First Kiss
By Azure Orbis
A/N- I want to apologize for this not being out on the day I said it would be. It wouldn't upload, but here it is. Hope no one was mad!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; I just make up stories about them. And thanks so much for everyone who's read this story. Your input has been great!
Dedication:
Can I dedicate this? This is dedicated to the readers, because they rock!
And to all people to strum their air guitars as they go to class or in the library.
Chapter Two: The Recovery
Tears.
She waited for them to subside, for the aching to stop. Alone in her room, she gazed bleakly at the shadows thrown around the room. The streetlamp's light streamed through her thin curtains, giving off a dim glow. It touched everything and a battle between darkness and lightness arose, like the battle inside her heart. She wondered if she wanted the darkness or the lightness to win.
She came for an absolution and left only more confused than ever. She came with a mind set on a single goal and yet her treacherous and selfish heart would cry out when she saw him again. The last glimpse of him as something more than a friend was supposed to free her, to assure her that what she was doing was right, no matter how much personal pain it caused her. For him, she would do anything. But she balked, unable to let go when she saw him again. Was it to be like this forever? Whenever she saw him, she would only be filled with longing for a time when things were different, better, simpler? Or when he inevitably left or if that Sand girl came to Konoha, would she die a little every time she thought of them together, holding hands, displaying public affection?
Her mind wondered if the pain would lessen in time, if this terrible hollow feeling would go away too. Maybe not in days or hours, but weeks and months and years later, the same acute pang would not plague her forever, right? She thought to herself, this too shall pass. I just have to wait long enough and everything will be…different. How long do I have to wait? How long?
Sitting up in bed, she clutched her legs close to her body, hoping to squeeze some warmth into her oddly cold limbs. It was in the late spring time with the weather warming to the point where she left her window open to let some fresh air in. The night air was wonderful, quiet and mysterious. A warm breeze entered, but her heart still felt cold after her last encounter with him. He was so close, close enough for her to reach out and touch him. Her longing must have been so palpable, her unspoken wish for him to stay as he was, as the person who would always be there when she needed him. And yet, he did not see it. Perhaps it would be for the better. One person's unhappiness was better than crushing the emotional spirits of three. She wouldn't do that do him and for some strange reason, she didn't want to disturb her happiness either.
She had meant her promise to give him up and yet it did not change a thing. She stood defeated, unable to reconcile her head with her heart. Why was it so hard to give him up? Why, when she hadn't even thought of him as that until recently? Why did it feel like she was giving up a part of herself? She tormented herself with questions: When did he become so important to her and why couldn't she see it? Why couldn't she see it? Why couldn't she see it until now? Why did she have to see it now? Why couldn't this feeling stay buried forever and spare her this pain? Why?
She reprimanded herself, knowing this line of thinking wasn't going to change anything. It would only serve to prolong the pain. She knew it was going to hurt and now, the plan was to take each day at a time, one small step after another step. This would be the best way and after unknown months and years, he would leave and she would be able to cheerfully say goodbye to her best friend, her confidante, her love. That was the plan. Her selfish heart be damned.
She woke up refreshed. Today was the day Sakura decided to call upon her rival and announce her victory. She did not do so the day after that steamy kiss under the tree, because that would be crass and very improper. However, a week had already past and by this time, everyone in Konoha knew that she was dating Sasuke-kun. She did not expect to go and crow about her victory, just watch Ino cringe and turn red at her personal announcement. That was all she wanted. Ten years and the Sasuke war was finally over. And she emerged the victor. This was such a sweet triumph for Haruno Sakura.
Sakura marched into the small but aesthetically-pleasing Yamaka flower boutique. It was smaller than the average flower shop, but the flowers were placed in such impeccable arrangements, that the shop was a beautiful garden full of many colorful blooming blossoms instead of a room with hard floors and cut flowers carelessly dumped into vases. Inside she found Ino, who seemed to be on her tea-break, with a pensive and troubled look on her face. Inner Sakura crowed, Hah! Probably still distraught over the news.
Sakura cleared her throat softly, getting Ino's attention. Ino greeted her politely like a valued customer and Sakura returned the greetings and wishes of health. She took seat across from Ino, a smug smile of satisfaction on her face.
