fma characters do not belong to me D: D: sigh i hate disclaimers
flames are warmly welcomed :D
and a warning...this story is mentally insane, and I wrote this when I pulled and all nighter...I did many amazing things throughout the night, and then this high fma story popped up into my head, and I started writing it right away...well, enjoy the insanessh :D
-and forgive me if there are any grammar mistakes, or any of that kind of stupid stuf D:..yes you can flame me on that to...-
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Ed and Al were visiting Winery's house (how often do we get that?), and all the sudden, a mysterious letter showed up under the door, and had two letters printed on the envelope: ED.
Ed opened the letter carefully, thinking it would be something horrible…something dangerous…something that would threaten the lives of all mankind!
And it was…
My dear brother!
HELLO! I LOVE YOU! LETS BE FRIENDS, LOL!
Signed with all the love of all human hearts, and ME,
Envy :D"…I don't get it." Ed continued to look at the letter like it was the most horrible thing in the world. But it wasn't over yet…Ed saw some photos drop out of the envelope…he's never seen such evil. It was only seconds later till he fainted, and blacked out. When he awoke, he was surrounded by nothing but darkness, with a speck of light shining out.
"Edd…walk towards the lighttt…""What! Why!"
"Because…there is a happy surprise there…" Ed loved surprises, especially if they were happy. So he started walking towards the light.
"STOP! ED, DON'T WALK TOWARDS THE LIGHT! DON'T WALK TOWARDS THE LIGHT!"
"…what?"
"No Ed…walk towards the light…you must…"
"…um…"
"DON'T WALK TOWARDS THE LIGHT, ED! DO YOU HEAR ME!"
"WHICH IS IT!" suddenly, a sharp pain was felt all over Ed's body…his eyes opened to a ceiling…and he was cold. "I'M COLD! I'M COLD! WHY AM I COLDDD!" Al and Winery were both kneeling down looking at him; they were the ones telling him not to walk towards the light. "AL! WHY AM I SO COLD! AND IT STINGS TO!"
"…well brother…um, that is…", he said nervously, and then pointed to Winery, "it was her idea! It's not like I wanted to stick ice cubes in your clothes!"
"HEY!", Winery shouted, "you were practically jumping up and down when I mentioned the idea!"
"N-no! I wasn't!", Al shouted back.
"AAAGHH, I'M NUMB! I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING! I'M NUMB!" Winery couldn't keep a straight face, and Al was turning his head away, trying not to laugh at Ed's hysterical screaming. "AL! HELP ME! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!" Al being dumbfounded, turned his head, and was going to help Ed up from the floor, but Winery stopped him.
"Al…", she said evilly, "lets…play…DOCTOR!"
"…what?"
"LETS DISSECT ED WHILE HE'S NUMB!"
"WHAT!" Ed and Al both shouted at her.
"Tsk…just kidding!" she sung. She sprung up, and walked dazedly to the fridge.
"Al…please…help…" he said, as if he were a dying animal. Al reached over to help him up for the second time, but something caught his attention.
"Ed…what are these…?" Al questioned. Ed didn't know what he was talking about, so Al showed him what he found. "What happened to Envy…?" Ed suddenly remembered the horrifying photos, and letter and blacked out again. Al poked him repeatedly, and then he heard Winery's voice,
"Hey Al! I have CHOCOLATE CAKE!" she shrieked happily.
"…But I can't eat it."
"I know," she danced with the piece of cake in her hands, "ALL FOR WINERY!" And when she spun around, the cake flew out of the plate and landed on Ed's unconscious head. "ED! THAT WAS MY CAKE!" she screamed dreadfully, Al patted her back,
"Don't worry Winery, as soon as he wakes up, I'll make sure he buys you more chocolate cake…but right now, the more important thing is…" he held up the disturbing photos, and letter, "…how this happened." He turned around and saw that Winery wasn't listening to him any longer; instead, she was staring at the chocolate cake on Ed's unconscious head. As she rocked back and fourth, she repeatedly whispered, 'chocolate cakeeee…chocolate cakeeee'. Al slowly stepped away from the two figures, and sat himself down by the table and looked at Envy's letter again.
"…what does 'LOL' mean…?"
--the night before…--
Lust and Sloth were both out doing whatever they needed to do. Pride and Gluttony deiced to go to a bar and have a few good drinks…or maybe they'll take over the place and kill everyone, and then run it as their own. It's always a mystery…only the freak of Mother Nature knows.
This left Greed, Envy, and Wrath alone in the giddy homunuculi home! Okay…maybe it's not to giddy, but the author is pretty high on crack here…no, that's a lie to, the author wouldn't know where to get crack…so…um…oh yeah, homunuculi home…
Greed sat alone at the table with a small bag in his hands…he had…A PLAN! The bag had something that looked similar to sugar in it…only it wasn't sugar…it was speed! How did he get that? Like the author said, only the freak of Mother Nature knows. He wanted to get Envy high, and take blackmail photos of him to avenge everything Envy ever did to him. The process would start right…now. 12: 46 AM; the exact time Envy always wants a glass of milk. The house shook as if there was an earthquake coming in, but it was just Envy jumping down the stairs in his usual skimpy outfit.
