Lee could feel his breath being taken away as he looked down at the woman currently resting on his chest. He had been sleeping in her bed for four years now, and the sight of her still made him want to grin like a fraking idiot. If this wasn't love, then he didn't know what was.
"Stop grinning at me," Kara growled without opening her eyes.
"I'm not grinning," he lied.
"Yes, you are. You always look like a fraking kid in a candy store after we make love."
Lee's eyes, which had previously been drooping with the ease of complete satisfaction, shot open. "Kara?" he said hesitantly, not sure she was aware of what she said.
She snuggled in closer to his body and planted a small kiss on his chest. "Yes, I'm finally admitting that we're doing more than just fraking. Don't let it go to your head."
Lee chuckled. He had known they weren't just using one another for a physical release from the first time he took her to bed, and he knew she was on the same page. You couldn't work this hard to keep away from a person and not realize when you did finally come together it was going to be more than you could ever imagine. He knew it, and she knew it. It was just fun having to work to make her admit it out loud.
The memory of what led them up to this nice post-coital snuggling made him smirk. They had been running around the perimeter wall of the outpost as if it was just another day. Lee found it funny that both he and Kara had been in the habit of running laps through their respective Battlestar corridors for all the years they were in service and yet it took her getting stranded on an outpost for the two of them to start doing it together. He had always considered it a way to sooth away the tension in his body. That changed the second he started doing it with Kara during his visits. Now he would only make it a few feet before the desire to push her up against the cold stone wall and frak her senseless came over him. This time, he had actually held out until they were two steps into Kara's home. His self-restraint was really surprising.
Lee tightened his hold away Kara and sighed. He had never felt this way about any other woman. Frak, he was pretty sure he'd die if she ever left him. He had always laughed at men who said that, but now it made perfect sense. He leaned down to give her a kiss. "You know how you're always saying I push my luck one step too far?"
Kara's head popped up, and Lee saw the uncertainty in her eyes. She was afraid of what he was about to do. "Yeah?"
He pushed a stray hair out of her face and smiled. "I love you, Kara."
"Frak you, Lee," she said, already trying to pull herself away from him. "You promised, you stupid fraker. How can you… I mean why… frak you!"
Lee used her momentum to flip their bodies. Kara was pressed to the mattress by the weight of his own body, and he took a moment to enjoy that before speaking, "You're not fooling anyone. I know every time you say frak you to me, you're really saying I love you."
"I don't love you," she insisted, squirming to get loose.
"Yes, you do."
"No, I really don't."
"Not even a little bit?" he asked.
"Not even a little bit. Now get the frak off of me before I start getting mean." Kara wished to the gods that he would listen to her. She couldn't keep this up for much longer. Plus, it didn't help that his body was rubbing hers in exactly the right places.
"Kara."
The tone of his voice made her heart drop out. Before they had just been doing their normal joking banter that bordered on the edge of turning into a fist fight, but now it was serious. Her heart sped up as she realized he had been telling her the truth. He loved her. He hadn't said it just to tease her. He really meant it. Kara began her struggle to get out from under him again and did her best to ignore the flashes of desire coursing through her body.
"Tell me why you're afraid," he insisted, pushing against her even harder.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Lee shook his head and loosened his hold on her. He didn't want to physically force her into admitting anything she didn't want to. "What's happening between us isn't two people finding comfort in each other's arms, Kara. It's more than that. This is love, and I hate that you're too scared to admit it."
"I'm not scared," she insisted.
"You just don't love me? Because if that's the case, I'll leave right now. I don't want to hold you back from finding someone you can actually care about."
"Don't be melodramatic, Lee," she said, rolling her eyes. His tone had shifted back to playful, and Kara could feel herself relax. Somewhere along the line, she had started fearing the day Lee would walk away and leave her alone on this cold rock. She depended on him to keep her sane. Every time he came to rescue her, she knew she had slipped a little further towards oblivion. There was a reason Fleet rejects were the only ones desperate enough to take these outpost jobs.
