love with me. To cure him and get him to…"
"They're prepping you for surgery," James tells him. "You could have told me. I could have monitored you, and… I dunno."
"I thought the plan would work. If Remus fell in love back…" Sirius trails off as Remus appears in the doorway, his eyes wide.
"You bloody idiot," Remus says. "Yes, I heard what you just said, both of you." His eyes move between the pair as he approaches. "Of course I bloody love you. Why do you think I was spitting up petals myself? Because I thought you could never feel this way about me."
Before Sirius can say anything, Remus is at his side, leaning down to kiss him gently on the lips, and like magic - because it is magic - something seems to flow through his body, a warm feeling, and the feeling of something in his throat subsides.
"You're already looking better," James says. "I'll call the healer back. You might still need surgery if you're too far into it that you've got a whole bloody tree growing in you, but at least…"
"Well, at least it won't happen again," Sirius comments happily, though he feels terrible. He thinks about the people in the waiting room. Hope, Dorea, Charlus, Regulus and their friends. "Remus loves me and I love him. We don't have to worry about these petals. And if I don't see another petal ever again, it'll be too soon."
He smiles up at Remus. "So… maybe you should stay at my place indefinitely?"
"Only if you learn to clean up after yourself," Remus retorts, a wide smile on his face, and Sirius can see that Remus looks more like himself - more like the Remus from before the illness.
His Remus is all better now, and he can't wait to see how incandescent Remus is when in a relationship without the sickness messing with his emotions.
"Deal," he agrees.
4279 words
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