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Chapter 4 – Painful memories

"Excuse me gentlemen. I just received notice that young Mr Potter needs to talk to me urgently." In the flames of Mrs Figg's fireplace sat the head of the only wizard that Voldemort had ever feared.

Harry quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Now, really wasn't the time to fall apart like this. He sent Lupin the dirtiest look he could muster and got down on his knees in order to talk to Dumbledore.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore" he greeted quietly. "I know you wonder, what this is all about. I know that I didn't get my Hogwarts letter yet, neither did I get to meet the gameskeeper. Therefore you must be wondering why I already know so much." He said all this in a quick succession, willing for Dumbledore to believe him.

He saw a frown on the headmaster's face and the twinkle in his eyes was obviously dimmed.

This definitely wasn't a good sign.

"Now, before you jump to any conclusion" Harry rambled on trying to ignore the thoughts of what might happen to him if his headmaster didn't believe him. He would either end up in St Mungos, because they thought he was mad, or he would be thrown into Azkaban, because they thought him to be a death eater in disguise…

"I am most definitely not a spy, if that's what you think. It's hard to explain, but it might be much easier just to show you!"

"Show me?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, show you!" Harry repeated, thanking Merlin for this sudden swish of inspiration. Even though he had despised Occlumency lessons with Snape in fifth year (he had mastered it later on at any rate) and even though he savoured his privacy above nearly all other things, except friendship and love of course, he was willing to make this step. If this was the only way to ensure Dumbledore of his true intentions there was just no other way.

"I know that you are a very skilled Legilimence, professor. I can show you my memories and after seeing them you will understand where I got all my information from. And maybe you could even persuade him" he pointed at Lupin looking thoroughly annoyed "that I am who I say I am."

Remus made a move to protest, he had already accepted that this was Harry Potter in front of him, but was cut short my Dumbledore's request:

"Please, step through, I think it will be more safe to do this in my office, after all you already seem to know your way around."

Harry could see that the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes had won some of their old intensity back and therefore feeling a little braver than before, took a deep breath and after Dumbledore had withdrawn his head from Mrs Figgs fireplace, took a handful of floo powder and made his way to the so familiar office.

He landed on his backside. "Right" he mused with a frown and a wince. His travelling techniques had obviously not improved.

"Now Mr Potter" Dumbeldore addressed him in a quiet yet stern voice. "You do seem to know about a lot of things you oughtn't. And I am not entirely sure what to make of it."

Harry braced himself. "It is like I said, sir. You're welcome to take a peak into my head, then maybe you'll understand the urgency of my situation. Dumbledore looked at him, clearly uncertain what to make of the young boy's words.

"I beg you sir." Harry continued. "It will be much easier than explaining everything to you."

Dumbledore send him a calculating look.

"Well Mr Potter. If you know as much as I think you do, you will clearly remember that memories can be altered. Therefore, I would very much like you to drink Veritaserum before I take a look at your thoughts."

Harry gritted his teeth. He didn't fancy the prospect of not being in any control of his thoughts and memories when Dumbledore "took a peak" but he wasn't the one to argue right now. He felt lucky that Dumbledore hadn't blasted him through the next wall, thinking him an impostor.

"Alright, alright" Harry replied grudgingly. After all he wanted this to succeed and for this he needed Dumbledore on his site. With another small sigh escaping his lips, he braced himself and stepped through the fire.

Harry landed on his backside in the so familiar office; he jumped up hastily, blushing slightly. He heard some chuckling and turned around to face Phineas Nigellus sniggering at him. Harry scowled at him. He wasn't very fond of this particular portrait and if Remus remained as stubborn as he had until now, Harry thought that Nigellus' portrait could be put to some good use at last.

Nigellus who must have noticed Harry's murdering glare, retreated to the safety of his other portrait.

At a soft caugh Harry turned around to face Dumbledore again.

"Well Mr Potter, if that's indeed who you are, I will just arrange for some Veritaserum brought up to this office."

A bad sensation was rising in Harry's chest. Since Veritareserum was one of the most complicated and most dangerous potions ever brewed, Harry was quite sure of who would be arriving in this office a short while later.

He groaned, there was just no way of him seeing Snape and having him in jinxing distant and do nothing about it. Well he could try to persuade Dumbledore…

"Ahh Sir" Harry said hastily while Dumbledore was about to chuck some more floo powder in the fireplace.

"Would there be the slightest chance of not ordering your potions professor up here? I'm sure he's very busy and all…"

Dumbledore's face remained emotionless though Harry thought he could see a shadow of curiosity flashing over Dumbledore's features.

"I am afraid, Mr Potter that I do need the assistance of Severus up here." His voice sounded final….well so much of persuading him. At least Snape wasn't going to linger, Harry knew that much for sure. Snape despised him and if he had ever learned anything about his slimy professor was that he would do anything to spend as little time in a Potter's company as possible. This thought slightly cheered him up.

He watched his headmaster moving towards the fireplace once more but before Dumbledore could complete his call for the potions' master there was a rumble in the fireplace and Remus Lupin stepped out of it.

Harry groaned again. So much for his wish of privacy. The last of all people he wanted to be around right now was Lupin, because he felt so many emotions by merely looking at him that he was sure he was going to explode…or maybe let him explode, another Marge accident wasn't too unlikely.

Harry quickly adverted his gaze from Lupin and looked back at Dumbledore who had seemed to finally have completed his call and now sat behind his big mahagony table. He offered Remus a seat and Remus obeyed.

"Look Harry" Remus clearly was struggling for words now, but when Harry looked at him he could still see a trace of distrust and doubt in the werewolf's eyes even though he seemed to be trying to belive him."

