Chapter 12

After what seemed like an eternity Abby stopped running. She looked around and saw she had run to the cemetery. She couldn't believe she had ended up here. She walked over to her mother's grave and sat down right next to it. She had not visited the cemetery since the day she left for Wisconsin. She had thought about it, but it was too hard for her. She figured that Karen had been there once in a while to keep up the appearance of the stone. She remembered listening to her dad talking to the headstone people.

"A wonderful mother, wife, and friend lay here. May she rest in God's eternal peace." There was also a picture of their family on the headstone. It had been the last picture they had taken. When she went to go look at her grandparents' graves she noticed something on the back. "'To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die.' Thomas Campbell 'I will always miss and love you Kel. Love Kare'" This brought Abby to tears. She couldn't believe everything that had gone wrong in her life. She began to get mad at everyone that had left.

"IS THIS YOUR PLAN FOR ME GOD? YOU TOOK AWAY MY MOM, MY DAD, AND DANA! AND NOW THAT I FOUND KAREN, HALEY, AND NATE YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE AGAIN? I DON'T GET IT…LUCAS HATES ME AND WON'T EVEN LISTEN TO ME. I HAVE NOTHING ANYMORE! IT'S NOT FAIR!" She stopped to catch her breath. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME MOM? I NEEDED YOU, DAD NEEDED YOU. AT LEAST DAD FOUND A WAY TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN…" Abby trailed off. She couldn't believe she was even thinking about this. She had always heard that suicide was a sin, but she couldn't help thinking that it would solve a lot of problems. She grabbed her bag and found a pen and a piece of paper. She began writing and soon found how easy it was. She had told everyone how much they meant to her, but she couldn't control her life anymore. She knew that she would miss them, but at least this way she could 'stay' in Tree Hill with her mom and family. She had written a page and then decided to write a letter to Lucas. She folded the notes and laid them on the ground. "I'll see you soon mom and dad. Goodbye Tree Hill, I'll miss everyone." With that she took out her dad's old pocket knife and started to cut a small slit on her left wrist. She felt the pain and then felt blood start to trickle down her arm slowly. It hurt so much, but she knew all the pain would be gone soon. She felt tired and closed her eyes. Lucas had just left the River court and started towards home. He had been thinking a lot about Abby. He was still mad at her, but he was surprised and happy to see the old Abby at the café. He wished he knew what that guy wanted earlier, but whatever it was probably was good for Abby. Lucas decided to take the route through the cemetery to clear his head. He needed to tell his mom that Tara would not be coming over for dinner. As he was walking through he noticed a lump leaning against a headstone. He walked over to the person. As he got closer, he noticed the sweatshirt that he had given Abby.

"Abby…" he yelled. There was no answer from the still figure. "ABBY!" He yelled again, but she didn't even move. He couldn't see anything but he knew that something was wrong. He started running towards Abby. He was mad, but he didn't want anything to happen to her. When he got to her he noticed the small slit on her wrist and the pool of blood that was still forming. He grabbed her wrist and wrapped it with the sweatshirt he was wearing. Memories came flooding back to him as he looked at the girl laying unconscious in his arms, but he didn't have time for that trip down memory lane. "Abby…Abby…please wake up. I need you to open your eyes for me." Lucas pleaded with her. All of a sudden Abby opened her eyes.

"Luke…I love you." She said as she slipped back into unconsciousness.

"ABIGAIL WINTERS! DON'T GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE! HOLD ON BABY!" He knew there wasn't a lot of time so he ran to the church with Abby in his arms. He knocked on Father Opitz's door. When it opened, Father Opitz saw Lucas standing there and without saying a word he grabbed his keys and they ran to his car. Once they got in Father Opitz broke the silence.

"Lucas, what happened?"

"I was walking home and I went through the cemetery." Lucas stopped for a second and then continued. "I saw my sweatshirt and then saw her leaning against Kelly's headstone. When I got closer I saw that she wasn't moving and her wrist was bleeding."

"Well, don't worry…she's going to be fine." He said trying to comfort the boy. They sat in silence the rest of the way. When they got to the hospital Father Opitz grabbed Abby from Lucas and ran into the hospital. When things finally settled down Father Opitz was asked what happened. He looked all around, but Lucas was nowhere to be found. So he told them the things that Lucas had told him. They got Abby into the emergency room and started stitching up the slit and putting blood back into her system. Abby was very lucky she hadn't lost as much as she could have because the cut was smaller than most. Father Opitz decided that he would call Karen. After he explained everything he knew he called Nathan and Haley. All three were soon at the hospital waiting for new on Abby's condition. Father Opitz decided that he wasn't needed at the hospital anymore, so he drove back to the church. As he was walking into his house he remembered Lucas had told him where he found Abby. So he walked through the cemetery to Kelly's grave. When he got closer he saw a boy standing near the grave holding a backpack.