"GREEDDD! I'M THIRSTY!" he shouted. Greed got up from the table,
"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting it for you…" Greed slyly moved to the fridge, and evilly took the milk out, and poured it into the glass like a maniac, and at the same time, mixing in speed. While Greed was unwarily making the whole scene much to obvious, Envy was busy looking at himself in his own personal hand mirror he always brings with him. Suddenly he slammed his mirror down on the table, and glared at Greed,
"OH MY GOD!" Envy shrieked, he covered his mouth with his hands as if he saw the most revolting thing in the universe! Chills ran up Greed's spine, as many thoughts crowded his head…'D-did he find out what I was doing!…NOOO! My greatest plan is ruined forever! Now I won't be able to have my revenge, and I won't have blackmail ether! The new camera I brought was expensive; it has self timer and special focuses, and everything!' Greed stood perfectly still, like a statue, it was just then Envy had broken the silence…
"A PIMPLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Greed wanted to strangle him…Envy sobbed, oh so melancholy on the table, pounding it repeatedly. Greed walked over to Envy and gave him the glass of milk, but instead of Envy taking the glass, and gulping down the milk like what he would have usually done, he just stared in silence.
"…Envy", Greed said impatiently, "are you going to drink your milk, or stare at it…?"
"Welllll," he said merrily, forgetting all about the very small, tiny pimple that had formed on his face, "I was just thinking; is this glass half full, or half empty?" Greed was sub-consciously chewing on his own hand, and making it bleed, thinking it was Envy's head.
"WELL…", Greed tried copying Envy's merry voice, "IF I PUT A LITTLE MORE MILK IN THE GLASS, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT, NOW WOULD YOU?"
"Hmmm…I guess not, BUT!" Envy paused…and this wasn't helping Greed's hand get better…
"…But?.."
"BUT, more importantly, I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK!" Envy wanted to try something new; chocolate milk. We all know that chocolate milk was much more important than Greed's hand, that was bleeding non-stop.
"…U-um…", he finally realized what he was doing to his own hand, "we…don't have any…chocolate syrup…" Envy slammed his hands down on the table,
"WHAT? Then I won't drink it!" he looked away, and crossed his arms. Greed couldn't hold his anger back anymore; he took the glass of milk with his right hand, and forced open Envy's mouth with his left.
"YOU'RE DRINKING THIS GODDAMNED MILK, EVERY DROP!" Greed poured all the milk down Envy's throat, finally. He practically fainted in his chair, and left Envy astounded, scratching the back of his head.
"That tasted really…interesting…" Envy said suspiciously.
"That's because you didn't drink it when I first gave it to you…"
"I'm gonna get another glass!" Envy picked himself up from the chair and walked over to the fridge, ignoring the jaw-dropped Greed. As Envy casually poured the milk into his glass, Greed felt like crying…after all that work just to get that first glass into his system…and now he, Envy, gets himself his own glass of milk. He hoped all his 'hard' work would be worth it. Envy came walking back towards him, "Greeeeeeed…" Greed turned his head towards Envy,
"…What…?"
"GREED! GREED! GREED!", Envy started slamming his hands on the table, "GREEDGREEDGREEDGREEDGREEDGREEDGREEDGREED!" Greed stared at Envy with wide eyes; has the speed already reached his veins?…It looks most like so…
"Um…Envy?" he was starting to have second thoughts about his whole 'plan'…
"YOU LOSE! YOU SO LOSE! HAHAHAHAHH!" Envy laughed like a maniac; he thought it was funny that he secretly formed a game in his head that no one else would understand except him.
"What! You were playing a game?"
"I WAS! BWAHAHAHH!"
"I see…" he covered his eyes…he felt like he had experimented on a non-stop talking creature, and now, he turned it into a non-stop annoying high creature…
"OH MY GODDD! GREED! LETS SING THE PIRATE SONG!" Envy shrieked in joy.
"I don't know the pirate song…" Greed was getting a headache…this wasn't what he was expecting it to be.
"We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho! YO HO, YO HO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!" Greed learned that Envy…could really sing. Even though he never stops talking, and he usually screams all the time, he still had a good singing voice. Nothing seemed to make sense to Greed anymore…just then, he heard small footsteps come walking down the stairs. Wrath, in his dark blue t-shirt and black knee-length shorts, had been awoken from his sleep. He glared scarily at Envy dancing around the table, singing the pirate song.
"…Since when could Envy sing…?" he asked rubbing an eye. Greed shrugged, but he was also amazed at Envy's signing voice…maybe it's the speed. After Envy was done singing, he flopped on the table and rolled around on it.
"Saaaaay, Greed?" he asked drunkly.
