Tsuzuki watched with a relieved yet heavy heart. Hisoka's was breathing, steadily and deep. He looked down the boys body to the round bump covered by the blanket. Thousands of thoughts raced through his mind at that moment. The crimson red that had stained his hands as he rushed Hisoka out of the collapsing building that had come from the slight slice into that belly, the deeper cut and nearly fatal to his little blondes throat that had happened as he threw Muraki back. The blade must have cut into his flesh as Muraki was thrown back and it nearly took their Hisoka from them.
His eyes stung as he looked back up at the bandages covering the youths neck. It had been so close, he thought he'd loose Hisoka forever. It was so hard, just to watch him sleep like this. He wanted oh so badly just to pick him up, to smother him in an embrace. He wanted just to hug and kiss him there and never let him go, to show him just how much he was needed.
"Tsuzuki...?" Watari poked his head in just a bit. "Has bon woke up yet."
"No." came the simple and unemotional reply. Tsuzuki hadn't talked to Watari since the scientist had talked to him about Hisoka's condition quite some time ago. He'd hadn't talked to a living soul, or non living considering his location, now back in the infirmary of the ministry. His voice was thick, hoarse and his lips pulled to be separated after being clamp shut for so long.
Watari looked down to the floor. He had to say something, he had to explain. Taking his chances he looked back up, meeting Tsuzuki's back with his eyes as he came in softly, clicking the door closed behind him. "Tsuzuki, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be like this and..." He faded as he listened to the silence. Tsuzuki hadn't turned to look at him, hadn't even breathed it would seem. "I'll take it back after this is over.. I'll fix all of thi-"
"You knew the whole time didn't you."
Watari froze. There was a dagger shoved in his nerves and in his heart. Everything in his body hurt. "Yes."
"Why didn't he tell me? Did he think I would shun him, hate him for it? Why? Even if it is Muraki's... why would he..." Tsuzuki turned to face the man. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he sniffed and struggled to hold back the tears.
Watari rushed to the mans side, reaching out hesitantly to him. He didn't know if Tsuzuki hated him or himself, either one was bad, but he didn't want to make anything any worse than it would already be. "Tsuzuki... I..." Watari glanced over to the sleeping form of the boy. "Bon never wanted to hurt you. That's all that he ever thought about..." Watari placed his hands on the older shinigami's shoulders as his gaze wandered, landing on Hisoka's baby, buried deep, thankfully just deep enough under the layers of fat and muscle the had built up around it. "I can not guarantee anything... I don't know your and Hisoka's life nearly as well as either of you would nor is very possible at the moment to predict it, but Tsuzuki... Isn't there even the slightest chance... it's yours...?"
Tsuzuki's tears seemed to slow. No more fell from his eyes though those that teetered on his lashes and those already falling down his cheeks still continued on their trail. He still sniffled, his breathing just beginning to even out after his sobs as he looked first at Watari, who never turned to return the gaze, then on Hisoka's belly. Both men stared for quite some time at the sleeping figures gentle rise of his chest and belly. It was so odd, like Tsuzuki could feel it inside his own body, the life that Hisoka felt in his.
Watari sighed, dipping his head low as he looked to the ground, a slight smile gracing his lips, the first smile that'd been seen on his face for months. "Well, I guess that's up to you and Hisoka to find out and discuss. It really had nothing to do with an outside trouble maker like me."
"Watari.."
The man came back with a brilliant smile. "I guess I'll leave you to this, I think it'd be good for Bon to wake up to you anyway, and you have a lot to talk about." Watari patted the man on the shoulder as he turned, quickly making his way to the door. "Good luck there big guy."
"But Watari..." A slight sound, other than the nearly silent click of the door closing behind the scientist, stop Tsuzuki, drawing his attention to the still form on the bed. He watched for a moment or two and then his face softened. His eyes lit up a bit in a sad manner and a small smile came over his face. "How long you been awake..?"
"Long... enough..." His voice was hoarse, still sore and worn from screaming and now from disuse while he spent about a day, maybe more, sleeping. He felt odd, the pressure from what he could tell as bandages wrapped tightly but not too tightly around his neck. It was frightening yet comforting at the same time to fell a constant presence on his throat.
"You gave us all quite a scare there, kid. Don't ever do that to us again.." Tsuzuki tried to fake a smile but his sad eyes couldn't hide it from Hisoka, and try as he may Tsuzuki's shield from Hisoka's empathy was weakened by his state. Tsuzuki watched as Hisoka's slim hands slipped to and clutched around his stomach. "Hisoka.."
"You know. You know what he did to me now, what I let him do. Now I'm cursed with him growing inside me!" Hisoka's entire body was tensed as a bowstring. His muscles clenched and spasmed, making him shake" His eyes closed as he tired to lock himself from the world. He didn't want to know Tsuzuki, not in the stage he was in, not when he saw him like this.
Hisoka had almost been able to succeed in closing himself from the world when a warm hand ran down his arm to clasp his hand gently, pulling it from his round stomach and up to meet a pair of soft lips that kissed away his shaking ever so gently. His eyes opened, the tears that had begun to form just behind his closed eyes sat on his dark lashes at the bottom of his eyes. He stared straight, right into a wall at first, it was just the first place he looked having naturally been turned that way, then, slowly he turned back to see Tsuzuki, his hand to his lips. He sobbed, breath hitching and giving him the cutest hic-ups, just like a child.
