Tornadoes For Sighs
-Chapter 19-
Stuck On
TATSUMAKI HATED THE 55TH HERO CERTIFICATION EXAMS MORE THAN THE 54TH.
There were 11 684 participants so they had to split the tests at 6 locations. The facility was huge and held many testing types of equipment where the proctors gauged the strength of the newbies.
She was at HQ, sighing at the new blood. Hundreds of people milled around, looking excited to be heroes. The participants were all mostly naked, to show off their muscles. They wore corny hero costumes and didn't have any shame. Another reason she mildly respected Zombieman was the casual nature of his outfits. He wore foreboding, tatty jackets. She didn't think he looked weird. It made him more approachable.
Zombieman and Tatsumaki sat on the bleachers propped against the east walls. S-Class presence either prompted the participants to work harder or piss their pants and get intimidated. Tatsumaki didn't care. Zombieman got her gummy worms and she allowed him to stay. Zombieman's neutral, dark colours looked odd beside the colourful gummy worms.
To Tatsumaki, Hero Exams were like a car wash— everyone comes and goes. Many people rolled in here with full intentions to get shiny, get sweaty and show off their curved muscles but they all left. The participants networked during these events, so many people got teams, but the teams usually broke apart later in their careers. People get greedy.
To everyone else, Hero Exams were like try-outs to change the world. People wanted to be a hero. It reaped a lot of benefits. A lot of them didn't heed the mental effects— the stress, the desensitization to death and violence, the constant working and the strict hierarchy that beat them down. Oh, yeah, death on the job was pretty common.
"Do you think that any of them will work with us?" Zombieman asked.
"Pfft. No," Tatsumaki smacked his arm. They'll have to get off of her dick first. "I heard them saying if they're nice to me, I'll mentor them. I hope this exam makes them feel like garbage in a nice, relaxing way."
Zombieman chuckled. "You're harsh. What if another Tatsumaki was down there?"
Not even her imposter could do hero work better than she did. "Will you take on a new disciple? I want one," she asked instead of bragging.
"No. I'm kinda occupied with a 4'10 woman who doesn't believe in cooperation," he smirked.
Tatsumaki rolled her eyes. "Yap about that and I'll go back home. I want a new person in S-Class. They currently suck. Especially the one with guns." she teased.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
After a couple of weeks, most people just quit despite wanting to be a hero. So, most of the S-Class don't take the newbies seriously. The insecure idiots try to fight the newbies just to show who's boss. Tatsumaki laughed at the rookies. She tells them to wave hello to the top.
"I feel it. This year, we're getting new people. Someone's bound to join us. Monster attacks are increasing. There's a 22% increase from last year's applicants." Zombieman shrugged with a grunt.
Tatsumaki frowned. What got them out of their mom's basements? She was confused.
"I think the quality of heroes has done down," she admitted, watching someone tear their ACL and cry bloody murder. "Way down."
Zombieman made a small sound of amusement. "You're wrong, for the first time in recent history." Zombieman drawled.
Tatsumaki glared at him. What a bold thing to say.
Zombieman smirked. "Some of the higher-ups whispered about a potential candidate who single-handedly destroyed the "House of Evolution" and he's currently creating a buzz. He burned it. He's a person of interest. He'll be on our roster."
H-House of Evolution? ROSTER?! Horrified, Tatsumaki choked on her gummy worm. She nearly eluded a coughing fit and settled down, eyes watering.
"He's— What d'you mean?" she demanded with a hoarse throat.
"Sneck is the teacher of the class with the two who made it."
WHY? Sneck's weird! He'll probably teach them how to rip off the system and wear snake boots!
Tatsumaki growled, "Why wasn't I allowed to teach?"
Zombieman shot an incredulous glance her way. "You refuse every year. You don't acknowledge the newbies as human." Zombieman chuckled at her disgruntled expression. "The higher-ups like when you give unprompted speeches at the start of the exams because you scare off the weak-minded ones. Otherwise, you're terrifying. Remember you broke someone's clavicle?"
Yeah, she does. The dope tried to rip off a part of HER dress to show his friends. He was a creep!
Tatsumaki wet her lips. "That wasn't completely my fault!"
"You can't chase off the new S-Class member. He isn't human, too."
Her heart dropped like a stone. HE'S S-CLASS?! Genos. Tatsumaki shot away, off into the staircase to get to the classrooms.
This was her worst nightmare! She hated Genos! She hated him with a burning passion that could fuel a million cities for a thousand years. She didn't want to work with him or act senpai-like or give him help or even look at him in the face!
Tatsumaki hated this brat. He was so snarky and obstinate. How dare he speak to her?! Did he know that she could short-circuit his brain and control the electrical waves in his body? She could do SO MUCH and he doesn't know it.
Tatsumaki abruptly stopped her mad hunt when she spotted a crowd of desk-glued employees standing around a computer, giggling. She didn't like that. Were these damn extras chuckling at her?
Tatsumaki looked over her shoulder. "What are you people laughing at?" she asked mildly.
The crowd froze, petrified. The only one who responded was a demure stout girl with red glasses. "There's a recruit with the coolest power we've ever seen. It's a video shared by my buddy. It's classified. Don't tell anyone."
Tatsumaki paused. Coolest power? Sounded like someone she knew. She hoped it would be some other doofus. She pushed past the mob —who made space for her— and peered at the large screen. She tentatively pressed the space key and let the clip roll.
She awaited some huge guy with arms the size of logs but no, it was Saitama! She hardly contained the gasp that spilled from her traitorous lips. She nearly gave herself away. Luckily, the extras were too scared to whisper a comment. Their eyes were glued to the screen too.
Saitama crushed every test they put in place. During the side-to-sides for thirty seconds, he was a blur. It took him seconds to do the 1500 metre run. He probably carried more than 2 tons during the weight lifting portion— with one hand. The shot put ball disappeared out of the building's ceiling and will crush another building when it lands or simply disintegrate with the friction and speed he threw it at. The idiot got his head stuck in the ceiling during one vertical jump. He broke the whack-a-mole machine while trying to be delicate. He broke the punching machine and sent the smoke, crumpled thing through a wall.