"So, Ino-pig, it looks like I finally won. Sasuke is officially my boyfriend." Sakura gloated, expected Ino to react badly to the news if she hadn't heard it already. If she did, then Sakura expected her to say that their relationship wouldn't last long and that she would steal Sasuke away. Instead, Ino acted as if she hadn't heard a thing Sakura said and if she did, it seemed like it didn't matter. There was a look in Ino's eyes that she had never seen before: a complete loss of confidence and even sorrow. This was highly unusual, especially for Ino.
"Are you okay Ino?" Sakura asked worriedly, subconsciously dropping the insults she usually tacked on. The smugness on her face was gone, replaced by genuine concern for her long-time friend and rival.
"Oh, it's nothing." Ino tried to brush Sakura off with a weak smile. "Congratulations on your boyfriend." Ino spoke half-heartedly as if she was not really there, but somewhere else, like someone who had too much to think about. Ino walked away with that listless look on her face, barely paying any attention to the shop's flowers as she tended them, not taking the time as she usually did to pluck away drying leaves or withered petals.
Sakura saw this and was convinced. Something really big happened and oddly enough, it did not seem to be connected to Sasuke in any way. Perhaps the world was ending. That would make more sense than the fact that Sakura was personally witnessing a day when Yamaka Ino did not care about Uchiha Sasuke. She marched up to the blonde girl and sat her down again, "Tell me what's going on."
Ino looked down at the floor, unwilling to speak.
"Ino, please, I am your friend first and foremost. And now, with our rivalry over, can't you forgive me and tell me what's wrong?"
When Ino still refused to speak, Sakura's deft brain came to a startling conclusion, "This isn't about Sasuke at all, is it? It's about something else." Ino looked back at her with such miserable eyes that Sakura was shocked speechless for a moment. What in the world happened?
"I know it must hurt a lot, but talking about it might help. Ino, please let me help," Sakura coaxed gently in a low, soothing voice. Ino averted her gaze again and stared out the nearby window at the passing people going about their daily lives, not a hint of sadness in their moments. They were all so lucky.
Sakura waited patiently while Ino was lost in her thoughts of all the fortunate people just beyond the window. Ino cleared her throat, stalling for time and something more. This was almost like a secret between the trio and the sand girl. Once the secret was leaked beyond the team, it would become reality, unchangeable and harsh reality. For the sake of everything, Ino was reluctant to tell anyone else, least of all, Sakura. And yet, maybe she was right, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if she told her.
"It's about…Shikamaru." Ino spoke slowly.
"Shikamaru? Of your genin team? What does he have to do with—oh, I see." Sakura answered her own question quietly. She had heard news of the Nara boy and how he was helping liaisons with Konoha's ally, the Sand. She also heard about the newest and most interesting couple in Konoha which was made up of a Leaf nin and a Sand nin. Her name was Temari, his was Shikamaru. Their relationship was supposed to forecast the coming days of the still unstable alliance between their motherlands, Fire and Wind. How did Ino fit in all this?
"We've both been really busy these past two years and I haven't seen my team much in that time. I was too busy with missions and chasing after Sasuke, you know." Ino began speaking, sorting out the jumble of the last few days. Sakura smiled on the part about Sasuke, knowing full well that she too spent most of her time training, working and also running after a certain person. At least now, she could devote more of her time to training instead of hoping to surprise Sasuke into a date. Looking back, perhaps that was not the smartest of approaches. Definitely not one of the smartest.
"And I saw you two together, one night after my session ran late." Ino blurted out.
Sakura hesitated asking, "And, how did you feel?"
"I felt relieved, oddly enough." Ino spoke with some force for the first time since Sakura got there. "It was like a great weight of responsibility was thrown off because I wouldn't have to devote anymore time to chasing after Sasuke because you caught him, his hand and his heart. I felt free because of you two." Ino smiled, truly glad that Sakura found her somebody and glad that she did not have to fight for him anymore.