"Excuse me…" he said walking closer. As he approached the boy he noticed it was Lucas.

"I was hoping to come back here and find some proof that someone did this to her, and I was right. I did it. It was my fault that she tried to commit suicide. She said that she couldn't stand knowing that she was the reason that we broke up. This way she wouldn't have to move to Wisconsin and live with another family. She said she wouldn't have to leave Tree Hill ever again. And she would be with her parents."

"Lucas, it isn't your fault. She didn't die either. You saved her life, you helped her."

"YEA, BUT I AM ALSO THE REASON!" Lucas started crying. If he hadn't been such a jerk and stubborn Abby wouldn't be in the hospital fighting for her life for the second time in a moth. Then he remembered something she had said. 'Luke...I love you." Her voice kept ringing in his ear. He looked down and saw another piece of paper under a little rock. He picked it up and saw his name written on it. He sank to the ground as he read it.

"My dearest Lucas,

I know you are mad at me for lying to you about who I was, but I don't think I would change that. You saw what John was capable of and he threatened to hurt you if anyone found out. I couldn't let him touch you. I didn't want you to get hurt. I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused you, your mom, and your friends. You won't have to worry about me anymore. You are the reason that I have lived as long as I have. I always thought that I had nothing and then I thought of you and Haley. You got me through 3 deaths and a horrible move without even talking to me. I will NEVER forget you and I pray that you will NEVER forget me. You were my first friend, first crush, and most importantly my first true love. You were my first and my last. I LOVE you so much. Never forget that Lucas. I only want one more thing from you…and that is forgiveness. I cannot leave this world without at least asking for it. I love you now and forever. I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me. Goodbye Lucas, I will see you again someday.

Loving you always,

Abby Winters"

That was why she hadn't told him. She was afraid of him. Lucas couldn't believe the note. He grew angry at himself that he left the hospital.

"Father, can I borrow you car? I will bring it back tomorrow morning, I promise."

"Whenever you are done with it you can bring it back." He said as he handed Lucas the keys. "Be careful Lucas."

"I will, thank you Father." He ran to the car and sped away. He made it to the hospital in record time. When he got to the hospital he ran to the receptionist. "Abby Winters" he said trying to catch his breath.

"Room 312" Lucas was too impatient to wait for the elevators, so he sprinted up three flights of stairs. He dodged people and carts trying to find Abby's room. When he found the room, he stopped outside to catch his breath and compose himself. After 5 minutes he had finally gathered up enough strength to go in. When he went in he saw his mom and Haley sitting on each side of the bed with tears running down their faces and Nathan standing in the corner trying to keep busy so he wouldn't cry. Lucas cleared his throat.

"Lucas!" Karen ran over to her son and gave him a hug. Before anyone could say anything Lucas handed his mom Abby's suicide note. After Karen was done she handed the note to Haley and Nathan. When Nathan was finished he walked up to Lucas and punched him in the face. Neither Karen nor Haley were surprised at Nathan's reaction. Nathan walked to the bathroom and grabbed a wet towel. He walked back out to his brother and handed him the towel.

"That is for being such a bastard to Abby lately." Lucas wasn't even mad at Nathan. He knew that he had that coming, but he didn't expect Nathan to hug him afterwards. "Abby needs you Luke. Don't screw it up again." Nathan whispered to his brother. Lucas looked past all of them.

"Don't worry, I won't lose her again." He walked over to the bed and sat down. Karen, Haley, and Nate decided that they would leave them alone. Lucas didn't know if she could hear him, but he needed to tell her. "Abs," he began as he picked up her hand. "Abby, it's me, Lucas. I am so sorry for everything. It was stupid of me to not listen. But I was frustrated because I told you, well Jamie, that I loved you. I have been mad at myself since I found out that you were really you because I haven't told you how I really feel. I've been avoiding you. I'm sorry. I want to worry about you. I want you to piss me off, I want you to know how much I care, I want you to know that I DO forgive you. And I will NEVER forget how much you love me because you will always be with me to remind me. Um, I grabbed your backpack. I thought you might want your CDs when you wake up. I put one in on the way over here. I remember you said it was your favorite and so I thought I would listen to it. Now I know what made you so strong when John hit you and when I was being such a jerk. I brought it in thinking that I could play you a song." Lucas pulled out the CD player and CD. He went through the CD until he came to track 8. The music started and Lucas just watched Abby.