Tatsumaki was just as light-headed and amazed as the rest of them. She stepped back from the computer, cowed and aghast. What was Saitama? To feel crippling jealousy was new but this was annoying. Annoying! Damn it! She felt a tantrum building.
Not only did those idiots apply, but Saitama will also come for her throne in a matter of what— days. With a couple of missions, he'll be at the top. It will take a photo, a confession from her and a monster for him to be the number 1 hero.
Tatsumaki stalked away, contemplating between massacring 100 monsters or just asking Saitama to take off his shirt and show his thighs with lotion. And that overbuilt chest. Grrr. Why couldn't her brain see him as a strong 3 out of 10? He was bald! Bald! She hated herself.
The atmosphere relaxed when she almost turned the corner. The chatter was excitable and loud, coming back to life and she heard everything.
"Finally, someone can challenge the S-Class and win!" Someone cheered. "He gave it his all."
She turned around suddenly and let off a wave of green energy, to make them pay attention. Shamrock green wisps lit up the hollows of their faces with an eerie glow. Desks vibrated in their spots, chairs danced around and her hair coiled up like Medusa's snakes.
She glowered at them. "What an insult. Don't you guys see?! He was holding back."
The people in the room were just as flummoxed as her.
"Huh?"
"No way!"
"That was not playing it safe! He broke thousands of dollars in equipment."
"Is she having problems at home? They're engaged or it's not him…"
Tatsumaki face-palmed. She didn't want to be around these people. "Where is Sneck teaching the rookies?" she demanded.
"It started at 4. In Lecture Hall Number 3. It's almost 5:10." The same glasses chick answered.
"Please don't rookie-crush. He's too good to just die." Someone had the gall to whisper as she stalked away.
Lower-class heroes disgust Tatsumaki. Why would she rookie-crush? Those losers take themselves out of the hero game. Tatsumaki huffed, proceeding to Lecture Hall Number 3 and she waited outside of the classroom.
Tatsumaki got a cluster-headache as Sneck lectured while she tried hard not to be dramatic. Instead of stringing curses together, she checked through something Zenko sent Tatsumaki at the kid's lunchtime. People were fighting to sit with Zenko again.
Like everyone in the new generation, Zenko chronically took photos and shared them. Tatsumaki was happy she was included in these moments. Her newfound anxiety about Zenko's safety was soothed by seeing physical evidence she was fine.
Badd and Zenko went to school starting yesterday. Zenko woke Tatsumaki up at 5 a.m and they went through Zenko's entire wardrobe. The kids have a uniform, anyway. Zenko was excited about cute useless lipstick pockets.
Leaving Zenko to organize her backpack, Tatsumaki made breakfast for Badd. She wanted Zenko to eat but she was "busy". Badd wanted pancakes so she made them. The overhead stove light clashed with the dusky azure light leaking in from the windows.
Badd was pensive as he sat at the marble island. He was quieter than usual. She didn't prod at his sighs. She made him a wondrous bento, a hearty pancake breakfast and she's planned to walk them to school. She turned the radio on to his favourite station and let him be.
There was a long stretch of silence as he stabbed his plate and the fork bent in half. The counter split like a coconut. The rock fell with a loud thud and cracked even more. Tatsumaki liked that the house didn't split in two, so she was fine with it. Badd, however, looked frustrated.
"Sit. It'll be replaced in the afternoon." Tatsumaki said with a shrug. "Any-who, Zenko insisted on having avocado on her pancake—"
"Fuck! Fuck!"
Tatsumaki shot him an amused look. "Yeah, it's weird but it's just avocado. Relax."
"Not that!" He balled up his fists and jumped to his feet with anger. "This is what I'm damn talkin' about! I can't even hold a fork right, how am I gonna manage a damn pencil at this fancy school with fancy teachers! I'm a pro-hero, do you think they'll take me seriously?! They're gonna isolate me and put on extra work because they're jealous, just like my old school. Shit. I'm not afraid of school. I know they'll fuck with me. They say I'm a time bomb."
Badd leaned on the counter after burning off some frustration. Then he stewed, arms crossed, brows bristled. "School sucks," he grumbled.
Tatsumaki turned the stove off. She was so far away from knowing how to react. Normally, he would ignore her, go on a run or shut himself off in his room. This time, he stayed and told her why he was upset. Tatsumaki was shocked.
She cleared her throat twice. "It does. I mean, I—"
"What can you do about it? I'm the one going through it."
"True. If you want tutors, you're getting the best one in City A. If you want me to trash around some teachers after they harass you, I'll get comfy in jail and on magazine covers. If you wanna come home, I'll get you a cab. I can do that. School sucks so much."
Badd's anger softened and his creased brow relaxed. "Thought you'd call me a coward…"
She rolled her eyes. "Kid, telling people how you feel and when you're scared or hurt or unsure is lame but pretty brave." Braver than she's been in decades.
Trying to cheer him up, she put whip cream and blueberries on his pancake and made them into a happy face. Badd scoffed at the cutesy childish thing but the waves of unadulterated annoyance lessened.
She leaned on the counter, across from him. "I had the same strength issues and awful, deplorable social skills when I was young. Things broke. A lot."
"Like what?"
Tatsumaki hummed. "Minutes away from the bell, I couldn't get a package of 500 printer papers open. I got frustrated with the printer and paper flooded the whole library. The printer fumes up because I severed the wires inside of it. Multiple tests were going on. Everyone mixed up their test papers. The whole class had to do the exam again and the printer wasn't replaced for weeks. Not to mention two bookshelves fell over. One kid broke her arm."
Badd chuckled lightly. "That sucks."
"Duh. I know how it feels. It gets better." Tatsumaki said sincerely. "I know you're a million times better than any kid going to that school— aside from your sister. You're gonna succeed. I take you seriously. Sometimes."
He nodded, his patented scowl on his face. "Is the kitchen island gonna be replaced?"
"Pronto," Tatsumaki promised. "If someone messes with you, get your revenge first and then tell me. I'll finish the job. We're both time bombs but I'll help clean up after the damage is done. So, eat up, get your energy. You've got ass to kick."
They shared a mischievous smirk and came to an understanding. He finally dug into his pancakes and she set off to check on Zenko.
