Disclaimer – What to do – what to do, I don't own them, this is true. Do you?

Okay, this is it, the epilogue and the final installment of what was supposed to be a one-shot.

Really, it was.

In any event, I hope you enjoyed the 'ride' and do feel free to comment. It's my only reward, other than the fun I have writing the guys into these awkward situations.

Be blessed.

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The Temper That Almost Ate Manhattan

by Reinbeauchaser

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Chapter 10 – Will Somebody Please Pass the Salt?

When Master Splinter returned a few hours later, he noticed, again, a quietness that seemed out of the ordinary.

He smiled.

Carrying his grocery bags into the kitchen, the rat's sensitive ears picked up the almost indiscernible sounds of whispers emanating from one of the back bedroom. "Probably Donatello's," he thought to himself.

Once Splinter placed his grocery bags on the kitchen counter, he casually made his way back through the lair, into the hallway, and to his sons' private quarters. This time, he did not try to be quiet, but allowed his walking stick to make its usual 'tap-tap-tap' sound along the floor. He then stopped in front of Donatello's room. Although his son had the door closed, Splinter knew the others were in there as well.

He smiled, again.

Inside, huddling close together, four well-armed ninja turtles held their breath. Each hoped and prayed that whatever their father had planned for dinner did not include them – that is, as far as ingredients were concerned.

Nevertheless, it seemed so wrong that they believed they had to protect themselves from him. As it was, Mike had done an exceptionally good job of literally freaking them all out. Of course, the discovery of the recipe on Don's computer did just as much, too.

In either event, the four of them sat there in Don's room, anxious, yet ready for whatever.

"My sons, I am making a surprise meal for the four of you," their father's voice called through the closed door, causing all four brothers to suck in a startled breath, "and I would appreciate it if you would stay out of the kitchen – until I call you to dinner."

And then, the rat left, leaving his four sons to ponder and agonize over why in the world he would make such a request.

"Well," Raph deadpanned after a long pregnant pause, "at least he said he would call us to dinner."

Mike, still wide-eyed and concerned, "As if that's any consolation!"

Don wrapped a comforting arm around his brother's shoulder, "Mike, he could have said, 'for' dinner."

That seemed to placate the worried turtle in orange, but, just the same, he still kept his hands firm on his nunchuks.

An hour later and by the time Splinter called them, there had been many theories bandied about among his four charges.

Mike was certain 'turtle' in some form would be on the menu. He even placed a bet with Raphael, promising to do all of Raph's chores for a week if he was wrong.

Raph promised to do Mike's chores if he wasn't, but was pretty sure he was.

Leo refused even to speculate. The very thought of his own father 'dicing and filleting' a real turtle for dinner, even though it was highly unlikely, made the ninja in blue feel absolutely sick to his stomach.

"I don't care if we end up with pizza, my appetite's tanked," he groaned miserably.

Don shrugged, "Do you really think our own father would fix anything like that? Com'on, guys," he reasoned, "just doesn't make any sense." Still, he couldn't ignore the fact that, like Leo, the last thing he felt like doing now was eating anything Splinter might serve them. And he realized something that intrigued him. Despite the absurdness of the whole scenario, despite the fact that Master Splinter had taught them all how to protect themselves, Don realized the he and Leo had succumbed to mass hysteria! He could understand Mikey's reaction, considering his youngest brother had such a great imagination, and maybe even Raph. But for himself and even Leo to be so afflicted was almost – hilarious. Donatello would have chuckled out loud in that moment, but the brainiac knew that at least two of his brothers would not appreciate the humor of the situation.

So, the turtle in purple kept quiet and just tried his best to remain – reasonable.

After their father called them to dinner and as the four brothers filed bravely, but hesitantly, into the kitchen, they saw that the counter was clean and uncluttered. There wasn't a speck of evidence as to what their father had prepared. In either event, when they came out of Donnie's room, they had smelled a delectably delicious aroma! By the time they had made it to the kitchen and despite the imagined horrors on the dinner menu, their mouths were watering.

Even Leo had to admit that, whatever his father had prepared for dinner smelled divine!

Splinter noticed their weaponry. "My sons," the rat asked, slightly confused, "Is there a reason why you are – so armed?"

Leonardo shifted a bit on his feet and sighed, "Never know when we might get attacked, Sensei!"

