April 11, 1912. 5 minutes later.
I hate being alone. I feel very small, and uncared for. When Jack left I stared out into the ocean. I wonder what it's like being out there; not on a boat or anything. Just being able to float on your back staring up at the sky. Being free. It sounds rather charming. However I wonder how cold the water is.
Although I have other news to talk about dearest journal, instead of silly little day fancies. When I was looking out into the ocean, I noticed a boy at the corner of my eye. He was glancing at me over a large crate. He kept glancing over until an officer called him.
I really didn't get to see his face, but he looked at me with piercing blue eyes. I couldn't tell the hair color because he was wearing a cap. I guess it's not important.
In any case, today Captain Edward J. Smith is going to take my family and I on a special tour of the ship. Oh I can't wait! It will be perfectly exhilarating. -Only for now dearest journal, I'm going to lie down, and stare out at the ocean.
April 11, 1912. Evening.
The tour was magnificent! We saw the captains wheel, the boilers, the bridge, the gymnasium. The boiler room was so blackened by suit, and there were muscular men throwing coal into the huge furnaces. The boilers were higher than two motor cars stacked one on top of the other. My favorite room though, was the Turkish baths. It held the largest swimming pool I ever seen. The room was covered in tiles; Blues, greens, purples, reds, oranges, with abstract patterns. The doors had little domes on top of them. Mother and I left Edward and father to go swimming. I wanted to go to, but mother said we had to go needle-stitch on our private deck. How boring that was.
We got back from supper an hour ago. I got to go this time, but I wished I stayed in my room. Mother said since my thirteenth birthday would be approaching in approximately one month, that I'm able to wear a women's gown.
The gown was white and made a "U" shape on the top of the gown to show off my shoulders. The bodice tight around my hips to show my curves; even though I have little to show. The sleeves draped my elbows, and dripped a little. The rest of the gown flowed like a waterfall all the way to my feet, but went a little ways to the floor, for I wasn't tall enough.
My hair was let down, and grandmamma tied pearls and diamonds into it. What the diamonds and pearls were for, was grand mamma's idea of catching a rich suitors eye.
"Winifred. You will glint around that dinning room with pride and elegance with these trinkets." She turns me around to face her. "Nonetheless you are the survival to this family. How you marry depends on our life in society. Even though our family is already wealthy and have a position, we can do better. No, not better, but superior. You will be our savoir."
She gave me a kiss, then looked at me. Her hair in a bun on top of her head. Peacock feathers sticking out of it. Her bright blue and green gown matching the feathers colorful pattern; Herself looking like a peacock.
"Winifred. We must go now. It was nice having a chat, but your parents are waiting for us." That's when we left down the hall to the dinning room.
The glass windows are so magnificent. The colored glass lets the light in by chose making the colors dance till there is no tomorrow. Windows come alive like they are in a dream. Although I'm on the Ship of Dreams so anything's possible. I guess that is their way of having fun. Nobody can tell them no.
Sorry dearest journal. I have gotten to far off subject. Anyhow we met mother, and father in the dinning room. We sat at a large globular table; Five glasses, three knifes, three forks, two spoons, one butter knife, a bread plate, and an napkin on the menu. To me that is a great number of utensils for just one meal.
When I said "We" I meant father, Jack (he was invited somehow) Rose, her mother Ruth, her fiancée Cale Hockley, the loud mouth Margaret Brown (A.k.a Molly. I enjoy her. She has a mind of her own) Mr. Andrews, mother, and I. (Grandmamma was sitting with Mr. Ismay, and his wife, the Count, and Countess, and the Duke and Duchess of York.)
While half way through dinner, Rose told us how Jack saved her life.
"I wanted to take a peek at the propellers." She started to pretend to lean over. "I accidentally leaned to far over and slipped over the railing." She turned her head toward Jack. "If it wasn't for Mr. Dawson, I would have completely fallen over the edge, and ended my life."
"Then sadly I would have no one to marry right dear." Cale grabbed her hand and gave it a kiss. Rose turned to him and smiled a fake smile.
"Yes Cale." I never saw someone act that way before. I think I was the only one who noticed, but she looked hurt. Like she was dying inside. Her smile was fake, and her voice wounded, like she surrendered to something.
Her mother, which I heard from servants gossip said that she was flat broke and hated Jack. They said that Jack was falling in love with Rose, and that her mother would stop at nothing to get him out of the picture before he messed anything up with the marriage to Cale.
"Mr. Dawson, how is the commendations in steerage." She grinned at him, proving to everyone that he was not superior to us.
"The best ever M'am. Hardly any rats." Molly gave a little laugh.