They walked to school and Badd was welcomed warmly. He even picked up a loyal henchman at the baseball field who didn't care that he won every game or lost the baseball in the stratosphere. Zenko's naturally precious personality won people over immediately. There were some jealous people but she didn't care.
Tatsumaki didn't see Fubuki, which bummed her out. Badd promised he'd walk Zenko home. It was their bonding time. Bearded Worker found out she took care of a sweet 8-year-old, he hired a bodyguard to watch Zenko during recess and gym. Zenko was an extension of Tatsumaki and didn't have superpowers like her brother. She was vulnerable.
When the day was over, she took the kids out for ice cream. It was wholesome.
The next day had the Hero Exams and her return to the workplace. Her foot was better. She still didn't want to see Genos or Saitama. Mostly Saitama. He ripped the floor from under her when his bicep did that thing and he was better than her.
Tatsumaki ignored Zombieman's text messages. He was the only person who could fight Genos and not die but would Zombieman do that? He was all kumbaya and peace and love around her and he doesn't want to pick on the supposed S-Class newbie. Plus, Zombieman had this weird energy around Saitama. When they see each other, she'll feel weird again.
The meeting room door opened with a disgruntled Saitama and the stupid cyborg with narrow eyes. She gave them a withering scowl. They were in her territory, her workplace, her culture. They were going to steal her shine. She needed a plan to combat this— this invasion. She stipulated one of these dolts were fucked over. She wanted to know why.
Feigning nonchalance, Tatsumaki cleared her throat and crossed her arms. "What are your ranks?" she asked in a chilly tone.
Surprisingly, Genos arched his brow. "What are you doing here? No other candidates took part in our lecture. Also, Master is—"
Sneck slid out of the classroom and settled in front of Tatsumaki with a devout bow. He gave his rookies a scalding look.
"Oh, rookies. Bow down, this is your senpai; Tornado of Terror! Don't ask her questions and definitely don't get in her way! No disrespect should come to our S-Class rank 2 hero! She's your God as of now." Sneck turned to Saitama. "Do everything she says, especially you! She's a perfect model of the system in place. You will hope and scrabble to be just as revered as her—"
"Be quiet, you prissy oxygen thief." Tatsumaki held up her hand.
Tatsumaki didn't want an introduction or compliments. She wanted the truth. Now. Sneck made an unsure sound but faltered off with a sharp glance. Did Saitama already replace her?
She refocused on the other two men. "What are your ranks?"
Genos unfolded a sheet of paper he held. "S-Class. Rank 17. Master is C-Class."
C-Class? There's a mistake! Saitama was S-Class. He's beyond S-Class AND he's much better than Genos! Much better than her! Saitama deserved to be put in his real place— on a podium step with her… but on a lower step. Maybe he'd show his parents and Aimi that being a hero was worth it.
"This isn't… I'll have a word with Agoni," she announced.
Sneck gasped. "Tornado of Terror-sama… they have yet to show their worth. They are the two who passed. Please, give them time to prove themselves and fail."
She rolled her eyes at him and set forward. She didn't want to waste time when her anger was still fresh.
"Don't," Saitama said simply, kind of exhausted. "Let's just go."
He halted her movement. She glanced at him, jaw clenched. He was on his way towards the exit and she caught up. She was shocked, all the way outside, on the blocks near the pretty houses.
She went from anger to indignation to confusion and now she wanted to ask him questions in a tepid tone. The streets glowed a soft magenta and the sky was a palette of yellow, orange and soft violet hues. She got enough nerve when they traversed a back path with barely enough space to fit the three of them side by side.
Genos finally said, "Apparently, the Hero Association was formed about three years ago."
Saitama hummed. "So, it's only been three years?" He stared down at the booklet all new rookies received during their lectures.
"It was after the grandchild of a millionaire was attacked by a monster. The child was saved by a passerby. When Agoni had heard what happened… he came up with this system and used his fortune to establish the Hero Association."
"Well, they put on some pretty boring seminars."
"In any case, as new heroes, we'll be known around the world," Genos said with a slight smile. "Now we can work with our heads held high."
"Master." Genos paused, a sly expression on his face. "I guess I'm now officially your disciple."
Saitama seemed dismayed.
"Please continue to guide me as my mentor." Genos bowed deeply.
"Yeah…" Saitama said faintly.
Genos was pleased. "All right, Master. Good night."
"Yeah, see you." Saitama waved stiffly.
Genos walked away, happy. Saitama was aghast, staring at the spot where Genos stood. He looked ready to throw himself off a bridge. A million thoughts passed over his tight expression.
"Hey," Tatsumaki just went ahead and said it. "You aren't C-Class. The toaster is strong but not as strong as you. I don't know why you don't want to change it. I can do that for—"
"What do you think of C-Class heroes?" he cut in, an open expression on his face.
"It doesn't matter because you're not like them." she folded her arms. "I saw your tryout. I also know Genos is getting credit for the House of Evolution. Your parents are watching right now. I just want more for you. You deserve more! You're getting trampled."
"There's something wrong with the system. Not me," Saitama told her simply. "I'll work at what I need to."
Tatsumaki opened her mouth then closed it. Why couldn't he just agree with her? There's the bureaucratic hell that she could fight through if he said the word. There's something wrong with the system of course but… The company wasn't treating them — the strongest people she knows— with the same respect—
"Hey, don't think too hard about it," Saitama said gently. "It's not a big deal. I'm gonna help people the way I did before. Whatever the rank, I'll help people."
Saitama wore old jeans and a red-sleeved sweater that said 'Oppai'. Would he care about his outside reputation? Plus, he literally won't change his opinion because of her forceful inquiries. Regardless of her discontent, she can't force him to feel anyway.
He's done some big power moves like kill Fubuki's Mysterious Being and help the community. He could've easily reported the monster he killed and stayed with it. He would've been a hit with the community. Does he have the worst luck EVER? He doesn't get any recognition and then he got stuck with Genos and then this defunct ranking system. Blegh. She feels like Saitama will be wasted by the system or he'll thrive in it.
Saitama is at the bottom of C-Class. He has to climb all 338 people then he gets to B-Class then A-Class and finally S-Class. She sighed. She sees his impending doom but she'll be there, so it can't be so bad.
"You're on the hunt with me to find Raegan, right?" asked Tatsumaki.
He nodded. "That was established, right?"