"And I wanted to tell him all this, that perhaps maybe I didn't love Sasuke as much as I said I did. You know, I wanted his friendly input after this was all over. I wanted him to pat me on the back and congratulate me for overcoming my Sasuke phase. It felt like I was finally beginning to understand how to be a grown-up and I wanted him to be the first one to know." Ino's smile faltered as she suppressed a rebellious sob, remembering that day when things went wrong.
"I discovered, to my shock, that I loved someone else. Not Sasuke, not Mr. Perfect with that beautiful dark hair and handsome face of his. No, out of all the people in the world I fell for my teammate, that lazy-bum who never has any motive or initiative to do anything. And now he's got someone else while I was still boy-crazy about Sasuke." There was a long terrible pause, while Ino breathed deeply, trying to regain her composure. Sakura laid a comforting hand on her arm and Ino looked up with a weak smile. Ino continued talking, softly at first and hesitant at certain points, but she was determined to tell the whole convoluted story.
"You know, I actually avoided talking to him for a while. Sometimes I would see him, which is rare, but instead of running up and slamming him on the back with a loud hello, I hid. I didn't know what to say and by the time I could think of something, he disappeared again. I never thought he saw me too, never knew he saw me avoiding him and after some time, I didn't see him at all, like he vanished from the face of the Earth. I thought nothing of it and kept on going as if nothing was wrong."
"And the thing that really gets me is that I think, subconsciously, I always knew that he kind of liked me, more than a teammate. He was always there to listen to me rant about Sasuke's latest brush-off and although he always complained about it being troublesome to listen to me, he would always come out of his comfortable house and stay and listen, no matter how long-winded I was. And then he gets me those books I wanted for so long. I know it was my birthday and everything, but I was surprised he got them for me. I didn't even think he was listening when I was talking about them, it was just some random passing comment on this series I wanted to read and viola, there they are. Kami-sama, I must be so dense not realize until now." Ino shook her head, remembering. She should have been able to see the signs and yet, it was as if someone had blindfolded her until now, until it was too late. Sakura waiting, sensing Ino still had something else to say.
"I wanted so much to be able to go back and change all my stupid actions to make everything better, that I felt like I was going crazy, but since I can't so I decided to let him go. I don't want to hurt him again by doing something selfish and asking him to stay here for me when I don't even understand myself or my actions. So I went to see him five days ago to say goodbye, not out loud, just to myself and I end up asking him to stay in Konoha. I ran after I said that." Ino confessed, her voice becoming slightly hysterical, "I couldn't help myself, seeing him again, talking to him as if nothing had changed. But I know they have and I have only myself to blame for it. Now, I'm just trying to take one day at a time and not think too much about everything. I know it's not the most brilliant plan I can think of, but it's the only thing I can do at this point in time."
"Whoa, this is really complicated." Sakura commented shortly, after Ino finished, half–expecting her to keep on talking about another revelation about something equally momentous. She blinked a few times, letting the information sink in. She could not even begin to imagine the confusion in Ino's brain. To realize that the boy you have been chasing for a decade is not the one you truly care about, but rather it is your teammate, who was literally under your nose. And now, when you finally know, his heart already has someone else in it. It was like listening in on a crazy romance novel or something!
"Yeah, it is. Thanks for letting me burden you with all this…mess," Ino squeezed Sakura's hand in gratitude before letting go. It did feel marginally better to tell her and have someone other than Chouji know what war really going in her mind. Sakura's mind was still spinning from the implications.
"No problem," Sakura smiled; glad to be able to do this little thing for Ino. Suddenly, Sakura stiffed, she had caught a glimpse of a dark-haired boy rushing past. Her heart sank; she was late for their date.
The door bell jingled and Sasuke popped in, a mixture of relief and annoyance on his face, "Sakura, been looking for you." He paused, noticing Ino's drawn face, "She okay?" He asked, not one for wasting words. Ino nodded mutely, not wanting to tell the boy she had a crush on for so long, all her troubles. He still held a tender spot in her heart and she was unsure of how to act toward him now. He would always be the boy she admired, the boy with the unbreakable mask of hidden emotions. Only now, it seemed like Sakura was the only one able to see behind it. It was fitting in some cosmic way, the fan and the spring flower.