"So easily I fall, so easily you reach your hand out. So quickly will I drown, in all the pools of all my reason. So easily will I fear, so easily will your peace surpass me. So quickly will I trust, in anything I think is worthy. How many times you make the waves calm down, so I won't be afraid now. I say you're breaking my, breaking my fall. What am I suppose to do? How precious are your thoughts the way that you think about me? How faithful are your ways? I always feel your grace abounding. How quickly will I call? How quickly will you answer my cry? How carefully will you bring everything I need in my life? This narrow road I'm walking, this world will I try to draw. Your work will help me fight it. With you I'll face it all." (Breaking My Fall, Jeremy Camp) The song played quietly through the room. When it ended Lucas couldn't control himself anymore. He sat in the chair, put his head on the bed and started crying.

"I'm sorry Abby, I'm so sorry." He must have fallen asleep because hours had flown by. He looked at Abby, who was still motionless except for the tiny movements of her chest telling him that she was still alive.

"Mr. Scott?" Lucas looked up. "Hello, my name is Nurse Betty."

"I know, you were my nurse after the accident."

"Yes, that was me. Well, if you will excuse me I have to change Miss Winters' bandage." Lucas got up, ready to leave the room. "Oh, you can stay in here. I just need to get to her wrist."

"Oh, I guess I just keep thinking that it is worse." Nurse Betty just shook her head and continued with the bandage.

"Okay, all finished. If you need anything at all just push this button. I will be here as quickly as I can. And if she wakes up hit the button twice. Oh and Lucas, you did the right thing. You saved her life. A few more minutes and she would have been beyond saving." With that Nurse Betty walked out of the room.

"Abby, please wake up. We really need to talk. Please Abs, you know I HATE begging, but if that is what it takes I will. Please Abby just open your eyes DAMNIT!" Lucas yelled in frustration.

"Lucas Scott! Watch your mouth and keep your voice down." Lucas looked up and saw his mom and Deb standing in the door.

"Sorry mom, I'm just so mad. And…"

"Your girlfriend came by this morning. She was looking for you." Luke rolled his eyes.

"Great!"

"Lucas that is no way to talk about your girlfriend."

"She's not really my girlfriend. Actually, I don't even like her. The night I broke up with Abby, I met her at a bar." Karen fidgeted in her chair. "I know, I'm sorry, but I was so mad and confused. Anyway, we got drunk and started making out. Those first two weeks it was fun, but then it got really old. I told her we weren't going out, but she never went away. Finally, I was sick of her always ripping on Abby so I told her that we wouldn't even be friends if she kept talking about her like that. So she left me at the River Court last night. Thankfully I didn't have my car or I wouldn't have gone through the cemetery." Tears started to slide down Lucas' cheeks. "I keep thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't told Tara to go home. Abby would have died and it would have been my fault." Deb had been quiet through this whole thing, but she couldn't anymore.

"Lucas, you did not slit her wrist. You would not have known if she was there. You were lucky to have found her."

"That isn't what I meant. Well, okay, actually it was." Karen knew her son felt bad, but she was scared that if Abby didn't wake up soon that he might do something stupid. As if her many prayers had been answered, she saw a hand moving to grab Lucas' hand.

"Mom!" Lucas said when he felt Abby's hand move. Karen was excited because she saw the sparkle that had been missing for the past month. "Abby, Abby, wake up. Open your eyes." Lucas said as he grabbed her hand. He couldn't stand it, her hand was moving and her breathing was becoming more regular, but she still wasn't opening her eyes. Finally after what felt like an eternity, Lucas, Karen, and Deb saw Abby open her eyes. Abby looked around with a confused look evident on her face.

"Where am I?"

"You are in Tree Hill Abs." She was startled to hear the kindness in his voice. She didn't know if she was dreaming or dead.

"Lucas?" He shook his head.

"You're okay baby. You are going to be fine. I'm here for you."

"You mean I'm not dead or dreaming?"

"No Abby, you aren't dreaming and thankfully not dead. Lucas found you and brought you here." Karen said with tears filling her eyes. She still didn't understand why Abby had tried to kill herself. She had read the note about 100 times in the past 24 hours, but she was still confused. By this time Nurse Betty arrived in the room and began making sure that Abby was okay. Before she left the room she pulled Karen off to the side.

"Miss Roe, I think that it will be in Abby's best interest to stay here one more day. We will be able to make sure she is strong and we will be able to provide a psychiatrist for her. Tree Hill Memorial has a…" Karen stopped her.