"Aren't you going to be busy with the tin can?" What about me, stop making this hurt, her heart asked.
His face brightened then dropped, shoulders curled in in distress. "Oh yeah, Genos wants to spar with me. He got upgrades." He stuffed his hands in his pockets.
She narrowed her eyes. Genos sure did have an S-Class ego. Dumbass Genos. She got the feelings Genos set the battle up. She kind of wanted to know why the hero examination board approved him as S-Class material. She's only seen him lose. Maybe he'll prove himself against Saitama.
Tatsumaki calmly met his gaze and said, "Can I come along with you?"
He was blatantly caught off guard. "Why? You hate Genos."
Tatsumaki felt a flicker of agitation. She stamped it out. "You got a disciple. I want one. If I see you with Genos, maybe I'll attract one." she reasoned sweetly.
He eventually nodded. "If you want to. Show up. Don't expect too much, though."
"Pfft. I'm not stupid."
He told her the location and meanwhile, she was thinking of just how to congratulate him. He looked downtrodden and upset about his C-Class status. Before she could do something about it, he bid her goodbye. She stood there, amongst the golden bath of light City A was famous for.
His face showed this apprehension and slight reluctance. He's questioning something. She saw it on Atlas's face when she became a hero and told him. It was on Saitama's face for a split second but she caught it and could never forget it.
While she trampled back to the company, she walked by a vegetable gyoza pushcart. A family was sitting there, the father and daughter sharing a large plate under the turpentine sun.
They look so happy. She hated smiling but she always smiled around Atlas. It was like a disease. The humiliation ebbed, she'd unfurl from her humiliated squat and his positive words alongside his never-ending attention would feel like forgiveness after being nothing but ridiculed.
Atlas would always get her after-school snacks and offer to carry her on his large shoulders. He'd notice how angry she'd be. He offered a bunny doll that was an obnoxious firetruck red colour. He pressed it into her hands and said, "Every time you feel angry squeeze this."
She can't control her anger but he still bought her little bows for her rabbit. She can't stop thinking about Atlas. That stupid bunny. It set off her life-long appreciation for rabbits.
"Hey. Tatsumaki. I got some dumplings for you." Zombieman's familiar voice called out.
She turned to face him. "How long have you been there?"
"I came to you because I wanted to get some dumplings to cheer you up." He held up two crinkling bags. "They're vegetarian."
Tatsumaki rolled her eyes and agreed. She didn't want to turn down free food. They were good! Ah. She could really taste the carrots and the cabbage. He was bringing down the mood with his nihilistic and sadistic comments, though.
Zombieman cleared his throat. She didn't react so he did it again. He was obnoxious enough to try again and it enraged her.
"You trying to infect a whole village? Just talk!" she snapped.
"I saw you looking at that family earlier."
Tatsumaki hummed. "Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't."
"Well. I was. I don't remember my parents." he started casually when they settled on a bench near the river. "I remember dark rooms and never growing old but I don't remember them. Maybe I outgrew them without knowing. I remember a smile with a gap tooth, though. Maybe that was a doctor."
Tatsumaki sucked on her teeth. "It's nice to know how devastatingly trashy people some parents can be. You should stop being so naive." Tatsumaki mumbled.
"Really?"
She nodded. "Wouldn't you want to have someone with the same hair colour as you? Who was big and dependable… and left you gifts because you exist?"
He was quiet for a few minutes then asked, "I thought you had parents. Kizashi and Atlas."
"They are my parents." Tatsumaki looked at him with conviction. "I'm talking about my birth parents. The ones who gave me the mole on my shoulder. They're gross. I don't want to get bamboozled again by them. So they revealed themselves and—… They just disappoint me as money-hungry assholes I want them to perish."
Something solidified in Zombieman's eyes and she didn't like it.
"I know I'll come across them and they won't lay a finger on you ever again. I'll make sure of it," he said quietly.
"Are you trying to be cool? Come back to reality." Tatsumaki snorted.
"Can't I help you, for once? Instead of the other way around?"
He was too helpless. There were so many people claiming to be her parents. The trashy tabloids pretended to run stories about her and her birth parents.
"You always beat your enemies on your own," he said slowly. "This one is different because I—"
"This isn't! And I can beat this one on my own. I know you were on the verge of asking about my parents. Don't get involved." she told him sternly. "It'll only hurt you. I am an unending armada. You are just Zombieman. Don't burden yourself."
"Burden me? This isn't—"
"It is."
"Okay. Can I help you, in any other way?"
"Zombieman!" she yelled, silencing him with the loudness and intensity of her voice. "Let's eat. Talking about feelings makes the food taste bad," she grumbled.
Zombieman agreed. If he was reluctant, he didn't say so. He just gave her an extra-large dumpling.
When she got home, she felt the strange urge to call Atlas and ask him about his feelings when he showed that face. Unlike Saitama, Atlas would answer. She never ended up doing so. It was dinnertime so she watched videos on quadratic functions and parabolas with Badd while he struggled.
###
The next day, Tatsumaki came early to find Saitama and Genos on a weirdly cut-out canyon floor. It was massive. Perhaps a giant or two messed up the terrain and left this strange crevice with a relatively flat bottom. The rocks were heated and the sun beat down on them. The wind whistled softly and kicked up the smell of dirt.
She stood near Genos. He hasn't acknowledged her but she was being such a great samaritan and ensured his survival if Saitama went too far. She knew Saitama wouldn't purposely kill Genos but eh, anything can happen.
She stopped tapping her toe in favour of pensively staring at her foot. Something didn't feel too right about ANY of this. The closer they were to the fight, the more trepidation settled in her gut. Maybe dreaming about Fubuki's words didn't help. Maybe it was the weather.
She cleared her throat. "Hey, toaster boy, you need to know something."
Genos stared at her incredulously. "I am busy with something." He turned away dismissively.
Tired and aggravated, Tatsumaki yanked him closer with her Esper pull and parked him right in front of her. She hovered so they could be at eye level. "You sure you wanna do this? You don't know what you're in for," she whispered, getting all up in his face.
Genos was confused and stepped back. "I got new upgrades. I am 100% certain this will help me succeed in becoming more adept at reacting to high-speed attacks."
