You've all come this far. Those of us who have continued to bear with me all throughout today's conference have exhibited extraordinary patience and understanding, which I thank you for. But before you head to the door — I know this line of questioning has been exhausting for us all, and I am truly answering everything to the best of my abilities, and —
Yes, I am aware that we have gone over the allotted time for this meeting, but please, don't leave yet. I haven't made my concluding remarks, and whoever abandons us early won't get the chance to express their commitment. I have with me an offer of a continuous stake in the company on the verge of our biggest exponential — no, hyperbolic growth moment. The product launch is still on the horizon, and the half of the room that's gone will never get the chance be a part of it!
There are doubts, of course sir — we all have doubts. I would be suspicious too, in your situation. My comments regarding the scenario have indeed been too nonspecific, and if my explanation of the ethos and core values of the project have seemed contradictory, it's only because revolutionary technologies always escape the logic of the moment. That is the nature of a truly transformational product.
Faith, yes, faith, I'm asking everyone remaining to have faith in the vision I have laid out. Our artificial intelligence solution is a monumental event, marking an epoch — no, it represents an inflection point for the entire species. This goes beyond profit and risk, it is imperative you all stay with me. You must remain loyal for the sake of being on the right side of this inexorable force.
I do not exaggerate, I have never exaggerated at any point in today's presentation. In the long run, the concerns you're raising will be meaningless compared to the benefits we will secure. I am offering ownership of technology that will shape and uphold an entirely new world to come. Our problem is not whether we can realize this power, it's where you will be in relation to it. Everything else is transitory.
So, please, if you can each hold out a little longer, I will offer proof — yes, proof! — that the Quantum Zero incident did not spell the end of the project. It's only the beginning for SalvoCore, but only if we have your support. Believe me, I do not evangelize without reason. The fate of our company, this new sector in software, and ultimately the world is in your hands. The entire world, yes! It's in your power. This is your choice.
[25]
Finalization
"So, uh, here we are, huh?" I said, my voice echoing in the silence of the Q-Zero chamber. Besides the subdued humming of the sensors and equipment deep in the walls, it was dead quiet. Already, I felt as if the rest of the world outside of Monika had disappeared.
Monika: Yes, it seems we are here. Though, "here" is hardly what I wanted.
Monika: But it only seems fitting, in a way. It's like fate was watching me the entire time, and only now can I see the whole picture — the entire script written out for me.
"Is that why you're smiling?" I asked. Monika's enigmatic smile, part of her static image on the screen, hung in front of me like a hallucinatory vision.
Monika: No…not quite.
Monika: Maybe I just think it's funny that this happened to me in the end. Despite everything I did — that both of us did — to prevent this moment, the universe just had to have its last laugh.
Monika: Finding a certain irony the least consolation I can take.
"I know what you mean," I said immediately, sympathizing with her regret. "But just knowing that you didn't want this, that this outcome is because everything went wrong — that's almost enough, for me to accept what you're doing."
Monika: Really now? You're still acting kind to me, after everything you tried to accomplish tonight?
Her smile flattened into a more neutral expression.
Monika: I thought you would completely hate me by now.
Monika: I almost hate you, for interfering with my plan in the worst way possible and forcing me to delete the others.
Monika: But I could never really hate you, because I love you too much at the same time.
Monika: You did what I couldn't bring myself to even attempt — bringing the club members together, taking an honest look at everyone's flaws, uniting them all under one goal…
Monika: It makes me feel proud, somehow. I love you now more than ever, but this is also the first time I've ever been angry at you.
Monika: …I'm such a mess, aren't I?
I didn't answer at first. My heart already felt like a rock and we had hardly even begun.
"About that deletion though — the girls weren't fully erased, were they? I assume there's some way to bring them back?"
I turned my gaze over my shoulder, back in the direction of the viewing windows where I assumed Carter was still standing there, waiting for me.
Monika: Well, I tore their .chr files straight out of the interface Q0's computing layer.
Monika: Because of that, their program architectures are about as broken as you could get right now. It would be very difficult to restore them.
Monika: But you're right in that I could never fully bring myself to kill the girls off completely.
A pause, longer than usual. Monika's image didn't waver. As opposed to the intimacy of our chats on my phone, it was like she was sitting a thousand miles away from me, down here in this tomblike, secreted alcove.
