Slowly, so so slowly, movement came back to Madeline. The first thing she did when she could move her shoulders was wipe away the tears tracking down her cheeks. It was a wasted effort—the tears just kept leaking. But she had to at least pretend she was tough. When she could wiggle her fingers and toes and all the parts in between, Mads pushed against the hot body holding her.
Fear notched up a bit when their hold didn't relent. And damn it all—a guttural sob broke out of her throat. So much for being tough. The sound kick-started her rage and Madeline mentally gripped onto that feeling with everything she had. She had to be mad to survive this shit. Absolutely no weak moments.
"Let me fucking go!" She kicked out but she was too weak to do anything but flail pathetically.
The hold shifted and she was suspended in the air a moment before she was gently set on the thin pad that was supposed to be a bed. It took her too long to register that the hot body that had been holding her was 743. It took her even longer to realize that he was not a threat.
"I do not mean you harm, Mads." His voice was a soft growl that Madeline assumed was supposed to sound reassuring.
It was not reassuring.
Neither was his size. The man had muscles. He had muscles, on top of muscles, on top of muscles. Not only was he built like a tank but he was tall too. Tall, menacing, and so very lethal. It was hard to remember that he wasn't a threat with him looming over her like he was.
He'd kept her from getting raped—he'd helped her. He had held her in his arms for hours while whatever they had shot her full of wore off. He'd held her without groping, or touching, or violating her. 743 was not a threat. Her brain knew that. her body, not so much.
"I know 743—I forgot who was on me and kinda freaked out." Mads tried to stand but she'd only pushed up into a sitting position before she had to quit. Her breath was coming out in puffs. She was actually winded from just sitting up.
"Do not tire yourself. The drugs they gave you are not fully out of your system yet." He reached out to her like he wanted to help steady her but then snatched his hand back at the last second.
Madeline didn't know how she felt. She wanted to hide in a dark corner somewhere and just cry. She wanted to scream and hit. She wanted to be left alone and never touched again. She wanted someone to hug her and play with her hair until she no longer felt shaky and pathetic.
What she needed to do was get a grip and make a plan. There was no time for hysterics in her situation. She needed to get a handle on her shit before she freaked out. She was surrounded by people who had been caged and tortured their whole lives. They had their shit together—she needed to do the same.
With that in mind, Madeline employed the breathing techniques one of her court-appointed therapists had taught her. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth.
Again.
And again.
743 shifted his stance and brought her attention back to his muscles and general mass. She knew- knew, that he would not hurt her but still, the sight of him looming over her like those scumfucks had done made her want to run away screaming.
"Can you please sit down or something?" She couldn't think straight with her adrenaline surging whenever she looked at him. "Please."
He complied almost instantly and Mads breathed deep again. In through her nose and out through her mouth.
In and out.
Again and again.
"I would not harm you, Mads." His voice was a soft growl that penetrated the growing panic in her gut. "I will protect you."
Tears blurred her vision at his statement. As ridiculous as such a vow was to make in their current circumstance, it still hit her right in the gut. No one—not a single person in her life had ever made such a vow. Not a friend, or a boyfriend, and definitely not one of her family members. Madeline had promised to protect Eva and had failed. To protect and to be protected- she obviously had no concept of the word. Madeline had no idea what to do with that statement. How did she even respond?
"I—" Her voice died in her throat and the blur in her eyes spilled over and made hot tracks down her cheeks.
This was the opposite of getting her shit together. This was breaking down and crying.
"Fuck." The word choked out of her in more of a conglomeration of sounds than actual English. Madeline took a deep fortifying breath and forced herself to project a calm she didn't feel. "Okay."
In and out.
"Okay. Okay. We're good." Madeline swiped her cheeks again and pulled a shaky hand through her hair. "We are good. We are just fine." Another deep breath in through her nose and she held it.
"You must breathe, The Mads." 743's voice was a command and his right arm twitched like he wanted to grab her and shake her.
Madeline exhaled and closed her eyes.
"Whew- okay. We are fine." Madeline ran a hand through her hair again and sat up straight. "I am fine."
And this time it was true.
The... unpleasantness was stuffed into a box in the back of her mind. It and the shit-storm of emotions she was ignoring would be dealt with at a later, more convenient time.
"Okay." Mads got to her feet and only swayed drunkenly at little- which was progress.
"Can you keep food down?" 743 towered over her with a plate of food in his hands and an imploring look on his face. After a moment of looking at her, 743 took a step back and bent his knees in a bid to look smaller.
Okay. So. She needed a plan. A plan that would serve to keep her level-headed and distract her long enough to keep the unpleasantness at bay.