"Listen bubba, you somehow made S-Class, so I feel obligated to tell you something life-saving; manage your expectations," she said coolly.
Genos's eyes hardened. "Why?"
"Why? You may just die," she grunted, being realistic herself.
"Possible?" Genos grimaced at that. "Master is strong but I am in no position to feel threatened. It's not but a spar."
"You asked him to go all out. He's on a different level." she hissed
An offended Genos glared at her for a couple of seconds then scowled. He glanced at Saitama, who crossed arms in the distance. Saitama doesn't look it but he's a beast. Nothing was intimidating about red gloves and boots, a yellow suit and a billowing white cape but Saitama himself was.
"I am prepared to do whatever to get stronger," he said resolutely. "I will get to his level."
Tatsumaki almost cooed at that. Oh, what a naive little lamb Genos is. Oh no, he should get into a pond because of what a little silly goose he is! Tatsumaki used up all of her graciousness. She wasn't saying ANY of this to be an asshole. She just wanted to put his headspace in the right spot. It was like talking to the male version of Fubuki. There were times when people are just stronger, accept it.
Tatsumaki clapped her hands. "Fine. Go ahead. I'll see your name off of the Hero Registry because I told you so. Search it up and now, picture it gone." Tatsumaki said loudly.
Genos took out his phone and got on the website.
"Hero Registry?" Saitama asked after hearing the commotion between the two.
Genos scrolled and nodded after a few seconds of digging. "Yes, I am an S-Class hero and you are a C-Class hero. We are both ranked last in our classes. Right now, we are listed as Genos and Saitama but as we perform more heroic acts, we will acquire hero names." Genos informed them.
Fuck. She has to record this stupidity in action for Zenko.
Tatsumaki already pledged she would film the fight. None of them cared nor did the two heroes oppose it.
Zenko wanted to see Genos-kun in action. She heard Tatsumaki complaining to Zombieman about the new S-Class addition on the phone. At first, Zenko agreed and got annoyed. Then Zenko saw Genos on TV and all of her cheeky comments fell off because Genos was "cool! How does he talk? Can I come along? I wanna see the newest hero!".
Sigh. Tatsumaki was betrayed. She pressed record and dutifully pointed the camera.
"Hero names? What are those?" Saitama asked innocently.
"I believe they are like nicknames that capture a hero's characteristics. For example, I might be the 'Blond Cyborg'..." Genos scanned his phone again.
"Wait." Saitama lifted his cape. "If that's how it works, won't I be like the 'Caped Baldy'?" Saitama asked with a slightly worried expression.
"Hm, Aside from being ranked by ability…. You can also be ranked by popularity. Some heroes have fan clubs."
Saitama made a sound of interest.
"Well, no one cares about that." Genos dismissed it.
Saitama deflated a bit. "Heh—"
"Thanks for agreeing to my unreasonable request today," Genos said seriously.
His eyes glowed and he pressed his lips together in concentration. The air changed and got charged with unreleased energy.
Tatsumaki normally loved fights and the gore and the death between lesser beings. It made her proud to be her. Something about this fight filled her with apprehension. Meanwhile, Saitama distanced himself from Genos, his gait wide and his voice loud.
"Yeah, well I did promise to make you my disciple," Saitama said, a bit burdened. He stopped and turned to face Genos, who was far away now. "Is right here good?" Saitama called out.
"Yes!"
They'll travel a lot during the attacks. She unconsciously got up, up in the air but they were dots. She wanted to pick up on their voices and not dwarf them too badly. Maybe she'll back up.
Eh— back up?! She caught herself and shook off her reluctance. Nothing bad will happen to her. Of course no. She was Tatsumaki, not a bitch baby who got scared. Pfft! She forgot herself for a couple of seconds.
So, she settled halfway up the cliff nearest to them.
Saitama nodded. "So we're just having a practice bout, right? Not fighting for real?" he clarified.
"Yes. That's what I have in mind. But I want you to go all-out, so I, too, will give it my all."
Genos's mechanized anatomy whirred. He pointed his feet in a solid, well-balanced stance, stomach muscles tight and back straight. He stood in a side-ways lunge, shoulders slightly turned, one arm curled up and the other mostly straight.
"Please grant my request," Genos said seriously.
The wind picked up. Even dirt tried to run away from Genos and Saitama's chaos.
A fiery molten orange ran under his armour. The glow illuminated his robotic limbs with lines of steam stretching into the air. His automated ribs glowed like neon slices of fresh cantaloupes under his white tank top. Tatsumaki could see the energy his body harboured. The shadows in his face were more pronounced. And his collar didn't even flinch.
It was mesmerizing the way Saitama moved, the grace, the power, the conviction and control.
And so Genos shot himself across the field with a fiery explosion and an arc of blinding light. Lightning sparked around him. He missed the kick to Saitama's face and chipped debris off the ground. Saitama ducked his whole upper body. Genos used a blast to propel himself around and gain momentum for a deadly spinning back wheel kick. Saitama obviously dodged with tight, minimal movements.
Genos zig-zagged around in a streak of blazing yellow like a wasp. He sped downwards to do an axe kick into the ground. Rocks and debris jumped into the air while he splintered his landing spot like a broken glass plate.
So far, so good. When she relaxed, the fight stopped being visually simple for her green eyes.
One second she sees Saitama escape and the next she sees a huge beam of fire slice the other lip of the gorge. Smoke and leftover glitter of fires burn for a second. Then they left trails in the air and the lines intersect. Then there's the loud bangs and screeches of wind. Then she gets thrown off balance because they're punching craters into the surrounding cliff. Then Genos leaves black scorch marks after he directs the biggest blast she's seen in a while in Saitama's direction.
The explosion stopped abruptly with a jaunty Saitama poking Genos's face. Genos lashed out and Saitama disappeared from view again. Tatsumaki thought this was over so she settled on the grass above the gorge and lowered the phone closer to Genos and Saitama.
"Master?" Genos said gravely.
Saitama, who'd raced behind him wobbled to get balance, was confused. "Eh?"
"Have you forgotten the rules of the bout? Dodge any attack you are able to dodge. Take it seriously and no fooling around. Do not hold back. And…" Genos exuded killing intent and homicidal want. "keep fighting until I am no longer able to fight."
