First Kiss
By Azure Orbis
Summary: Ino never thought it would hurt so much when they kissed.
Warning: Misleading summary or more like equivocation is everywhere. And NARUTO is mangaka Kishimoto's intellectual property.
Chapter One: The Discovery
Kisses.
The first one was the most important. She knew this fact since she was young, like the way she knew how soap would sting when it got in her eyes. The first kiss was the most important.
It seemed like she had waited forever for her first kiss.
She knew her first kiss what something she would remember for her whole life. It would like discovering a beautiful flower for the first time, but even greater than that.
Her first kiss must be shared only with someone she loved, someone she could see herself marrying and having kids with in the future. In other words, she must really, really like him a lot. And lucky her, she already found him.
She knew this was the boy for her the moment she laid eyes on him in kindergarten. He was perfect: dark, tall, handsome and talented. And his aloofness only seemed to make him more fascinating and interesting. She decided then and there that she must have him. This boy was the one she would share her first kiss with and no one else.
Years later, she still chased and he still ran. Sometimes it was tiring, since he showed no signs of slowing down, or letting her any nearer to him than she was those years ago. Still, she could feel herself closing in on him. Just hang on a little bit more, she told herself. The end of the chase was near.
She knew he never kissed any girl before and she wanted to be that girl, the girl who would be his first and only. That's why she followed him everywhere like an obedient puppy, hoping to gain his affections someday, even after he repeatedly gave her the cold shoulder. There was always the hope of tomorrow and for that hope, she kept on waiting. Someday he would acknowledge her as the greatest of kunoichi and on that day, a seed of liking would be implanted into his heart. Soon, that seed would blossom into love and life would be perfect for the two of them.
This was the dream she clung onto and so it came as a bit of a shock to see her crush kissing her rival one late evening.
She stumbled onto the blissful pair after a training session went overtime. She was bruised, she was tired and most of all, she was hungry. So when pink hair mixing with black caught her eye, she hoped that it was her hunger that caused to her hallucinate the terrible image before her.
Evidently the signs were in front of her for some time now. Everyone knew that the Uchiha prodigy harbored some kind of feelings for his teammate and that those feelings finally came to maturation after they spent time together on a lengthy mission. Everyone knew, everyone except her.
Perhaps, deep down she knew better, that she already lost him that day, long before the mission, when the faces of the black-haired boy and the pink-haired girl's were stained red in embarrassment as they walked down a crowded street. Her sharp eyes caught sight of them immediately and her heart sank. But, she was a kunoichi and one of the things she learned was not to give up when a goal was set. The Uchiha was her goal and she would attain him at all costs.
So she wrote off the incident as a fluke. The Uchiha prodigy did not just confess his feelings nor did the pretty pink girl-woman accept his offer of a relationship as something more intimate than mere teammates or friends. They were painting something and the red paint happened to spill directly on their two faces or Naruto or someone said something incredibly embarrassing and the two were too polite to say anything to the person.
Seeing them kiss for the first time under the trees' dark shadows sealed the end of her fondest dream. Watching them, she could only feel stunned as she did when she was slapped across the face for the first time. It was not the pain she remembered but the shock of actually being hit. This was the same, as if someone slammed his fist into her gut and all she could think of was the blessed moment she could breathe again.
Quickly she breathed deeply, half-expecting those familiar pin pricks, a forewarning of the flood of tears that were sure to come, but they never did. She felt oddly relieved instead. The rivalry was over. Sakura had won.
A strange smile came over her face and she wanted to march over to the Nara residence that very moment and tell Shikamaru that her infatuation was finally over. He would probably yawn and stare at her blankly before shutting the door in her face and return to sleep without even commenting on her great progress. That would irritate her to no ends and she would demand he come out again and end up waking up the whole neighborhood with her shouts. Shinobi or not, irate sleep-deprived civilians could be deadly.
She decided she would go first thing in the morning, so he could congratulate her properly and perhaps they could go celebrating, the whole team. It would be nice to see all their faces again.
She hadn't seen his face in a while, 14 months, 23 days and 2 hours to be exact. He had missions and she had missions. The missions turned into reasons and then into excuses and they ended up seeing very little of each other in over a year. He was sent to Sand and she to Earth, he to wave and she to Mist. Their missions often overlapped in time, but never in places. If she ever saw him on a mission, she might have shouted out in surprise to see his face, if she still recognized it after all the time they spent apart.
He might have grown another inch or two, as part of the growth spurt he was supposed to be on. From the exclusive paternal grapevine, she got news of her team that she wasn't do sure she could trust. According to her father, Shikamaru was so tall that he was a giant amongst men and Chouji had learned to improve his chakra and speed until he was no longer the slowest of the team. She was always the fastest, but now the question was who now was the fastest.