"Yesss?" Greed was mocking him.
"I know why Edward hates me so much!" he giggled like a little girl, "I'm just to BEAUTIFUL for him!" and off the table he fell…Envy just laid there on the floor for a few minutes. Wrath couldn't help but stare; he knew something was wrong with Envy…he ran down the stairs, feeling wide awake.
"Greed," Wrath shook his shoulder, "Envy is acting really stupid…"
"He's always stupid, what are you talking about?" Greed said, trying to hide the fact that it was him, who made Envy like this. Wrath looked at him dumbfounded,
"But-" Greed interrupted what Wrath had to say,
"Wrath, Wrath, you just woke up didn't you? I'm sure you're just half-asleep, and you're probably just imagining things-" All the sudden, Envy woke up,
"HAY OH MY GWADD! LETS BE FRIENDS WITH EDWARD ELRIC!" Envy shouted, as he bounced up and down on the floor. Wrath tilted his head, and watched Envy's movements, but suddenly Envy stopped jumping. His right eye twitched a little, and he drooled; Wrath was frightened.
"…Um…Envy?" Greed wanted to break the silence, but then Envy was in an uproar for no apparent reason,
"FINE! IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE NICE TO EDWARHD, THEN FINE! FINEFINEFINEFINEFINE!" He stomped away from the table like a six year old would, and crossed his arms. After about five seconds passed, he got a piece of blank paper and a marker, and sat down at the table. He started scribbling something on it, and it got Wrath interested, so he walked over to where Envy was sitting. Envy noticed him, and then hid the note. "YOU NO LOOK! NO LOOK! NO LOOK!" Envy swung the marker at Wrath, as he backed away, but then Envy started to blankly glare at Wrath for some mysterious reason…so he put the marker on Wrath's forehead, and wrote 'werido'.
"Envy…honestly…" Greed said, rubbing his temples.
"Ha ha, Wrath's a weridddddddddddddddddddddddddo!" Wrath started to get angry,
"W-WELL…YOU'RE A STRAWBERRY TART!" Wrath snatched the marker out of Envy's hand and attempted to write 'strawberry tart', only it came out more like 'starbury tat'. "U-umm…THERE! Strawberry…tart…I think…" Envy tilted his head at Wrath, and then looked up at the ceiling,
"Hhhhrrrhnnnn…." And then Envy fell on his back, and laid unconscious for a minute or two. Wrath glared at Greed, but Greed tried to ignore his stare. Wrath started tugging at his shoulder again.
"Um…Envy is just…a bit drunk and hyper. He had to many cans of beer and cookies." Greed was trying to think of some kind of excuse to fool the child.
"SINCE WHEN DID WE HAVE COOKIES!" he shouted. Wrath loved cookies…especially sugar cookies, with chocolate frosting. Just then, Envy had sprung back up,
"I HEARD COOKIES!" he screamed, Wrath got angry at him,
"YOU ATE ALL THE COOKIES!" Wrath shouted back.
"WHAT? I DID!" Envy yelled in confusion. Greed didn't understand why they had to shout.
"YEAH! YOU DID!" he yelled back.
"HAHAHAH! NO COOKIES FOR WRATH-Y!" and just then, Wrath kicked him in the face, but right after that, Envy made a special announcement! "I AM GOING TO SEND A LETTER TO MY MOST WONDERFUL BROTHER IN THE WORLD! HERE'S WHAT I SAY TO HIM! (ahem)
My dear brother!
HELLO! I LOVE YOU! LETS BE FRIENDS, LOL!
Signed with all the love of all human hearts, and ME,
Envy :D"Wrath and Greed started at him blankly, as Envy waved around his note that he was just scribbling on…was he really going to send that letter to the Edward Elric! And what about Alsphonse? I guess he didn't matter to Envy…
"Lookie Greed! I EVEN DREW A SMILEY FACE!" Envy stuffed his wonderful letter in Greed's face.
"Lovely Envy, really, a masterpiece. But…what is this 'LOL'?" He questioned; Wrath came running to Greed's side,
"I wanna see! Can I see! Can I see!" he begged, but Envy looked at him brutally.
"NO! I HATE YOU! GO AWAY FREAKH!" Tears formed in Wraths eyes, but anger started to control his hands. However, before Wrath could attack him, Envy flopped on the table, and giggled like a little girl again, and rolled into the center of the table. "Heheheh…I KNOW LETS PLAY A GAME!" Envy shouted hysterically, "lets playyyyy…STUFF OUR SHIRTS WITH RANDOM CRAP FROM LUST'S ROOM! YAY! OK!" he threw his legs up in the air, and clapped his hands…and Greed took perfect blackmail photo #1, and he knew there was more to come. Then Envy, being high and all, rolled off the table and fell on the floor again being unconscious again. Then he magically woke up again, and took Greed, and Wraths arms and dragged them upstairs to Lust's room. Envy burst open the door, and stared dazedly at it all, and fell to the ground…again. Wrath tugged at Greed's arm to get his attention,
"Why does he keep randomly falling like that…?" Greed couldn't do anything but shrug, "I wonder if something happened to his head…" Wrath and Greed continued to look at the half-dead figure lying on Lust's white fluffy carpet. Suddenly, the figure started to take life again. Envy rolled on his back, and said the first thing he saw…
"Oooooo…..the….ceiling…is….WHITE!" He turned his head left, then right, and then left again, "The walls are so PINK! This should be MY ROOM! And this carpet! WOW! It's so fuffy! I'M GOING TO ROLL AROUND IN IT!" and that he did, while Wrath and Greed watched his movements as he crashed into a lot of Lust's things. But then something caught Wrath's interest…a bed…a really BIG bed.