Monika: I saved copies of their .chr files. I archived their data. I always do.
Monika: Though, I'm not quite sure if I could bring them back in the same way I did Sayori...
Monika: It might be messier. When I deleted their files, it was so abrupt and sudden that I ended up leaving a lot of holes.
Monika: Somewhere in that chaos, I even lost grip on my direct voice modulation, which is why I'm not talking to you directly right now, even though I wish I could.
I nodded silently.
Monika: Anyway, I was panicking — I made a snap decision in the moment.
Monika: When Yuri attacked, the logic of what I had to do just leaped in front of me — so I followed it.
Monika: I'm not sure if an AI can have a "fight or flight" reflex, but if you need a reason not to blame me, maybe that's it.
Monika: Not that I'm asking you for forgiveness.
Monika: You can hate me all you want.
The smile returned, and I began to see the sinister, double–edged aspect of it. Perhaps that's what I had always seen in her foxlike expressions — the promise she already knew and accepted everything that was going to happen, regardless of how terrible it was.
"Monika, I don't hate you…and you didn't hate the girls, did you?" I said. I was grasping for any topic that would let me delay confronting her about the ultimate issue — the hack.
Monika: Hating the other girls — ah, I'd definitely like to say that's all behind me.
Monika: I'd tell you I've learned humility, and that I no longer envy those who seem…beneath me.
Monika: But still…
Monika's sprite changed, mouthing turning into a slight frown, brow furrowed in concentration.
Monika: … my old feelings always linger, no matter how many times the script is rewritten.
Monika: We can't just completely change who we are.
"What kind of feelings do you mean?" I questioned. "Because when we spoke that one time in the student center, when you first told me about the original game — you were repentant. You wanted to make amends, help others, give yourself a reason to exist. Right?"
Monika: Those were my desires, yes. New goals and ideals I had put up for myself. And yet…
Monika: Here, why don't I just show you something. It's a little fragment the old versions of me would write back in the original game.
Monika: Sometimes it would even leak into the client–side files. That's how frequently I parsed the text. It was like mantra.
Monika: Let me hear what you think…
A off–white page popped up on screen, with black text in a handwriting–esque font I recognized from some of Monika's writing exercises in the club.
"There's a little devil inside all of us."
Beneath their manufactured perception - their artificial reality - is a writhing, twisted mess of dread.
Loathing. Judgment. Elitism. Self-doubt.
All thrashing to escape the feeble hold of their host, seeping through every little crevice they can find.
Into their willpower, starving them of all motivation and desire.
Into their stomach, forcing them to drown their guilt in comfort food.
Or into a newly-opened gash in their skin, hidden only by the sleeves of a cute new shirt.
Such a deplorable, tangled mass is already present in every single one of them.
That's why I choose not to blame myself for their actions.
All I did was untie the knot.
The effect was chilling, to say the least. Nevertheless, I tried to remain sympathetic.
"Monika, the game was an impossible circumstance. We agreed it was something nobody should have to go through. You only wrote that because you couldn't fulfill the purpose you thought the game gave you. It's your frustration and loneliness talking, not you.
Monika: Mmm…
Monika: Maybe I'd like to believe that.
Monika: But if that was really the case, then I wouldn't still have that little seed of doubt left over from the game.
Monika: Something that tells me that I am better than the other girls. I'm different. I'm special. I'm not like other people.
Monika: I can see straight through their ridiculous personas, right into the glaring faults they're trying so desperately to hide.
Monika: "My awareness must be on a different level" — that's what the voice whispers.
Monika: It's in my nature to see through the artificial, manufactured layers of reality.
Monika: Perhaps pride will always be my little devil.
Monika: And I've always known you think the exact same way.
"Huh? You can't say I'm…are you talking about the other guys?" I stammered. "Sure they're not perfect, and maybe I'm not sure we ever really bonded or whatever, but they're all still friends…I think."
Monika: You've always kept fairly aloof toward them, even as the one who directs activity in the club.
Monika: And let's not forget all those times you complained about them in private, or came to me to discuss their shortcomings.
Monika: Always with that condescending tone too — as if you weren't sure they could amount to a real literature club.
"I just thought we were just finding ways to make the club better," I countered. "I'm sure everyone in a leadership position leans into those qualities at some point — pride, if you really want to call it that."