There were a few times where she thought she saw him. Always she hesitated, a sudden surge of unfamiliar panic overwhelming her. She hid herself for a brief moment, afraid to catch his eyes. By the time she got the nerve to look again, the phantom that might have been him was already gone. She didn't know exactly why she did this. Perhaps she was afraid they would have nothing to say and he would say he had a mission and had to leave.
She didn't want to finally say Hello, only to say Good-Bye once again.
Now that she had an excuse she wondered what his reaction would be since he was never terribly fond of her crush on Sasuke. He would probably fall asleep before she even finished half of her story (She would smack him squarely on his head if he dared.) or he would grumble something about waking people in predawn hours over dumb stuff and how inconsiderate she was. Or perhaps he would smile one of those rare genuine smiles, one that reached his eyes and crinkled his face.
She tossed and turned a lot that night, unable to find a comfortable position to sleep in. She should really get a new mattress when she remembered to- No, the real reason she couldn't sleep was because she was too wound up. Her thoughts raced, new ones replaced the old ones, different scenarios drawn up for the next day. She was thoroughly excited, giddy even, in anticipation for the next morning and the surprises it would bring.
Would he smile? Laugh happily along with her? She wondered if he would really smile, not just a quick tugging of the lips that disappeared faster than the food off the grill at a team gathering. Would he be moved, the person who was so lazy that he rarely bothered enough to form any kind of facial expression except one that showed annoyance and boredom?
She managed to drift to sleep contemplating one question: Was his smile beautiful because it was rare, or was it rare because it was so beautiful?
Ino woke up to find the sun already nearing its zenith, a clear sign that it was very late. She silently cursed as she jumped out of bed and hurried into her clothes. Somehow she knew this would happen, something would sabotage her the very day she wanted to see her team again. It was only worse that it was her own restless mind that tripped up her careful planning.
As she rushed out of her house, a piece of sweet bread still hanging from her mouth, she nearly crashed into a friend. It was Chouji, who had grown in both height and girth. It seemed that his hair also had a growth explosion, resembling a lion's mane more than the strange hair he used to have. Ino smiled brightly, Chouji looked more like his father than ever. With the warrior's outfit he touted about, he was the spitting image, except for the color of his hair, a nice brown rather than a pinkish red.
Normally she would have snapped at him to watch where he was going, whether or not the near-crash was his fault. But today, she was too happy to see him that she couldn't do anything but beam at her old teammate.
It was Chouji who spoke first. "Ino, long time no see," he greeted her, potato chip bag in hand.
"Hey, Chouji. It's been a while, hasn't it?" Chouji nodded, munching nosily simultaneously.
Chouji sniffed the air delicately, detecting a wonderful fragrance. Its origins seemed to be coming from Ino. "Ino, is that sweet bread?"
Ino smiled, Chouji hadn't changed one single bit; his mind was still perpetually on food. "Yep, mom bought it fresh this morning" she answered, extracting the bread from her mouth. "Want some?"
Chouji nodded and Ino broke the bread into two and handed him the part without her teeth marks. The two continued walking down a street, eating the bread.
"So Ino, where are we going?" Chouji asked after a while.
"To Shikamaru's. I have something important to tell him." Ino replied brightly. Chouji choked when he heard Shikamaru's name, his face quickly turned blue.
"Chouji! Are you alright? I told you not too eat so fast!" Ino scolded and fussed while she banged on Chouji's back to force out the chip lodged in his throat. A few more hard slaps on his back and the chip went down easily.
"I'm alright," he croaked out after a few more coughs and wheezes. "Thanks."
"No problem." She replied and they continued walking
"So, what's the occasion for seeing Shikamaru?" Chouji asked nervously, consuming his potato chips at a record speed.
"Oh, I saw Sakura and Sasuke kissing yesterday," Ino answered nonchalantly. She quickly turned to Chouji to make sure he didn't choke again and indeed he looked as if he nearly did, but he swallowed the chip and waited for her to continue. "And my crush on Sasuke is over."
"Huh?" Chouji stopped completely, too shocked to keep on walking.
Ino stopped and looked at him quizzically, "What? What's wrong?"
"You just said you saw your crush kissing someone else and you're okay with that?" He asked, perhaps his hearing had been damaged in the last few minutes.
"Yep! And I'm telling Shikamaru as soon as I find him. I'm making him take the whole team out for a celebration." Ino smiled at the thought, of Shikamaru's face when he found out and the entire team reunited after so long.