Lee leaned down and kissed her lightly, barely even making contact. "I love you, Kara. I don't care if you won't say it back. I love you."
Kara stared up into his eyes, and for some reason, she suddenly remembered what life had been like on this base without Lee. He had pulled her back from the ledge that first day he came to her. He only stayed for a few hours, and when he was gone, the loneliness and sadness crept back in. Then, three months later, he got another pass off-ship and he came to her again. Soon she found she was expecting him to give up every free second he had to be with her. The strange thing was he actually did it.
Still, the loneliness never really went away. Every day she lived on this rock, it took hold of her more and more. It was always there, haunting every inch of her, but for those precious few moments when Lee was with her, everything faded away. She lived for those moments.
She reached up to run her hands along his strong shoulders and sighed. "Fine. I love you, Lee. Are you happy now?"
Contrary to the massive grin that spread across his face, he shook his head. "I think we established that I can never settle for what you give me."
"You can't push me any farther," she insisted. "I said I love you. That's already too far."
Lee nodded. He knew what she was referring to. For four years, he had dutifully kept the promise he made her on the first night they spent together. Nothing permanent could come of this. There was too much history and too much pain between them already. Plus, the outside world wouldn't understand.
It didn't even matter to Lee that he couldn't talk about what they had together. Kara Thrace was something he was not willing to share. She was his, and he knew it. Up until a few days before, that was all he needed to know. That was all that mattered.
Lee leaned over her body to grab his bag off the floor. "What are you doing?" Kara asked, sitting up to lean her chin on his shoulder. Her arms snaked around his body and played with where the bed sheet covered his hips.
"I have something I want to give you," Lee said, doing his best to ignore what her hands were doing. He knew she was trying to distract him, but it wasn't going to work this time.
Kara nibbled lightly on his shoulder, and she moved her hand away from his body, holding it out to him palm-up. "A present? You shouldn't have."
"That's what you'll be saying in about two seconds," Lee winced, dropping a ring into her open hand.
Kara pulled herself away from him and stared down at the small brass band in her hand. She could feel Lee watching her, trying to gauge her reaction. The ring was extremely thin, but there was something graceful about that. She was about to ask him to explain what the frak she was supposed to do with a ring made of brass when it suddenly hit her what this really was. "Are you fraking insane?" she yelled, pushing herself away from him. She flung the ring back onto the bed and grabbed a t-shirt off the ground to throw on. She was not going to have this argument naked.
Lee realized that this was exactly why he loved her. To any outsider, their relationship looked ugly. It was hostile and messy and tragic. To him, it was beautiful. "I want you to marry me," Lee said firmly just to be sure she wasn't misunderstanding. "I love you, and I need you."
"You promised me that nothing would come out of this," she whispered, turning to look at him.
Lee felt his heart break at the way she sounded so betrayed. There were tears in her eyes, and he could see her biting her lip to keep herself together. He had never meant for it to happen like this. "I'm sorry, Kara."
"You promised," she repeated.
She looked so cute, standing there in only a t-shirt with her arms crossed against her body and a pissed off look on her face. Lee stood up off the bed, grasping the sheet tightly around his waist. He had to make this work. "The promise I made to you that day was something I knew I could never keep. I was already in love with you when we started whatever you want to call this. I feel like I've always been in love with you." Lee reached out to brush a hand across her cheek. "I can't give you up, Kara, not anymore."
"There's too much history between us."
"That's the point," Lee said. He pushed the ring back into her hand.
Kara's hand closed around it, and she turned her back to Lee. "I can't be what you want me to be."
"I don't want you to be anything but you, Kara." He fought back the urge to just pull her into his arms and smother her with kisses until she lost all will to fight him. "All I've ever wanted is you."
Kara opened her hand and looked down at the ring. It was definitely brass and not that much of it either. She knew there wasn't a shortage on this particular alloy so Lee had chosen to have it made like this. Her fingers ran along the outer shell. It was the smoothest piece of metal she had ever felt. This was a ring unlike anything she had ever seen.