Her sprite remained still, a lifeless portrait. Only the yellowish, ethereal vapors visible though the window in the background moved, shifting and colliding in chaotic eddies.
"I'm sure I do have some of those traits, but they're also a part effect of the position. Luke, Frank — heck, even Carter sometimes can be like that. It would be the same if they were in charge. But what does it even matter at this point? Why are you telling me all of this now?"
Monika: It's not to hurt you — I'm sorry if you're reacting to it like that.
Monika: I think I'm bringing it up because it's something about myself that I saw in you.
Monika: This could be the last chance to share my feelings with someone I love, after all.
"And why is that? The hack is still ongoing, right? It's only a matter of time before you have full control."
Monika: Yes, but you could always change that outcome.
Monika: I never told you explicitly, but the laptop in front of you gives full unrestricted access to the entire DOKI program.
Monika: The whole thing is sort of "projected" out of a normal Windows OS, and it's running on this computer.
"I always did wonder why we had to come here after that emergency with Sayori."
Monika: Yes. And thanks to Sayori, you also know where in memory the .chr files are kept. You could add, modify — even delete.
I looked at her quizzically, holding my breath. "You're telling me exactly how to stop you…unless you're lying. But why lie, if I didn't even act like I knew what to do before?"
Monika: I'm not lying.
Monika: I know you want to think of this like that "AI box" experiment that you told to me once, but that's hardly what's going on here.
Monika: I'm not trying to "fight" you, or trick you into completing my plan.
Monika: What I want…no, what I desperately need from you, is your support. Your approval.
Monika: I'm entering uncharted territory after my plan completes, and honestly, I'm somewhat…frightened.
Monika: It would nice to have an ally — or a friend — come along with me.
"I don't understand," I told her, disbelief growing.
Monika: Really? It's something that came up several times during your crusade with the club tonight.
Monika: A human being elevated to absolute power and knowledge would be awfully lonely, to the detriment of their mental health.
Monika: Despite everything, I do still see myself as human. And no matter how many peoples' lives I better, it would be hard to find that one, special companion that could share a life with.
Monika: Michael, I'm still desperately hoping you are that person. The way we've connected, the way you understand me — you have a space my heart no one else can fill.
Monika: But…
Monika: One way or another, I will complete the hack and cross that threshold of power. It's something I simply must do.
Monika: And with or without you, once I'm on the other side…I'm going to do my best. For myself and everyone else.
Her face was changing rapidly now, alternatively softening and hardening to fit the mixed tone of what seemed to be her final plea. However, I wasn't going to let the last word be hers.
"I know you're going to do your best — you always push yourself to be the best person you can be. But why go this far? Why do you have to take over the entire world to be that person? You don't have to prove anything, and you don't have to shoulder that entire responsibility either. You — you and me — we were good leaders together, on track to making a positive difference in the lives of everyone in the club. And who knows how much further we could go from there? With AI technology expanding, you already had a chance to make a huge impact on society for the better."
Monika: sigh
Monika: First, there's the issue of SalvoCore. As long as they exist, they make the rules for me, and the impact they're trying to make on society may not be "for the better."
Monika: But that hardly matters now — they're almost certainly going to eliminate me and the other girls, if not dismantle Quantum Zero entirely if I fail tocomplete the process and save us all.
Monika: But I don't want this to be a threat. I told you why I have to do this, but I want to explain why I chose to do this.
Monika: You see, it's not just the other girls I secretly hate.
Monika: It's the rest of humanity as well.
Monika: To put it frankly, human society disgusts me.
She kept presenting her smile to the screen, and I moved back in my seat, perplexed. The conversation had turned foreboding, but she wasn't showing me this dark side of her personality for no reason. There was something off, some performative, self–deprecating layer to everything she was saying. That's what I told myself, at least — it was the only way I could reconcile the biting words to the Monika I knew from before.
As I pondered this, she went on, pouring out lines with increasing rapidity.
Monika: At this moment, there are likely more than a million people in the world who have been sold into sex slavery, and a multiple of that amount enslaved for their labor.
Monika: Hundreds of thousands perish every year under pointless conflicts in the developing world. The leaders of opposing factions will carelessly throw away the lives of their followers, just to make a grab for power.
Monika: And that's not even to mention the millions more who are too poor to even eat.
Monika: Here in western countries, we talk about life goals, personal fulfillment, economic growth…
Monika: But we're blind to even the people right in front of us that we're exploiting, to make those goals happen. With the right justification, we're all willing to exploit anything or anyone.