"Uh, Sasuke, I don't think I can make today." With an apologetic expression on her face, Sakura answered the unspoken question that hung in the air ever since Sasuke appeared. Ino gazed at her curiously, but Sakura brushed off her inquisitive look. "Rain check?" She inquired hopefully.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." Sasuke said before he ducked out of the small flower shop. The bell tinkled merrily before the door shut.
"Why did you-" Ino started to ask when Sakura cut her off.
"My friendship is more important that any date with Sasuke, especially if it's a friendship I haven't really put any effort in for so long and over a boy too. Besides, you look like you need a friend to listen to you."
"Thank you, Sakura." Ino replied, still feeling strangely hollow. For a long time, wasn't this one of her greatest wishes, to repair the friendship she once had with the Haruno girl? It was great that Sakura was wholeheartedly her friend again, but it felt like a bittersweet victory, a consolation prize for being second. She would have to accept things as they were.
"Do you ever wonder what could have been?" Chouji asked her on one of the afternoons he popped by to check on her. He never said it out loud, but she appreciated the thought behind his visits. Chouji and Sakura had become her closest friends over a short span, over this fiasco. She laughed inwardly, who would have thought this was possible.
"Sometimes," she answered vaguely. Chouji wondered if she was talking about Shikamaru or life in general. It was a fitting answer for both.
"You?" She asked, throwing the question back at him.
"Sometimes," he repeated. She laughed and he joined her. He was glad to see her laugh again. He knew it was a farce, a brave face she put on to face the world. He wondered when her smile would be real again.
"I saw Shikamaru today." He heard her breath catch in her throat. Maybe this wasn't the best time to speak of he-who-must-not-be-named.
"A-and, what happened?"
"We talked, ate some snacks and played a few games of go. He won most of them. I almost won the third one, but he saw through my trap. Two games ended in a tie." Chouji dutifully answered, knowing that she wasn't interested in what he just told her.
"That's not what's important Chouji," Ino scold him, her bossy nature coming through again. Chouji was oddly glad to see it, even for a brief moment. Then the bravado was gone and she asked timidly, "Did you tell him anything? About me?"
"Don't worry," he smiled, patting her reassuringly. They continued sitting on the Yamaka family porch overlooking the village. Ino laughed at the running children below them and the wind blew by, ruffling her short blonde hair. Chouji smiled softly, enjoying the quiet afternoon with his friend. There were few things he would ask for and for now, he was content.
Sakura rushed into the shop, out of breath and looking flustered. Ino and her customer looked at the pink-haired kunoichi strangely, alerted to her presence by the haphazard jingling of the door bell. Ino waited for Sakura caught her breath after she finished the sale.
"Ino, I have important news. I just heard from the Hokage, the Sand nin are leaving Konoha at the week's end."
"Yeah, what's so bad about that?" Ino asked, wondering why Sakura's eyes held so much pity in them. Was that pity directed at her? Why?
"They're leaving with a small escort. Shikamaru is the leader of it."
Ino felt the breath sucked out of her when she heard the last sentence. Tears threatened to spill out. Ino chided herself, she hadn't cried much since she first saw them kiss.
"You sure about this?" Ino asked. Sakura nodded sadly.
So she was losing him already. He would leave soon and there would be no turning back. She chastised herself for thinking that she still had years before the inevitable physical separation. Now, she found she only had days, hours and brief minutes before he left again, this time for ever. There was so little time left and she was unsure if she had the will power to stop herself from telling him everything and begging him to stay for her and for her alone.
Ino felt so helpless, weak and on the verge of tears again. She gripped the counter hard, drawing strength from its solidness and hard, unyielding shape. She wished she could be the same, be unmoved as the waves of her life came crashing down on her. She felt like she was drowning again, the same sense of dread of the future grew in its intensity.
"Sakura, help me close up the shop." Ino spoke weakly, she seemed unable to use her voice anymore as if someone stole it from her.
Sakura nodded, changing the wooden handwritten sign from "Please come in, we're open" to "I'm sorry, we're closed, please come again."