"You mean, you're going to Shikamaru's house? Right now?" Chouji asked, the panic rising in his voice. He already knew that Shikamaru would not be there, but what would Ino do when she discovered that?
"Yes, now." Ino answered, her impatience starting to show. "And why are you reacting so badly whenever I say Shikamaru's name?"
"No reason." Chouji lied almost automatically. He wondered if that was the wisest thing to do, rather than tell her the truth. Didn't people always say that the truth would set you free? In this case, it would only cause an explosion.
Ino arrived at the Nara household and rapped soundly against the wooden door. She was puzzled when no one answered her repeated knocking, "Huh, guess he's not at home."
"Why don't we try finding him tomorrow?" Chouji suggested.
"No, I'll just go look for him. You don't have to come along." Ino turned down the street and started her search for one pine-apple shaped spiky hair-do.
"I think I'll come with." Chouji answered, hurrying after her.
They searched all the places he might be found: shopping with his mother, him lugging a bag around with an unhappy expression on his face, local restaurants where he might be taking a break, the Hokage building where he often worked. Ino inquired after him and yet, no one seemed to know where the lazy bum had disappeared to.
"Where is he? This is getting annoying." Ino growled after an hour's search and still no Shikamaru to be found. She was growing tired, of searching so hard without avail and seemingly wasting her energy. Chouji could see that she was almost ready to quit and pounced on the opportunity. When he saw that they had returned to the main street, his alarm grew higher.
"Uh, Ino, perhaps this isn't the best time to find Shikamaru," Chouji said quickly, desperately trying to stall the blonde girl. It was near here and even the timing was near perfect, as if he planned this. Would she see? He had to stop her from seeing. He would drag her down a different street if he had to. He reached out an arm to tug her in a different direction, but she already went ahead. When she gasped, he knew he was too late.
The sight Ino saw stole her breath.
"Wh-wh-what's going on? Who's she? Who's that he's kissing?" She stammered, barely coherent in her panic. She turned back to Chouji, so stricken and changed from the girl a moment ago that she looked like a different person.
Chouji felt so guilty, hating to be the one to tell her, "I guess you didn't know. That's Temari of the Sand village, Shikamaru's girlfriend and they've been going out for the past two months." He added softly, "I guess he got tired of waiting for you."
"Waiting? For me? What do you mean?" Even as she asked this, in the barest of whispers, she had the sinking feeling in her heart that she already knew.
"He saw you, Ino." He answered gravely.
"What?"
"He saw you avoiding him. One of the reasons you haven't seen him in so long is that he saw you avoid meeting him time and again, so he assumed you didn't want to see him." Chouji wondered if it wasn't better that she knew now. But surely it would have been better if he told her in person, rather than have her find out like this. This was too cruel and unkind a way for anything to be revealed.
"But I did, I wanted to see him!" Ino protested. "I just didn't know what to say to him so I-I-I avoided him." Chouji could only look at her sympathetically, feeling helpless to help those in pain, like he did when he was younger. His kind heart could feel the pain that engulfed hers and if he could do anything to take it away, he would but her world revolved around a young blond girl and a boy who was too old to be young.
"What have I done?" she asked more herself than her friend, aghast at how things seemed to be spiraling out of control just when she thought all was okay. The possible consequences of the simple kiss she just witnessed were exploding in her mind.
He could fall in love with the girl from the Sand.
He could marry her.
He could leave her behind along with his homeland, to start his new life with his new…wife.
The last thought was especially disturbing. Shikamaru's home would no longer being a quick sprint away from hers. Lazy-bum Shikamaru would no longer show up for a practice spar. Shikamaru, the chuunin, would not be available to listen to her rants and raves in the quiet manner he did everything. Shikamaru, the jounin, no longer looking at the clouds with that wistful face that spoke volumes of a boy, bound to the ground, who wanted to fly away. He would not be found there in the green fields, or at home or sleeping in class anymore. He would be simply gone, vanished as quietly as he first came.
She couldn't breathe, feeling a great weight settle and weigh her down. The two walked away from her sight, both blushing at their first intimate touch. She knew instantly, this was their first kiss, his and hers.
And then the pin pricks came, followed by the deluge of tears. She was in shock, the tears trickled down silently as her mind screamed this could not be happening. She wanted to run home, but her legs felt so weak that she collapsed, sobbing. She could hear someone crying, those heart-wrenching sobs of a person who knew that there was no return from the mistake they made. She breathed erratically, her lungs filling up and emptying at a frantic pace as if she could not get enough oxygen to sustain herself.