"Yeah," Raphael added, fingering the hilt of his right sai, "Better safer than – ah – sorrier?"

Nodding approvingly, the rat allowed, repressing a smile, "Hmm…that is quite - wise of you to be prepared. Anyway," he gestured towards the chairs, "please, take your seats. I will personally dish up the soup."

"Soup?" Leo asked worriedly, remembering the website's recipe he saw on Don's computer.

"Yes, a – special – soup, in fact." Splinter cheered, "I had Miss Oneal help me get the ingredients. There were some stores that I could not visit, even with my disguise, but I needed certain ingredients and she was most obliging to do the shopping." He then turned around and went over to the stove.

Four worrisome turtles looked at each other, wondering what store it was their father couldn't go into.

Mike mouthed "Pet store!", but Donnie shook his head and mouthed, "Don't think so." Raphael sided with Mikey, though, as he laid a comforting hand on his baby brother's shoulder.

Leo seemed caught in the middle, though, not sure which way to think. He eyed his father's back, as Splinter busied himself at the stove. The turtle sighed twice in quick succession, as if trying to calm himself. He then grabbed the back of his chair, determinedly pulling it out from under the table to sit down.

The other three did the same and soon, all four brothers sat at their assigned places. Now, four pair of eyes watched the rat as he took up a very large pot from the stove. Effortlessly, Splinter placed it in the center of the table. A ladle hooked securely along the inside edge of the pot, while the other end of the large serving spoon settled deeply into the soup. Steam rose greedily up from the over-sized container, with a wonderful redolence filling the room.

Representing each member of the clan, five soup bowls graced the table, placed and spaced perfectly around the well-worn piece of kitchen furniture. A soupspoon accompanied each bowl, with a glass of water to wash the food down. A single plate of towering toast resided nearby, each slice slathered with a generous amount of butter.

It all looked very, very inviting – if not for the imagined main ingredient!

Splinter then gestured for Leo's bowl.

Leonardo stood there stoic, staring up at his father, then the turtle glanced at his dish, and then back to his father again. He gulped, but obediently took up his bowl and handed it to the rat.

Splinter filled it generously with the hot soup and then he passed the dish back to Leonardo. The ninja master then repeated the process with the rest of the 'hesitantly-proffered' bowls his other sons gave him. When the rat filled his bowl last, he took up the large pot and placed it back on the stove. He returned to his seat, where he then sat down and picked up his spoon.

"What is it they say in France? Bon Awp'a'tee?" and then Splinter began eating, smiling as he did.

His sons, however, stared at the contents of their own bowl, each one looking up at the other and raising queried eye ridges. None of them really wanted to ask Splinter what he had put in the soup, although they were immensely curious about it, of course.

Realizing they very well could not eat the soup without explaining why, Don was the first to plunge his spoon into his bowl. He was certain Mike's fears were unfounded. Donatello soon brought up a slightly thickened broth, overflowing from the spoon and plopping softly back into his dish. Filled with an assortment of finely diced cooked vegetables – and peppered with chucks of what appeared to be strange, whitish meat – the spoon screamed 'eat me'.

Don gulped, hoping that Mike was indeed wrong, that his father had not rediscovered a taste from his distant past. He closed his eyes. Then, slowly, he slipped the spoon filled with soup passed his lips. Don quickly closed his mouth around the end of the utensil. When he finally pulled the spoon out from his mouth and allowed himself to taste the soup, his eyes opened in surprise – and a smile creased his face.

"It's – good!" he allowed, somewhat shyly.

Raphael's eye ridge rose even higher, his voice quietly low and suspicious, "Good, as in 'tastin' good', or 'good' as in, not what we expected?"

"What would you be expecting, my son?" Splinter asked Raph calmly, yet knowingly.

Raphael had not meant for his father to hear him. He looked horrified at his sensei, now, realizing he had 'spilled the beans' about his and his brothers' concerns. He gulped, "Um, well…ya never told us what ya were makin', 'an so…we sort a discussed earlier…what it might be."

"Really?" Splinter remarked, taking yet another slurp of his soup. When he finished his bite, he wiped his mouth with his napkin and asked, "And what exactly did you think I was making?" He smiled a little bit more, now.

Raphael looked thoughtfully over at the aged rat. He then glanced at Leonardo, who seemed like a deer caught in headlights. Michelangelo coughed a bit and quickly took up his glass of water. He glanced over at Donnie, eyes pleading as he peeked over the rim of his cup.