"Do your parents know? Will they be okay with the shop being closed early?"
"I think they've noticed, but they think it's about Sasuke so this is okay." Ino said. The two didn't speak again until the store was completely dark, the lights turned off and Ino locked the front door.
"So," Sakura began, uncomfortable with the prolonged silence, "what are you going to do now?" She mentally added the more pressing question, What are you going to do about Shikamaru's leaving?
"It's still pretty early out, so I'm going to take a walk. You're welcome to join me of course." Ino declared loudly, her smiling face turned toward the sun which hung low in the sky.
"Sure," Sakura answered. The two walked aimlessly, going down dirt pathways, heavily covered by secretive trees and green grasses swaying in the soft winds. Sakura waited, knowing that she should not be the one to disturb the sacred silence. The hushed wind blew, stirring up fallen leaves and Ino kept walking, sometimes at a brisk pace, sometimes sluggishly, sometimes almost to the point of running. Sakura kept up with her, not saying a word.
A clearing broke through the thick trees and Ino walked toward it, toward the shining waters beyond the covering of trees. She finally stopped, sitting down on a small and old wooden pier overlooking the calm waters. Water was a strange thing. The surface looked so smooth, so tranquil and yet, underneath it swam things unknown, their strong and steady movements not breaking the surface calm. Even when everything was chaotic down there, it would be very hard to tell just by looking from up here. Ino felt like screaming, felt the urge to hurl rocks into the quiet lake. Sakura sat down beside her, waiting for her to speak. She knew she was waiting and yet, what could she tell her? What was there left to be said, to be analyzed? What more could she do now?
"I already said my good-bye and if he's going to leave, then I won't do anything drastic and try to stop him." Ino spoke for the first time in a long time. Sakura sighed in relief, unsure how Ino was going to react to the news and yet, she was slightly disappointed and confused at this new complacent Ino who was willing to accept everything. The Ino she knew was her rival who fought long and hard, for ten whole years for a boy she didn't even love. And so, for the one she did love, she was just going to let him leave without tell him? Doing that would take either a lot of stupidity or gumption and Sakura knew it was the latter. Still, she couldn't help but wonder if Ino would regret her decision later when there really was no turning back.
"Ino-" Sakura started, unsure if it was wise to try to coax her friend into going against her own wishes. Then she saw the water, the ripples disturbing the water's surface. The water was no longer calm, disturbed by successions of rings spreading out after they formed. Ripple after ripple formed, twisting and distorting the one smooth mirror surface. The rings grew larger as they spread out from their origin, somewhere near Ino.
Ino shook, two silent rivers streaming down her face as she mourned for herself, for the future that would not be. If it was not pain that she experienced before, it was pain that overtook her now. He was leaving, perhaps for good, at the week's end and her mistake could never be corrected. He might never come back and her heart would always lay shattered in the dust, trailing after the boy who would not turn back. She wanted to forsake her pride and her dignity, two of the most precious things to her, and hold fast onto him, never letting him leave.
She felt two arms hug her uncertainly and her crying grew vocal, "I can't let him go, Sakura! I know I have to, but I don't think I can keep myself from asking him to stay and he will hate me for saying it. And she, she'll hate me too!"
"Hush," Sakura whispered, like her mother did whenever she cried about Sasuke. "You'll find the strength, I know you will. You have to do what you set out to do. Chouji and I can help you along, but you have to do it yourself. No one else can. You can do it, you hear me? I know you can because you're the strongest person I know. You can do it." Ino nodded, her tears still brimming over in her eyes. They sat until Ino's tears abated. The water became peaceful once more and the silence returned.
Two nights later, in bed, Ino felt the same panic rise up again and there was no Chouji or Sakura to stop it. She could feel time running out and the image of him was getting farther and fainter with every growing minute. She would have to stop herself from running to him, but couldn't she indulge in a few tears? If nothing else, she was allowed to shed a few silent tears for her first love, wasn't she? Soon her pillow was wet from her salty tears, but the pain that used to lessen with tears, did not go away this time because there was no hiding from the reality. The truth was that he was leaving soon and her heart knew it only too well.