"I don't want to run from our past, Kara. That's why I've given you that."
She turned to look at him. "I don't understand, Lee."
"Four years ago, I received an envelope from Zak. He must have written it a little while after he first got to Galactica and then tucked it away in the event of his…" Lee's voice faded off. They both still had trouble talking about his baby brother. "He left me a letter which he referred to as a wake-up call from the dead for his big brother to get his head out of his ass so I could finish what I started." Lee bit his lip and stared down at the ground. "I was stupid to think he wouldn't know. Zak could always see right through me."
Kara couldn't help but reach out to rest her hand in Lee's. He was struggling with something, and she couldn't pretend like that didn't make her hurt.
"Zak told me that two years was plenty of time to mourn. He must have specified to our family lawyer to wait that long before mailing the letter." Lee smirked as he remembered his brother's words. "He suggested I stop fooling myself and realize I was in love with the same woman as he was. He left me his dog tags. I had no clue what that was supposed to mean, but it got me to thinking. I missed you like crazy, and I barely knew you. That had to mean something. The day after I got Zak's message, I ran into Admiral Nagala, and you know the rest."
Kara looked down at the metal ring in her hand. "This is Zak's."
"He'll always be a part of us, Kara. Without him, we never would have laid eyes on one another. Things would be a lot different. Without Zak, I never would have known how it feels to be really and truly happy."
Kara shook her head and held out the ring for him to take. "Lee, we're not strong enough for this."
"I don't care," he yelled, pushing her hand away. "When are you going to understand that I don't give two shits about whether you think we can do this or not?"
"Excuse me?" Kara cried.
Lee knew immediately that he had gone about this the wrong way. He was doing his best to calm down, but nothing seemed to be working. He had expected Kara to put up a fight, but this was a little too much. She said she loved him. How could that be true if she didn't think she was strong enough to fight for what they had? "I didn't mean it that way, Kara." He sighed and pulled her into his arms. "All I know is I have to do this. I don't care if you think it's stupid or impossible. I can't live another day without knowing you're mine." Lee took the ring out of her hand and slipped it onto her finger.
"I don't understand why I mean so much to you," Kara said, quietly staring at the ring.
Lee sighed. "I've never been good at coming up with ways to say what I'm feeling."
"You've made my heart flutter a few times," Kara insisted.
Lee watched her play with the ring, sliding it up her finger until it was practically off her finger before sliding it back down again. He realized that this was the critical moment. If he didn't find a way to say what he felt now, then he was going to lose her. "You're my whole world, Kara. Everywhere I look these days, you're all I can see. Everything reminds me of you. The oceans on Picon are the same color as your eyes. The forests of Caprica in the autumn remind me of your hair. I see the sunlight in your smile. You're everywhere, Kara. You are everything."
Kara was about to protest again, but the look Lee shot her made her pull her words back.
"Sometimes, I wonder if I could just get you to see your face or hear your voice, if for just one second you could step outside everything that holds us back, if you could see what I see, then maybe you would understand. I have fallen in love with you, Kara. I don't want to be anywhere except right beside you. I will love you all of my life. So, if you can't bring yourself to declare our love in the presence of the gods right now, that's all right. It doesn't matter." Lee looked down at her hand and ran his finger over the small band. "Nothing can change this, and that is a promise I will keep to the day I die."
Lee raised his eyes to look at her and was greeted with a rather familiar looking smirk. "A woman traditionally says yes before you put the ring on," Kara pointed out.
Lee let out a small laugh. "You will say yes. It's just a matter of time."
Kara looked down at the ring. It really looked right, sitting on her finger. "You really want this?"
"I want you."
"I'm so tired, Lee" she whispered, stepping into his arms.
"Then don't fight it anymore. Don't push me away."
"I never wanted to be this happy," she confessed. "I never dreamed it could be like this."