"Wrath…come to me…"
"Huh?" he looked around to see who was talking to him.
"Wrath…it's me…Lust's bed…"
"W-what! Lust's bed is talking to me!" he shouted; Greed looked at Wrath like he was going insane to… "Wow…OH MY GODH, GREED! LUST'S BED TALKS!"
"Oh really now…as if Envy loving pink walls, and fluffy white carpets isn't amusing enough…" however, Wrath stopped listening to Greed, and immediately charged for Lust's bed so he could jump on it. Greed spotted Envy holding some of Lust's teddy bears…Greed didn't know that Lust had teddy bears. "Envy, where did you find all of those stuffed bears?" Envy started giggling like a little girl again.
"In the closet that said 'DO NOT OPEN!' HAHAHAHAH" and Envy started laughing manically, skipping around with the bears, but then he stopped skipping and walk slowly towards Greed…Greed didn't know if he should be frightened of what he's going to do next. "I still wanna play that game!" Envy whined. Greed remembered the game that Envy mention, 'Stuff Our Shirts With Random Crap From Lust's Room'…righttt… But then moments passed, and…
"HAY! Greed! Take a picture!" Greed looked up, and saw Envy's pose…Wrath stopped jumping on the bed…crickets stopped cricketing…
And Greed yet, took blackmail photo #2…Envy had stuffed two of Lust's teddy bears up his shirt, and sat on the white dresser. He lifted up his mini skirt a little, with his left hand. Then he used his right to hold his hair, like some models would do in magazines; and to top it off, he winked. Wrath was subconsciously walking off the bed wanting to get out of the room. And before he knew it, gravity hit him, which caused him to fall on the floor, headfirst.
"EEEYAAAAAAA!" Wrath shrieked in pain, "MY HEAD HURTS, MY HEAD HIURTS!" Envy walked over to him, with his bear-stuffed shirt and teased,
"How would you like me to make you feel better?" Wrath glared at Envy for a minute, and twitched…
"MY EYES HURT! MY EARS HURT!" Envy moved a little closer towards Wrath…and Wrath just then realized that Envy was wearing Lust's hot pink lip-gloss, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" He fought gravity, and picked himself off the floor, and ran for the doorway…only he crashed in a wall instead, because he didn't know that Greed was blocking the exit. "…M-my…no-ose…hurts…" Tears were streaming out of his eyes, but that wasn't the end of the horror yet…
"Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! Take another picture!" This time, Envy was posing on the bed…Wrath wasn't going to turn around, he didn't want to.
"…P-please…let me…out o-of…he-here…" Wrath begged him; Greed moved out of his way, and let the poor boy out. While Wrath hid in his room, Greed took three more photos of Envy being an idiot. One had him standing sexily on the bed without his shirt; another had half of his body hanging from the bed, while one foot was in the air. Finally, the last picture he took, was Envy wrapping himself with the blanket on the bed; he looked like a naked porn star…he looked to much like a woman. Perfect blackmail…heheh…
"I think I'm starting to love modeling! Take this pose to!" Envy said giddily, but Greed was already gone, and Envy heard him going downstairs. So he deiced to follow, leaving Lust's room in a complete utter mess. "Greeddd! Where are you going!" Envy Whined, with one of Lust's teddies in his shirt.
"I'm going to send Ed your lovely letter." He explained.
"Whattt? But I wanted to give it to him in person!" Envy wouldn't stop complaining.
"Ed would much rather get it as a surprise in the mail then have you give it to him."
"How do you know!"
"I…just know. I know everything Envy!" Envy stared at Greed for a long while, and then he fell on the floor again…we'll never know the mystery to all of these mysterious faints. But it was two AM, and finally the drug must have worn off, because this time, Envy actually stayed on the floor, but Greed couldn't care less if he was alive or dead…just as long as the blackmail arrived at the right place. Greed went all the way to Winery's house just to put the envelope under the door…he just felt more accomplished that way; it would just be boring to let the mailman do the work. How did he know that Ed and Al were at Winery's house anyways…? Yep…freak of Mother Nature.