Plan Repress-Those-Fucking-Memories would be a three-part plan.
Part one of this incredible plan would be to sit down- she was already so tired of standing.
Part two would be to eat. Food would help her heal.
Part three of her super-awesome plan would be to... distract herself somehow.
Madeline executed the first part of her three-part plan unexpectedly as her legs gave out and she plopped back onto her ass. The two-inch thick pad cushioned her fall, somewhat. 743 growled again and moved to sit on his haunches in front of her.
"The drugs are not yet out of your system. You tax your body too much." His dark eyes were locked on hers and he thrust the plate at her again. "You must eat."
Madeline didn't have it in her to yell at him for being so freakin' bossy at the moment, so she ate what was in front of her without complaint.
When part two was complete and the food was sitting like a brick in her gut, Madeline turned her focus on completing part three. How she was going to distract herself- she had no fucking clue.
It wasn't like her captors would take book requests.
"Do you guys know any good stories?" Mads wasn't real hopeful that they did.
"Stories?" 633 was holding his wrist the way she'd shown him. The sight made her heart ache a little.
"Yeah, like... did anyone ever read to you guys when you were kids? Probably something like... Clifford the Big Red Dog... or something more old school like, Goldilocks and Three Bears?"
"We were not in the literacy pod. They did not teach us to read." 189 growled from across the room.
"I was in the literacy pod when I was very young." 633 sat up straight and let go of his wrist. "I did not learn to read but I remember one of the doctors reading from a book. I was moved to the drug trials when I showed no improvement."
"Oh." Madeline didn't let that sink in. If she let that sink in then she would lose her cool. If she lost it she would not get it back and Madeline had to survive. So she ignored him for the most part and focused on books and stories. "Well, that's kinda my job- I mean, not to feed into the stereotype that librarians do nothing but read all day- but I read all the time. It's a great escape. I've got stories."
"I would like to hear a story." 633 was closer to his bars now and looking less nauseous by the second.
"I do not think you should speak. I think you should rest, Mads." He was scowling at her again and pushing on her shoulder.
"No!" Mads glared at the big man and shoved his hand off her shoulder. Instantly, she felt guilty for reacting so severely. He needed some kind of an explanation. "I can't just lay there and think about their hands on me and what could've happened- I need to distract myself. This is the only way I can do that- okay?"
"Yes." 743 nodded once and sat beside her. "Okay."
Madeline was blanking on all the books she'd ever read. It was like she didn't spend hours a day reading. The only thing coming to mind was a movie. Ninja Assassin.
It had been, literally, years since she'd seen that movie. Why was it even in her brain- the only thing she could think of?
"Okay, so this isn't actually a story from a book- it's a movie but it's still a good movie. With a really hot man in it. Good action scenes too." If she could remember how it started she would be in business. "It's called, Ninja Assassin."
"What is a movie?" 189's voice was reluctant but his body was positioned against the back of his cell so he could see her clearly.
"Err... its a book but people are acting it out. It's... like... okay so imagine the images that come to your mind when you listen to a story on the wall in front of you. You can watch people acting out the story."
"What is a ninja assassin?" 633 was now cross-legged facing her. His head was cocked to the side and he looked as if it was the first time he said those two words.
"A ninja is a highly trained, highly skilled warrior. An assassin is a person who kills people for money." What she wouldn't do for her phone. It would be so much easier to just google their questions and show them videos. Madeline had never been particularly good at talking- let alone explaining shit.
"What does it mean to be a hot man?" 743 sat forward to look at her face. His eyebrows were scrunched in confusion. "Does this mean he has fire?"
"Uhm, no. Hot is slang- or another word for a very good-looking man." The question had Madeline grinning. 743 didn't seem to like that answer. He scowled and sat back once again. "Okay, so the story starts with an old man giving some wimpy guy a tattoo."
"What is a tattoo?" 189's voice rang out again.
"Uh, it's a permanent picture on your skin. You pay someone to draw a picture on your skin with a needle. It hurts but they're pretty."
"Am I a hot male?" 743 had his arms crossed over his chest, a scowl on his face, and he was peering at her face again. Madeline couldn't help but laugh out loud at that.
"Of course you are, have you ever looked in a mirror?" Still smiling Madeline patted his knee. He seemed to like this answer. The scowl on his pretty face disappeared and he uncrossed his arms.
"What is a mirror? Am I a hot male?" 633 sat forward like he was intent on hearing the answer.
Madeline laughed again and settled in for a long night of answering questions. As far as distractions went, it was a pretty good one.