Saitama crossed his arms, head cocked to the side and expression blank.
Genos's body heated up once again and he took a combative stance. "Show me no mercy!" Genos insisted. "Those were the rules, Master—"
Genos wasn't dodging that last punch Saitama throws—
A deafening roar transfixed her eardrums. The air shook for a modicum of 6 seconds. All she felt was a huge push of air blowing into her face and throwing her off balance. She was dizzy and her spine ached from being decked.
Tatsumaki still clenched her phone, her knuckles white. Thank God it was okay. She was recording one second then floored the next. She didn't want to re-input all of those important phone numbers. Eh, her wrist kind of hurt. Her skin was frosty and little pinpricks of red pelted her wrist. She didn't break any bones.
Ignoring the discomfort, she pointed her still recording phone to the scene. Saitama must've done his weird teleportation flash step gimmick and the fight should be over. No more smoke raised into the air.
Then she remembered. Genos!
Tatsumaki blasted down the cliffside, eyes glued on the white spot of Genos's shirt in the thick, cold dust cloud.
Good… He didn't kill Genos nor did he punch the kid. He missed Genos and all that force went behind Genos. His punch carved out a behemothic, monstrous, cyclopean channel into the rock, the mountains behind Genos. The air was disturbed and the underside clouds were rounded… All the rock pits that were hot as coal were now cool.
He… Just. Saitama. Just. He trained for three years and he's capable of this?! She was speechless, just as Genos was. She purposefully pointed the camera at the hole Saitama made with a large level of awe and then crippling worry.
The fight lasted 4 minutes and 33 seconds and he did so much damage. A sort of leaden weight filled her bones. She knew people were stronger than others. There will always be someone better and stronger than others. She always thought this mythical beacon of strength would be her.
Ain't that some annoying shit. She balled up her fist.
"What's the matter? You don't like udon?" Saitama asked loudly, to both of them.
"Master, udon is agreeable," Genos said decisively.
Tatsumaki fully thought Genos would be butthurt about losing so badly. She wouldn't be able to look Saitama in the eye after this. Genos rushed to Saitama's side.
Genos was… pretty robust and cool. Well, the parts that were still susceptible to human error. The dumb toaster lit up when challenging Saitama. He survived that and offered himself up.
Tatsumaki floated to Saitama's side with a cautious nature she didn't have before. Could he hug someone without killing them? Would he purposely dismantle her spot in S-Class in about three months? Every time the urge to ask came up, she felt awful and shut up. Maybe she'll get better at this and become a clam in her next life.
"You comin'?" Saitama asked her pert scowl.
Tatsumaki shrugged, laconic and stiff. "I guess."
They found a small noodle restaurant and ventured inside. There were wooden seats, earthy tones and blue-accented wooden seats. Genos sat across from them and Tatsumaki pulled a chair beside Saitama. There weren't too many other people. Just some fans who fawned over Tatsumaki for a couple of seconds and she signed two napkins and brought them over to the whispering girls.
The contrast between the bright red gloves and the rosewood-coloured cords enraptured her. She just wanted to hold his hand. She got flashbacks of the stupid mountains… Stupid Saitama. Octopus. Boiled egg. Light bulb. Avocado. Kettle. Baldy. Kneecap. Ping pong ball. Rice grain. Beanhead. Lame face goblin. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Tatsumaki kept her eyes low on the table. She sighed at the water Saitama drank out of her cup.
Saitama perched his chin on one hand. "I'm glad you both like udon," Saitama said.
"Yes. I'm not very picky." Genos answered.
"Eh, I'm also kind of low on funds right now…"
Tatsumaki perked up. Did Saitama need money?
Saitama pointed at a hanging poster with a red marker and daunting words. "Hey, how about another match, Genos?"
UDONTED
SUPER-SPICY MEGA-MONSTER
UDON CHALLENGE
PRIZE: ¥ 50 000
FAILURE: ¥ 100 000
Tatsumaki gazed at Saitama with annoyance. He's moderately stupid but also spontaneous with his stupidity, huh.
A chipper Genos and Saitama ordered the literal bucket of udon. She could smell the heat from the kitchen and distinctly remembered the chef listing off all the side effects. He also didn't want a lawsuit, so that was a red flag.
Tatsumaki all but drank glasses of milk.
They didn't care about the side-effects, like idiots. Served in buckets, Genos and Saitama gulped the noodles down. She tried not to gag when Genos drained his bucket quite speedily. Genos was alright amidst the petty whispers, the shocked ramen chef and the nosy old couple all staring at the table.
Saitama was sweating, he nearly threw up about 7 times and he got less and less confident as time passed. Saitama's head uselessly flopped onto the table. A fat noodle hung outside of his nostril. Tatsumaki rolled her eyes.
"I… give… up." Saitama groaned.
Genos was sharp and focused. He glanced at the chef. "Is that it?"
Saitama became lucid enough to look at Genos and compliment him. "Man, you're awesome!"
Tatsumaki wasn't paying attention to their bro-fest because someone just entered. She hoped it wasn't paparazzi. Instead, it was the bright and shining Amai Mask. It wasn't an improvement. It was a huge headache.
"You must be Genos-kun," Amai said smoothly. His hands were in his pocket, he wore cool tones and had a blazer that tapered off too perfectly.
She immediately slid closer to Saitama, protective. Amai will try something. She just knew it. He couldn't keep his mouth shut.
"I'm Amai Mask, Class A, Rank 1." Amai Mask smiled briefly at Genos. "I'd like to talk to you."
"Class A, Rank 1?" Saitama repeated.
"It's Amai Mask!" A teenage girl said, delighted. The middle-aged woman began crooning.
"Talk?" Genos questioned, unimpressed.
"He might be a rookie crusher. Be careful, Genos!" Saitama whispered.
"I see. Please wait here, Master." Genos got up stiffly. "I was just thinking about taking a walk to digest my food."
Amai's smile flinched almost imperceptibly. There was still something wrong in his eyes. Predatory.
Amai smiled at her, nodded his head and kindly left with Genos in tow. She didn't say anything because Genos could protect himself against Amai Mask and she doubted Amai Mask would try to hurt Genos. If Amai Mask stalked them and came over, he was probably trying to get a new plaything to manipulate.
