Our Father, Who Art Thou In Heaven

Written By Shikibu Murasaki

Disclaimers:Noir does not belong to me. Mireille and Kirika aren't mine – but they do belong to Ryoe Tsukimura or at least he was the one who conceptualized the whole thing.

Author's Note: This is my first Noir fic. I'm usually found over at the Saiyuki and Gravitation section – but this series attracted me in a sort of way – I had to write about it. This fic is Mireille centered, just because I love her so much. And it hit me while I was passing by through a church. Go figure. It could get a little OOC, Forgive me if it does, I'm still trying to get the hang of writing for them.

Well, here it is!

I don't know why I'm thinking about this now. I don't know why the thought of a higher being suddenly passed my mind. Being the person that I am, being where I am – I really don't have time to worry about these things. I've always thought it was useless to believe in God – I don't think anyone would blame me if they knew. I try to push the thought away from my mind – but the more I do, the more I end up thinking about it. I still don't know what brought this about. But maybe if I just get this over it, I won't ever have to do it again. I don't think it ever will anyway.

I've considered this. Everyone seems to believe that there is a higher being up there watching over everyone else – some people still think it's true. Some, however, seemed to have forgotten it. It makes me think then, that maybe the latter have a point. After all, if God is powerful as everyone deemed him to be – the things that happen wouldn't have to happen and nothing would go wrong. I wouldn't have a job to do – after all, the people who I'm asked to kill, wouldn't need to do what they do, would they?

We are supposed to be created in his image and likeness – If that were true, then maybe he's not worth the praise after all. Not after what I've seen.

Perhaps he disappeared – when everyone else forgot about him. It could probably be the reason why the world is the way it is now and he hasn't done anything to make it any better. I've accepted this reality a long time ago. I don't think I'll be changing my mind anytime soon.

Is it because he's powerless to do anything? Or is it because he just doesn't WANT to do anything? Either way, if you think about it – it's not something that you would want in someone you call your God.

The real question that plagues me. Why does he let these things happen?

When my family died – did he want that to happen too?

Was it part of a greater plan of his? They say that he has a plan and a purpose for everyone else? So is this the purpose he had in plan for me? To make me a killer. Someone who lives to takes lives, not looking back or regretting until now? I have no room for regret in this job of mine. Did he take away my ability to feel it? So it wouldn't hurt so much? So it wouldn't be frightening as it usually would be for other people? To make me NOIR – completely shutting me out from a chance at the salvation that he offers.

Not that I ever needed or wanted salvation in the first place. It's too late for me now, Isn't it?

To think of these things. So useless.

I think it was John Wain who once wrote To Take the Life of an enemy is to help him a little towards destroying your own. Indeed, that is why we hate our enemies, because they force us to kill them.

That is the kind of fate, the kind of plan, the kind of reality that this so called God has forced upon me – and he expects me to believe him.

Maybe I was right. Maybe he just isn't there to begin with. I shouldn't begin to care now or ever – After all, even if there is a God, he has nothing to do with me.

OWARI

Reviews, please? It would be nice, anyway... I'll work harder until I get the hang of it until then... ;;