Disclaimer: I shall never, ever, ever own Harry Potter! AHH!

Chapter 14: Snape's back! And… Issues with the Toaster

DAY 17

The doorbell rang in the afternoon. Ron sprinted to the front door and peered out the window, which was frosted and "waved" glass (as in what covers some people's shower doors, so you will know what it looks like), so it was rather difficult to see exactly who was outside, but with the odd ensemble, pallid face, and black hair, the figure on the porch was unmistakably—

"Snape!" Ron yelled. "He's back!" He paused for a minute and his face fell. "Oh damn. Someone's with him, and it really looks like…"

Hermione came up next to him. Her face turned pale.

Ginny looked confused. "What's up guys?"

Ron finally found his voice. "Trelawney."

Again, the mutual thought was OH DEAR LORD.

Harry was sitting on the sofa listening to all of this. "Are you kidding me? She'll be predicting my death every two seconds!"

The doorbell rang again. Ron looked worried. "What do you reckon?"

Hermione answered, "Better open it; what else are we going to do?"

Ron yanked open the door—and stared. Snape was covered in angry looking hives. Professor Trelawney was (as usual) draped in her numerous shawls and scarves, with her huge glasses. The only things she was carrying were a pack of cards and (Harry suspected, these were not actually in sight) and several sherry bottles, proved by the odd clinking of her outer shawl.

Catching sight of Harry, Professor Trelawney went wild, and began to speak in her freaky, fake-predicting voice. "Ah! Harry! I have seen, and I have, again, predicted correctly. You are floundering in the sea of misfortune, my boy. This class, this plan, it will be you DOWNFALL!"

Snape walked in after her and frowned. "Hello Potter, Draco, the rest. Professor Trelawney is here with us because I evidently need assistance with this." He spotted Ginny. "MISS WEASLEY! I AM ALLERGIC TO YOUR PEPPERMINTS!"

Ginny flushed. "I'm sorry Professor, I didn't know that. That's why you're covered in hives?"

"YES, MISS WEALSEY!"

"Oh dear." She went into the kitchen, trying not to laugh.

Harry looked warily at Professor Trelawney, who was now sitting on the floor meditating, not unlike a Buddhist monk.

"Professor, why is she here with us?"

"Somehow, Potter, I think that I am not entirely competent at supervising you without aid, thus my colleague Professor Trelawney is with us."

"Oh no…"

Professor Trelawney rose from the floor and danced upstairs, a sherry bottle in hand. Harry heard a made cackle of laughter before the upstairs sitting room door shut.

DAY 21

Draco felt like eating some sort of snack. He walked down to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Hmm. What's in here? Sherry, sherry, sherry, bread, jam, marmalade, eggs, sherry, pasta, no way, sherry, barbeque sauce, milk, more sherry… I'll opt with the bread.

Draco pulled the bread out of the fridge. It was cold. No way am I eating cold bread. Now what did Harry say was the thing to heat bread with? Oh! That weird Muggle robot thing there! What was it? Oh yeah, a toasty. Well, it's worth a try. What could go wrong?

By now, dear reader, you ought to have figured out that that question is not a good one to ask, particularly in this story.

Draco was not sure about how much bread to put into the toaster. Should I put the whole loaf in? I mean, seriously, maybe it'll burn if I cut off a slice. Okay, I'll put it all in.

Draco shoved the loaf of bread into the toaster oven. He turned it on high, as to thoroughly toast the whole loaf. He then decided to go wash his hands, so he wouldn't contaminate the bread. Staying clean in the kitchen is a very important thing.

Draco spent a much longer time than he had planned in the bathroom. Even if his hair was pink, it was very silky, and Draco took pleasure in brushing it, a hundred strokes every time. Suddenly, he smelled something funny…like smoke. Shoot! I hope it's not the—

He dashed into the kitchen, and sure enough, the toaster was on fire… what else would you have expected? Black smoke billowed out of it, enveloping poor Draco. Draco panicked, forgetting about the fact that he could have used the water from the sink. But he did remember something else… sherry bottles.

Draco ran to the fridge, yanked it open, and pulled out two sherry bottles. Opening them quickly, he poured their contents over the flames. It helped, but the fire did not stop completely.

Draco grabbed another sherry bottle from the fridge, and extinguished the fire completely. Whew. That was really bad. I hate that toasty.

He collapsed into a chair. He then realized that the fumes from all the sherry would probably not be so good, threw open the kitchen windows and mopped up the spilled liquor.

Draco was way too tired to eat, or do much else after that whole ordeal, so he went to bed shortly after.

Harry limped into his room on his crutches, just before he was about to sleep, and asked, "Hey Draco, why the heck does the kitchen smell like Professor Trelawney?"

"Don't ask."

"And what happened to the bread?"

"Don't ask. You really do not want to know."

"What did you do?"

"Put it this way, Harry. Sherry is extremely useful in putting out fires."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah. I know. Go away, would you? People want to sleep after cleaning the kitchen floor and throwing Trelawney's… oh no."

Sure enough, a loud shriek was heard from downstairs.

"Evil spirits have entered this house! They are stealing from us! They are coming closer! CLOSER! How dare they steal from me? It's the Potter boy's fault! It's the Grim! My SHERRY IS GONE!"

"Now lets think… who else says 'It's the Potter boy's fault! Can you guess?" asked a very sarcastic Harry.

"Hmm… your aunt?" responded Draco who was by this point barely stifling laughter as Troll, sweet nickname isn't it, was still stomping around the kitchen shouting "MY SHERRY!"

"Yes! They should start a I Hate Harry Club!"

"You know I might joi- OW! What was that for?"

"MY SHERRY!"

A/N: So I've used one of the suggestions that I've received. It was awesome. The others were great, as well, but I can only use so many. Thanks! P.S. Ignore the demented chapter numbers. I screwed it up somewhere there.