Tatsumaki sneaked a tentative look at Saitama and he was already looking at her shamelessly. "Why're you drinking so much milk? There's no challenge 'bout that."
Tatsumaki knitted her brows and thought for a moment, debating whether or not to rant and rave and lash out. But— but he kept on looking at her like that and everything came out.
"I drank milk. Everyday. I didn't grow a centimetre. Then I hated milk. I pretended to be lactose intolerant. It's hopeless." Tatsumaki tapped on the glass cup. "Genos is just like me. He'll always drink milk, no matter how much nothing changes. He got beat. Miserably. He still thinks he'll surpass you." she stated flatly.
"You don't let the losses affect you because you have a dream. It can't."
She scowled at that, bitterness burning the roof of her mouth. Maybe she's too cryptic against other people's accomplishments. Saitama gave her the same sense of crawling dread.
Milk still tastes like top shelves and failed dreams. Tatsumaki thought she'd grow into a tank and she'd tower over ALL the human versions of a headache. She realized two things; this ball of emptiness that went from her chest and climbed into her throat was the annoyance that Fubuki was right.
She eyed Saitama for one last time and slammed her cup on the table. It was cracked, not broken. She moved to leave, getting half a step away.
He stayed in place. "What's up with you? Did you get hurt during the fight?"
"No way." Tatsumaki snapped then she winced.
Idiot me, Tatsumaki winced. She wasn't supposed to respond. Getting into an argument would cause her to stay for longer and she didn't want to do that.
"Lemme walk you out—"
"It's fine. I have to talk to Romeo." She held up a hand. "Back off."
He stood suddenly, which made her tetchy soul put up forcefields. He pressed his lips together, a bit hesitant to move. She knew what he was thinking and she slowly dismantled the shields, embarrassment burning her ears.
She wanted Saitama to get recognition from Badd and Zenko but the whole world… Fuck that. He'll probably forget about her amidst all the praise and money— he loves money. And then he'll disappear.
Tatsumaki couldn't look at him. She was too distraught to have that coordination. "I'm not scared of you. Honestly…" she paused, swallowing bile.
"Honestly what?" he pressed.
Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. She repeated those words like a liturgical chant. God. Being honest about — gag — feelings was so hard. Especially when his eyes are sharply focused on her like twin blades, like lightning bolts. He's giving her time to change her mind but she doesn't take the chance.
"I'm not scared you'll hurt me. On purpose," intoned Tatsumaki eventually.
"I wouldn't. Zuzu, I have control."
"I know! It's just… not easy to deal with. You came along and broke the hierarchy from the outside. What the fuck was that?! The fight you had with the tin can. Where did that come from?!"
"That? It was nothing." he dismissed.
"It wasn't nothing."
"Why? Do you want to spar or something? It'll be interesting—"
"No. I'll lose. And you know I'll lose. Why else do you act so goddamn careful with me? If I fight you, I'll lose and I hate it. I hate it!"
Consideration washed over his face. "Is that why you didn't tell me about joining the Hero Association? You could've. You didn't."
Of course he'd notice that. Damn it.
"I purposely didn't tell you because I wanted to spend more time with you. You were in a separate world from my workplace. It's like I'm suffocated. I am on top in there but with you coming, you'll take it all. Everything that's mine."
"Are you jealous of me?" he asked softly.
"You know that." she spat.
Damn that blank expression. She felt like shit. She shouldn't have said that but she couldn't stop being mean. "God. I want the best for you but I don't want to lose to anyone but I know how hard you worked and everything you gave up. So. I. Fuck." She stomped her foot.
He stood and they were looking at each other. Face to face. She wanted to punch him in his gut. She just fiercely met his stare.
"Then what's wrong?"
This was so stupid. She stared at the ceiling until her eyes hurt then it came out. "You'll ignore me like I ignore the other S-Class when you get to the top. You'll move and you won't tell me and I won't know because you wouldn't call me and Car Parts would vacuum your place! How dare you let Car Parts move in? He kept on bragging about how he's a perfect roommate. Why? You were mine first!" She smacked his arm.
"First?" he repeated.
"Yes!"
She smacked him again.
Saitama looked at her with a bit of disbelief. "You're a bit clueless, aren't you?"
She pouted harder. Clueless?
"Being S-Class doesn't define who you are. You've got countless other things going for you. Sometimes, there are things you don't win at. It is what it is. Getting jealous happens, too."
She laughed because he just didn't understand. "We're friends. I'm supposed to be on your side," she whispered. "I wanna… be a good person and be giving."
"Oh."
"You're making that difficult. Then you'll run and not see the changes."
His expression softened. "If you barred me out of taking the Hero Exam, you wouldn't be on my side. When I get a phone, I'll call you. When I move, I'll give you the address. And vacuuming, eh, it's free labour. Genos willingly does the chores. I can't pass that up—"
She smacked his arm.
"Quit that. I'll show you where the vacuum is, alright?" he conceded and sat back down. "You worry too much."
Where is he getting all these smooth lines? Her cheeks reddened. He tore through her indignation like it was wet tissue paper. She slid into the spot beside him.
Maybe Saitama will be her partner in the bureaucratic hell. Now he can officially accompany her on missions and meetings will be tolerable. Her colleagues are nuisances. They should normalize shutting the fuck up. Some people just didn't deserve vocal cords.
She suddenly felt exhausted, a burst of emotional tension making it hard to sit upright. Tatsumaki rested her chin on the table. "Are you in this Hero business for the long run?" she inquired.
He dropped his head and shrugged. "Maybe," he muttered into the thin lines of the table. "Maybe not."
"Well, during the 'maybe' stage… Can you hurry up and become S-Class? I'm exhausted of the unwashed masses in S-Class. I'm bored. It's boring. Make it better." she ordered.
Saitama blinked at her then chuckled lightly. "I dunno if I'll do that."
"Hah? Why are you torturing me?" Tatsumaki whined. "Don't you think there's a limit to how impolite you can be? Hurry up so I can play finger football with you during meetings. I'll get you a good spot under the vents. Cold air… good."
"How about not hanging out at work? There are way more places to chill than that stuffy building…" He shifted so they were both facing each other. "Finger football sounds good, too."