After supper, the men slipped away to have brandy and talk about money, and politics. When Jack got up to leave I saw that he had slipped Rose a piece of paper. I glanced over, and saw what it said.
"Make it count. Meet me by the clock."
I followed Rose to the clock. Nobody really cared if I left the dinning room. They were all wrapped up in their own silly little gossips, and conversations.
I followed Jack and Rose as they took the lifts to "D" deck. I never been down there before. There were so many people. They spoke languages I never heard before: Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Dutch, Swedish, Polish, just to name a few.
I followed Jack and Rose into a room where there was a band playing some type of jig. I just stood where I was, watching people dance a dance I never seen before.
In point of fact, it was rather thrilling to watch as people began to spin around, and around. Getting dizzy, but never caring to stop. I felt left out. Of course wouldn't I be? I probably looking odd in my clothing, watching as men and women got drunk on rum. Them smoking their cigarettes they probably found on the deck from first class passengers.
I saw Rose and Jack dancing together. It tore at my heart a little. Then I noticed: Jack and Rose fallen in love. Oh how, I wanted to rush out of that room, and weep until I could have died on the floor I stood on.
Jack turned around when Rose was standing on the tip of her toes. He looked at me and gave me one of his wonderful smiles. That really hurt me, so I ran out of the room.
"Winnie." He yelled down the corridor after me. I stopped dead in my tracks. He came rushing toward me. "What's the matter?" He looked at the tears forming in my eyes, and falling down my cheeks. "What.. Why's there tears on your face?" He brushed his hand against my cheek. "Winnie please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you cry."
"I…I'm not crying."
"Come on Winnie, I know when a person is crying." He pulls me into a hug, then grabs my shoulders. "Now, tell me why you're so unhappy." I looked at him, then down the corridor seeing Rose standing by the door way.
"I don't want to rune your fun." I nod my head toward Rose.
"Winnie, if this is about Rose I have something to say. Sure I'm starting to have strong feelings about Rose, but there is a place in my heart for you. You're the first person who ever enjoyed my drawings. You see things and have feelings about them. There is nothing that is holding you back from speaking your mind. That's why I like you." He gave my kiss on the cheek. "Save a dance for you."
I put a hand to my cheek; it still burning from the warmth of his lips. "That's ok Jack. I have to go anyway. Mother might give herself a nose bleed if I'm gone to long. Maybe some other time."
"Ok." He gave me a pat on the head, and walked back toward Rose. He turned around, and waved. I returned one back, feeling quite embarrassed. Then if on queue, a door came ripping open. A force knocked me into the door right in front of me.
"AND IF YOU EVER COME IN MY ROOM AGAIN YOU GRIMY LITTLE DAMN, I'M TELLING THE WARRENT ON YOU!" The monstrous voice that yelled noticed the attention she gathered. "WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL YOU LOOKING AT? MIND YOUR BLOODY BUSSINESS." The door closed with great strength, knocking a mirror off the wall and shattering it into a million light catchers. The force that knocked me into the door, was a person. It was a boy that fell on me to be proper.
"Pardon me!" He quickly got up so he could offer me some service.
"Ms. I'm so sorry. You must forgive my Aunt Ella. She can be a witch some of the time, but she means well. Here give me your hand, I'll help you off of the dirty floor." I turned myself around to get a better look at the person who fell on me.
He was wonderfully built. His eyes a piercing blue, that sent a shudder up my spin. Not a frightening shudder, but an entrancing shudder. His hair a dirty blond, and he was not to thin, and not to fat; but some how perfect.
He looked back at me. I'm not sure where, but some how I did not care. He lifted me up off the floor and was still holding my hand.
"Haven't we meet before?" He did look familiar.
"Umm. I don't think we have Ms."
"No, I think we have." I tired reaching for my memories. "I know, you're the boy from the deck. The one lifting crates."
"Why maybe I did see you Ms.. Weren't you that girl…"
Oh dearest journal, I wish I could have gone on, but grandmamma came down with Cale's servant Lovelitt .
"Heavens!" I pulled my hand out of palm of the boys. Grandmamma came, and stood at my side.
"Winifred, what are you doing down here."
"Grandmamma, I came down here with Rose and Ja-"
"Of coarse that lower class commoner." She noticed the boy in front of me. "And who is this young man?" The boy, stuck out his hand, but grandmamma refused to take it.
"Jeremy Aims. Madam, I mean Ms. Missus."
"Well Mr. Aims. If you excuse us, my granddaughter, and I have to go get our sleep. We had a very exhausting day." She turned on her heels and walked a little ways down the hall. "Come Winifred."
I rushed down the hall after her, not looking back.