April 13, 1912. 4:46 p.m.
I awoke screaming again… I just can't get that bloody nightmare out of my head. I woke up screaming after five minutes when I laid my head down on my pillow.
What was the use at any rate? There was no one to hear me… no one at all. I'm all alone. Everyone leaves me behind. You know dearest journal I know I may sound pitiful and all but I was left alone even when I was little.
My parents went to parties. Sometimes they would notice me. I mean they do love me, but they only ignored me, because I wasn't the son they wanted. Except that changed now. Mother and father do things with me now.
Anyway, enough of these depressing memories. In any case, when I said I was all alone when I woke up screaming, I wasn't… The boy from steerage was in my room.
Well, coming out of the bathroom. He had shaving cream and cuts on his face. He had no shirt on, except trousers. The flaps hanging down on his side.
I gave a little shriek, and hid under the covers. I must have frightened him more, because he backed into the wall. After an odd pause I peeked my head out from under the covers.
"What….What…why are you in my room?"
"Shaving what do think?"
"You do a horrible job at it I might say."
"Well, what do you know about shaving you're a girl." He crossed his arms over his chest. I jumped out of bed. My nightdress following behind me. I marched right up to him, inches in front of his face.
"You shouldn't be in here. This is my part of the ship." I huffed, putting my hands on my hips. "Now I don't know who you are, and don't care so…."
"So?" He snickered at me. I tried to think of something to say.
"Honestly I'm about this close to slap you, and-" I looked at him. Those eyes. Those piercing blue eyes. They made me forget all my nightmares, all my troubles.
"And?" He notices me starring at him. "What are you looking at you girl?"
"How dare you talk to me like that." I looked firm into his eyes. "Aren't you that boy? Jeremy Aims?" He looked back at me. His snicker turned into a smile.
"Yeah, and your that girl, the one I fell on. Morrill something."
"Winnie. My name is Winnie."
"Ok, then Ms. Winnie. I'm master Jeremy." He held one of his hands out. I grasped it firmly. "Nice to have meet you. Again."
"Gezz. Your hands, there frozen. Don't you people light fires in your rooms? Here." He took my arm and lead me into the parlor. He took out some of the wood in the bucket, and lighted a fire. He made me sit in a chair. He pulled up a chair, and started to rub his hands together over the fire.
"Why are you in my room?"
"Me, I freeload."
"Freeload?"
"You know… umm. I go into other peoples rooms when their not there. Take a bath, have their scraps."
"Shave."
"Yep. See us people who are less fortunate we have to get by, not like you people who have our kind scrubbing your feet and asses, treating us like dirt."
"Not all of us." I say faintly turning away. "Some of us want to live." I pull my legs into my chest. Jeremy looked at me then at the door.
"I saw your family. Nice bunch. I saw them leave to the tea room. I think I heard your grandmamma say something about a walk on the deck. Your father and brother swimming." He walked over to the door leading to the private deck. I followed him. He leaned over, glancing at the water being sloshed around against the side of the ship.
"Wait, how do you know what my family looks like when you only saw my grandmamma?" His lips made a straight line and his expression went blank. He turned to look at me, then at the sea.
"You have been following me?" He stares at me.
"No… not really. Jack tells me things."
"You know Jack?" I grabbed his arm, then noticing what I was doing let go and walked over to the table (the deck table) and sat down.
"Yeah I know him. He sure is a looker isn't he?"
"Yes he is handsome." I believed with excitement, then I notice Jeremy's face. His piercing blue eyes gave off a hint of envy.
"Yes a man like that can have any girl, women he wants. Besides he is young, and daring for someone of twenty-one."
"He is only twenty-one? Goodness! nine years apart." I cover my mouth quickly.
"Your only twelve?"
"You know arithmetic?" I covered my mouth again feeling idiotic for saying something that was too mean something else.
"I ain't brainless. Well not that brainless for someone who's fourteen."
"That's youn-" Before I could finish I heard the door open from my bed room. I turned quickly to Jeremy. "Their going to find you!" Oh my golly goodness dearest journal I'm was going to be in trouble, enormous trouble.
In addition to the scene that was about to happen, I felt a ping in my heart. Not the painful one, but one of spark feeling.