"So if you wanna climb the ranks by yourself… You should hurry. Get by me. You'll make it up to S-Class. You've got a disciple now. Be responsible."
Tatsumaki smiled —the type of smile that looks like an oversaturated sunrise— at Saitama and he looked fond. His eyelashes fluttered and they breathed in the same warm air. There was the cool sting of spices on her lips. The air buzzed with mutuality. She knew, somehow, somehow, Saitama was definitely on her level. Some other better level Genos didn't know about.
If they leaned closer, they could kiss. She wouldn't mind the spicy broth or the slight flush to his cheeks.
"Congrats on joining me. When I insult you, you are permitted to give me a slightly stern glare. At least when you get to S-Class." she added jokingly.
He laughed.
She couldn't drag her eyes away. His laugh went straight through her heart and made a hole through her chest. She was all fire and brimstone with what she did but she wouldn't mind sharing her awesomeness with him. Tatsumaki blamed the hot feeling on the spices in the air.
"You do know you're going to have to pay the 100 000 yen, right?" she reminded him slowly, so he would stop laughing.
He groaned and gone was the expression that made her romantic and weak.
"I even took out some of the noodles for you and you couldn't do it. Shame," she said in a mock disappointing voice. "I would've won it."
"You're a little thing. You'd tap out."
Tatsumaki puffed up her cheeks. "I wouldn't. You should've but you didn't 'cause you're dim. Genos probably shut his taste buds off."
Saitama frowned at that, eyebrows low. "Losing 100 000 yen sucks but can't be that bad. If no one came from the future to stop me, how bad of a decision could it be?"
Tatsumaki laughed.
For the first time, she believed friendship was about permission, not stifling each other and doting on each other. Maybe it was a warm and worshipful thing— not the prodding, the wheedling, the prying. She had a bubbling fondness for Saitama. His face was soft like he could read her whole mind and her feelings threatened to spill out. It's all his fault she's such a loser now.
"Are your parents harassing you more these days?" Tatsumaki asked quietly, averting her gaze. "I've seen Aimi persecute another hero for gross misconduct and property damage. It was on the news."
"She's sometimes on TV. People either love or hate her."
"Oh is she?" Tatsumaki said as if she didn't know. She knew. She practically stalked Aimi on social media.
"I was gonna tell 'em off about their attempts to lure me back home. To knock it off. They were mad for the first year and a half of me becoming a hero but now they're worried I'm serious." Saitama told her. "Aimi's worried, too."
"When the wall bust in at the game show, why'd you look happy to see Aimi? She's trying to bridge the gap between you and your "parents"." Tatsumaki whispered. "I just… don't get it. You. Her. Them."
"Aimi just wants to see them happy. Make up for all they've done for her."
"What about your happiness? Why isn't that important?" Tatsumaki brought up curiously.
Wasn't there a void in Saitama, begging please?
He didn't answer. Saitama sat up and drank some of his water after she stole an ice cube. "I wonder if he's alright," he said instead.
Tatsumaki hummed around the ice. They have been talking for a while. Amai Mask had a nasty habit of making newbies quit and making experienced heroes feel like shit. Genos was resilient as hell. Genos will handle the imbalance without flinching.
Or he'll be crushed like the tin can he is.
She didn't want to confront Amai Mask because of Genos. However, just then, Genos strut back inside, all stiff and stuff. He sat down with a clink.
"Done already?" Saitama asked.
Genos nodded. "Yes."
"You really are S-Class," Saitama said. "To have the top-ranked Class A hero come to personally crush you…"
"That's not it," Genos said quietly.
"So he wasn't here to fight? Then what gives?"
"In short… He came to welcome me."
Tatsumaki nearly choked on the ice cube and met Genos's eye. Amai Mask was an asshole who welcomed nobody. Ever. He didn't acknowledge her until the "Princess" nickname came up. He was an ass. Genos should be careful. She teased her co-workers but Amai Mask could ruin their lives and make them… disappear.
"Eh? What's that mean?" Saitama asked, one eyebrow lifted.
The two teen girls and the older lady who was shaped like a plum came up to their table. "You're friends with Amai Mask, right?" A girl asked with a high-pitched voice. "May I shake your hand?"
Genos, with reservation, reached out and gross, they all started fangirling intensely. Good for Genos. Maybe he'll stop cramming so much idiocy in his words and actions if he doesn't speak to her. She was about to make such comments but she noticed Saitama… upset by the attention Genos got. Or at least, annoyed. He averted his gaze with a small frown.
"S-Class and C-Class sure get treated differently," Saitama said while the three walked in the dark.
They were almost close to a nearby overpass. She was trying to call Amai Mask to know what he was planning.
Saitama was complaining to Genos. "If you think about it, though, isn't that like fraud money? I mean, you're a cyborg, right?"
"Yes."
"Nevermind. In any case, now we're even with a win and a loss apiece. Starting today, we're professional heroes. Let's do our best. Okay?"
"Okay," Genos said.
She opened her mouth but her phone rang. She scowled at it— a mission, now? Right before she was about to invite Saitama for apple cider beer?
Sigh.
It wasn't a mission. It was Badd, yelling into the phone. "Yo. Hag. There's someone inside of our crib. I dunno why he's here. The punk claims to be your brother. I only know about Fubuki. Who's this guy?"
Tatsumaki stared at her phone for a couple of seconds then pressed it to her ear again. "It's probably one of my foster father's kids."
"You have a dad?" Badd sputtered.
"Why are you so surprised?! Everyone has a sperm donor and Atlas raised me. He's adopted a lot of brats. One of them is at home. For some reason." Tatsumaki sighed.
"Well, can you get him out? He's got this depressing face. He's killing my vibe and making Zenko sad."
Tatsumaki sighed. "Put him on the phone— wait, did you hurt him, at all?!"
"No! I'm not a barbarian. Plus, he already had the key and you're very… particular about our safety," Badd grumbled. "Do we have to have a bajillion locks? I'm here and I can protect us just fine."
"Yes, safety is necessary! I'll be there."
"Better not be late." Badd threatened. "Or we deal with him my way. The superior way."
Her eyes twitched. "You little—"
Click. Badd hung up. Tatsumaki groaned. Why did she have to deal with this?! God fucking damn it! Because of that, she left.
###
-End Chapter-