Now, all three turtles looked to their smarter brother, all three hoping the brains of the bunch would have a believable answer.

"Well?" Splinter asked tersely, "I am waiting." He knew full well what his sons had been thinking. "Urban legend, indeed!" he groaned quietly. Nevertheless, it was important for them to voice their concerns; otherwise, he would have to take measures into his own hands.

Finally, Don cleared his throat and explained, "Well, Sensei, that – ah – urban legend Raphael mentioned? Um, it had to do with – rats." Suddenly, he lost courage to say anything more. The purple-banded turtle quickly took up his own glass of water and downed its contents in almost one long single gulp.

"Rats?" Splinter repeated calmly, "And what do rats have anything to do with my - soup?" He looked pointedly at each of his sons.

Donnie rolled his eyes just a little as if trying to think of what next to say, but then Raphael finally came to everyone's rescue, "I told 'em what ya told me this mornin', Sensei. They're all a little – surprised, is all, and – well, maybe I shouldn't have, eh?"

"No, Raphael," Splinter concurred, "You should not have. It is my story to tell, after all." He noticed a bit of relief come over his other sons, so he added, "I would have eventually told the rest of you, but in due time." He bowed his head slightly, "However, since it is now common knowledge, I must ask for your forgiveness for keeping secret my mistakes these many years."

Mike's attention suddenly took on epic proportions, his eyes slightly wide, "Mistakes? You…made mistakes?"

Splinter looked to Raphael, a sudden dread coming over him, "You did not tell them about…Saki?"

"Saki?" Mike remarked, "What about Saki and what kind of mistakes did you make?" He looked expectantly, now, towards his father.

"Yeah!" Don and Leo chorused together, as they turned eager faces to Splinter.

Raphael shrugged, "Sensei, I only told 'em how…how ya almost…ate us, s'all." He nodded towards the soup, "an' why we're all– a little nervous about…dinner."

Splinter groaned and shook his head to the heavens, before leveling a pointed glare at his son. He corrected sternly, "I did not almost eat you, Raphael." The rat heard the other three breathe out long sighs of relief, unstrained and happy smiles finally gracing each son's face. Then Master Splinter added, a slight upturn of his mouth betraying his own brand of humor, "I said I only thought about eating you!"

Instantly, the smiles disappeared, but the four brothers finally caught their father's mischievous eyes and his growing smile. They realized, then, that he was only kidding. They laughed a bit, with Mike slapping the table and declaring his father's joke one of the funniest he had ever done.

Finally, as the laughter and amused comments died down, Leonardo picked up his spoon to dig hungrily into his soup, followed enthusiastically by everyone else.

Between bites, Raphael finally asked as he gave a lopsided grin, "Hey, Sensei, this is pretty good! What's in it?"

"Why thank you, my son," Splinter bowed his head slightly, again, humbly receiving Raphael's praise. "I used chicken for the meat."

Mike laughed and grabbed up a couple slices of the toast and then dipped the corner of one into his soup. Tearing it off with his teeth and as he began to chew, he asked, "By the way, Master Splinter, what kind of soup is this?"

Before Splinter could say anything, though, Raph remarked sarcastically, "Mikey, Mastah Splintah just said he used chicken, so that would make this chicken soup."

"No, Raphael," their father corrected, "It is not chicken soup."

Raph, Leo, Don, and Mikey all stopped their eating, turning towards their father.

His eyes sparkling mischievously, Splinter chuckled and simply said, "It is mock turtle soup."

THE END

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A/N – And there in lies what could be only the start of many sleepless nights and nightmares for our four heroes in a half-shell.

As a side-note, before it became illegal, chefs used green sea turtles in Turtle Soup. As an alternative meat, and especially when sea turtles thankfully became a protected species, calves head and/or chicken replaced the original main ingredient. Turtle Soup was thus renamed Mock Turtle Soup.

And, how many of you caught the Alice in Wonderland references here? This is not a challenge, but just a rhetorical question. For those needing to know – it was the phrase 'eat me' and 'mock turtle'. I had wanted to tag the end of this chapter with the Mock Turtle's Story, but decided against it, not because of FF rules, but because of its length. AIW is, after all, public domain.

Anyway, thanks for reading and for any comments you care to share.