Discliamer: I don't own digimon. There is a lot of self harm in this story. I do not endorse self harm and advise all people who feel like either character to talk to a trusted friend. There is shounen-ai in this story.

Reviewer's Response:

Azure Rose:I know there's hardly any is there and they're a great pairing. Yey! I'm glad you can see the effort going in because it's a very intense plot and I'm trying to do it well.Love Sovereign: I'm really glad you enjoyed this and I'm sorry it took so long to update.
The silent reviewer: Your muses are so cool!
Krylancelo: yey!I hope I've got the characterization down sadly they'll just get further from the happy characters in 02.
crying.a.river.of.blood: thanks for the encouragement, and here finally is the update.

Friday 29th April

From the pen of Ken Ichijoji:

Dear diary,

I know I'm upset I chased Takeru away but there's a wall as always between my feelings and my thoughts. I can make myself feel the regret through the pain but I panic in case my mother finds out so I have to make sure she doesn't return. I tell her I'm fine. I suppose I am but I'm lonely. Takeru made me feel that way. Takeru made me feel.

Friday 29th April

Takeru pulled on his jacket. It was time to go pick Kari up for their date. As he went to leave the flat he noticed the picture he still had on his wall. They'd taken a large one just before the digimon had gone home. He was holding Kari's hand staring straight at the camera a grin plastered across his face. There stood the others all clustered as close to the middle as possible. There standing a little way away from everyone was Ken a closed in expression upon his face. Takeru had never noticed but Ken's eyes were the colours of tears. He shook his head to clear such odd thoughts and dashed out to Kari's.

Knock

"Hello, Mrs Kamiya. Is Kari in?"
"Yes, she's in her room."
"Oh." Takeru squirmed unsure whether to come in or wait outside.
"You can go on through, T.K. Your friend Davis is there too."
Takeru walked in wondering what the hell Davis was doing up there. Would he want to accompany them? He pushed open the door.

Davis' arms were around Kari's waist and both their heads were very close. "Davis, should we? I mean...T.K..."
Davis snorted, "You know T.K's too immature for you. He hasn't even kissed you yet."
"He says he wants our first kiss to be special."
"And you think it's nicer to pretend it's your first one too. Listen, T.S is my friend. He's great fun but he's so young for his age."

"Who said I was your friend, you little traitor?" Takeru roared.
"T.K."Kari gasped, "We were just talking."
"I've been here ages Kari. You were planning to ditch me for this piss ant!"
"Piss ant? I'm not a piss ant!"
Davis and Kari both started arguing at the tops of their voices. Takeru squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't bear it and he didn't want to hear it. He dashed away from their calls and ran without stopping until he had to stop or faint.

He finally noticed where he was. Ken's new flat. Odd. He stood at the door unsure whether to knock or not. The door opened. Ken stood there his blue hair tied back in a loose ponytail. "Takeru, what are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll go now." said Takeru feeling the blood rush to his cheeks.
"No, wait. I'd be honoured if you'd come with me to get some groceries. I'm happy to listen to your problems."
"Seriously."He sprang at the suggestion. Then remembered Davis's comments on his childlike behaviour and gave a short nod.

They strode down to the shops and back all the time Takeru venting his anger with Kari, with Davis with everything.
"Feel better?"smiled Ken as the blond boy paused for a very much needed breath.
The blond boy shrugged. "I guess but I just can't express how much it hurt to see them together."
Ken nodded unlocking the door to his flat. "I can understand that. I have a theory that some people's bodies are bad at letting feelings in and out. They don't feel properly." he turned to look straight into Takeru's cerulean pools. "You're still cutting yourself,aren't you?" Ken blushed and felt his hand cup itself protectively over his wrist. Takeru saw the movement and pulled ken's sleeve up to reveal what could only be described as a gash.
"I can't believe you willingly did this to yourself!"
"You don't understand."growled Ken.
"Is it because I'm just a child?"
Ken grabbed T.K'sarm holding him in place. "When you say that you sound like a child. But most of the time you're not. You're much more mature than that idiot Davis or his new girlfriend. This is just something you need to experience for yourself before you can fully understand, like... kissing."
Takeru felt the blood rise to his cheeks. Ken smiled at his embarrassment. "or something like that."