She must have been crying louder than she thought when her parents knocked and entered her bedroom. "Ino honey, are you alright?" Her father asked, hearing his dear daughter in tears was alarming for the great man. It tore something inside of him to think that there was something in this world that would break even his child's resilient spirit.
"Is it about Sasuke-kun?" Ino's mother asked, having heard of the rumors circulating Konoha and having known of Ino's long-time standing crush on the Uchiha survivor. Ino only cried harder when she heard her mother's voice. There was no escaping the façade she created for herself. Everyone was under the impression that she was grieving over losing Sasuke and perhaps nothing she would do, could convince them otherwise. No, it's not about Sasuke, it's about Shikamaru! Not Sasuke, Shikamaru! Only Shikamaru, only him.
Today is the day.
Ino felt like she was holding her breath the entire day. She hadn't slept at all last night and yet, she felt as energetic as ever. Nervous energy, she told herself. From the start of dawn to the last ray of sundown, she worked studiously, drowning herself with work to distract herself and it worked marvelously with the exception of her lunch and tea-breaks. Then, the store was closed temporarily and in the quiet atmosphere, she had time to think.
Chouji had spent her lunch break with her, chatting away merrily about the latest family technique he learned. He promised to show it to her as soon as he perfected it. Ino smiled, not really paying attention to him as the conversation drifted to tidbit of news like the Fifth ordering a cot be moved into her office so that she could sleep between paper signings. Ino laughed a little at the thought the council members and their shocked faces when they heard the news. This Hokage was certainly very different from the previous ones, but she was extraordinary in her own way. Her mind drifted back to him while Chouji kept on talking.
She tried to think of other things, and caught herself staring up at the clouds and wishing she could be as free as them, to float wherever she pleased or where the wind would drive her. He liked to look at clouds too and she made a silent pact that she would do it more often. Then, she could feel like that despite everything, they were still connected, as friends and nothing else. Maybe, once in a while, they would be looking at the same clouds. The thought made today a little more bearable, because today was the day of separation. The group had left sometime around noon and was well on its way back to the Wind nation. The leaf nin accompanying the group would serve as ambassadors for Konoha and would stay in the Sand village for an unknown period of time. It was rumored to be months at the least, years at the most. She shook her head, it didn't matter. He wouldn't coming back, end of story.
Too late, she caught herself thinking about him again. The day's activities had kept her busy without a moment to spare and a large delivery of flowers kept her juggling between customers and treating the new flowers in the back room. She had managed to create a new more efficient system, of taking small bundles, a few at a time, and bringing them with her to the front counter. When she had free time, she could trim and cut them until the next customer came in. She gave a satisfied smile when she saw the delivered flowers were nearly three-quarters done and she had not neglected any customers for more than a few brief moments. All in all, a good day's work done. And soon she would close up the store and leave for an empty house.
Her spirits plummeted as she heard the metallic click of the first of three locks. She had resisted looking him for so long and after the shop was completely closed, would she be able to stop herself from running past those wooden gates after him? He was only a few hours' travel from Konoha and if she went home, packed quickly and lightly, she would be able to catch up to them by tomorrow. Watching each day of the past week go by was torture because she was waiting, waiting for the inevitable to finally come. She hated waiting, sitting idly while she waited for the time to finally past and put her out of her misery. It was tough, having to bear through the past two weeks as if she was mourning for her loss of Sasuke, but with Sakura and Chouji helping her, smiling brightly at her with each step, her burdens felt lighter.
Now, as she locked the last lock to the shop, her burdens felt heavier than ever. There were no more tears, but the tears seemed preferable to the ache that filled her heart again, the longing that made her unable to sit still, unable to sleep without even thinking about him. He was burned into her mind and she wondered how much effort she must put in and how many years must past before he was erased cleanly off it.
She saw Sakura in the distance and felt better. She ran over, apologizing for being too late to help Ino close the store. Ino smiled, glad to have a friend nearby. They walked briefly before Sakura apologized again and went off to see Sasuke. They had a meeting tonight and Sakura didn't want to postpone it again. She did promise to visit as soon as it was over. And like the wind, she was gone and Ino was left alone to her thoughts. She still felt the insane impulse to go chasing after him, but it was muted now, covered by the small promise that the future still held some hope for her. Maybe she would find love again, and this time, she would not let it go. Maybe he would come back some day. Maybe she would find a cure for her heart.