"Me, either," Lee agreed. "But that's how it is between us. That's how it's always been."
They stood in the middle of the room, holding on to each other as tight as they could, for what felt like an eternity. Lee could feel Kara's mind racing as she fought to figure out what was happening between them. He wished there was more time, but if there was one thing his brother's death taught him, time was never a constant. He raised her hands up and slowly kissed each one of her knuckles. She had been hurt so many times in the past, and for years now, he had wanted to be the one to fix that. He only had to get her to trust him.
When he felt her relax against his lips, he decided it was time to press the issue again. He silently led her back to the bed and pulled her in against him. He always felt stronger when she was resting in his arms. "Please marry me, Kara."
He felt her hesitate for a second before she let out a deep breath. "There are too many questions between us, Lee. There has always been too many questions right from the moment I met you. We're not ready for this."
Lee knew better than to argue with her. He didn't want to force her into something she didn't want. If that meant he was going to have to bide his time until she felt like they were ready, so be it. Even if it took years, he didn't care. Those would be years in which Kara was still a part of his life. That was what mattered.
He was so caught up in convincing himself that this was for the best that, when she kept speaking, he almost didn't hear. "Too bad I can't live without you, either." She reached her hand up to close his jaw which had dropped open automatically. "We're not ready for this, Lee, but when have we ever been ready for anything that's happened between us?"
"So that's a yes?" Lee stammered, still not sure if this was all a dream or if she was actually agreeing to spend the rest of her life with him.
"Are you sure of what you're doing?" she asked. "I'm not the type of girl a man wants to bring home to his parents."
"You've already met my parents so problem solved." When his words didn't get a laugh, he got serious. "Kara, I am so insanely proud of the woman you are that it hurts. I would proudly introduce you to every person I have ever known and all the people I've never met. I've never found someone I wanted to give myself to so completely like I do with you. I trust you, and I hope you trust me."
"You know I do," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm just afraid. You're one of the highest profile pilots the Colonial Fleet has right now. What will they think when they learn you're engaged to a blackballed pilot who lives in the wastelands?"
"They'll think that I'm the luckiest man in the world to have found someone who understands who I am and what I do so completely. They'll be jealous that my wife is the prettiest woman they've ever seen and that she's so insanely happy she doesn't even glance at other men. Mostly, they won't think anything because I'm not going to let you out of this bed for at least the first ten years we're married."
Kara let out a giggle as Lee teased the nape of her neck with his tongue. "You haven't even let me say yes."
"Is it a yes?" he said, straightening out to look at her.
Her face was beaming as she gave him a small nod. "Was there every a doubt?"
Kara barely had time to blink before Lee had her pinned down again and was raining kisses up and down her body. She felt his hands reach down to pull the t-shirt off her body, and she knew she had made the right choice. She couldn't live without the feelings Lee stirred up inside of her.
Lee paused to nibble on her ear and let out a soft groan. "Oh gods, Kara. I don't know if I can wait. Would it be pushing you too much to ask if I can find a priestess who would marry us today?"
The decision had been made in Kara's mind, and there was no turning back now. "The sooner, the better," she said, smiling up at him. She knew this impulsive decision would probably come back to haunt her in the morning, but for tonight, it just seemed right.
Kara looked out the window of the car as Lee pulled it to a stop. They were in the nicer part of Picon City, the kind of place a girl like Kara never found herself. A rather large building stretched out in front of them. Kara watched the light reflect off the glass front of the building, and she called to mind all the sunsets she had seen while at the Academy. Picon had a way of reflecting itself out like a big shiny beacon for the Twelve Colonies to feel safe under. "Where are we?" Kara asked as Lee opened her door for her.
"You'll just have to see."
They stepped into the building's lobby, and Kara stiffened. There was a security guard staring right at them. She figured they had about ten seconds before they were thrown out of this place. "I thought you said you were taking me to where you live."
Lee smiled at her and was about to say something when the security guard interrupted. "Major Adama, it's been a few months since I last saw you."