T.K's Scrap Book

It was funny. I thought it would be awkward with Ken once is saw the huge gash on his arm but he didn't expect me to understand and we soon moved on to talking about other things. He's really easy to chat too and he understands me. I wish I could help him in the same way.

Friday 6th May

Takeru banged on Ken's door. He'd raced over here from school as he'd done every day for the past week. Ken was waiting there as usual. He wore a white tee-shirt over blue sleeves and comfy light blue jeans. Takeru noticed none of this looking straight at the guitar lying on the sofa.
"Do you play?"
Ken blushed and nodded. His hand rubbing his wrist,in what T.K now noticed as being the definitive Ken motion for embarrassment.
"A little. Not very well. I guess so."
"Would you play for me?"

Ken thought for aw hile than gentlynodded picking up the guitar, "I wrote this one myself."

Release.
Pleasure and pain.
Interchanging.
Blood is just red rain.
Cleansing.

Release
Heart and soul.
Feelings
They take their toll.
Demanding/

Release.
Sense not simplify
Unclear.
A need to amplify.
Fulfilling.

Ken started to strum a heartfelt instrumental and Takeru was entranced. With each slide of the strings the blue haired boy poured out a little more of his soul. His body was one with the guitar. Then Takeru noticed the blood trickling down the white shirt.

He screamed and frantically raced to Ken's side. His friend removed the guitar strap and simply stared at the river of red rushing to his stomach. Takeru wasting no time heaved off Ken's top and gasped anew. The cut was a small one but it was bleeding ferociously. Thanking the first aid course his Mum had made him take, Takeru stemmed the blood flow. "This has got to stop."

Ken who had been enjoying the cool feel of his friends hand upon his raw and ruptured skin took a minute to respond.
"Stop?"
"Yes, I know it makes you feel better but this is can't be good."
"I'm fine," said Ken irked as always by remarks on such a sensitive topic. He stood up, physically distancing himself from Takeru. Grabbing his top he went into his room to find another.

Takeru followed him shamelessly. He had to focus hard on the important matter at hand not Ken's pristine back with it's strong tense muscles but as the blackcotton dropped down his back Takeru's resolve stiffened.

"Look at how much blood is on my hand just from stemming that one cut!" He yeeled waving the offending article in Ken's surprised face. Ken grabbed it by the wrist and pulled T.K closer. He smiled at him and stuck his slightly pointed tongue out, gently licking the red stains off the tanned fingers. "It's my blood and it's my problem. I can deal with it myself I promise you."
He released him and smiled, "I don't want you to feel the need to worry about me. I like you too much."

---Takeru's POV---

I should tell someone. It's not my secret to tell. It doesn't matter not when it's so important. Ken's been a friend to me. I can't betray him. 'Round and 'round the same thought's circulate through my mind. I glance at the near empty scrapbook upon my desk. I've written a few short entries but they can't express the enormity of this problem. I need to tell someone but I can't. Ken's face wavers into view in my mind. I can hear him telling me that cutting yourself releases feelings, "I have a theory that some people's bodies are bad at letting feelings in and out."

I glance around the room and catch site of the penknife, Matt bought me for my birthday. It's got a polished green handle and has a silver dragon emblazoned upon it. I flick it open, slowly selecting the knife. Should I? Shouldn't I? I raise the knife to where my arm meets my shoulder,one place no-one will ever notice. I slice deeper and deeper and I watch the pressure oozing out of my skin. There's no need to worry about whether I should or not. No question of tattling on Ken because I've begun and now I realise I can't let anyone know.

Author's Note: I really appreciate reviews and do take all you say to heart. I want to improve so help me. Also, I made up the above song myself and would love to know what you thought. I apologise for the long wait between updates and I'll try to be quicker with chapter three. I also hope the spelling and grammar have improved. (Takes deep breath) After all that, thanks for reading!