Her home lay ahead and she trudged back slowly, reluctant to go home to an empty house. Her father was on a mission and her mother was busy visiting relatives. Still, no matter how slow she walked, home would be waiting for her at the end. She turned a corner and stopped.
"What are you doing here?" Ino asked softly, looking in wonder at the familiar person sitting on her stoop. He was the first and the last person she expected to see. He looked up at her, her voice calling to him from what seemed to be faraway.
"Came to talk with you," he answered simply. Ino walked closer, cautiously, afraid this was all a dream woven by the night air. It was suddenly very hard to breathe as if the air had grown heavy and her lungs could not inhale the oxygen as readily as before. He didn't move and she drew closer. Was he there or was she inside a hallucination?
"I thought you were gone. I thought you left with the sand nin, to escort them back to their village." Ino said, but her heart beat wildly with a single question. Why are you here?
"Oh, that. We broke it off." He looked down, his eyebrows knitted together in agitation.
"What?" She asked, not quite catching onto the abrupt change in subject.
"Temari and I, we're no longer together. It was a mutual decision." He looked back up at her, his brown eyes locking with hers. She was stunned for a moment.
"Why?" She took a shaky breath, desperately trying to quell down her hopeful heart. It would not be quelled, would not be quiet, only to tell her of its intense hope that had blossomed once again. It never truly died and now, it grew back to its former glory. But, she was still scared that it would come crashing down once more.
"Shikamaru? Hello? Anyone there?" She waved her hand in front of his dazed face.
"Huh?" He finally asked, the dazed look gone.
"Where have you been this time?" She asked wryly.
"Nowhere," he replied, trying to brush off the nagging thought on his mind. An eyebrow went up; no way was she going to let him off so easily.
"Right, that's why you've been distant all week." Temari commented dryly. Getting no response from the silent one, she tried a different tactic. "C'mon, tell me what's bothering you," she asked in her coaxing voice.
When he still hesitated, she sighed, "I think I know. You've been giving us a second thought because someone's been on your mind, right?"
He looked at her startled and she laughed a little bitterly, "Don't tell me you've forgotten that I too, am an excellent analyst?" She picked up her large fan and started to leave.
"Wait Temari, does this mean that we've broken up?" He asked, confusion and maybe even hope hidden in his voice.
"I don't know Shika, but I'm leaving tomorrow and if you're not there, I guess we are." She spoke hoarsely, as an unfamiliar feeling choking her voice. She paused before leaving, "I don't know what's going on, but all I do know is that you've been different ever since your friend came to see you, the one with lots of hair. Anyways, I hope I'll see you tomorrow." She shut the door quietly behind her.
The next day, at the only road that led out of Konoha and to gates, Temari waited and waited for him to come. Her comrades were all packed and waiting for her at the gates. She really hoped he would come to at least tell her that this, them, was truly over. She tried not to look to anxious, standing on her tip-toes and scanning the grounds for one spiky pineapple hair-do. She meant it when she said she wanted him to come. He should have the decency to come and tell her his decision so that she could finally let go of her heart that was on hold since last night. It was like she was on a yo-yo, waiting for the return tug to come and bring her back and it was never coming.
Finally she saw him and her hopes rose. As he drew closer and when she could see his face, she already knew. She waited patiently for him to come to her, rather than have her running to him and finding that he was not going to catch her. No, Temari was no fool.
"I'm glad you came," she said when he reached her. He kept walking, taking some of her bags in one deft move.
"Sorry I didn't come 'til now." He apologized, the apology sounding empty and hollow to her ears.
"Shikamaru, stop." He halted and turned to face her squarely with his expressive eyes, those beautiful eyes that not long ago, told her that he was fond of her and perhaps someday, he would love her ardently like no one else could. But today, those eyes were sad and maybe even scared. She knew everything now, knew that there was someone else, knew that he could not forsake that person, not now at least.
