My only Office-loving friend and I were sitting in math this morning, talking about the most recent episode. It went something like this.
"I really wish we could have seen an e-mail between Pam and Jim!"
"Aww! Yeah, that would be so cute! 'Hey, what are you doing this weekend?'"
" 'You!'"
This ficlet doesn't progress like that, unfortunately, but it was my much needed inspiration.
Michael sat down to his computer, a determined look upon his face. Yes, true, the employees had complained about him reading their e-mail. But if the damage was already done, why stop now?
"Let's see what Miss Pamela has been up to…" he mumbled to himself, typing in his password (he'd had to change it after the tech guy had been in. '1234' was too obvious, anyways. 'Michael Scott' was much better). "Boring…boring…" he scrolled through Pam's inbox, marveling at the complete lack of scandal, intrigue, or praise toward her boss. Everything was just so…work related. It was sickening, really.
That was, until he came across a subject line that he was almost positive had nothing to do with paper and/or paper products.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: Weekend Plans?
So, any plans this weekend?
J.
--
Okay, so that was…well, still very boring. But he was getting somewhere. Quickly clicking into Pam's outbox, he found her reply.
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: RE: Weekend Plans?
Not really. Roy has a softball tournament, but I think I'm going to skip it. Not my thing.
You?
P.
--
Good lord, he had dull employees. Weekend plans? Come on! Where was the dirt? Where was the mystery? Michael Scarn certainly wouldn't have settled for this, and neither would his alter-ego. Determined to uncover something interesting, he continued his snooping.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: RE: Weekend Plans?
You? Not like softball? I'm shocked.
I had plans with a buddy, but he was called out of state. Looks like we're both alone.
J.
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: RE: Weekend Plans?
How unfortunate.
Have you seen that new Reese Witherspoon movie yet? Because if we're both alone…
P.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: RE: Weekend Plans?
Yes, very.
Reese Witherspoon, huh? Well, Legally Blonde is one of my favorite movies…
Saturday good?
J.
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: RE: Weekend Plans?
Saturday's prefect. And I don't care what you say, it's a cute movie.
P.
--
Ah, now things were getting interesting. True, two good friends going out to a movie wasn't really all that spectacular, but he had learned that Jim liked Legally Blonde. That could always come in handy…
Growing tired, he decided to check on Phyllis. Surely she's have something going on. It was always the quiet ones…
--
From: Phyllis Lapin
To: Angela
Subject: Pam and Jim
Did you hear? Pam and Jim are going to a movie this weekend! Hehe!
-Phyllis
--
From: Angela Martin
To: Phyllis
Subject: RE: Pam and Jim
Office gossip is silly and uncalled for.
And office relationships are none of your business.
-Angela.
--
From: Phyllis Lapin
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Pam and Jim
Bitch.
--
Yes, Michael thought, cat fight! Unfortunately, it seemed Angel had either deemed herself too mature to respond, or Phyllis had blocked her. Sighing, he was about to log off when he realized that he hadn't checked up on the one person who was always good for some laughs.
--
From: Kung Fu Master
To: Jim
Subject: Hot Date.
I heard you and Pam are going out on a date this weekend? Are you in love?
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Shrute
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Giant Dork
Subject: Moron
I do not have a date with Pam, moron. Stop listening in on the girls' conversations.
--
From: Kung Fu Master
To: YOU'RE the Giant Dork!
Subject: RE: Moron
I was not listening in! I happen to have a source!
But, you're in love with her, right?
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Shrute
--
From: Kung Fu Master
To: YOU'RE the Giant Dork!
Subject: Jim?
Why didn't you reply? You DO love her, don't you? I am so telling.
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Shrute
--
From: Support Staff
To: Kung Fu Master
Subject: Failure Notice
The following message could not be delivered:
From: Kung Fu Master
To: YOU'RE the Giant Dork
Subject: Jim?
Why didn't you reply? You DO love her, don't you? I am so telling.
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Shrute
--
Well, that was the end of that conversation…Still, Michael refused to give up. It was time to revisit some inboxes and piece the clues together…
--
From: Oscar Nunez
To: Pam
Subject: You and Jim?
Is it true you and Jim are going on a date? That's what Phyllis said…
-Oscar
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: Uh oh
Did you know Phyllis is telling everyone we're dating?
P.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: RE: Uh oh
So that's why Kevin's been giving me thumbs up all morning…
J.
--
From: Angela Martin
To: Pam
Subject: Office Romance
If you have to conduct an office romance, must you make it so public?
It's inappropriate.
-Angela
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Office Romance
Relax, Angela. It's just a silly rumor. Go back to your cats.
-Pam
--
From: Kung Fu Master
To: The Temp
Subject: OMG!
Did you hear? Pam and Jim are going out on a date tomorrow night!
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Shrute
--
From: Ryan Howard
To: Dwight
Subject: RE: OMG!
I don't care.
-Ryan.
--
From: Phyllis Lapin
To: Angela
Subject: So Excited!
I wanna hear all about the hot date! I've been waiting all weekend!
-Phyllis
--
From: Angela Martin
To: Phyllis
Subject: RE: So Excited!
What? What date? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dwight's a liar. You know that, right?
-Angela.
--
From: Angela Martin
To:Dwight
Subject: Deny
You do realize I'll deny everything, right?
-Angela.
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: Co-workers
I've had to block them all! This is pretty ridiculous.
P.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: RE: Co-workers
At least you don't have to sit near Dwight. Be thankful for that. He's been winking at me all morning…
But, hey, the movie was good, right?
J.
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: Movie
Yeah, the movie was good.
Thanks for the popcorn :)
P.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: RE: Movie
It was the least I could do :) I had a blast.
So, when did Roy get home?
J.
--
From: Pam Beesley
To: Jim
Subject: RE: Movie
Sometime late Sunday. I'm not sure, I was already asleep.
I think he's going away next weekend, too…
P.
--
From: Jim Halpert
To: Pam
Subject: RE: Movie
How tragic.
If you ever need the company, I'd be honored.
J.
--
From: Dan Thompson
To: Jim
Subject: Saturday?
Hey, what happened to you Saturday? I thought we were going to the game?
-Dan.
--
Michael sighed loudly and shut down the computer, gathering his things. A whole afternoon of snooping and what had it gotten him? Nothing. His employees were so boring. This kind of thing would never have happened to Michael Scarn. He surely would have discovered some fiendish plot or shocking revelation.
Come to think of it, that sounded pretty awesome. Almost…dare he hope? Sequel material? He rushed to his car, boring employees already forgotten in favor of Agent Scarn's next adventure.
Before everyone goes all, "How the hell did Michael check Dwight's e-mail?" I'm going to pretend he was able to forward his hotmail messages into his company mail client, like you can do with Outlook Express.
Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone! I honestly didn't even expect any! Each one made my day.