There was one thing Greed still questioned… 'What did Envy mean by 'LOL'?'…
The next morning…at the 'Giddy' Homunuculi home…(this is kinda also the same time Ed finds his mysterious letter…)
Wrath had finally woken up…everything seemed normal and the same…the same morning aroma…people walking out in the streets…blue skys…the sun. He was starting to think it was all a dream…he hoped it was all a dream. He looked at his mirror, and lifted up his hair to see if what Envy wrote, was still on his forehead…
'Werido'…it was…
Wrath rushed downstairs…and unfortunately it looked exactly the same as it did last night when he came downstairs. The only difference was that Envy was sleeping on the floor with his teddy bear-stuffed shirt, and Greed was sitting at the table with a brown bottle next to his arm. Wrath slowly walked towards Greed; he was frightened of Envy.
"…What's that bottle for…?" He pointed to the brown bottle next to Greed's arm.
"That would be chocolate syrup…"
"What for-" Greed interrupted him…he really didn't want to explain.
"…Don't ask…it's nothing important…really." Wrath raised an eyebrow, and nodded slowly…it wasn't a dream. "Hey, by any chance, did you ever go out of your room, and clean up the mess in Lust's room?" Wrath shook his head.
"All I did was jump on Lust's bed…everything else was…" Wrath was to horrified to say his name; so he pointed to the victim lying on the floor instead.
"Wow, you know, it'd really suck if Lust were to come home right now…she'd be pissed if we found out she has an obsession with teddy bears-" All the sudden, a huge crashing noise was heard from an upstairs window. Two loud thumps that sounded like dead weight bodies were heard, crashing down on the floor. Greed lowered his head down to the table… "…You know…I really hate fate," a loud shrieking noise was heard from above, "Wrath, listen, if they ask you what happen, just point to Envy ok? Ok?" Wrath nodded repeatedly, and it wasn't long for Lust to come madly charging down the stairs.
"WHY ARE ALL MY TEDDIES ALL OVER THE PLACE!" Lust shouted morbidly; Wrath was shaking, and Greed had no idea she could yell so scarily. Behind Lust, was where Sloth hid. Wrath would have ran over to her, except Lust was being a bit to scary.
"L-Lust…please settle down," begun Sloth, "I'm sure that if you don't yell as much, they'll easily be able to tell you who messed up your room, and played around with your teddies…" Lust sighed, and deiced to take Sloth's advice; slyly, she walked over to where Greed and Wrath were.
"…Well…?" she said sweetly, yet you could tell it was somewhat scary to, "who was the one who raided my room?" Greed and Wrath both slowly, dreadfully pointed to Envy, who was still sleeping on the floor with one of Lust's teddy bears stuffed in his shirt. He also had some remaining lip-gloss on, and 'starbury tat' was still written on his forehead. Lust was breathing heavily…staring at the one teddy stuffed in his shirt…and it wasn't just any teddy…it was her favorite teddy! "GIVE BACK SANDY!" she shrieked as she kicked him, "GIVE HER BACK! GIVE SANDY BACK NOW! GIVE HER BACK NOW BASTARD!" she repeatedly kicked Envy, who was finally waking up.
"Hhhrrnn….hay, why are you kicking me…?" he asked dumbfounded.
"WHY IS SANDY IN YOUR SHIRT, EH?" Envy looked down at his shirt…he had no idea what the hell it was doing there.
"…This is yours! Why is it in my shirt?" He scratched his forehead, but then he felt something weird…like a smudge, so he looked at his fingers, "AAGGGH, OH MY GWADDDD, INK! HOW DID INK GET ON MY FOREHEAD? NOW MY FOREHEAD IS RUINED FOREVER!" he wiped the ink off his fingers using the head of the teddy bear that was stuffed in his shirt.
"SANDDDYY!" Lust couldn't stop screaming, she was practically pulling her hair out. Wrath ran to Sloth, and hugged her, but then Sloth noticed something on Wrath's forehead.
" 'Werido'…..WHO WORTE 'WERIDO' ON WRATH'S FOREHEAD!"
"WHAT, HE HAS INK ON HIS FOREHEAD TO! IT WAS YOU WASN'T IT WRATH!" Envy shouted, as Lust kicked his back multiple amount of times.
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WROTE 'WERIDO' ON MY FOREHEAD! YOU WERE DRUNK AND HYPER ON COOKIES!" Wrath yelled back at him...he didn't forget those cookies.
"ENVY WAS DRINKING IN FRONT OF A 10 YEAR OLD CHILD!" Sloth shrieked, "NO WONDER YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING! YOU WERE DRUNK WEREN'T YOU!"
"NO! I DIDN'T DRINK AT ALL!" and subconsciously, Envy pulled the teddy bear from his shirt, and wiped his forehead with it.
"SANDYYY! ARE YOU DEAF, DID YOU JUST NOT HEAR ANYTHING I SAID TO YOU?" Yelled Lust; still kicking him in the back.
"WELL OFCOURSE NOT! NOT WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS SCREAMING, AND WHEN I HAVE A TEDDY BEAR-OBSESSED LADY KICKING ME IN THE BACK!"