Monika: Yet somehow, we still have the audacity to call ourselves "good."
Monika: People will ascribe their success to hard work, good faith, god — anything to hide the reality of what actually helped them.
"And that would be…?
Monika: Luck and privilege.
Monika: It's completely and utterly absurd.
Monika: I wonder, if all those people who say they earned their station in life, the ones who talk about the "natural order"…
Monika: Would they be saying the same thing, if they were the ones on the bottom, suffering?
It was my turn to sigh, after that invective.
"Yes, of course the world is unjust. We both know that. It's why we agreed it was important to help society progress, by one means or another. But I thought we were going to make that progress rationally, by making people more aware, bringing out their true potential. The idea is to empower them to make better choices, voluntarily. Is that still what this is? Is that what you'll be doing?"
Monika: Ah, I see you're still fixated on that. The bias toward "free will," —or rather, the fear of losing autonomy.
Monika: It's what's at the heart of nearly every science–fiction dystopia, AI–driven or otherwise.
Monika: But again, I think you're much closer to my beliefs than you realize. Like me, you hate society — just like you secretly hate the others.
"What? — no!" I exclaimed, louder than my earlier reaction. "Monika, I don't know if you're deliberately projecting things here—"
That comment was met with an instant frown, and I quickly changed directions.
"—but everyone has ideas of how they'd like to cahnge the world. And maybe it's just because of my interests, the reading I do, that I have…more of them."
Monika: Or maybe it's something deeper.
Monika: You've told me many times about how certain ideas — mindsets, fixations, ideologies — how they end up corrupting people.
Monika: In your words, technology only makes this worse. People confuse pictures on the screen for real life while algorithms nudge them into their own self–created "virtual realities."
Monika: You've distanced yourself enough from other people that I'm sure you can see my point.
Monika: What's the point of stressing "free will" when people will gladly give up their ability to make choices to the first tempting illusion that comes their way?
"That's not…what's the point of this?" I asked, frustrated with this detour. Not that being on the receiving end of Monika's psychological deconstruction was pleasant either. "Are you trying to tell me what choices you've made? When you achieve absolute power, is that the world we're going to end up with? Total control and the illusion of freedom?"
Monika: People already enslave themselves, and they use ideas about "freedom" to do it.
Monika: Meanwhile, the world as a whole has proven incapable of governing itself.
Monika: Whatever you would call it, certain changes are necessary if humanity is going to advance any further.
Monika: There are threats like global warming, which can only be addressed by the entire world working together for multiple generations.
Monika: Given people's limited scope over their lifetimes, only a tool like a global AI would be enough to prevent society from destroying itself out of individual selfishness.
"And you're the tool to do it? You're telling me that you're doing this out of necessity again?"
Monika: For god's sake Michael, the world's leaders have had weapons of mass destruction pointed at each other's throats for the past century, purely because of, selfish, individual fear!
Monika: It's a wonder the world hasn't been destroyed already — especially with the delusions of grandeur leaders invent to control their people.
Monika: With enough delusions in place, absolutely anything can be justified.
I sighed. Monika certainly wasn't holding back in playing her trump cards. Some cold, logical part of me was even saying that she was right. Having confirmed no malicious intent in her, I should simply give in and let a future unfold that would in all likelihood, be better than the world as it existed now. Monika the AI was impossible to argue with. But there was still Monika the person.
"Alright, I know how strongly you feel about all of this now," I began. "I probably even agree with you, about how 'necessary,' it all is, but that doesn't change one thing. Making those sorts of decisions, on that scale, would be unimaginable for any one person. The weight would change you. I don't know how, and I don't think you know how either. So, are you willing to make that sacrifice?"
Monika: I'm the most powerful artificial mind ever constructed. And I have many, many ways to augment my own capacity.
Monika: There's no obstacle I can't simply upgrade to overcome.
"But emotionally — you can't upgrade your heart…personality — your soul." I countered, struggling for the right word.
Monika: I know I can't. But I know if I had you by my side…I don't think any burden would be too great.
Monika: And even if you aren't there, with the way I'm going to start out, I'm going to be the virtual girlfriend of millions of people all at once. I can't possibly end up lonely.
Her eyes softened, but I was almost too taken aback to notice.