With a sudden shock, she realized it was herself who was crying, that it was from her that those terrible sounds were coming from. She gave voice to the terrible ache and cried as she never cried before, feeling betrayed by him and by herself. It was so clichéd, falling in love with your best friend, but that's exactly what happened. She clutched wildly at the nearest thing and hung onto it as the sobs wracked her shaking body.
"Ino?" Chouji asked, worried and feeling awfully awkward with a crying woman in his arms. He had never seen her display such emotions, not when she gushed over Sasuke nor when she fought Sakura. This was a side of Ino he had never seen and it terrified him. Thankfully, after a few more long moments of stormy crying, Ino gathered herself and the tears slowed down to a slow trickle, complete with a few sniffles.
To Chouji, this was like magic, how she could fall into such despair and pick herself up only a few minutes later. Chouji rarely cried, instead burying himself in the comfort of food. When he was upset, the bags of chips and snacks disappeared faster than usual. He could not seem to get enough of the tastes or the feeling of having enough of something, anything. The garbage piled high afterwards.
"Thanks Chouji. I think I'll be alright." Ino replied softly, the crying having tired her out. She wiped the remainder of the tears away, but the dried saltiness still stung her face. Absent-mindedly, she made a note to wash her face before she went home.
"Are you sure? I can stay here as long as you need me to." Chouji offered. He wasn't especially hoping that she'd burst into tears again, but didn't want her to go home and start crying when she was alone.
Ino opened her mouth to decline, but nodded her instead. "Can we just sit awhile?"
Chouji nodded, and they sat in silence. Unknown time went by and neither spoke, the silence was more comforting than any words. They watched the sun start to descent, staining the sky with many brilliant colors.
"It's going to be a beautiful sunset, don't you think?" Chouji asked. Ino only nodded, feeling too numb to appreciate the wonderful colors painted on the skies before her.
Back home, safely tucked in her bed, Ino was wide awake after trying to sleep in vain. To her credit, she hadn't shed another tear yet and she hid behind a bright and cheery smile so well that her parents were probably ignorant of her inner turmoil.
In the dark, she drew names in the air. Hers, his, theirs. She tried hard not to think back of the happy times they spent as a team, how he was always there. After a brief bout, she gave in, reliving cherished and now, vanished times. She sobbed quietly, pitying and hating herself. The tears calmed her and she felt determination arise within her again.
She was kunoichi and she wasn't going to be defeated so easily. However, instead of fighting for him, she decided to let him go. She knew it would be painful and such things should be done and gotten over with as soon as possible while she was still numb after the initial shockwave. It would be like striking your thumb with a hammer and while it throbs so painfully that you don't think you can live, you cut the whole thing off.
Tomorrow. She would go see him tomorrow. And she would say good-bye and let him go.
"Ino?" Shikamaru asked, surprised to see his long-time teammate standing at his door. She kept silent, a tired smile on her face. Uncomfortable, Shikamaru shifted is his weight on his feet, "Uh, do you want to come in?"
She shook her head, "No, I wanted to…congratulate you, on finding someone."
She said this in such a soft and mellow tone that Shikamaru stared at her questioningly, wondering if this was really the same girl who used to terrorize him with her loud voice and bossy manners. He nodded thanks after a few strained moments and was about to turn around and go back in when she spoke abruptly.
"Please stay." She pleaded, wanting to blurt out the rest. Stay with me. "In Konoha, I mean."
He looked at her confused, "I'm not going anywhere."
"In the future, please stay in Konoha." She repeated, stubbornly.
Ino could feel her resolve breaking. She had came here to let him go, to cut him out of her life, not find another reason why she cared for him, something so small and ingrained in her that she never noticed until now. She wanted to see him happy, see him leave with that Sand girl, if it meant happiness for him and untold sorrow for her. She would always be his friend, now and forever, especially after she lost her bid for his heart. And now, as his friend, she would not be selfish. A true friend would not act in such a manner. Still, it hurt, to know that he had found another without even warning her. And she was the one that made a mess of everything and yet, could not let go. Not wanting to see her resolve completely break, she spun around without a word and ran off, leaving only a trail of dust behind her and a puzzled boy.
End of the first part.
Next is Chapter Two, titled "The Recovery." This is sort of a V-day special for myself. So while other fanfic writers post sappy, romantic stuff today (maybe!), I'll post this. First time I've posted to coincide to a specific day and I'm so excited! I originally wanted to ask readers if they wanted an angsty or a happy ending, but decided against it. So the ending is set and will probably be posted a week from today. So, happy day. I know some people will drown their sorrows or celebrate their love with chocolate today. Well, any day with chocolate is okay with me! Oh, the thumb and hammer reference is from Veronica Mars. Excellent show, check it out if you haven't already. Ciao for now.