Suddenly the yelling stopped…and it was all quiet; Greed just rocked in his chair a little watching the soap opera. But then it was over when they all turned their heads to him. Lust broke the utter silence,
"Didn't you have anything to do with this?" she asked suspiciously.
"Well, I've just been wondering why all this time, you and Sloth crashed through the window instead of using the door!" Greed said.
"Um…well you see," Sloth started, "we didn't think that you guys would be smart enough to actually lock the door, so we didn't bother taking the house keys, but when we tired to come back in, it was locked! We knocked on the door, and rung the doorbell, but no one answered. We thought that everyone was sleeping, so we couldn't crash through anything. Instead, we just spent the night raiding different towns."
"Well, I didn't lock the door, and nether did Envy nor Wrath," Greed explained, "Gluttony and Pride were the last ones to leave; they must have locked it." Lust got the amazing idea that all this horridness was caused because Gluttony and Pride were actually smart enough to lock the door…she deiced that she would blame them.
"That's right!" Lust squealed, "it's all GLUTTONY'S AND PRIDE'S FAULT! We should all gang up on them! If they hadn't locked the door, NONE of this would have happened, and Envy wouldn't have been stupid enough to wipe ink on my poor Sandy!" It must have been written in the stars, because right after Lust's scene, Gluttony and Pride unlock the door, and come casually walking in.
"Hey guys!" Pride said cheerfully, "guess what! Gluttony and I took over a bar and killed everyone, and now we have our own bar to run!" …See? Freak of Mother Nature…
"Heheheh, I ATE everyone…" Gluttony said sadistically, "fresh MEAT!" Everyone, except Greed, all stared at Gluttony and Pride; they were both confused by everyone's looks. To make matters worse, Al, showed up at the door, and knocked on it, being his polite self. Everyone turned to him, and Greed tried to keep a straight face…
"Um…I know it's strange of me to show up all the sudden, but," Al held up the envelope with the photos, and note inside, "it seems as if Envy sent Ed a note…but it seems a little too strange to actually have a note like this written by Envy. And, um…the photos…I don't really want to know how that got started…" Everyone glared at Al, and then back to Envy…nothing made sense anymore, everyone was confused, except for Greed. But its not like he was all the sudden going to admit that he was the one who caused all of this; that if he had deiced not to make Envy high, then none of this would happen…no, he was not going to admit the truth.
"I did no such thing!" Envy shrieked, "I don't remember writing a letter, or taking pictures, or anything! Even a drunk would remember that, and I'm telling you I WASN'T DRUNK!" Lust snatched the envelope, and opened it, but the photos fell out, and she shrieked even louder than before.
"ENVYYYYYYY! IF YOU REALLY WANT BOOBS THAT BAD, YOU DON'T NEED MY TEDDY BEARS TO DO IT!" Envy crawled over to where lust was, and looked at the pictures horrified.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? WHO TOOK THESE PICTURES ANYWAYS!" After Envy's yell, all heads turned to Greed; of course no one would suspect Wrath to do it, because he would always go to sleep early…
"I was sleeping…" Greed said calmly, "maybe he had it on self-timer? I have no clue what happened last night." Lust sighed, and threw the horrifying pictures to the floor, and then took out the note.
"…Envy, how drunk were you…?" Lust let out a small laugh.
"I WAS NOT DRUNK!" Envy yelled.
"Right…I'll just read this out loud…(ahem)
My dear brother!
HELLO! I LOVE YOU! LETS BE FRIENDS, LOL!
Signed with all the love of all human hearts, and ME,
Envy :D…you even drew a smiley face…cute. And what's 'LOL'…?"
"What's what?" Envy asked astounded.
"… 'LOL'…here, look at it yourself." Lust handed him the letter
"Wow…I don't know…maybe it's robot language, Al should understand this."
"B-but I don't understand it, and I'm not a robot…you're the one who wrote it, so you should know what 'LOL' is, right?" Al was questioning Envy as if he had the answers to everything, but he didn't…he didn't even know he was high thanks to Greed.
Everyone tried to figure out what 'LOL' was, and Greed never admitted what he had done that night…he never will, everyone will eventually forget about it anyways.
Back at Winery's house…
Winery couldn't take it anymore! She rushed to the nearest counter, and grabbed a fork, and immediately starting eating the chocolate cake off of Ed's unconscious head (yeah, it's still unconscious…).
"Wow Ed! You sure do make a great plate!" Winery was at the point of going mad, because the whole time Al had left, she had been rocking back and forth wanting that cake… "You know, if they sold plates that had the shape of your face, it would sell BIG TIME! I would SO buy one!" She continued to eat the chocolate cake…
Ed was surrounded by darkness again…and he saw that same speck of light. He didn't know what to do, but walk around…of course he could always go to the speck of light and see what's there. It's a mystery of what could happen to him…he could disappear forever, or possibly be killed, or tortured. But for some reason he deiced that he should find out what people see, when they reach the speck of light…he was going to find out. Ed got closer and closer to it and finally reached the top, and then all the sudden, the light got brighter, and brighter, and the brightness pulled him out of the darkness.