"Thank you," she said and they continued walking as if everything was okay. Reaching her comrades, she reclaimed her bags and gave him that blindingly, brilliant and cheeky smile, "You better come and visit sometime, okay? Or else I'm requesting for a permanent pass to stay at Konoha!" She teased him lightly and was gratified to see him smile a little in return. He gave her a hug and waved good-bye as she walked past the red gates.
Inside she was crying, but Temari would never shed a tear if she could help it. Still, she was glad that she met him and if things didn't work about with that other person, who knows, maybe she would have her chance again. He is a good man, treat him well. She prayed that the other person would.
He stood up, pausing before answering her question, "One pushy blonde is more than enough." He joked, a smile playing on his lips.
"Does this mean--?" Ino asked, her emotions all rioting now, clamoring for her attention. He nodded, drawing nearer to her.
"And you're not leaving?" Her tears pooled in her eyes, blurring his face. She blinked furiously, afraid he would disappear if she could not see him clearly. He took another step toward her and caught her up in an embrace, giving support to Ino who looked like she was about to topple over.
He hugged her tightly, murmuring into her ear, "I'm not going anywhere." He could not know how those same words affected her differently this time, or maybe he did.
"You promise?" She whispered, her hands slowly winding around him. The tears were gone, the aches were gone. The hollow feeling that had engulfed her heart had vanished. The pains of the past too, were no more.
"Promise," he whispered back, never sounding so serious about anything in his life. Everything was gone, all except for him. A soft smile spread on her face and she felt at peace.
"I think I love you," Ino declared softly, not wanting the chance to slip by again.
"I know," came his answer. Ino wanted to pinch herself and see if she was dreaming, see if this was real. Long moments past and he was still here, still holding her tightly as if he was never letting go. She hoped he would never let go, even if the world were to end then, she didn't want to let him go.
This is too good to be true. If it is a dream, I hope it never ends, she thought. As if he heard her inner thoughts, Shikamaru tilted back a little and laid a small kiss on her forehead, completing the dream. Ino was elated. Her first kiss and it was perfect.
He held her as if he would never let go. Here, with her, he felt different, happy. He was happy with Temari, but this was different, almost like a different level of bliss. He didn't want to believe in fate and such nonsensical things, but maybe it was true. He always felt like he might be happier with her than with anyone else. Call it a gut feeling or something, but he always felt it even though he tried to ignore it.
It had hurt terribly when he saw her avoid him. Like a wound, it festered and bothered him constantly. But it was worse than any wound he had ever received because it would not heal and would not go away. Now, he understood why it did not heal, because it couldn't. The troublesome thing was gone and he was left here, with her and it was all he could ask for.
He went searching for a resolution and on her doorstep, he found one. There was no leaving her side in his mind. He would stay forever.
End of part two and also this story. Hope no one was confused when I transitioned to different characters and different times without warning- just seemed like fun.
Parting Notes -I want to thank everyone who has read and especially those who reviewed. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have the will to work so hard on this and post it on time, as to my word- one week! YAY! I'm sure that many may not be satisfied with the ending I've written, but I hope that they are satisfied with the writing and perhaps, reading it again, they won't have too many objections because I really wanted this to have a happy ending and it seemed only Shikamaru would fit the bill completely. Perhaps someday a Chou X Ino will come from me, and I must say, there were times that I was ready to remake this into one except I already had this ending in mind.
A note for Sakura lovers: Please don't hate me for portraying her like that in the beginning. Personally, I would gloat a lot, if I finally won a war that's been going on for ten years, ie the Sasuke fans first saw him at age six and the Sasuke war is over when he is sixteen, a fitting age for the end of an era! Haha, everything's so dramatic with that title, but it really does feel like a war when all those crazy girls start fighting over him…
And for anyone who loves the angst and stories that I like to say "pull at the heart-strings", please read "Letting Go" by syaoran no hime. It is an excellent story and also an inspiration for this story, although I didn't say so because I didn't want to spoil the premise. So, thanks syaoran no hime for your incredible stories and thanks to everyone who's read! Hope to see you all soon!