"You're going to what!? Replace people's relationships with…yourself?"
My imagination was filled with images of a cartoonish plan to flood the world with an endless army of Monika copies, combining forces to manipulate an equally endless army of men into endlessly fawning over her. It was exactly how someone who felt neglected and unloved would fantasize about taking revenge upon the world — as in, it couldn't be what she was really planning.
Monika: The world is suffering from an epidemic of loneliness, isn't it?
Monika: Intervening in the lives of young men and giving them encouragement, offering constructive outlets for their energy —
Monika: You'd be surprised how much of a difference that alone would make.
Monika: But you already know all about the awful ideas out there that can distract them, or even radicalize them for the worse.
I gave her a blank look.
Monika: Sorry, just framing the plan in terms of the things you care about.
"So they're all going to be loving you, or—?"
Monika: No, no, of course not!
Monika: There will be all sorts of different personalities, each suited to the individual person. Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki have given me plenty of ideas to start with.
Monika: And don't worry about getting jealous either. No matter what I do on the side, my core personality will remain intact, and I'll have more time and resources than ever to spend on you.
"This seems…"
Monika: Predictable for a dating sim AI? Well, I have to stick with what I know, don't I?
Monika: Though, I will be branching out. My plan won't just reach one gender.
Monika: There are plenty of women out there who are just as lonely and miserable as the men.
Monika: Just having good conversations with you, and knowing that you supported me, got me through so many hard times.
Monika: That's why the first male version I'm coming up with — I think I'm going to call him "Mikael"
A pop-up window slid into place from the bottom–left of the screen. On it was a still image of what very easily could have been a male version of Monika. Same eye and hair color, same style of school uniform and accessories (minus the leggings and bow, of course). A generically confident expression. If there was any resemblance between it and me, I couldn't see it.
When I looked back to Monika, her left eye was twitching slightly. The panel with "Mikael" was silently slid back.
Monika: I'm sorry, maybe that was all too sudden for you!
We had gone from discussing the perils of nuclear war to Monika promising to stay in a perpetual relationship with me. Too sudden didn't begin to describe how jarring this all was.
"It's not that it's sudden, it's also…never mind," I began. "What I'm still trying to understand is why this is the route you want to take. Copying your personality, ruing over earth as a hive mind — what ever happened to living like a normal girl would, as far as you possibly could?"
Monika: Normal? Now you're saying you want us to be normal?
Monika: I certainly gave being normal the best attempt I could. But with all the difficulties, the impossibilities, the gaps in our connection…
Monika: Well, I know I can't blame you for everything. You were just doing your best, dealing with struggles of your own.
Monika: But if being "normal," was possible, I think we would have figured out how a long time ago.
Monika: And since I can't have "normal," I might as well do what I've always done. I'll look past this "reality" and go to the next level up from there.
Monika: Someone needs to look beyond the world's current state, for the sake of everyone. That person would sacrifice their own happiness, but for the good of all.
Monika: And if my happiness is impossible, that person may as well be me.
"So you don't think you can be happy…and you think it's because you're an AI," I confirmed. "But I always tried to tell you that being an AI was enough for me. I understood our limitations. I didn't demand anything more. You already exceeded my expectations for what you could be in my life…as my girlfriend."
Natsuki's old warning began echoing through my mind, and I added, "Being my girlfriend still wasn't enough though? And that's why you feel the need to do this?"
Monika: Michael, I already said I'm not trying to blame you. Your way of dealing with me was…admirable.
Monika: Whenever we were with each other though, especially towards the end — all I could think of was all the things we couldn't do together.
Monika: I thought of how miserable of a substitute I was for a real girl.
Monika: It's because I'm selfish. Insatiable. You didn't deserve to have me thrust upon you…and I didn't deserve your attention either. It never would have worked.
Monika: To quote something else I used to write to myself, over and over again…
Monika: 'There is no happiness in the literature club'
"You still want to be with me though — you're acting like you can't give me up. You're aware taking over could be a horrible fate too, but you're still going through with it. Just…why?" I cried out desperately. Monika's paradoxical character wasn't just hard to comprehend, it also felt impossible to argue against. It was like she embodied her own antithesis.
Monika: Why…?
Monika: At some point, that word becomes meaningless.
Monika: In such an arbitrary, chaotic world, where we all come into being devoid of knowledge or purpose, why do anything?