"Edward Elric…I believe you have come to find out the truth…"
"T-the truth?" Ed gasped in disbelief.
"Yes, Edward…the truths of all truths. The true meaning…of…" the voice paused, leaving Ed dumbfounded.
"What is this…truth of all truths?" Ed terribly wanted to know what this voice was talking about.
"Edward…it is the truth…of…'LOL'…"
"…The truth of what…?
"The truth of 'LOL'."
"What does this 'LOL' stand for!"
"Why it means…Laughs Out Loud. That is all…goodbye Edward Elric." And suddenly, gravity pulled Ed back into the darkness. All the sudden he was able to open his eyes again to reality…the ceiling again…that always seemed to be reality. He wasn't as cold as he was before, and the numbness was going away; that means all the ice cubes melted, and no one took them out…but now, he smelled something sweet. It smelled like…chocolate…all the sudden a huge metal weapon with four long points was coming to his face to attack him! No, actually it was just reaching for some brown crumbly stuff with a chocolate aroma. Ed finally gained his sanity, and realized what was going on…
"WINERY, WHY IS THERE CHOCOLATE CAKE ON MY FACE!" he sat up quickly, causing the rest of the remaining cake to fall to the ground. Winery started at the chunks of cake slowly falling to the dirty ground, and one by one, the pieces broke apart on the floor. "…Winery?" Ed asked concerned, "Wineryyyyy…" Ed waved his hand in front of her face to see if he could get her attention, but still, she looked dreadfully at the pieces of the remaining cake that laid melancholy on the floor.
"Why…" she whispered…, "how could…this have happened!" She flopped to the floor, and cried for the cake, that was now dirtied by the germs on that very floor. Suddenly the door burst open with Al, following, Pride, Gluttony, Lust (and her adorable teddy, Sandy), Sloth, Wrath, Greed, and Envy. Ed twitched at Envy…tying to forget that 'lovely' letter that was somehow sent to him.
"WE ARE ON A JOURNEY TO FIND THE TRUE MEANING OF 'LOL'!" They all shouted, "PLEASE JOIN US!" It was just then, Ed had realized that everyone had marked a 'LOL' symbol on their body somewhere…obviously, these people haven't been blacked out before, with a voice telling them to walk towards the light.
"Al, you too!" Ed shouted in surprise.
"Well, I read that strange letter that Envy wrote to you-"
"I DIDN'T WRITE THAT LETTER!" Envy shouted.
"And well, it said 'LOL' in it, and I was just wondering what it meant. And it turns out that all of the homunuculi didn't know what it meant ether, so we deiced to go on a journey!" Everyone nodded with him…now nothing made sense to Ed anymore…since when were the homunuculi not out to kill them. "Ed, you remember seeing 'LOL' in Envy's letter right?"
"…I give up," Envy shed a horrible tear of sadness, "I'm always ignored!" he covered his eyes with his right arm. Just then, Lust slapped him, with her teddy, Sandy.
"That's because you're an annoying, dramatic, toilet brush." Lust said, trying to explain to him how he looked like a toilet brush.
"A, what? TOILET BRUSH? ME ? I liked palm tree better!" Envy said, as he held his hair away from Lust, thinking that she would attack it in some amazing way. But instead, she just stared at him, and wondering why he was holding his hair.
"Are you done?" asked Ed. He was getting tired of Envy making a scene all the time. No one answered his question…probably because no one was listening to him, so he deiced to continue anyways. "Well, Al, remember when I fainted, and blacked out for the second time?"
"Yes…"
"Well, this voice told me to go towards the small speck of light…so I did." Everyone stared at him with wide eyes, and Winery was partly unconscious, lying on the floor. "And then all the sudden, the light sucked me in! And the voice told me the truth of all truths. Well, the voice thought I was looking for the truths of all truths, but I wasn't actually; I just wanted to see what was in the light." Everyone nodded at him, waiting for him to continue his mysterious story, "And the voiced told me…about 'LOL'…" The wide eyes, got even wider, and then Winery popped up from her insanity, and was no longer insane. Instead, she wondered what Ed was talking about.
"It told me that…'LOL' stands for…'Laughs Out Loud'." That bursts everyone's suspense bubble. They all thought it would mean revolution to the world, but after all, Envy is the one who wrote it. Could a high homunuculi really start a world revolution? They didn't think so…
"Envy ruined everything!" Wrath started, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"WHAT!" Envy shouted, "How did I ruin everything! It was Ed who said what 'LOL' really meant!"
"If you hadn't said that in your letter, then there would be no suspicion of 'LOL'!" Wrath shouted back, still having 'Werido' written on his forehead.