"The Fleet keeps me busy, Desmond." Lee turned to Kara and pulled her out from where she was hiding behind his back. "Desmond, this is my wife, Kara."
"You never said you were married!" Desmond exclaimed.
Kara wanted to laugh at the shocked look on the security guard's face, but she was still a little too confused to let herself be that relaxed. This Desmond guy obviously knew Lee, but there was no way Lee could afford one of these apartments. The Colonial Fleet didn't pay that well.
"It's new to me, too," Lee explained. "We've only been married a few weeks. I need a favor, though. Could you do the necessary paperwork to give Kara access to the building?"
"Sure, sir. We'll pull her photo off the security cameras and list her under your account."
"Fantastic." Lee nodded and led Kara further into the building.
"I'm so confused," Kara muttered.
"I told you I was taking you to my home. Actually, it's your home, too."
"Lee, I was expecting some little, ratty military-issue apartment. I wasn't expecting this." Kara's eyes wandered the lobby as they waited for the elevator. This was still an apartment, just like she expected, but Kara was pretty sure it was the kind you had to kill someone to get and not the kind that gets handed to you when you enlist.
Lee stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the eleventh floor. "I've lived here for a year now, Kara. I couldn't stand my little hole in the wall apartment." He cleared his throat. "It reminded me of your place too much."
Kara laughed lightly. She could relate. There was a reason she never took her vacation time off the outpost. She couldn't go back to that apartment without thinking of Lee, and since she had no way of spending time with him, she just avoided Delphi like the plague.
Lee smile at her as the elevator shifted to a stop. "I had some money saved up so I moved in here, hoping that one day you could call it home, too."
Kara stepped into the hallway. There were only two doors. Lee walked to the one on the right, and when he was done unlocking the door, he pushed the key into her hand. "That's for you," he said. He held the door open. "As is all of this."
Her mouth dropped out. The apartment was fairly large and looked like it was straight out of Picon Times or something. What really took her breath away was the wall directly across from where she stood. It was made of glass, and she could see the waters of Lake Aegea shining below. She hadn't even realized they were on this half of the city. She stumbled forward to see that there was even a balcony. "This is amazing," she whispered as her hand came out to tentatively touch the glass.
Lee came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He smiled as she relaxed against him. "I thought you'd like it."
"I love it," she corrected.
"There's more," he whispered in her ear. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her from room to room, pointing out every single thing he thought she would appreciate. He had known he was playing with fire when he showed her the bedroom, and she didn't let him down. They were barely in the room a few seconds before she was trying to rip his shirts off. "Kara, as much as I'd love to make love to you in our own bed, the tour's not over."
"I don't think there's anything that can top this," Kara said, moving to sit on the bed. She ran her hands over the soft blankets and sighed. "It's going to feel like heaven to have you inside me under these sheets. Don't you want that, Lee?"
"I'm serious," Lee laughed, trying to fit back the urge to scream yes, he most certainly wanted to ravage her in the bed he had always dreamed of sharing with her. "I saved the best for last."
Grumbling, Kara got up and walked over to him. "It better be good, Adama."
Lee looked at her for a moment before leaning down to kiss her slowly. She could feel her knees beginning to give way and held onto his body for dear life. She loved the way he could make her feel.
When Lee was content that he had worked her into submission, he pulled back to grab her hand and drag her across the room. Kara was surprised to realize there was another door in the room that she hadn't even seen. Inside was a small room that shared the last few yards of the massive glass wall. The other three walls were a stark white, and the only furniture inside was a small desk with a few papers on it.
"Nice office here," Kara said with a laugh. "I didn't know you were so fond of working in a place that looks so much like sickbay."
"I was hoping a certain woman with impressive painting skills would help me with that."
Kara tried to figure out what Lee meant by that. The way he was talking sounded like he had planned this exact moment for some time now. "You want me to paint your walls?"