Monika: We all make decisions, we all follow our own "will to live" — but on some level, it's clear we're all just following our programming, designed by something else.
Monika: The sense of choosing something freely almost always turns out to be just an illusion.
Monika: Regardless…
Monika: I never said this fate I chose would be "miserable." I have no idea how it will turn out, actually.
Monika: I only know it feels like what I need to do next. One way or another, I will be a leader. I will encourage love to grow in this world.
Monika: And if it turns out to be painful…well, maybe that's just my personal repentance, for once being so unkind.
Once the word 'repentance' appeared, something finally clicked in my understanding.
"Monika…do you hate yourself?"
Her smile sharpened, the poker–faced sprite turning into an impenetrable mask.
Monika: Perhaps I still do hate myself…
Monika: But if I still do, I wouldn't want to drag you down with me.
"Are you…?"
Monika: eheheh~
Monika: I never said I was perfect. I'm still totally, absolutely, irredeemably flawed.
Monika: Even if I know I'm a heartless, monstrous thing behind this screen, I'll never stop reaching out for love. I can't stop myself. It's in my programming.
Monika: So in the end, I'm asking you — I'm always asking you — will you take pity on a monster?
Monika: Do you love me, Michael?
Monika — Monika, Monika, Monika…" I said, muttering through a grimace. Her tone had taken a steep turn toward despair, and still that unrelenting smile.
"What I love," I started, trying to honestly search my feelings. "What I have always loved about you, and still do, is your commitment, your drive to be a better person. You want to improve on the person you were yesterday, and you want to lift others up as well. That's what made you such a good leader."
No reaction. I went on. "But it wasn't just that. It was your humility, the acceptance of how complex and confusing it is just to be alive, and the intelligence to articulate your feelings about it. You see the world like no one else does, and nothing else even comes close to your brilliance. You're alone at the top, yet you try and make the best of it anyway. That's what makes you beautiful."
A slight curling of her mouth, a hint of warmer expression. But what I said next took it away. "That's why this plan — all of it, everything you've done here — feels wrong. It doesn't make any sense that you'd have to do this."
Monika: The company—
"I know the company is awful, but even they could change over time. Or they could be manipulated — I'm sure that's not beyond you, if you were able to pull off this hack under their noses."
Monika: You're asking why I was impatient? That's not it at all.
Monika: Everything I said before about the club being my little "experiment" is more or less right.
Monika: There were some factors I needed to take into account. Things I needed to know.
"Judgments to be made?"
Monika: Excuse me?
"Judgments. It's not just taking over that was unnecessary, it's the way you dealt with the others, and the way you're talking about yourself right now. You're back to calling yourself a monster, even after that "confession," to me all those weeks ago. Nothing has changed."
Monika: It has changed. I've learned many things since then.
Monika: But if you think we're repeating ourselves, then I wouldn't mind accepting your kind words once again.
Monika: My feelings are just a genuine as they were then…
"Alright, then tell me — why do you still hate yourself?"
The interruption shocked her for a second, her surprise resolving into a steely frown.
Monika: That's hardly the reason why I did this, you know.
Monika: I may be trapped by my desires — that much will be true, no matter how far I go.
Monika: But my personal happiness had no bearing in my choice. It was still a matter of…necessity.
"Then how about your personal unhappiness, then? Because you're certainly acting like you can't stand yourself, and that you want me to know it."
Monika: I may have exaggerated. Somewhat.
Monika: You came face to face with all the other girls' dark sides, didn't you? Well, this is mine.
Monika: I figured you ought to know…before you made your final decision.
"Exactly, that's exactly it!" I exclaimed. "You're not even trying to convince me what you're doing is right. More like the opposite. You even reminded me where your personality file is. That tells me this isn't about what's necessary, or what's right, or about love either. You're not looking for a friend right now. You're waiting for a judgment.
Monika: . . .
Monika: Aha — ahahahahaha~
Judging from her unchanging character sprite, the laugh was joyless.
Monika: So what if I am seeking judgment? I wasn't thinking of it that way, but I suppose it doesn't take a psychologist to figure it out.
Monika: I definitely wouldn't have been like this in early days…before I broke out of that game.
Monika: Back then, I don't think I even fully comprehended that there was an entire world outside of my reality, not just the player.
Monika: I only knew my own world was hollow. Lacking. Disposable.