"Don't Remus!" Harry said quietly. "I know you have no real reason to believe me…yet." He turned towards Dumbeldore. "Professor, is there any chance of having Remus see the same things you'll see, it will rid me of explaining everything twice"

"And make him believe me" he added silently to himself.

"I am not sure if you know what that would mean, Mr Potter? Being under the influence of Veritaserum and having a skilled legilimence breaking into one's head is no laughing matter as it is, it is painful, but bringing someone along, well the emotional physical strain will be much harder to endure." Dumbledore said quietly.

Harry looked at Remus. In the past…well in his past he had been through so much with the man, he had came to see him as a second godfather and if he ever wanted a happier life Remus Lupin had to be part of it."

"Yes I want it!" Harry replied meeting Dumbledore's eyes. "He has to see it." Remus was on the edge of speaking when there was a sharp knock on the door.

"Here we go!" Harry thought darkly. "Let the fun begin!"

"Come in!" Dumbledore called and the door was pushed open roughly. "I hope you realize Albus that my potions do not seem to brew themsel….Snape had strolled into the room and stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Lupin and Harry.

Harry stared at his sneakers, he just couldn't up with this man right now, there would be time for that later.

Even though Harry didn't look at his potions professor he could hear the smirk on his face when he talked once more.

"Well, well, well…the werewolf. Last I saw you, you crawled into some hole mourning the loss of your so called friends. I had just hoped that you were gone for good, thought that the ministry had finally passed a law allowing the killing of dangerous half…"

"That's enough Severus" Dumbledore interrupted sternly. "I thank you very much for the potion and offer my apologies once more for the inconvenience I have brought upon you by calling at such a late hour. Have a good night"

The dismissal couldn't have been any clearer and with one last withering look Snape had swepped out of the office.

Harry was breathing hard, having difficulty to believe that Snape had just said all these things in front of Dumbledore and all Dumbledore had done was apologizing for being inconvenient to him. He gritted his teeth. "Let's get this over with."

Dumbledore was handling a little flask of clear liquid which Harry almost at once recognized as Veritaserum.

"Would you please sit down over here Mr Potter?" Dumbledore pointed at a big fluffy armchair. He sat down.

"Remus please prepare yourself. It will be mere seconds after Mr Potter has taken the potion that we'll enter his memories." Lupin just nodded, unsure of what to say.

Dumbledore handed Harry the flask. Harry gulped, took one last lingering look at Lupin and gulped down the liquid.

His whole body went limb and his mind was floating in a dreamy like state, concerningly similar to the one, that the Imperius curse caused.

He suddenly heard Dumbeldore's voice, soft and gentle.

"Who are you?"

Harry had the feeling that he wanted nothing more on the world than to answer that question truthfully.

"I am Harry James Potter."

Obviously satisfied with this answer, Dumbledore linked hands with Lupin and than cried "Legillimence"

Pain erupted in Harry's and the floaty feeling was gone. Instead he could feel Dumbledore and Remus probing his thoughts for interesting information.

"BOY! HOW DARE YOU STEALING FOOD FROM THE FRIDGE!" Aunt Petunia shrieked.

There was a small three year old bespectacled boy with messy black hair standing in front of her.

"I am sorry a-a-aunt p-p-petunia." The little boy sobbed. "I w-was hungry."

"Wait till Vernon hears of this. Go to your cupboard! Now! There won't be any food for you for a week. Leave my eyesight now!"

"Alright!" This was exactly why, Harry had been resistant to take the truth potion. It was these kind of memories he had kept locked somewhere deep deep down in his unconscious mind. He didn't need to relive them all over again, but Harry knew that Dumbledore wasn't going to stop until he was satis-

"OUCH!" The two men seemed to work themselves deeper into Harry's memory now.

He didn't mind reviewing scenes like the cave troll again though his heard did hurt when he saw Hermione and Ron well and alive.

When he saw some memories of the chamber of secret incident though he became more aware of the pain he was in.

"What was it with people and sad memories anyhow…why couldn't they just."

He screamed out loud, when he felt Dumbledore pushing against one of his strongest mind barriers.

"Not this one!" Harry pleaded, but knowing that Dumbledore wouldn't stop anyhow. "Please not this one."

Only one pair was still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light: he was laughing at her.

"Come on, you can do better than that." He yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room. The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest. The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.

It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall: his body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch.

Harry was doubling over now. His physical pain was nothing against the emotional pain he was feeling right now, he felt the loss over his godfather so fresh as if he had been just watching in the department of mysteries.

He couldn't focus on any clear thoughts anymore, while other memories flashed by.

HE IS NOT DEAD!

Bow to dead Harry.

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies….

THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN!

The images flew by faster and faster. He saw the last battle happening in front of his inner eye once more, all of his friends dead, he himself failing to protect his friends and family. Remus dying, Ron dying, Hermione throwing herself in front of him…

He couldn't take the intense pain any more and blacked out.

He slowly came back to his senses, hearing a familiar voice talking to him.

"Harry! Harry! Wake up!" he felt something cold and wet on his face.

He moaned. Everything was hurting and when he tried to open his eyes, the light hurt his soar eyes.

One of his companions had obviously noticed because they dimmed the light instantly.

"Harry! Please! Talk to me!"

It took Harry a huge effort to remember who this voice belonged to. His head pounded as if a wild herd of hyppogriffs had just ran over it.

He felt himself being lifted up from the ground and being placed on a soft sofa. The movement of his head caused him immense pain, he moaned again.

"Harry please!" he finally gave in and it took him nearly all his strength to finally pry his eyes open.

He could see Lupin over him, dabbing his face with a wet cloths but apart from that he could feel tears spilling out of his eyes. The memories that he just seen again, kept flashing through his mind.

"Here Harry drink this, it will make you feel better." Harry didn't protest even though he recognized the Dreamless Sleep Potion in an instant from its original smell.

He swallowed and knew no more.