"That night when you came home, with all those bruises and marks all over you, you said they were from practice, from you simply training. I knew then that something had to be wrong, I should have known better. How could I have been so blind as to not see it in your eyes, what Muraki had done to you. It's not your fault Hisoka, you never let him do anything he forces you and it's so wrong. It's not your fault Hisoka, it's mine. I should have seen, I should have known that he would try something again and I should have protected you from him, I promised you that night I would."
"Tsuzuki..." Tears began to drip down from his lashes, unheeded and unattended as they trailed down his porcelain cheeks.
"Forgive me, Hisoka. It's my fault any of this happened to you and I broke my promise." Hisoka felt moisture drip onto his hand and he knew Tsuzuki was crying. He was crying over Hisoka's mistake, Tsuzuki blamed himself for all this.
"Tsuzuki it's not your fault..."
"Hisoka... I do not know, but the nights before that.. before Muraki.. It was us..." Tsuzuki looked up for the first time, his long chocolate hair no longer shading his eyes in darkness. Tears welled at the corners of his eyes and tiny trails left their mark on his tanned skin. One hand moved from holding the boys hand tightly like the other and lay firmly yet not uncomfortably on his belly, right over the growing life inside him.
A new feeling over came Hisoka. His sense were flooded with Hisoka's sincerity, there was pride, there was hope and there was fear and sadness all mixed into a sweet, bitter mix. It was something Hisoka never usually encountered in a single person at one point, normally only in large crowds, so he found it quite possible, even through the haze and mix of emotions to keep certain, keep his footing in reality and not to slip into the world fo darkness. There was also a stirring in his stomach, a warming sensation under Tsuzuki's palm that spread through his entire being. The child living inside his body squirmed and kicked at this. Hisoka didn't know why, he couldn't tell the type of kick it was, if it was just a soft babies kick from the normal movement, or an angry kick like the type you get when you eat too many spicy foods and the baby's trying to get revenge. A jolt ran up and back down his spine at the thoughts that ran through his mind on how the child was reacting. It had responded to Muraki nearly the same way. What did it mean? Did it mean anything...?
"This baby could still be ours, Hisoka... Just yours and mine.. Hisoka, I want this chance, I want to have a child with you, even if it's only a chance at that..."
"Tsuzuki...!"
"I wished for so long that I had had the chance to have a son during my life, or a daughter. Now's my chance and it's with the one person I've found I can love in the entire world, the one person that understands me and that I can live in this world for Hisoka. It's you and me. I'd love this child just the same as I will and always have loved you. Nothing's changed Hisoka. I still love you... and I love that this child is part of you, Muraki's or mine, there's a piece of you in there... There's still you..."
Hisoka could feel Tsuzuki's hand shake as it sat on his body. He watched as the amethyst eyes he loved so much sparkled with the tears that threatened to fall, in happiness or in complete internal agony he wasn't sure, he had a feeling that was all up to him. He slipped his slender fingers along the mans arms and down onto his hands, interlacing their fingers together on his swollen belly, holding it there on the top, listening for long moments to the sound of his heart beat, and what he might have imagined as the baby's. He felt it kick, showing Tsuzuki just where to feel without a word of exchange between them, just how to feel it kick, just where to go. It felt right to him now, seeing Tsuzuki's face so caught up in the amazement of feeling what he hoped to be his child kicking inside him. He didn't feel dirty anymore, he didn't feel dead or useless like he had in the presence of Muraki or when he'd tried so hard to hide it from Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki made him feel normal, despite how much he knew he wasn't.
"Tsuzuki.. if it's Muraki's..."
"It's yours Hisoka... no one alive, dead or in any world can take that away. That baby is yours, part of you, your flesh, and blood. No one else's matters..."
Hisoka shook, tears stung the corners of his eyes as he watched his partner, his lover, his world. The only reason for being here, the only reason was Tsuzuki. Hisoka could not believe he ever lost track of that, that he could put any item or any concept above that, but now it was back, and he wouldn't let go for the world.
There lips met in a lunge that Hisoka made from the bed at Tsuzuki. Hisoka's arms wrapped around Tsuzuki's neck and Tsuzuki in turn caught the boy, wrapping his arms tightly and protectively around his torso, holding the back of his head and tangling his hands in the soft blonde strands he'd so missed running his fingers through at night. Tears flew from both their eyes as they hugged and kissed, Hisoka just clutching to Tsuzuki for dear life and Tsuzuki kissing , crying and laughing as he held the boys, plating tiny little kisses all over the boys face and head, kissing from the crown of his head down to his neck just happy to be able to touch him, to hold him again.
He'd found his place in the world again, and he'd never let it go again, not for anything.
2188 words! yay! up again! well.. no comedy yet... whether there's going to be any is still up in the air right now... we'll see, I really have to think about the next chapter, yup STILL NOT DONE! mwuahahahaha! I'm evil, cause it's at least a few more chapters, but it is winding down fold, hope you're enjoying the last few chapters of this story, planning to revise afterwards (hopefully...) and is there going to be a sequel... who knows... up to how many reviews I get... Love ya, review! .