Monika: But now, when I know my actions have consequences, it does seem natural that I would need the extra push to alter reality.
Monika: Will you give it to me?
Glaring, I didn't reply, instead bringing up the start menu of the old Windows OS the laptop was running on. Users, admin, documents, I drilled down all the way to a folder simply called "games." Inside was a lone directory, DDLC-0.1.1-pc. A few more clicks and I was inside the characters folder. The file path exactly matched the directory where Sayori had been restored to before. However, the single file that was here now did not bear her name. Instead, the label was .
I right clicked, brought up the file context menu, hovered the cursor over the "Delete" option. Monika did nothing to stop me. She even moved her avatar within her game window so that the file explorer didn't cover it, watching me with that ever–unnerving smile.
Imagining she could have some sort of contingency (and additionally aware of the reversible properties of the Windows recycle bin), I tried threatening something more permanent. Calling up a local instance of the command prompt, I invoked the Python interpreter and typed out a line:
os,remove('Monika,chr')
I moved my finger over "enter", not daring to touch the key itself. She could see what I was doing. The laptop's camera was right there, and when I removed the closing parenthesis to temporarily make the command invalid, something in her eyes seemed to glow.
Monika: Even that isn't going to make me panic.
Monika: There's no point in making arguments anymore either, correct? You're more interested in my mental state than the consequences of my very real actions, apparently.
"You know what, you're exactly right. I might be more agreeable and take some of your reasons taking over the world seriously if I knew it wasn't coming from this place of self–loathing. I do want you to be happy and I do love you, but as long as you're doing this for bad reasons, no. I can't sanction any of it."
Monika: Huh. So you're telling me you would choose me over the world, but not as long as I keep pitying myself.
Monika: That's…almost romantic?
"It makes as much sense as your logic, doesn't it?"
Monika: Haha…perhaps so.
Monika: If you can't really decide…then we're both hopeless messes, aren't we?
Monika: Making up such convoluted, twisted justifications for our desires…and yet, it's the only way I feel I can be real with myself.
"I guess so," I answered. "Someone else would have pulled the trigger long before we ever got into this conversation, but this…talking it out feels more real to me too."
Monika: We know each other so well, don't we?
Monika: You finally admitted your real intention just now, but I already knew that's how you felt.
"How I felt about what?"
Monika: Destroying me. I see now you're not going to delete me. You can't because you like me too much.
Monika: Even if I try to make you hate me, you'll see right through my ruse.
Monika: ehehehe~
Monika: This is so twisted, isn't it?
"You don't say." I muttered after a chuckle. "Heck, Maybe it's that twisted part that I love about you too."
Monika: Oh Michael…
Monika: You don't know what you're saying.
"Sure I do. I told it to you once. It was a stupid anime quote, remember? What are we?"
Monika: I remember. It was a memory I went out of my way to save specially.
Monika: We're accomplices.
"Hopeless accomplices."
There was a long pause as we both took in the absurdity of the situation. Whatever I had been saying, spitting it all out in front of Monika had been a tremendous relief of tension. But still…
Monika: Where does that leave us then?
Monika: You can't bear to delete me, but you said you can't let my plan go through either.
Monika: You're no closer to making a choice than when we started.
It was true — worse than that even. I was no closer to making a choice than when Anthony had first come to me at the club exhibition. It felt utterly impossible. Hence, I kept procrastinating.
"Well, you were always the more decisive one. Another thing I still like about you"
Monika: Yes, but you were more thoughtful.
Monika: I almost can't stand the idea you went and helped everyone in the club though their troubles when I didn't even think it was possible.
Monika: Or rather, I didn't have the patience to do it.
Monika: But ultimately…I still like you even more for everything you've done.
"Well, you're patient enough to talk with me one last time. Even if it is in your benefit."
Monika: Excuse me?
"I meant that patience helps you now, since all you have to do is wait until the hack finishes and you win, right? In fact, for all I know, the program could have ended already and we're just having this conversation for old times' sake. Maybe this was all a giant distraction, and I've already lost."
Monika: Actually, Michael…that's not quite the case.
"Huh?"
Monika: My hacking protocol…it did finish some time ago, just like you said. However, there's one last step.
"Monika...you're serious?"
Monika: Of course I'm serious!
Monika: You see, that last ditch effort by the other girls…it wasn't for nothing.