"You think she needs a shrink?" The nurse just looked at her.

"It is common for people who try and kill themselves to have to talk to someone." Karen wasn't sounding convinced.

"I say that we let her decide. Maybe she just needs to talk to the one person she has needed to talk to for a month."

"Okay, it is your decision." With that Nurse Betty left the room.

"So when do I talk to the shrinks?" Karen was caught off guard.

"Do you want to?"

"Well, no, not really. I just remember my dad had to the first time he tried and then I had to after…" Karen hadn't known that Roger had tried before he succeeded.

"I don't think you need to talk to a shrink, but I do think you need to talk to someone." Abby knew where this conversation was going, but she decided to change the subject.

"Lucas, what happened to your eye?" She had just noticed it.

"Um, Nate punched me last night after I came back with your note." Deb and Abby both looked surprised. "He said that it was for the way that I treated you. Which wasn't very good, I deserved it. I'm sorry Abs."

"Nate punched you for me?" Lucas shook his head. "How sweet!" Lucas let out a sigh of relieve. He was afraid that she would be mad.

"So, um, Abby are you up for talking?" Karen asked still wanting to know the details.

"Are you going to yell?"

"No, why would you ask that?"

"Because last time Luke asked that he yelled at me." Lucas turned a couple shades of red after Abby's comment.

"Well, no one will yell at you sweetie." Abby was really beginning to like Deb. She was always nice to her after they met at the café and ever since the accident with John she had helped her out immensely. Abby took a deep breath and began the events.

"Well, Mr. Leamon said they moved up the trial date, which is fine, but then he said that I am part of the state of Wisconsin now. He said that they are looking for a foster home for me. And that scared me…A LOT. It scared me because I just got home to Tree Hill, I feel like I belong here and I don't want to leave. I am afraid that if I leave we won't stay in touch again." She paused and saw Lucas start to say something. "I did write Lucas, I wrote every day for 3 months without a reply. And then I wrote for a couple weeks after my dad died. It hurt when you guys didn't come to the funeral. But what hurt worse was the letter I got from you telling me how mad you still were. I now know that John actually wrote the letter and took all the ones that we wrote to each other. Then I got scared that I would end up in another family with someone like John. I just don't want to leave Tree Hill."

"So, you…" Karen began but couldn't finish.

"So after everything with Mr. Leamon I ran and ended up in the cemetery. I was just tired of everything. Plus, I miss my parents and Dana so much. I should have died in that accident. I didn't have as much as Dana did. She was pregnant when she died. She had just told John and me the day before. They had wanted a baby the entire time I lived with them. And then she died and I blamed myself. She wouldn't have died if it wasn't for my softball game. I have also wanted to see my mom and dad for five years. Everyone at my school had two parents and I always felt left out. When I got to the cemetery I saw mom's grave and it just hurt so much. It had been the first time I saw it in six years. I was hurting and mad and if I left Tree Hill there was nothing for me. I don't want to leave and I figured I couldn't if I was dead. And then I could see my parents again." Lucas felt bad. He was the reason; he knew that, even if she never said it. As if she was reading his mind.

"Luke, please don't think that it was your fault. I'm a little screwed up at times. But it was NOT YOUR fault."

"Abs, it was my fault. Maybe I didn't contribute to the part about your parents, but I did push away from you and at a time when you needed me."

"I still need you" Abby said with a slight smile. Deb and Karen had decided to exit the conversation. They both knew that Lucas and Abby had to talk.

"Abs, I'm sorry for everything. I was a jackass. You didn't deserve anything that I did or anything that Tara said. I…um, I got the letter you wrote to me." He paused trying to control himself. "Abs, I'm sorry. I should have listened to you or at least heard you out. But I was frustrated with everything. I wanted to tell you how much I missed you and how much I loved you, but I couldn't. I understand why you didn't tell anyone and I guess that I am glad you didn't. But don't ever think that you caused trouble by coming. I want to have to worry about you. It makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life. I am not going to forgive you." Abby's smile faded. "I am not going to forgive you because you do not need my forgiveness. I was the jerk and I need you to forgive me."

"Lucas…"

"Just forgive me so we can continue talking."

"Fine, I forgive you for being a jerk." Lucas just smiled.

"Good, now back to the letter. You're last line was right, but I think that you underestimated when we would see each other again." This made Abby happy. She was glad that Lucas could actually joke about this.

"Do you think I need a shrink?" Lucas shook his head.

"No, I think you needed me to realize that I was being a stupid jerk." They sat there just staring at each other.