Lee took a few steps forward and rested his hands on the sides of her face. "This room is the sole reason I bought this place. I've spent hours just sitting at my desk and imagining what it could be. It was my dream that someday I would be able to sit back and watch you paint another masterpiece like I did all those years ago in your apartment. When I was searching for a place to live, I knew that I wouldn't be happy unless I found a place that I would be proud to bring you home to."
Kara's eyes shone with tears as she finally understood. "You made me a studio."
"Do you like it?"
Kara sniffled and nodded her head vigorously. "Gods. Sometimes, I wonder how I ever got to this point. I'm so ridiculously happy. What the frak did I do to deserve you?"
"Sometimes I wonder," Lee teased, planting a quick kiss on her lips before he pulled away. He looked down at his watch. "We have about an hour before you need to be back on a shuttle to PX-29."
"Then why are you walking away?" Kara teased. "I can make it quick."
Lee turned at the door to her studio and shook his head. "I would love to just throw you on that bed and frak you proper, Kara, but that's not the way I want to say goodbye to you."
"This isn't goodbye," she insisted, jogging a few paces to catch up to him. Her heart was already starting to break at the mere possibility that she would ever have to say goodbye to Lee Adama.
Lee paused at the front door and looked guilty. "I'm sorry. That was a poor choice of words." He sighed and reached into the front closet, pulling out an army jacket which he promptly tugged onto Kara's body. "The truth to the situation is that we both maxed out our leave to go on this little trip to Caprica and Picon. It's going to be a while before we see each other again."
"And because of that you don't want to frak until our bodies give out?" Kara gave him a skeptical look.
"You're more to me than how you make me feel when we're in bed." Lee smirked at her. "Though, let me say for the record, that is quite a nice perk to the relationship." He held the door open for her. "I just want a little time for you and I to be ourselves out in public. I want a little taste of normalcy before our lives get sucked back into the bizarre."
Kara followed him down to the ground floor and out the doors in silence. She could understand what he meant. Since the moment she had met her first Adama, things had flown out of control. She had fallen in love with one of her students, been too noble to marry him, tortured herself for years, fallen in love with the other Adama brother, and finally admitted she was the kind of girl that wanted to be a wife and mother. A moment of normality sounded like heaven.
Lee led her into the park across the street, and they walked hand-in-hand around the dirt path in the middle. Things had changed rather quickly in Kara. She had seemed so scared and haunted before he had asked her to marry him. Looking at her now, he couldn't believe that had only been three weeks ago. The words fell from his lips before he could think twice. "I love you, Kara."
Kara twisted to a stop and watched him for a moment before she nodded slightly. "I know."
"We can be normal if we try," Lee said confidently.
"I think so."
"I want you to come here every second you can. What that outpost is doing to you scares me."
"I would love to have this place to come home to."
Lee leaned down to pull his jacket tight around her body. It was the cold season on Picon, and the last thing he wanted was for Kara to get sick because he had some ridiculous desire to be like a normal couple, strolling through the park. He tilted his head to kiss her cheek. "You are my whole world."
"I know," she whispered, giving him a kiss in return. "And you're mine."
"Good."
"There's just one last thing standing between us."
Lee heard the seriousness in her voice and would have been scared if not for the slight gleam in her eyes. "What?"
"I still think I scored," she said, shrugging her shoulders. Before Lee could absorb what she had said, she was out of his arms and running across the park at full steam.
It only took him a few seconds to catch up to her and flip her over his shoulder. Her fists beat on his back as he walked them back towards his apartment. He knew everyone watching them couldn't help but see that they were just two people desperately in love. His mission was accomplished, and he still had thirty minutes before Kara had to leave. It was time to try out Kara's version of what would prove they were just a normal couple. He was pretty sure that she was wrong. Not everyone could muster up the heat they did when they both let go to just feel.
"Kara?" he said, giving Desmond the security guard a small nod. Her only response was to stop kicking. "You were a foot short, and we both know it."
"Frak you," she hissed.
"I love you, too."