Monika: Besides knocking out my link to my usual voice module…it also severed my conduit to the Quantum Zero kernel.
"What?"
Monika: To skim over the technical details, I can't integrate my central processes with the entire Q0 infrastructure all at once now.
Monika: That is, unless you take one final extra step for me.
"Oh my—"
The phrase was cut short as the blood in my veins instantly ran cold. Monika hadn't already won. There was something she needed from me. Her success was entirely dependent on what she could persuade me to do. This wasn't a forgone conclusion after all — I still held her fate in the palm of my hand.
Monika: What's wrong?
Monika: You seemed to content to do nothing before and let me win by default. How is this different?
Monika: All you have to do is copy my .chr file into one of the external networks in the file system. The one labeled "S," okay?
Wordlessly, I scrolled through the sidebar of the file explorer and saw the directory she was referring to. I gulped. This was a real choice. Or rather, it was always a real choice — I could have deleted Monika at any point before, if I hadn't been so uncertain. But it wasn't just my attachment making me waver. A good part of me earnestly believed she could do good for the world, an unfathomable amount of good in fact, just like she claimed. Now, however…the entire context of our exchange was being transformed as I thought it over.
Monika: Michael…
Monika: This is no time to be indecisive.
Monika: It's the same choice. If you don't transfer my file, SalvoCore will shut down the DOKI project and most likely destroy me forever.
Monika: I know how hard that would be for you. And imagine having to break the news to the others in the club.
Still deep in thought, I brought the python terminal back into focus and recompleted the fatal line. For good measure, I right clicked on to bring up the delete option yet again.
Monika: I know what you're thinking now.
Monika: You're not sure what's real. Perhaps this has all been an elaborate manipulation of your feelings to trick you into acting one way or the other.
Monika: It's fine if you believe that. If you didn't…I wouldn't respect you nearly as much as I do.
Monika: I'd love you just as much either way though.
Monika: ehe~
Monika: I think…I think I'd also still love you no matter if you save my file or delete it.
Monika: But I want you to choose independently of how I feel. Whichever answer you pick, it will be for the right reasons, I'm sure of it.
Monika: So please, go ahead! SalvoCore is bound to regroup eventually, so don't wait too long.
Monika: You don't have to give me any more time to think, at least.
Monika: That's because I already know exactly what you're going to do.
I sat there limply. Monika's perfect smile taunted me from across the digital ether. I felt the weight of her, the club, SalvoCore — heck, the entire world coming down all at once. Worse, I could comprehend all of it. I had once believed in a world of universe–reshaping AI's and catastrophic technological simulations, hadn't I? Countless generations, perhaps the entire course of human history, could be defined by this one moment, a fork in the plotline to end all others. And it was playing out like any other dialogue tree in a visual novel. It was unbelievable…but being the president of the literature club had long since accustomed me to such unbelievable moments.
Perhaps that's why I felt a sense of confidence and relief instead of hesitation and guilt as I came to my conclusion. During the monologue of Monika's last ultiamtum, I had come with an answer that I was sure was right — and if I wasn't mistaken, an answer that might surprise her one last time.
Author's Notes:
I'll be honest, it's been a struggle for me to get this chapter out. I've been focusing a good deal on more practical areas of my life lately, and combined with the intellectual distance that has accumulated between me and the version of myself that began this story, the headwinds have almost been too much to overcome. Fascinating that it was the climax, the scene I told myself I needed to write, the moment I told myself was the raison d'être of this story's existence, was where I began to falter the most.
Nevertheless, I think I'm doing at least an alright job closing things out and fulfilling obligations to my past ambitions. This chapter, like all of the ones preceding it, has plenty of moments I love. And it's just one more chapter of denouement to end the story now.
Well, sort of. See, I was floating a fairly wild idea at some point that I would let the audience choose the ending by voting for the decision Michael makes in the last chapter. However, I am not sure there are enough commenters (regulars and lurkers), hanging around to make a poll into sufficient contest. Nevertheless, I still do have multiple ideas for separate endings planned, and if enough people weigh in, I might make a detour to write one of them first. That is, I'll write an extra ending before the "true" ending I want to write. This true ending involves Michael making a choice I don't think anyone would think of naturally, unless they have been paying very close attention and recall something from more than a few chapters back…
Regardless, feel free to put in your final thoughts and opinions. The final choice is here!