Mail time! ;D
I'm here with another insane letter. One you have all been waiting for! (Readers gasp) Could it be! Is it he! You better believe it!
Now I give you Erik . . .
Chapter 5
Erik
Dear Andrew Lloyd Webber
A/N: Andrew Lloyd Webber is shaking with terror as he sees the red ink of the letter. He sees the name and all of his worst fears come true. I finally bring you Erik! Yay! Author tries not to faint as he dictates the letter./ I trust that you are not shocked at receiving my letter, and can very easily guess it's purpose. First, let me say that I was thrilled when I heard that you had finally decided to make my story into a major motion picture. My excitement was greatly reduced upon seeing how severely you butchered, and ruined a classic story and me in particular. I expect you to immediately remedy the situation.
My first complaint. My lair. Ok, your concept was lovely; I loved all of the candles. The organ left much to be desired, you actually made my home into a cave more than anything else. It was insulting to my architectural brilliance. Now, as for the bed . . ./E/N: Erik cocks an eyebrow as if his point should be clear for everyone to see./ A black swan? The Phantom of the Opera, the Living Corpse, the Opera Ghost, Red Death, the Angel of Doom, and I have a black swan bed! Does that seem to fit? I mean, anything beats the coffin, and the black funeral candles, but Big Bird! You have to be kidding me.
I mean, if Christine didn't faint at seeing the dummy, then she defiantly would have fainted at the huge bird bed. /E/N: I don't see why she fainted in the first place. I thought it was nice of me to pick out the dress, and the wedding ring. Most women would kill for a fiancée to be involved in the wedding preparations. How would I have been able to get that thing across the lake anyway? It's a monster! It's the most ridicules thing that I have ever seen besides the Vicomte's wedding outfit. /E/N: Don't worry. I have no sympathy for the fop. I would have married Christine in a pink flowed costume if that was what she truly wanted. (sigh) I think we both need to learn how to stand up to her./
Next complaint. Christine, NO woman is worth that much trouble. None. After all the lies I told, all the lives I ruined, after building her career so painstakingly, she still runs off with the Fop! She's so not worth it. I could have found someone else that wouldn't cost me nearly that much effort. /A/N: Author beats back over eager PhanGirls. That really was the wrong thing to say Erik/ She picked Raoul over me. Raoul! That really hurt. The long-haired-faint-of-heart-wimpy-annoying-just-plain-foppish-Vicomte was able to win the heart of my Angel. She chose him! And people say I'm insane! Augh! She makes me want to tear my hair out. The ungrateful little brat/A/N: Sorry, I have to pause. Erik just left to assure the sobbing Christine that he didn't mean any of the nasty, hurtful things that he just said. (rolls eyes) She still has him. Hook, line, and on! Get some guts Erik/
My next issue. The actress you had playing Christine. Ummm. Let me start by saying that Christine has on of the most beautiful voices that I have ever heard. Come on, I trained her. /A/N: Author rolls eyes. A little arrogant aren't we/ Emmy did a good job, but she certainly wasn't the Angel that I'm used to hearing. Your casting insulted her. And the actor that you choose to portray me. . . /A/N: Author notices all of the cringing PhanFans. Don't worry, I'll be nice. Sort of. (Evil laughter starts now)/ The looks where a definite plus. I mean his "deformity" was nothing more than a small sunburn, and a droopy eye. Nothing like the corpse he was supposed to look like. At least he was able to keep his nose. Kay, and Leroux really took it a little to far with the whole n0-nose thing. Although I think that I might prefer being ugly. The amount of Fan Mail I get now is ridicules. /E/N: How did they get the lair's address anyway/ OK, back to Gerik. The voice is good, but with more training it could be so much better. But, Phantom worthy? Not even close. /A/N: Author tries not to cry as she insults Gerik. I feel so traitorous. But it's all in the name of FanFiction. I must bravely go on./ ALW wouldn't have been able to find the perfect voice anyways. The only way he could have found the perfect actor, is if he would of cast me. Yet sadly, the impossibility of time-travel, and the small fact that I would have no control of my urge to strangle ALW make this impossible. So I guess that Gerry will have to do.
Next complaint. /A/N: Author braces herself and puts on ear plugs. She advises her readers to do the same as Erik takes a deep breath./ HOW DARE YOU PREFORM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT WHEN I DECIDED THAT IT WOULD NEVER BE PREFORMED! EVER, EVER, EVER! I was extremely vexed at that part. Your pitiful rendition of my opera was an insult. The plot was horrid, and the lyrics were dismal to say the least. It was a disgrace! I still taste vile in my throat whenever I think of it! You had better be thankful that time prohibits me from having the immense satisfaction of strangling you.
So, Monsieur Webber. I highly recommend reshotting the movie. Or else it might be very dangerous to everyone's health.
I remain your obedient servant
O.G
P.S: No on likes a debtor so it's better if my orders are obeyed!
And I finally did it! Yey! So I hope that you all enjoyed, and be sure to leave a review!
Oh yeah, disclaimer- I still don't own Phantom. Only the crazy letters are mine.