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT! I did NOT write that letter! And hell, I don't remember those photographs ether! IT WASN'T ME!"
"Ohhh, yes it was." Said Greed, making it all seem to obvious now. All heads turned to Greed, with suspicious eyes, even Winery's, even though she didn't really know what was going on. "I mean, the photos have to be him! It's enough proof right there, and there was one of Lust's teddy bears stuffed in his shirt when he was on the floor!" Then all heads turned to Envy, with 'starbury tat' still written on his forehead. Winery deiced to turn her head towards Envy to.
Then everyone, except Winery and Greed, ganged up on Envy and beat him up. They all truly thought that he was the cause of all this nonsense. Winery then walked up to Greed…she was hungry.
"Hey," she started, poking Greed's shoulder, "I want chocolate cake, will you get me some?" Greed thought about it for a moment; he would be able to get away from everyone's madness, plus he would have chocolate cake. He deiced to go with Winery to the cake store, and get some chocolate cake, and left everyone beating up Envy. On the way to the store, Greed told Winery about his amazing experience last night. Winery thought it was the most amazing thing she has ever heard in her entire life!
Later (who knows how later…hours, days, weeks…?), Wrath learned how to spell 'strawberry tart' right, and picked up a black oil pastel (from who knows where…Mother Nature's freak again?). He ran to Envy, and wrote 'strawberry tart' on Envy's forehead.
"…Kid…" Envy started, but then Wrath interrupted him.
"I learned how to spell 'strawberry tart' the right way!" he said happily. Envy twitched at what he was holding in his hand.
"…What would that be, in your hand, Wrath?"
"This?" Wrath said evilly, "Why this would be a black oil pastel!" Envy shrieked like a girl, at the sound of 'oil pastel'.
"WRATH! OIL PASTELS ARE DANGEROUSLY EVIL TO THE SKIN!" All Wrath did was smile and nod. "THEY CAUSE DISCUSTING PIMPLES TO FORM IN THE SKIN, AND THEY FILL IN PORES VERYYY EASILY!" Wrath smiled and nodded again. Envy, then snatched the black oil pastel from his hands, and grabbed Wrath's hair. "Want me to write 'Werido' on your forehead again?" Wrath nodded happily, "ALRIGHT THEN!" right before Envy could touch Wrath's forehead, he screamed.
"SLOTHHHHHH! HELP!" Envy twitched, knowing where this was going…Wrath was going to tell Sloth that he was going to write 'Werido' on his head, and make up some ridiculous excuse of how 'strawberry tart' got written on Envy's head. Envy wouldn't let him get away with it this time! Sloth came in, bursting Envy's door open.
"Wrath! What is it, what's wrong!" she shouted nervously, Envy smirked.
"Listen, Sloth," Envy started, "it's not what it looks like, I was just taking the pastel away from him, because he wrote 'strawberry tart' on my head." Envy twitched at the thought that there would now be horrible pimples on his forehead, but at least Wrath would be in trouble…Sloth glared over at Wrath, expecting some sort of explanation. Envy knew now that Wrath couldn't use the excuse about him writing 'Werido' on Wrath's forehead.
"Well, you see," Wrath sniffed, "Envy colored my hands all black, and told me to hand print all of Lust's secret teddy bears. But I said that I wouldn't do it, so then he called me a bitch; that's why I took oil pastel from him, and wrote 'strawberry tart' on his forehead." Envy learned something new…Wrath was a great actor, and he could really lie.
"Well!" Sloth's head quickly turned to Envy, with angry eyes, "You called a 10-year old boy a bitch! NO WONDER HE WROTE 'STRAWBERRY TART' ON YOUR FORHEAD! You deserve to have ugly skin! And besides, boys aren't supposed to care about that type of girl stuff!" Sloth shouted, "Come here Wrath, let me wash your hands." Wrath skipped over to Sloth, and then she slammed Envy's door closed. Envy didn't want to bother arguing anymore…he would end up being beat up again, just like last time. So then, he took out his secret pink fluffy diary, and started writing in it…
"EVERYONE HATES ME! NO ONE LOVES ME! I WILL NEVER BE LOVED, BECAUSE NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE UGLY SKIN SOONER OR LATER! WAAAAHHH!" Everyday, he would write down his occasional outbursts that would give him a bad image, if he ever said it out loud. Envy stared at the mirror, and glared at himself for a minute. Then, the thought came up…
"…Strawberry…tart…?" Envy didn't understand it…maybe it was better that he didn't understand it. As always, the freak of Mother Nature is the one who knows all the answers…just like the answer to 'LOL'.
..:..fin..:.. :D
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Well, I do hope everyone got the so-called joke at the end. If you didn't, read up to the part where Ed finds out the meaning of 'lol' and then re-read from there o-o;;
sorry for the superh highness o;; after re-reading it over and over again, it started not to make sense to me anymore oO;
Thanks to anyone who reads :D and much more thanks to anyone who leaves some type of reveiw, yayyy :D